Yesterday I was selected to take part in one of the most absurd pieces of security theater I’ve ever seen.

I was subject to a “random” gate pat-down upon boarding my flight from ORD. One of three TSA employees (the other two just watched), after taking over a minute to change his gloves, patted me down, finding my wallet, lip balm, and cell phone. My bags went un-inspected, as did the bulging shirt pocket that had wires with buttons hanging out of it.

What on Earth did this piece of theater accomplish, besides delay me and satisfy someone’s power trip?

Edit: Of course 10 people or so in two groups*, plus at least one person in a wheelchair, were pre-boarded, completely skipping the theater.

*: One one which was a colorfully-robed group of Hare Krishnas, but that's not really relevant (just interesting, I enjoyed a visit to their Mumbai temple many years back), IMO.

The over a minute changing gloves thing was probably to stall to not have to look at others.

By your account, their stall tactics sounded like they didn't want to screen you, or anybody else.

Maybe you are just really cute, and someone wanted to grope and fondle you?

It makes no sense, and defies logic.

Nothing at all.

No it is TSA Logic�, a form of Doublespeak.

You see, A. the TSA did this ritual, then B. OP then flew and did not crash into a landmark or litter Detroit and is alive today to whine about it on FT. In TSA Logic�, B is a direct result of A, thus the gate ritual was a 100% success and promotions and awards are due all up and down the line at TSA for a job well done above and beyond the call of duty.

It is part of the Lisa's Rock School of Public Safety.

I wish I could be so vain as to think that the TSA guy (if he was gay) found me attractive. Thankfully there was no crotch-grabbing involved.

Maybe I was the F passenger with the fewest fat folds. I may be so vain as to say that some people might have considered me most attractive of the 7 passengers in F (#8 was upgraded after boarding). That's not saying much, as a F was a men-only club for mostly heavy-set older guys.

If we could convince them that terrorist repelling rocks had the same overall effect on security as the shoe carnival, liquid ban, etc air travel would be much easier and the government could save a lot of money.

Remember kids, you can always beat a gate search. If you are in line and they've just finished searching somebody, you're next. Just let somebody else go in front of you and presto, by the time you get to the front of the line the gate searchers will be busy, and you'll skate on by.

I learned the hard way at DCA...don't board first. Wait until they pick somebody and then you can stroll right on.

OMG! I hope the terrorists are not aware of this security loophole!

Don't worry, the terrorists are dump. They can not pass TSA security "Chertoff's checking your pocket system".