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After heated/unpleasant discussions on FT, how do you interact at a DO in person?

After heated/unpleasant discussions on FT, how do you interact at a DO in person?

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Old Oct 25, 09, 6:51 pm
  #1  
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After heated/unpleasant discussions on FT, how do you interact at a DO in person?

I've read some pretty harsh interactions here on FT (mainly regarding fuel dumps on the mileage run forum, but on the UA forum also). People flame and attack each other not infrequently. There have been underhanded remarks (ultimately removed by the mods if crossing the line), name-calling (or name-implying with deleted letters), or just simply derogatory and condescending tones. I have read quite a bit of flaming in my 1 year here at FT, and some comments are downright nasty.

The flip side to this is that people have these DOs, where total strangers interact in presumably pleasant social functions. I wonder how you interact when you are at these DO's? If you knew you had a very unpleasant interaction with another FTer, and you meet that person at a DO, what is that like? How do you interact?

Just for the record, I personally have no beef with anybody (doesn't mean they don't have one with me ), nor am I slated to go to any DO's. But I was just curious how people who went to DO's handled meeting somebody with whom they had had an unpleasant interaction on the internet.

Last edited by SFflyer123; Oct 25, 09 at 10:59 pm
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Old Oct 25, 09, 7:07 pm
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I'm assuming like anything else it varies.

I know one FTer on FT manages to antagonize a # of folk, but all say they like him after interacting w/ him at dos.

I know another FTer who refuses to go to any do that another FTer is at, due to something several years ago (refusing to go to a do w/ multiple people due to a diss is a bit extreme IMO, but to each their own).

I know others who, if they're at a small do, just sit down at the opposite end of the table to avoid interacting w/ another problematic FTer, so they get to enjoy the do & ignore the PITA person.

And others who figure (rightly IMO) if they're at a MegaDo (50-150 people) the odds of them encountering a PITA FTer or interacting w/ them is small & there's always lots more other folk to chat w/.

I've been on FT for a while. There are a number of FTers I adore, a lot I like, a lot I'm not overly fond of, but none that I hate. I figure I can hang w/ the folk I adore & like, & ignore the ones I'm not overly fond of, etc. It's like any other company, association, society, neighborhood, etc. It takes all kinds to make a traveling village...

In fairness I've never gotten into major pissing wars that you describe, so my feelings might be different if I had been, but over the years there's just not that much to get excited about - or, there are more important things in life to worry about, such as breast cancer, H1N1, wars between countries, floods, fires, etc...

OVMV. Cheers.
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Old Oct 25, 09, 7:37 pm
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For me, I can't think of any thing bad with another Flyertalker, at most differences of opinion on a couple of things & we all have those. I'm just what I post on the forums & have hit it off great with everyone I've met
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Old Oct 25, 09, 7:38 pm
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I'd had a tiff with a long-time FTer including some heated PM's but it was long ago enough that when I was seated across the table from the poster at a recent YEG mini-do we both laughed and let bygones be bygones which was good as I was wasn't entirely sure of the reaction I'd get when I raised the subject as casually as I dared.

We all say things we later regret and the anonymous IBB makes it just that much easier to cross lines we wouldn't in person. I took me a while cuz I'm a slow learned but while there's nothing wrong with a vigourous debate or discussion I try not to take anything too seriously and it's all good.
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Old Oct 25, 09, 8:17 pm
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I expect to deal with everyone pretty much the same way online and in person.
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Old Oct 25, 09, 10:11 pm
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I've never seen a confrontation at a DO, and don't expect to. That said, there are times as SkiAdcock mentions above, where people consciously avoid someone they have had issues with, don't like or has very different views than they have. As long as they don't make their issues public and don't go out of their way to make that person or the group at large uncomfortable, to each his own.

A lot of the DOs, esp the large ones are microcosms of society at large, a mix of different views, ages, personalities, experiences and attitudes. It's truly fascinating to observe as virtual strangers come together and conversation rarely falters.
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Old Oct 25, 09, 10:39 pm
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Originally Posted by violist View Post
I expect to deal with everyone pretty much the same way online and in person.
That's how I see it as well. I'm not one who buys the "well I only act that way in person" attempt at justification.
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Old Oct 25, 09, 11:12 pm
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Originally Posted by UCBeau View Post
That's how I see it as well. I'm not one who buys the "well I only act that way in person" attempt at justification.
I think around here, its more likely to be the opposite... "i only act that way online".

I think I'm pretty much the same person online and in person, but thats not always the case.

I've had great chats with people online, then found them to be painfully shy and introverted in person, and I've seen people post who I thought were pompous A-holes *cough*fred*cough* who turned out to be really good friends. And a whole range of in-between.

I'm in no way excusing personal attacks and flaming, but what we see posted on FT is only a fraction of who someone is in person. And because such a huge percentage of communication is non-verbal...there is a lot of room for miscommunication, misunderstanding, and lack of perspective when forming an opinion based on someones written word.

I'd encourage you to try a do when you have the chance. They're fun!
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Old Oct 25, 09, 11:40 pm
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Originally Posted by missydarlin View Post
I think around here, its more likely to be the opposite... "i only act that way online".

I think I'm pretty much the same person online and in person, but thats not always the case.

I've had great chats with people online, then found them to be painfully shy and introverted in person, and I've seen people post who I thought were pompous A-holes *cough*fred*cough* who turned out to be really good friends. And a whole range of in-between.

I'm in no way excusing personal attacks and flaming, but what we see posted on FT is only a fraction of who someone is in person. And because such a huge percentage of communication is non-verbal...there is a lot of room for miscommunication, misunderstanding, and lack of perspective when forming an opinion based on someones written word.

I'd encourage you to try a do when you have the chance. They're fun!
Oops I meant what you said actually. Was too focused on my apple pie apparently

Do's are indeed a lot of fun, I've only done 7 or 8 so far but they have left lasting impressions. I even might see you at the TataDo in November
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Old Oct 25, 09, 11:58 pm
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I just pick their pocket, find their credit cards and boarding passes, rebook their return flight on a non-mileage earning multi-segment US Airways RJ routing, and then slip the wallet back into their pocket without the jerk ever suspecting a thing.
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Old Oct 26, 09, 12:18 am
  #11  
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Great question.

I met one person at a mini do and thought him insufferable (I had had no previous interaction with him online) but later had lots of problems with him and he actually threatened me with his FT "status" (if you know what I mean). Later, we both attended an international do and agreed in advance to avoid each other. However, there was a little side trip that a few people went to and we both did that as well and managed to be pleasant to each other. After that, we had no interaction at all, although he is still around.

More recently, I have had an extremely difficult time with someone in OMNI. Until this weekend, if I had run into him, I would have refused to break bread and would have left the venue. It was that bad. However, coincidentally, we've been communicating via PM and I think we're going to resolve our differences.

Generally speaking, I have found people to be much more pleasant in person than online. However, I have never met any of the notoriously "difficult" Flyertalkers. I have made some friends for life as a result of attending dos.
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Old Oct 26, 09, 1:02 am
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Originally Posted by missydarlin View Post
what we see posted on FT is only a fraction of who someone is in person. And because such a huge percentage of communication is non-verbal...there is a lot of room for miscommunication, misunderstanding, and lack of perspective when forming an opinion based on someones written word.
very very good point.
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Old Oct 26, 09, 1:09 am
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I would usually not talk about OMNI/PR stuff in public unless I'm around like-minded people. I just don't feel like having regular debates on politics or religion.

For single meal DOs I find that most of the conversation is spent actually talking about miles/points/travel or just basic meeting new friend conversations.

The weekend DOs obviously have more opportunity for conversation and I've only been to 1 of them, but it seemed like all I've had the opportunity to do so far is just repeat my loyalties to everyone and discuss the common programs.

I grew up in a family where politics were not discussed openly. I discuss them often on OMNI, but I do not discuss politics with people I just met.

There are people on OMNI/PR who I really agree with and people I don't, but i'm not sure if the first topics brought up would be threads from OMNI/PR unless it was a private conversation. Those topics are just not appropriate to me in public conversations.
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Old Oct 26, 09, 5:23 am
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If I'm organising the do, it behoves me to welcome everyone to that do, regardless of how I feel about them personally. If necessary, I slip into work 'professional' mode, fix the smile, and have another drink! I don't expect that just because we share a common interest, that I'll automatically like or agree with everyone on FT - I know I won't, but I know I'll enjoy the company of the vast majority of FTers.

If I'm at a Do, and there's someone I've had a disagreement with, I'm usually quite intrigued to see what they are like in real life, since I've had enough do experience to know that in real life, they can be very different. And then there's the car crash element - there was one former FTer who I really wanted to meet, just to find out if everything I'd heard about them was true.

Meeting people you may have had disagreements with does enable you to have a better idea of the tone they are mentally using when writing. I'm sure that a lot of disagreement comes about because we don't hear what is said how the other person wants us to hear it. It can be a surprise to meet people you think are absolute idiots, to discover that they aren't! It's actually quite humbling when that happens...

And of course the opposite can happen too - I have had some extremely blunt arguments on FT with people I know extremely well off FT, such that others reading it have been worried about the level of nastiness involved. However, the two of us who were arguing were well aware it was just an intellectual argument both of us were trying every trick to win which did not affect our friendship at all - we both knew the others' tone and knew where the lines were, much more so than for two random strangers who happened to be discussing this.

I'm aware of at least one confrontation at a do, but fortunately, not one of mine. And it wasn't over an online disagreement!
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Old Oct 26, 09, 8:19 am
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Originally Posted by gj83 View Post
I would usually not talk about OMNI/PR stuff in public unless I'm around like-minded people. I just don't feel like having regular debates on politics or religion.

For single meal DOs I find that most of the conversation is spent actually talking about miles/points/travel or just basic meeting new friend conversations.

The weekend DOs obviously have more opportunity for conversation and I've only been to 1 of them, but it seemed like all I've had the opportunity to do so far is just repeat my loyalties to everyone and discuss the common programs.

I grew up in a family where politics were not discussed openly. I discuss them often on OMNI, but I do not discuss politics with people I just met.

There are people on OMNI/PR who I really agree with and people I don't, but i'm not sure if the first topics brought up would be threads from OMNI/PR unless it was a private conversation. Those topics are just not appropriate to me in public conversations.
I may be wrong, but I don't think anyone discusses politics at dos.
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