[Note: I am specifically excluding restaurants in the US, where the service is almost universally quick and efficient]

When I ask for the bill / check...

... it means I'm ready to pay and leave. I'm finished. I'm not ordering anything else. I want to go. And once I do pay and leave, the restaurant can get another diner seated at my table.

All things considered, it seems like a good idea to present the bill / check (I'm going to use "bill" from now on), take the payment and get me on my way.

Over the last couple of years I have noticed that I am often kept waiting once I ask for the bill and when I do get it, I am kept waiting again for someone to accept payment. This seems counterproductive. And I find it frustrating.

Yesterday, just to see how long it would take, I waited 20 minutes after I received the bill before I actually got up and asked if someone would take my payment as my saint-like patience had run out. (Yes, it was a pay-the-waiter/waitress place)

At one restaurant that I frequent (because the food is the best in the locality), I have taken to asking for the bill as soon as my meal arrives. This way, I have a fighting chance of being able to leave at a time of my choosing.

Wait staff seem to avoid passing near the table and go to seemingly comical lengths to avoid eye contact.

It doesn't seem to matter if the restaurant is busy or quiet, or if I am in a window seat making the place look busy, or in an out of the way corner and I always make it obvious that I am ready to pay - with credit card on the table / dish / poking out of the bill holder.

This happens so often, I wonder if it is becoming a trend? Or maybe it's just me?

What I'd like: When I ask for the bill, that it is presented within a few minutes of being asked and that payment is taken a minute or two later. Is that too much to ask?

<insert snotty comment about the value of making people work for tips>

If you don't want to wait, you should not ask for your bill from the "wait" staff!

I understand your frustration and have experienced intolerable waits in European restaurants much more so than in the US. However, it does occur here in the US as well.

In my mind, the ideal situation is for the server to come to the table regularly and after dessert has been served or declined, ask if there would be anything else or would I like the check now. After the check has been presented, I am as obvious as possible when I am ready to pay. I usually stand the portfolio (I'm stuggling for the right word to describe the thing the bill comes in) on end with the credit card sticking up out of the top.

The opposite side of the coin is being rushed. This is equally frustrating. Do not ask the table about dessert as long as one diner is still obviously working on the entree. Do not bring the entrees while one or more diners are working on a salad. Don't put the check on the table without asking about dessert or another round of drinks. Etc.

I like what I experience in Chile and Argentina, which is typically that the bill comes when you ask, it doesn't come before you ask, and when you ask for it, you are expected to pay and leave right away. It might be hard to get someone's attention to get the bill, but if you're talking and otherwise enjoying, it would be rude to bring a bill in an attempt to rush a patron. Also, CC transactions are done in full at once, i.e., the service charge is placed in the CC machine at the table during the transaction, so there is no waiting for a returned card and a tip space.

Ha, good one!

Agree that this seems to be a (North??) European problem.

Never experienced in East Asia/ASEAN.

I loved the system they had when I last visited Bavaria.

Each waitstaff has a little personal machine (bit bigger than iPhone sized)

You said you were ready, they showed you the total on the machine, you entered tip (a little in Germany, 5 odd % for decent service) and paid then and there (also meant you could use tap to pay)..

There's also the United States of Mexico. I'm going to assume you meant that...

I first saw Wagamama (a British pan-East Asian restaurant chain) use those in 2001. Quite surprised then. Since then, it has been at random restaurants in East Asia too.

What's the problem? If you want the bill and no one has brought it to you unass your comfy chair and go and get it.

If you have the bill and no one has come around to take your payment unass your comfy chair and go an pay it.

Do not accept, "I will be there in just a minute." Stand there until you get what you want. Any decisions regarding gratuity should reflect your inconvenience.

Restaurants want customers out of there as soon as possible to make room for the next one. Sitting at a table for 20 minutes, taking up space while not ordering is just bad for business. I blame restaurant managers more than waiters for this.

Several restaurants where I live here in flyover country USA also use this system.

Yep, this is the best strategy. Tried several times in Scandinavia

Get up and walk out the door; they'll be with you faster than they moved all day.

+1

I can't imagine sitting there and stewing if you want the bill and need to be somewhere. All you need do is put your jacket on, go stand by the till and say you would like to pay. Problem solved