Hello, i have read tons of stuff on the fear of flying, listened to audio-books on the subject, visited forums and clicked many hours through the internet.
I have been flying from Europe to the US and back many times in the past 25 years. Still, I cant shake my fears.
Now, I am faced with a new situation. I will be flying from FRA to DFW in a week ALONE.... I am terrified to say the least.
I ususally fly with my husband who can control me to a certain point. Usually strangers that are seated next to me, request, before takeoff, to be reseated, because I am a mess.
On top of it all, I will be flying AA for the first time, usually I have to fly US Airways, because of our US military status.
I am thinking about taking drugs, but I am afraid to loose control... Guess i will be loosing control anways.
Do you think one of the flight attendants will sit with me during take off, since this is the most crucial time for me?
How should I handle this? Ask some stranger before boarding if she/he will hold mybhand during takeoff?
Any suggestions will be appreciated.
Thanks :-)

Hi op. i have the same fear of flying and even once had my first panic attack on a plane and i was flying alone that time. I have vowed not to let this silly fear dictate me. The best thing that i did and what i highly recommend is getting a perscription for xanax!! It is a anti anxeity medicine. I take two pills staggered about an hour before boarding and another as i board. Most of the time i fall asleep during most of the flight and barely remembr most of the flight. It makes it much easier. I still get nervous when boarding and take off but usually by the time they bring the drink cart around im sleeping already!!

Best of luck!

The FAs have designated "jump" seats during takeoff and landing, they won't be able to sit beside you. You could ask if there's a deadheading crew member aboard who could.

My wife used to be the same (she got over it, but it took years) and taking drugs didn't seem to do much good except turn her into a zombie for a day or so. Just remember you're safer sitting in an airplane than you are taking a shower at home.

Depending on the aircraft type, you may well be able to choose the seat opposite them, though. As it'll probably be an exit or front row this will likely be at a cost, though.

Neil

Carimi, welcome to FlyerTalk!
Over the years, we've had several threads on the subject. Here's the most recent: http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/trave...-flying-2.html

and entering the term "Fear of Flying" in the "Search the forum" feature will bring up some more. Ocn Vw 1K, Moderator.

Definetely see if you can get a Rx for Xanax, it helped me. It stops the panic. You still know you aren't comfortable but these feelings never connect to the panic reflex. Maybe try one a couple of days before the flight just to see how you will react with them. I hope you have a safe and smooth flight!

Have you thought about taking something along with you that you can hold to help comfort you? A stuffed animal, a photo of your family, or anything that makes you feel better.

The FAs have to sit in their jumpseats during takeoff, so they can't sit with you unless there is an empty seat.

The person sitting next you you might let you hold their hand/arm during takeoff. It may be embarrassing to ask, but it's an option.

Thanks for your responses!
I feel silly for being so scared, especially after the "shower" comment. Now, I am scared to take showers, just kidding..... :-)
I downloaded a meditation audio-book especially for the fear of flying. I wont be able to listen to it during takeoff, because all electronics have to be turned off...

I will have to hold someones hand, otherwise I will have a panik attack, a stuffed animal will not do. If the person next to me seems nice, I will maybe ask, if he/she sais no, it will for sure be an uncomfortable 11hour flight...

I saved so may miles on my US Airways account for the purpose to upgrade when I am alone. Now, that I have to fly AA, I cant use them.
My daughter told me that AA pilots mostly Veterans and very good pilots ( one of my fears is a drunk pilot).
I am not even registered with the AAdvantage program, they wont let me online, because of my US military address.
I have searched the flight schedules here if there might be somebody in this forum that flies the same day as me, but no luck.
And yes, I have searched the threads here on the fear of flying, and found it to be helpful, but I am still searching for this one piece of information that will help ease my fears. Although I know it must be in my head, hidden under all those scary thoughts and vivid imagination.
Thanks again, and if you know of someone that will be on flight AA71, on 10.March from FRA to DFW sitting in aisle 37, tell them to tell me Hello.

I found a quote on the net that says it all :" every time I am landing and get off the plane, it feels like a failed suicide attempt"
Thanks for the help!

Grow up and pull yourself together. Fear of flying is irrational. Instead of choosing to be irrational, choose to be rational. The FA's will not sit with you to calm you down. You are a grown up, and grown ups can fly alone.

And if you are incapable of that, then get a perscription to change your brain state. What makes you think you will freak out on the drugs? Only Ambien carries that risk, and so far you don't know if you react to it like that. Why not benzodiazepines? Nobody freaks out on those.

Damn.... Now you sound like my husband. Lovely! :-)

Yes, not particularly helpful; kind of like the slapping scene from "Airplane" (that movie is itself good therapy). However, hidden in that post is the suggestion that only you can overcome your fear; the more you pander and surrender to it, the longer it will take. Recognize fear for what it is by saying "OK, so I'm afraid. Now what ?" And move on.

We're all afraid of something, pinworm included.

Maybe just to echo the advice above --

As the short term fix, take some medication to knock yourself out for the most traumatic part of the flight, takeoff. Rather than focus harder and harder and make yourself more and more anxious, just block it out through medication or releasing your mind to not think about it, just as every other passenger seems to do. Just tell yourself, the worst that could happen, is not that bad.


In the long term, I would find some therapy to understand what your deeper anxiety is about.

I wouldn't recommend Xanax unless the OP already takes it or is willing to get the Rx immediately and do a few "trial runs" on her own, on the ground. I cannot think of anywhere worse than on an airplane to try out a new Rx medication--- even if you're driving a car, you can pull over, get out, and sort yourself out. Ambien is "worse" than Xanax this way, with some folks having feelings of disorientation, panic and paranoid dreams, but none of the Rx stuff is 100% predictable for all people. (Just ask my sister who spent the last 4 hours of a TATL flight in the lavatory due to a Rx freakout, fortunately this was pre-9/11 so once we explained to the FA's why she had barricaded herself in there, no one fussed.)

I'd not recommend to replace Xanax with alcohol, partially because the OP could be kicked off during boarding if she appears to be actually drunk (which, if she is in hysterics at the thought of flying, could be mistaken for drunk, especially if there is an alcohol smell), and partially because extra bathroom breaks are often required when alcohol is present, making it harder to actually sleep, should one calm down enough to sleep.

And I'd definitely not recommend grabbing a stranger's hand-- there are just so many ways that this can go wrong.

Hi Carimi,

Lots of people are afraid of flying, although here on FT you won't find very many of them. It might help if we knew a little bit about the source of your fear. You mentioned a drunk pilot.. are you afraid of someone doing something wrong, of there being a mechanical failure, of the heights or speed?

Although I know fear isn't rational, statistically flying is absolutely safe. All of us are extremely bad at accurately gauging risk, with a tendency to disproportionately fear (and attempt to mitigate) rare large scale events over real fears that we are familiar with. Plane crashes are a good example of this: Many people, including yourself, fear being on the plane that crashes, but at the same time I bet you don't have the same fear about driving. However, unfortunately in the United States over 120 people die everyday in traffic due to collisions. We don't hear about all of the deaths in a single report and we drive so frequently that we naturally discount the risk, but imagine if the same number of people died in plane crashes every week: That would require two fully loaded 747s to crash every week.

My point isn't to scare you about driving, but rather to show how safe planes really are. The risk of being in an accident on a plane is extremely low and far lower than things you do every day. You will be flying on well maintained planes, which are subject to strict oversights (the EU will not allow planes with spotty maintenance records to fly there and the FAA isn't too lenient on that either), and flown by experienced pilots who have a full suite of computer equipment to aid them. The doors on the plane literally cannot open in flight (they are designed so that when they are closed, the pressurized cabin actually presses the door closed such that no person, or persons, could physically open it, even if they disengaged all the locks). There is virtually no threat from terrorists. For a long-haul flight, there is more than just the captain in the cockpit who can fly the plane. The plane you'll be in was also likely built right by me, here in Seattle, and has been engineered to withstand anything they would encounter in nature. You can watch them test the 777 wing here.

The point is you are objectively safe on a plane. As safe as you can be while also traveling any distance. I would encourage you to think about what exactly is causing you to feel unsafe and start thinking about your fear from there.

I'd like to give a second vote to the security blanket idea. It actually worked for one of my old GFs.

She normally took meds to fly, but had to make a last-minute trip and couldn't get an Rx filled in time, so she was desperate for *anything* that would help.

I found my old security blanket from when I was a little boy (a stuffed Woodstock) and she took that along. It wasn't a cure, but it kept her from going completely hysterical.

You say your husband is usually able to keep you somewhat level-headed, so something that evokes a strong mental connection to him might be helpful.