For those frequent flyers reading, here's a personal letter that was recently sent to Continental's CEO Larry Kellner. I hope that Kellner has a good sense of humor or at the very least, a good secretary to intercept his mail:
Dear Larry,
Im sure you are aware that the Elite members of Continental are complaining about the lack of benefits. I suggest you implement the following suggestions for 2006:
1. The fasten seatbelt sign should only apply to non-elites. Elites should be free to wander the cabin at all times. The restriction on electronics during take-off and landing should not apply to Elites as well.
2. Elites seated in the exit row should not have to wait for passengers ahead of them to de-board the plane. They may utilize the emergency exit and deploy the slide. A limo should be awaiting them at decent to taxi them to the baggage claim.
3. During meals, Elites should be entitled to taking the desert of any non-elite passengers seated adjacent to them.
4. Every Elite should be entitled to a Get out Jail Free card. If the adjacent passenger requires an extender for their seatbelt, the Elite may present the card to a Flight Attendant and switch seats with any non-elite.
5. The process for upgrading Elites on the Standby Upgrade list should mimic that of a baseball announcer announcing who is coming up to bat. The Elite would pick his or her music at the beginning of the year.
6. Elites will be entitled to ride in the jumpseat in the cockpit if all other seats are full
7. On flights exceeding two hours, Elites will be afforded ten minutes of alone time in the forward lavatory to join or visit the "mile high club". Continental will not, however, be required to provide partners for this endeavor. Let's not get crazy here.
8. In the event of turbulence, Elites will be permitted to run around all willy-nilly. And if you've never tried running around "all willy-nilly", you really should.
9. Elites will be permitted to aisle-surf on takeoff once per calenday quarter. CO will provide the plastic trays for this.
10. Elites get extra attention from the really hot Flight Attendants.
11. In the event of a really rough landing, Elites will be entitled to give the captain a melvin at their discretion.
:-: :-: :-:
Dear Larry,
Im sure you are aware that the Elite members of Continental are complaining about the lack of benefits. I suggest you implement the following suggestions for 2006:
1. The fasten seatbelt sign should only apply to non-elites. Elites should be free to wander the cabin at all times. The restriction on electronics during take-off and landing should not apply to Elites as well.
2. Elites seated in the exit row should not have to wait for passengers ahead of them to de-board the plane. They may utilize the emergency exit and deploy the slide. A limo should be awaiting them at decent to taxi them to the baggage claim.
3. During meals, Elites should be entitled to taking the desert of any non-elite passengers seated adjacent to them.
4. Every Elite should be entitled to a Get out Jail Free card. If the adjacent passenger requires an extender for their seatbelt, the Elite may present the card to a Flight Attendant and switch seats with any non-elite.
5. The process for upgrading Elites on the Standby Upgrade list should mimic that of a baseball announcer announcing who is coming up to bat. The Elite would pick his or her music at the beginning of the year.
6. Elites will be entitled to ride in the jumpseat in the cockpit if all other seats are full
7. On flights exceeding two hours, Elites will be afforded ten minutes of alone time in the forward lavatory to join or visit the "mile high club". Continental will not, however, be required to provide partners for this endeavor. Let's not get crazy here.
8. In the event of turbulence, Elites will be permitted to run around all willy-nilly. And if you've never tried running around "all willy-nilly", you really should.
9. Elites will be permitted to aisle-surf on takeoff once per calenday quarter. CO will provide the plastic trays for this.
10. Elites get extra attention from the really hot Flight Attendants.
11. In the event of a really rough landing, Elites will be entitled to give the captain a melvin at their discretion.
:-: :-: :-:
I would have excluded the part about the hot flight attendants and the mile high club. Some people could rightly take offense to these comments.
Quote:
I thought I'd seen this before. Please continue discussion in http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=478006 that thread.Originally Posted by afurman
This has been posted before in some format.
Xyzzy
CO forum moderator