tlongdon

Although there is an excellent trip report with fantastic photos for the PEK-BKK-CAI flight, it seems not an awful lot happens on the Other Middle East thread, so I'm adding in a small story here of my one (and as you'll find out, ONLY) Egyptair flight from Bangkok to Paris via Cairo.

Note that the thread leading up to the arrival on-board can be found here.

How I (probably would have) remembered the 70's

Stepping on-board flight MS971 Bangkok to Cairo, was how I imagined travel in the 1970's – at the peak of glamour and glitz – would have been. Mostly related to the colour-scheme of the cabin it has to be said, but also with the friendly nature of the staff. Who were also dressed as I imagine their forefathers were, when this flight was taking off 36 years to the day. Predominantly in nylon.

First class aboard this Egyptair B777-200 reminds me of the mid-haul business class sized seating of Thai Airways. You know, those seats that have leg rests suitable for midgets who must have made up a large contingent of the design team.

The seats are generously covered in plush beige leather, another colour reminiscent of the 1970's. Or perhaps it just reminded me of photo on my similarly coloured pvc sofa smiling for my 3rd birthday pics. However, this is first class. So the gold-painted trim detail (it could have been brass - I'm not up on my precious metals) including the hinges for the tray table, added much retro to the ambience.

The most endearing touch though, I thought, was how they had “aged” (as I believe Martha Stewart calls it) the ceilings to be reminiscent of a small, typical Arabic coffee shop one might stumble across while getting lost in the interesting and narrow streets of Cairo. You know, where the ceilings were once painted white when Mostafa opened up shop in 1927. But over the years, the cigarette smoke and hubbly-bubbly contraptions have added a lovingly 'period' touch to the colouring. Kind of like my Aunt's kitchen, where the surfaces of kitchen cabinets are slightly sticky thanks to her 60-a-day habit.

I imagined Kristin Scott-Thomas sitting in my very seat, while heading out to Egypt to catch up with Ralph Feinnes when he was having one of his rougher days in hospital. Harrison Ford's more rough-and-ready, so I suspect he was behind the curtain.

Checking boarding passes were 3 burly Egyptian men. I don't know if they happened to be brothers, but they were of identical height (5'7”), girth (easily 42” waists) and generous moustaches in the Arab style. One wasn't so much 'greeted' as 'met', which gave me some sense of relaxation in that years after leaving the middle east, personalities haven't changed.

Prior to Take-Off

Being in the second row of First Class (there are only 2 rows, and avoiding row one was an excellent choice given the large projector screen in front of you) I could see the crew going about their business in the front of the aircraft where presumably I will find the galley (when I hunt for the bathroom later).

The commotion going on reminded me greatly of market scenes in Marrakesh, where you have a feeling that none of these people have ever taken off before, and they need to discuss everything at great length whilst trying to haggle the price down. I thought back to recent flights on Thai Airways, where the crew speak gently to each other – lots of soothing tones and “ka's”, or European carriers, where the crew seem to prefer to communicate through variations on a glare, rather than by speech.

It seems Lufthansa staff glare more at each other than other nationalities, but I imagine that having to wear so much leather during the warm summer months is enough to make anyone fractious.

Watching the on-screen advertising once again took me back to my younger days – not quite the seventies – but close enough. As a kid, I'd go to the local cinema in Bath, and we would laugh at the very paroachial pre-feature adverts, for places like Stavros' kebab shop or Hilliers Home Furnishings. If you're ever in Cairo and you need cables, please look up Elsewedy Cables. Please. He needs to pay for his ad, and I'm not sure that marketing to the Thais was his wisest move.

In the configuration of two rows of 2-2-2, there are 6 of us. One off-duty crew member (he has three stripes, and has been on his phone non-stop while we've been heading to the runway. But no matter. When in a little piece of Cairo, act like the Egyptians. Had this been BA, I would have been incensed. Had this been Thai Airways, I would have helped the crew not feel embarrassed, by taking matters into my own hands. But this is Egyptair, I will just keep quiet – because I feel that phones on an Egyptair plane would be one of the least likely causes to appear on National Geographic's famous series about planes which don't quite end up where they wanted to go).

As I put my seatbelt on, I take a quick glance round to the front (bulkhead – sort of, it's more of a class-divider) of Business Class. There are a young western-looking couple sat in the two seats next to the window. He has his (bare) feet up on the divider, which made me feel sorry for his wife. Clearly he has no class (hence bare feet on the furniture in an Arabic environment), but also because the poor guy could only stretch to paying for Egyptair. I can say that safe in the knowledge that I'm flying MS for experimental purposes, much like Houdini used to head over Niagra Falls in a barrel I suppose.

Take Off

A smooth an uneventful takeoff. I rather liked the way the purser/senior officer was playing around on the touch screen controls for climate, lighting and so on. He was scratching his ear, and poking, much like my father when I was last home, and we put together a shed in the back garden. He had some wood and nails left, but there in front of him was a completed shed – and he couldn't fathom how this miracle had happened. Anyway, lights went on – nice, nictotine-stained Cairo coffee-house lights – not those glaring bright neon things modern aircraft blind you with.

Dinner has now been served. I have a very bad sore throat, and the lovely cabin attendant (who does that dark line around the lipstick in the style of female Lebanese pop singers or any Egyptian housewife in a series involving her walking around a lot of the time in a house-coat) was insistent that she bring me some kind of hot beverage to make me feel better. I'm really not feeling like it, and mentioned I'd like just room-temperature water. As quick as you like, I now have a 1.5l bottle of Dasani, and a nice thick glass beaker, once again reminiscent of a time when ones glassware was heavy and sturdy. And most likely used as a prop in Abigail's Party.

Incidentally, I think First is also being served by a very nice young man (currently full head of hair, still 5'7” and only slightly portly – and by the way he keeps glancing over at me, so possibly a man who has friends in the theatre). He helped me put my bags up earlier, and handed me my slippers.

Well, I expect the next 8 hours to be uneventful, mostly due to sleep. More when breakfast is served.

LATER. First and Last Time Flying MS!

This is the bit I'm now going to write, having just arrived in the “lounge” at Cairo airport, managing to take in 2 bus-rides on the way, with a complete disregard for passenger status. More after the break...

tlongdon

Arriving at CAI

I had a fitful sleep. The most uncomfortable seat I've ever tried to sleep in. No amenity kits were handed out, and earlier in the day while packing, I'd removed an old eyeshade from my hand luggage, which it turns out was a big mistake.

As the seatbelt signs went on for our approach, mini-mayhem ensued. It seems the flight must have been carrying about 10 off-duty crew members, all of whom decided to bring their crew bags and put into the overhead bins of First Class. It also turns out that 2 of my other fellow passengers were off-duty crew, so I believe it looked as though there were only 3 paying F class customers including myself.

We landed, to be bussed. Of course this being the 21st century, while I remain sat in my seat, the bare-foot-wielding passenger from Business Class and his slightly trashy looking wife (I took it that they were Eastern European), had already appeared by my side in their desperate attempt to get off the plane. The crew do not enforce any order.

The Bus. Then the OTHER Bus.

Getting on the bus was fine – it didn't take long, and they didn't wait for it to be too crowded, presumably because it had the first, business, and off-duty crew passengers on it. Within seconds we were at the Terminal. Hooray! I thought....

Walked into the building, looking for the transit passenger signs. There were none. I asked a gent stood next to me with a Cairo Airport lanyard around his neck, which way for transit – he said I should wait here for another bus with all these other people. Well, bus after bus offloaded more and more people, presumably coming from the same flight as me. They were getting smaller and more Asian-looking, and with their matching jackets and largely Thai or Chinese passports, I think they were poor fellows off to earn a small crust as migrant labourers.

Well, somehow the first transit bus came along and I managed to be the 5th or 6th person on it. It filled up to over-capacity, and headed to the Terminal from which I now type.

Frankly, especially as I was arriving First Class on the national carrier Egyptair, I really expected a little extra-special treatment. I don't mind buses, but I don't expect to have to scramble these days. If I need to do this flight again for a similar price, I would fly Qatar Airways business class which is a much better product, and of course a much easier airport to transit it when in premium classes.

The Lounge

What can I say. The lounge is awful – truly awful. The armchairs are so old and dirty, the bathroom has no facilities other than 2 urinals, 2 sinks and 2 toilets. No showers or anywhere nice to freshen up. As I was leaving the small bathroom, a young darker-skinned fellow had clearly been giving himself a mini bath in the sink and was holding his shirt up to the hot air dryer to dry his belly. I took paper towels, rather than standing there looking lecherous.

Food – basically non-existent. Very dry croissants with nothing to put on them. Plates of sliced cheese covered in cling wrap. And a mall fridge with cans of soda.

I have 4 more hours to wait here, but my recommendations so far would be....

Avoid the BKK-CAI-Europe temptation on Egyptair, unless you really just want to do it for the status miles. I paid around 83,000 baht for this ticket, and so far (assuming it's a similar story on the way back), I would actually value the flight at around 40,000 baht for First Class, although I can't really judge too well yet, as the business class onward trip to CDG may just impress the heck out of me.

The First Class seats on the 777-200 are very uncomfortable.
The transit situation in Cairo entirely negates any feeling of exclusivity one might have on the plane.
And the lounge itself makes CAI an airport to avoid.

Business Class prices on Etihad were about the same from BKK-CDG, with fairly reasaonable connection times. Having seen, but not experienced, Etihad's business class product, I would say I'd be inclined to fly them if I wanted the best product for the best price between Asia and Europe. However, if miles are needed, I would pay the 5-8,000 baht extra and fly Qatar Airways business class, which would earn the destination miles on some Star Alliance FFPs. But the planes are new, the food usually good, and the dedicated lounges quite spacious and well-appointed despite a few grumbles you may hear to the contrary.

directorguy_

Lol! Great to read a FUNNY trip report. I've red a well-circulated trip report on the PEK-BKK-CAI F route, but it's all 'oohs' and 'aahs' and taking-pictures-of-the-lavatory-like-t's some-weird-Egyptian-novelty kinda-thing.
You're also the first person I've met who readily acknowledges the lipliner and hideous makeup applied by the FAs, not to mention the uniforms. The fact that the airline dosn't have PTVs on long-range Boeing 777s is a disaster. Although MS has greatly improved in the last 2 years, it has only just started to fulfill the minimum criteria of getting me from A to B more or less on time with luggage in a safe aircraft.
Keep 'em coming!

tlongdon

Night, and Day. How Egyptair redeemed itself.... but not enough

The ending to this tale will be short. But if you all breathe a collective sigh of relief, I'll start getting lengthy again to reward you for your cheek.

When we last met, I was astounded at the shocking nature of the "lounge" at Cairo airport. A couple of fellow travellers - a white European and an amusingly camp African (I presumed they were a couple) - joined me, and we laughed at how this was one experience never to be repeated.

Heading back onto the plane by bus, I expected the worst. More tobacco-tainted walls and pale yellow/navy blue colour scheme dreamed up by an Egyptian interior designer who'd spent too much time watching p0rn0 movies in the 60's... I would imagine.

How wrong could I be. This Airbus A320 seemed fairly new, and was upholstered and decorated in complementary shades of blues and greys. Typical mid-haul business class seats, but then... it's a short 3-something hour trip to Paris, so that's what's needed.

Amenities at the Wrong Time in the Wrong Place

Biggest shock though, as I fiddled with the iPod, is that we were handed..... Amenity Kits. I kid you not. I'd just spent over 8 hours flying First Class with nothing but a threadbare blanket to comfort me (although while I was asleep, someone had covered me with the blanket, which I thought was nice and hoped it had been one of the crew, rather than an admiring fellow-passenger).

Now, not that this is the greatest amenity kit in the world, but it's in a nice navy blue case, and the "Monteil" brand refresher mist and body emulsion (we use that on walls in England) seem fine. Perhaps I should have recognised the brand, but if it's not on sale in Boots I seldom venture past. That's a lesson I learned early on in life. If Boots or Waitrose don't sell it, there's probably a thoroughly good reason.

But the point I'm painfully weaving my way round to making is that - 8 hour first class overnight = nada. 3 hour daytime european flight = amenity kit, nicer plane, and frankly, a standard of cabin decor and service that befits any of the leading European carriers.

Egyptair and CDG all in one day

I've already summarised in the second post, why I wouldn't fly on Egyptair again. Unfortunately, I will have to make the return trip, but from BRU not CDG.

After the trauma of the previous 18 hours from Bangkok, taking the worst MS has to offer, and the worst the Middle Eastern airports has to offer.... everything I'd ever read about CDG rang true as soon as the cabin door opened. In fact I must admit I didn't expect the airport to be as dull, lifeless, and poorly-designed as it actually is.

After such a long time in an aluminium tube, I absolutely loved the rubber walkways that go uphill and downhill... which is great when they're working. 50% weren't. Grease flashbacks came to mind, with the final scene of Danny and Sandy at the funfair, as my calves and thighs had their most fabulous workouts in years.

Aside from the physical highs and lows of making it "up the concentric circle" (either a good name for a Paris Airport-based Carry On film, or a reference to the design of the building which was inspired by Dante's Inferno), I have to say that being one of the only Europeans on the flight was a joy. An "up". Just as the entire plane pushed underneath the ropes to see who could get to passport control first, where presumably they thought there was some reward - a stuffed toy frog maybe, they had camels in Cairo airport - I noticed a tiny booth set back to the right with the delightful words "welcome to the magic kingdom".

The English translation read "EU Passport Holders", but I only have GCSE French, so I stand by my initial interpretation. Within seconds I was through, and placed in prime position by the conveyor, smug in the knowledge one of the first bags off would be mine.

In fact, I almost felt sorry for the small Arab economy passengers who had skilfully managed to squeeze themselves inside the half-inch gap I'd left between belt and trolley. I hold up my hands to the fact I barely noticed there was some sporting hoopla going on in Beijing some point this year, but I have my suspicions that Egypt didn't rank very highly on the list of medal-winning nations.

Let's just say, should I happen across a member of the IOC in the next few weeks in Paris, while sipping absinthe by the Seine, contemplating the meaning of fromage, I might tip a hint about how the games could become a little more egalitarian to our north african cousins, with the introduction of a new event. It needn't be luggage conveyor squeezing. In fact, as it'll be London 2012, we could introduce a new sport involving how many people can fit inside a red telephone box. Gold medal for the Mesri.

Sadly, these poor unaware fellow-passengers managed to avoid injury despite my worthiest attempts to swing 60kg of luggage with as wide a radius as I could muster after the thoughtfully provided post-flight cardio workout. But before they would have known what hit them, Manuel my driver was speedily whisking me by signs to Chatou.

So here I am. Paris. For the first time in 15 years. Maybe a side-effect of post-traumatic stress disorder, but Manuel the driver was listening to me regail him with stories of my trip - in French - and frankly I don't quite know where the words were coming from.

But I'm now much more relaxed, resolute that aside from my trip back, I will never set foot on an Egyptair plane again. In fact, so relaxed am I, that my French skills have completely disappeared again. So much so that moments ago, I had to walk out of a mobile phone shop, slightly face-rouged, as I'd gone completely blank on how to explain "Pay-as-you-go SIM card" (update note to self - it's "mobicarte") in the language of love.

As for Egyptair - it's just ma'salama.

RAPC

Fantastic trip report which has successfully made me:

1) Be wary of cheap fares on MS (with good reason)
2) Laugh myself silly for the past 10 minutes

Good stuff ^

Guy Betsy

I just did FRA-CAI-BKK 2 weeks ago, in C/F and honestly didn't find the flight that bad. I was honestly quite impressed at the food offerings and service on the FRA-CAI flight. But then again, I don't drink alcohol so being a dry airline doesn't faze me much.

djjaguar64

LOL!!! How funny. I loved your report. Thank God we only have a 3 hour oneway torture on this airline from DXB-CAI award tkt.

directorguy_

A gem of a report, to be sure. CAI airport is just a mess. Flew into Terminal 2 on Emirates. Flight was empty with clean looking tourists (plus the standard token Thai package group) and businessmen. Arrived at Iftar, with security guzzling on their feed. I spotted an open doorway from the terminal that led right to the tarmac left unattended. Talk about a security breach.
Regarding the aformentioned flexible Egyptians at the baggage reclaim, no one can beat the Indians at squeezing especially in queues. They stand so close you think you're in a short line and you end up in the longest.
Although Egyptair is okay for medium haul, it's unbearable for a long-hauler. I simply can't stand being in a B777 36,000ft high with 200 screaming Egyptians.
Ah, the merits of good, 'ole fashioned unconstrained racism and elitist snobbery

aurigakb

tlongdon,

you're funny.

LHR/MEL/Europe FF

tlongdon

thank you for the very amusing report.

although this just makes me want to fly Egyptair long haul even more (I thoroughly enjoyed an ancient Jalways 747 from HNL to NRT last month with green bamboo print on the walls and one of the old flight attendant call buttons you had to pull outwards to operate )

enjoy paris, oui oui.

regards

lme ff

G_G

You seem never been in LHR : travelling in C/F and waiting more than an hour for a wheelchair

alanw

I suspect that if you took the xenophobia and homophobia out of this TR, the experience would be about on par.

divemistressofthedark

Sigh. Going JFK-CAI in C in two weeks. yeah, I know. Sigh. It was part of a group tour and changing it to another airline would have raised my package price significantly.

maybe I'll start drinking now, just as a preventative measure...

Ezeiza

Totally agree. I am still eager to try MS now that they've joined Star Alliance. Furthermore, I expect the transfer process in Cairo to improve significantly when the new Terminal 3 (Star Alliance) opens in November.

IAN-UK

Might be a STAR Alliance thing. As far as I know, Lufthansa's economy cabin still flies IFE-free.