I will HAVE to fly in January for my Godson's wedding. I ask this question in all seriousness with absolutely no joking about this very personal malady.
If I am required to be felt up aka "enhanced patdown" I may jump if they run their hand up my butt. Is there a discreet way to let the tsa agent know my condition (hemroids) without embarassing myself in front of other pasengers?
They are bad enough that I need to have them covered with a medicated bandage and I do not want to take it off when screened.
Please I need some good advice.
It would take 3 days to drive from the Coast to Missouri if I had to so hopefully it won't come to that.

I'm sure that you will get many helpful replies, including avoiding gates that might trigger such an inspection. Letting us know the departure and arrival airports will help us assist you to do that.

I would like to apologize on behalf of my country that you feel it necessary to even ask such a question. Please express your concerns to our elected officials. They are cowards, but ultimately they are more afraid of the electorate than anything else.

So do these "patdown" delve into the butt crack THAT far? To where they'd excite tender flesh around the anus?

I suggest you:

1. See the list of whole body imaging scanners and try to avoid them, so you don�t get the opt-out invasive pat down.
2. Wear depends. Will protect you from pain in case they do decide to pat that area down, and embarrass the person doing the pat down to the point in which they will hopefully give up.

With a straight face, tell them to "becareful, I have an active herpes outbreak at the moment"

Several of the complaints on the ACLU website have stated that TSOs have, indeed, felt the anus.

Helpful hint: Your MD can prescribe a cream that's used to treat them and does a good job of reducing the sensitivity factor, I used it once and it helped.
I also think it's lunacy that airport security has us worrying about things like this. To note, I have had a pat down that was that invasive. If you spread your legs and have muscular legs as I do, it's naturally easy to hit the spots the OP is worried about.

Please be careful, I have a medical condition that is very sensitive to touch.

In Canada, before a pat down is conducted, it is mandatory to ask if you have any sensitive or sore spots. Is it like this in the US?

Mandatory has a different meaning to individual TSA screeners. Some think the (secret) SOP is merely a suggestion, containing helpful hints to aid in their intimidation of passengers.

"If expletives and loud screams upset you, please take extra care when touching my butt".

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Birdstrike, I want to thank you for your kind, helpful words. I have a choice of flying from either SFO or SJC to DFW and then on to MCI(KC). If board members would care to give info on which airport would be better to leave from
I would certainly appreciate their input. While I will fly into MCI, I will NOT leave from there as I had a bad experience with security there while trying to help my Sister fend off overly intrusive hands aprox 5 yrs ago before the enhanced pat downs became common. I will leave from another Mo. airport as yet undecided.
I think I will take the advice about wearing Depends as I would take them off but not the bandage. It's very sad that flying has come to this.