I made the mistake of being the first person of the day through a checkpoint, meaning of course they wanted to do the grope-down plus ETD on everything. (I even heard one screener say, "He needs a pat-down" as I approach the WTMD... great way to pass your time, folks).

The ETD passes... then as I am walking away with all my stuff (which the TSO had given me back), it alarms. "Wait a minute!" the TSO calls out. "Your laptop hit for nitro!"

So they swab it again, and it passes. "What have you been handling?" she asks. I shrug and say, "No clue--the ETD could nitro alarm for fertilizer, after all." She then says, "Have you put your laptop on a table or the ground or anywhere?" I almost laugh in her face at that: put my laptop on a table of all places? What a concept!

(Mind you, I am being extremely polite, as I don't want to get into an argument about the Privacy Act, etc., if they try to take any of my info on what is clearly an ETD machine malfunction--after all, my laptop had passed ETD at IAD less than 24 hours earlier and hadn't been removed at all during the trip--I realized I'd left the power supply at home and just left the laptop in its bag the entire evening).

She eventually agrees and just says, "I guess it could be almost anything--have a nice day."

As I'm getting ready to board, she comes over to the gate (about 10 feet from the checkpoint--we're talking a tiny airport) and says, "Your laptop fried my ETD machine!" I just chuckle, thinking she's joking around, and say, "I don't know; sounds like the machine was broken from the start." She then says, "What have you been handling?" and I respond, again, "I don't know," and go out to the plane singe the GA had then taken my BP.

My wife then tells me the TSO actually stopped HER to ask what I had been "handling" that could have set it off, and then goes on again about "whatever it was 'frying' the machine." Very odd that she stopped my wife to complain.

Fortunately they did not take any personal info from me. My wife also tells me it's good I didn't stop to lecture the TSO on how the ETD machine actually works, and why it could have been "broken."

But I do find it very strange that a TSO would act the way she did... and not fill out a report / take personal info. I'd have thought she was joking around if I hadn't watched her screening other pax and then heard about her stoping my wife. Apparently, she actually thinks my laptop "broke" the ETD.

You were dealing with a grade-A moron.

It's a good thing the ETD isn't currently configured to detect dope, or it would go off every time that idiot handled it.

She also was lecturing people for combining medical liquids with toiletries in the same baggie. "You should separate those," she told several pax.

And she really lectured one woman on the fact that she had a medical item not in a baggie. "Even though you declared this, and there's no size restriction since it's medical, it needs to be in a baggie. I'm just trying to save you problems at other airports."

It sounds like she's figured out how to use the ETD wand like a pair of forceps/clamp or a crutch so that she can get every last bit of use out of that roach...

ok, ms. tsa screener, if you are telling me i should separate these items, does that mean i can use more than one kip lock baggie? Spiff's right, what a moron but really to be fair and not insult real grade-a morons, the only letter this moron rate is the letter eff.

Isn't it great how they know their own rules so well?

Just remember -- your tax dollars at waste...

Just think: at least six screeners (plus a LEO on duty) for an airport with THREE daily flights (and only two on weekends).

They had one ID & BP checker (why not have the airline agent do that? not like the agent is busy at the time!), a person who insisted on taking and loading one's items into the x-ray (I should have accused him of having nitro on his hands since he felt the need to remove my laptop from one bin and put it in another), a WTMD moat dragon, an x-ray operator, an ETD operator / bag search person, and a pat-down person. I didn't see a supervisor anywhere--probably off smoking a cigarette or on his cell phone (like the in-uniform screeners I saw outside the airport during the long breaks between those flights).

Why is that necessary? Does she own stock in Ziploc?

No it doesn't need to be in a baggie. Making up rules on the fly.

Because she has no idea how the machine works and was merely "following orders."

Sounds like she was following her own Reefer Madness initiative...

I am still really, really happy she didn't try to fill out a report for the ETD "hit"--I'd have had to argue with her that the machine was clearly malfunctioning/broken and would have likely gotten into a Privacy Act debate... and thus she'd have called the LEO over to bully me, and from the way they all hung out together on break and chatted, shared cigarettes, etc., I can just imagine that going over in my favor...

Ya, I always see x-ray machines at ticket lobbies all times. When I see ETD machines is not working. It would be gets warm up when the ETD is back to normal. When the CTX-5500 machines is down. Then TSA will restore again the x-ray machines is work again. I don't common with TSA baggage screening. What is situations that you noticed see the x-ray machines at ticket lobbies.

A few months ago i received a SSSS search when I was carrying ~$30000 of electronic equipment i needed for work. They proceeded to take every single piece out of its case and do the swab. Took about 25 minutes to finish. My laptop sets off the ETD and the TSO makes a big show of examining it to see if its been tampered with. They run it again, and again it goes off. I see the TSO writing a bunch of information down with my bp in hand. I ask him what he is recording and he says that he is recording his name, my name and the fact that i was searched. they let me on my way. What is this information used for?

I'm sorry if this sounds infantile, but I would have laughed right in her face if she accused my laptop for 'breaking' her machine.

Among other disclosures, the TSA is supposed to tell you what your personal information is used for BEFORE they attempt to collect it. But, they would have to comply with the Privacy Act if they did that.