Dear Santa Letter from TSA
Dec 19, 2010 | 10:09 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: May 2010
Location: FLL - Nice and Warm
Programs: TSA Disparager Gold
Posts: 1,025
Dear Santa Letter from TSA
Dear Mr. Claus:
Greetings from the Transportation Safety Administration! We are sending you this letter to make sure you have plenty of time to bring yourself into compliance with the latest TSA regulations regarding flight into and out of American airspace.
Remember that all liquids and gels must be properly contained in containers no larger than 3.4 ounces, inside a bag no more than one quart, and not more than one such bag may be carried per passenger. The TSA has decided that Play-Doh and Silly Putty are covered under this regulation, so, those are probably out.
In addition, due to the possibility that explosives may be contained inside electronic devices, the TSA will not allow any Xboxes, PS3s, Wiis, etc., to be carried aboard your sleigh without each one undergoing individual inspection, which may involve complete disassembly (but not, regrettably, reassembly).
Finally, please be advised that neither you nor any accompanying elves will be allowed to enter U.S. airspace before passing through a full-body scanner and/or an "enhanced pat-down." While this may result in several million children not receiving Christmas gifts at all, and some having receipt of said gifts delayed until mid-August of 2011, I'm sure you will agree that it's a small price to pay for security.
We apologize for any inconvenience. Well, OK, actually we don't. But, hey, what are you going to do? We've got you by the short hairs, fat boy, and you know it.
- John P., TSA
Greetings from the Transportation Safety Administration! We are sending you this letter to make sure you have plenty of time to bring yourself into compliance with the latest TSA regulations regarding flight into and out of American airspace.
Remember that all liquids and gels must be properly contained in containers no larger than 3.4 ounces, inside a bag no more than one quart, and not more than one such bag may be carried per passenger. The TSA has decided that Play-Doh and Silly Putty are covered under this regulation, so, those are probably out.
In addition, due to the possibility that explosives may be contained inside electronic devices, the TSA will not allow any Xboxes, PS3s, Wiis, etc., to be carried aboard your sleigh without each one undergoing individual inspection, which may involve complete disassembly (but not, regrettably, reassembly).
Finally, please be advised that neither you nor any accompanying elves will be allowed to enter U.S. airspace before passing through a full-body scanner and/or an "enhanced pat-down." While this may result in several million children not receiving Christmas gifts at all, and some having receipt of said gifts delayed until mid-August of 2011, I'm sure you will agree that it's a small price to pay for security.
We apologize for any inconvenience. Well, OK, actually we don't. But, hey, what are you going to do? We've got you by the short hairs, fat boy, and you know it.
- John P., TSA
http://www.thepilot.com/news/2010/de...ndest-letters/
Dec 19, 2010 | 10:27 pm
#2
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: North of DFW
Programs: AA PLT, HH Gold, TSA Disparager Gold, going for Platnium
Posts: 1,535
Dec 19, 2010 | 11:22 pm
#4
Join Date: Aug 2007
Programs: QF LTG:
Posts: 1,865
Noting that Santa isn't a US citizen he'd better have lot's of ID available for repeated showing.
Hopefully he wont be too upset by the groping he'll get from your security clerks. The quarantine papers for the reindeer might be a problem as well. Not to mention the import documentation for the presents.
Strewth might be better if he bypasses North American airspace all together.
Hopefully he wont be too upset by the groping he'll get from your security clerks. The quarantine papers for the reindeer might be a problem as well. Not to mention the import documentation for the presents.
Strewth might be better if he bypasses North American airspace all together.
Dec 20, 2010 | 12:45 am
#5
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Dec 2004
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We apologize for any inconvenience. Well, OK, actually we don't. But, hey, what are you going to do? We've got you by the short hairs, fat boy, and you know it.
- John P., TSA
- John P., TSA
Dec 20, 2010 | 2:21 am
#6
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 18
Also Santa please don't wrap gifts before security, they will all need to be unwrapped for inspection. TSA will be more then happy to open each and every one for you by ripping it open with such enthusiasm you would think that the gifts were for them.
Dec 20, 2010 | 3:59 am
#7
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sydney (for now), GVA (only in my memories)
Programs: QF Lifetime Silver (big whoop)
Posts: 9,334
This is SO not funny. I went to my usual (Australia) Post office last week to mail a package of gifts to family in the US. The clerk was her usual cheerful self when I said "I'd like to send this box express post..." but her face changed when I concluded "... to the USA." Wow. I got the third degree - are there perfumes? Anything that could look like perfume on an x-ray? "They x-ray all the packages to the US, you know!" Anything with batteries, electronics? "They'll open the package, unwrap everything and if there's anything they don't like, they'll send the whole thing back."
And as noted in an earlier thread, there's an extra A$9 and two days for this privilege.
DHS is the Grinch.
And as noted in an earlier thread, there's an extra A$9 and two days for this privilege.
DHS is the Grinch.
Dec 20, 2010 | 4:55 am
#8
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: LAS
Posts: 1,279
I'm pretty sure this is not something that DHS dreamed up to do to themselves. You're lucky you didn't need a sworn affidavit that it's not a toner cartridge.
Maybe they should go back to the good old days of air travel and just ask you if it's a bomb (while having no clue why they're asking and while not even looking at you when you reply).
Maybe they should go back to the good old days of air travel and just ask you if it's a bomb (while having no clue why they're asking and while not even looking at you when you reply).
Dec 20, 2010 | 5:13 am
#9
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sydney (for now), GVA (only in my memories)
Programs: QF Lifetime Silver (big whoop)
Posts: 9,334
It was, in fact, in direct response to the toner cartridge incident. I've been sending gifts to the US for years, but it's becoming more restrictive, more expensive and less reliable. 
Dec 20, 2010 | 2:11 pm
#11
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: LAS
Posts: 1,279
I completely agree with you. This is totally a DHS fluster cluck. Calling them the Grinch is too kind.
Dec 27, 2010 | 2:13 am
#12
Join Date: Aug 2007
Programs: QF LTG:
Posts: 1,865
A CHRISTMAS mission to deliver cheer to three Outback Australian communities proved that even Santa is not above the law.
Waiting to greet Santa at Maningrida airport Tuesday were two police officers, The Northern Territory News reported.
The police searched every bag and passenger getting off the plane, including Santa, to make sure he was not carrying any contraband alcohol under his red suit.
Waiting to greet Santa at Maningrida airport Tuesday were two police officers, The Northern Territory News reported.
The police searched every bag and passenger getting off the plane, including Santa, to make sure he was not carrying any contraband alcohol under his red suit.