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101 Ways to make the screener feel uncomfortable

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101 Ways to make the screener feel uncomfortable

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Old Nov 18, 2010, 2:51 pm
  #46  
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
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Originally Posted by FlyingUnderTheRadar
Something to think about before saying anything:

http://www.fedcrimlaw.com/visitors/p.../08-29-05.html

read the first paragraph on Rendon and follow the link
I don't think anyone is too afraid of the Rendon decision. The case may have gone the other way if he had an attorney. Also, a $700 fine? Even if a traveler could not afford that, I would speculate that some media attention would find a kind benefactor to pay it.

Cali
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 4:57 pm
  #47  
 
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#49 - When the TSO is near your crotch during the pat-down say in a loud voice "Oklahoma!"
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:07 pm
  #48  
 
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From the movie Fletch during the prostate exam:

"Moon river.......hey doc, you ever serve time?
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:24 pm
  #49  
 
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Chugger's was 50.

Here's 51.

Utilikilt (for the men) or Skirt (for the women) + No Underwear + Big dinner of beans the night before + holding it for as long as you can that morning = cutting a huge one with solid particulate just as the clerk reaches up your thighs.

If they react, you have many ready excuses:
gay panic
instinctive reaction to being molested
irritable bowel
active diarrhea
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:26 pm
  #50  
 
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52: Start singing "My Ding A Ling"
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:36 pm
  #51  
 
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A few years back, a German guy named Gunther had a runaway internet hit. From what I can remember, the intro went: "Oooooh, you touched my tralala, my ding ding dong". If you have the the 70's porno mustache to go along with it, even better.
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:38 pm
  #52  
 
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Well, if we're doing music, we could also take the opposite approach and play "It's a small world after all".

Or we could just get creepy and play the Barney theme song. Get a version with Barney singing it, even his voice is creepy. "I love you, you love me..."
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:38 pm
  #53  
 
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Link to the Gunther song/video (NSFW!!!!!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbYtqAWDF2U
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:43 pm
  #54  
 
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14b.

Guys, really gross them out and make them wonder...hang a string from your shorts.
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:51 pm
  #55  
 
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If the TSO asks why you are opting out of the NoS, tell him/her that you have Tuberculosis and don't wish to subject your weakened immune system to radiation. Proceed to pat-down area for close personal contact.
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 5:54 pm
  #56  
 
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Originally Posted by surlyjoe
if the tso asks why you are opting out of the nos, tell him/her that you have tuberculosis and don't wish to subject your weakened immune system to radiation. Proceed to pat-down area for close personal contact.
bwahahahaha!
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 6:15 pm
  #57  
 
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53. Men, upon entering the penalty box, begin "self-gratifying." When the TSO asks what you're doing, explain "Just warming it up for you, looks like the line's pretty long and I don't want you to have to spend too much time on me."
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 6:28 pm
  #58  
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Originally Posted by VictoriaTravelNut
A few years back, a German guy named Gunther had a runaway internet hit. From what I can remember, the intro went: "Oooooh, you touched my tralala, my ding ding dong". If you have the the 70's porno mustache to go along with it, even better.
Funny- I've always referred to the guy in FRA that used to do the ball juggling as Gnther but never heard of the song.



Originally Posted by JumboD
53. Men, upon entering the penalty box, begin "self-gratifying." When the TSO asks what you're doing, explain "Just warming it up for you, looks like the line's pretty long and I don't want you to have to spend too much time on me."
Do you remember the part in the movie The Right Stuff when the astronauts were instructed to provide "samples". Start humming "Wild Blue Yonder" like they did in the mens room scene.
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 6:39 pm
  #59  
 
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Originally Posted by SurlyJoe
If the TSO asks why you are opting out of the NoS, tell him/her that you have Tuberculosis and don't wish to subject your weakened immune system to radiation. Proceed to pat-down area for close personal contact.
Or AIDS.

'Screening line closed due to AIDS'
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Old Nov 18, 2010, 7:46 pm
  #60  
 
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Originally Posted by jucaam
30) practice doing the macarena during the pat-down.
bwaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa
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