AlanW and Simon Templar. I can free you both (well I hope you agree)
Feb 24, 2005, 4:23 am
#1
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,241
AlanW and Simon Templar. I can free you both (well I hope you agree)
I am sorry that this has taken so long. Life has been rather hectic. I also had this dread that I was repeating myself. Still, we've dined out on this for a little while so here you are. I only hope that the wait was worth it.
Sometimes you can spot trouble as it struts down the jetway. In this case the Mother from Hell and her assorted family walked aboard and looked at me as though the cat had dragged me in.
It revolved around the fact that her eldest if not dearest daughter was currently sitting elsewhere on the aircraft. I am sure that no matter how dependent the people that the destination were upon Tourism, they may have all resigned en masse after this lot. The daughter and boyfriend (about 18 tops) were installed in Club World. They were not upgraded.
I gather that during the flight, the lady discovered that her had been starring in blue movies and was posing for photographs in magazines. This came out as she was eating her lunch. The man seated in 48E was shovelling his food in his mouth gawping at one of these. She casually glanced ("like you do") and there was her beloved posing "in the buff" (all quotes are her figures ('scuse bad pun) of speech). I gather she snatched this out of the man's hand and stormed down the plane to where her eldest daughter and her boyfriend were sitting. Her 14 year old (I gather) was left sitting by the window. When I say 14, she was 14 coming on 28 - you get my drift. She evidently had discovered the joys of Wonderbra. I gather that she waved this magazine under her eldest daughter's nose and shrieked. She got quite pally with the chap who’s magazine was being brandished elsewhere in the aircraft. Clad in a T-Shirt, jeans, the ring in her naval winked saucily at anyone who happened to pass by.
"Trace!! IS THIS YOU????!!!!!"
Tracey gazed laconically and realising that she had been sussed said "Oh Yeah - weren't one of me best".
Mother (according to the members of staff who flew up the aisle) "went ballistic" shrieking
"LITTLESLAG ILL NOT ONE OF MY BEST YOU WHO TOOK THEM PHOTOS I'LL HAVE THE LAW ON HIM YOU'RE STILL AT SCHOOL WHAT'LL I TELL YOUR FATHER "
“I DONE GIVE A *** WHAT YOU TELL IM ES A PIECE OF *** YOU SED SO YOUSELF”
Anyway this tête-à-tête continued until I and the Purser arrived. Tracey was in the space of getting down the cabin Little ***, Baby Cakes, Tracewotyougoneandun…..to the entertainment of the rest of the cabin(who needs a IFS when you can get all of this for nothing.
By this time the Boyfriend who had all the brains of a donkey was making sounds very like one.
"Never mind them pictures - Trace? You told her about them films?"
At this point I arrived - unfortunately I cannot give you a word by word description of the dialogue but to paraphrase - Mother was seriously unamused and was reaching out to her daughter and in so doing was involving the seat in front. They had a ten year old who was hanging over the seat vastly entertained by this spectacle and whose eyes were like saucers. I got them moved at once. I needed the space to avoid further confrontation. As the air turned blue, Tracey in her own fashion explained that removing her clothes for photography and acting in pornography (don't call that acting myself - was artistic licence (BIoody Liberty said Mama)- freedom of expression, and part of her Human Rights under that Europe thingy. Mama was lost for words.
"Who done this?"
"Well since it seems to matter to you Jace" (I checked the manifest later and who Jace was I still do not know)
"Jace????Jason???? From down the Fox?? You lying little B..."
At this point Big Sister yelled "Well it's true. I know that. An'its your own fault you went and had that ruck at the School when she'd been bunkin off she got slung out of there and started doing them stupid art lessons and what do you think paid for this holiday? BIoody Air Miles? She paid for it, so you want to shut up and sit down. Oi (to one of the gobsmacked crew) get us a drink. Bacardi and Lemonade double on the bleedin’ double."
“Yes Ma’am” said my colleague who went off to check whether the caterers had remembered to load any rat poison that particular day.
"Anyway" adjoined Tracey "Think of it as work experience. I'm going to be an actress"
"I know how you'll get your parts" shouted someone.
"Go Forth and Multipy"" replied Tracey coquettishly(well she didn’t quite say this)
Mama was speechless so I stepped in and escorted her out of WT and into another cabin to avoid further discussion of the matter with a full audience present. All she could keep saying was "where'd she get all the money from?"
She did as she was told and stayed in her seat. She ate chocolate, drank brandy and coke, and ate more chocolate. She disembarked without fuss.
I understand that the person whose magazine started all this in the first place reclaimed his literary work and asked Tracey to sign it. I gather that the crew did have to deter visitors.
The last word was left to someone - I could be wrong - but two of us distinctly shout (and I had heard this is once before in my life)
"Actress says you? ****tress says I!!" (it was quite smart considering)
So we contemplated how many films, pics etc Tracey had starred in and how she had paid for the holidays for four people. We then wondered how many Miles that would have been (we had no idea) and then we wondered how miles got to pay for tickets. We concluded that the money might have been better spent on Tracey’s elocution lessons. One of my colleagues ventured the comment that Tracey made Jordan look like a Class Act.
As she was heard to observe at some stage (so I was told)
“I’m getting a degree at the University of Life!” So there – try putting that on your CV!
Sometimes you can spot trouble as it struts down the jetway. In this case the Mother from Hell and her assorted family walked aboard and looked at me as though the cat had dragged me in.
It revolved around the fact that her eldest if not dearest daughter was currently sitting elsewhere on the aircraft. I am sure that no matter how dependent the people that the destination were upon Tourism, they may have all resigned en masse after this lot. The daughter and boyfriend (about 18 tops) were installed in Club World. They were not upgraded.
I gather that during the flight, the lady discovered that her had been starring in blue movies and was posing for photographs in magazines. This came out as she was eating her lunch. The man seated in 48E was shovelling his food in his mouth gawping at one of these. She casually glanced ("like you do") and there was her beloved posing "in the buff" (all quotes are her figures ('scuse bad pun) of speech). I gather she snatched this out of the man's hand and stormed down the plane to where her eldest daughter and her boyfriend were sitting. Her 14 year old (I gather) was left sitting by the window. When I say 14, she was 14 coming on 28 - you get my drift. She evidently had discovered the joys of Wonderbra. I gather that she waved this magazine under her eldest daughter's nose and shrieked. She got quite pally with the chap who’s magazine was being brandished elsewhere in the aircraft. Clad in a T-Shirt, jeans, the ring in her naval winked saucily at anyone who happened to pass by.
"Trace!! IS THIS YOU????!!!!!"
Tracey gazed laconically and realising that she had been sussed said "Oh Yeah - weren't one of me best".
Mother (according to the members of staff who flew up the aisle) "went ballistic" shrieking
"LITTLESLAG ILL NOT ONE OF MY BEST YOU WHO TOOK THEM PHOTOS I'LL HAVE THE LAW ON HIM YOU'RE STILL AT SCHOOL WHAT'LL I TELL YOUR FATHER "
“I DONE GIVE A *** WHAT YOU TELL IM ES A PIECE OF *** YOU SED SO YOUSELF”
Anyway this tête-à-tête continued until I and the Purser arrived. Tracey was in the space of getting down the cabin Little ***, Baby Cakes, Tracewotyougoneandun…..to the entertainment of the rest of the cabin(who needs a IFS when you can get all of this for nothing.
By this time the Boyfriend who had all the brains of a donkey was making sounds very like one.
"Never mind them pictures - Trace? You told her about them films?"
At this point I arrived - unfortunately I cannot give you a word by word description of the dialogue but to paraphrase - Mother was seriously unamused and was reaching out to her daughter and in so doing was involving the seat in front. They had a ten year old who was hanging over the seat vastly entertained by this spectacle and whose eyes were like saucers. I got them moved at once. I needed the space to avoid further confrontation. As the air turned blue, Tracey in her own fashion explained that removing her clothes for photography and acting in pornography (don't call that acting myself - was artistic licence (BIoody Liberty said Mama)- freedom of expression, and part of her Human Rights under that Europe thingy. Mama was lost for words.
"Who done this?"
"Well since it seems to matter to you Jace" (I checked the manifest later and who Jace was I still do not know)
"Jace????Jason???? From down the Fox?? You lying little B..."
At this point Big Sister yelled "Well it's true. I know that. An'its your own fault you went and had that ruck at the School when she'd been bunkin off she got slung out of there and started doing them stupid art lessons and what do you think paid for this holiday? BIoody Air Miles? She paid for it, so you want to shut up and sit down. Oi (to one of the gobsmacked crew) get us a drink. Bacardi and Lemonade double on the bleedin’ double."
“Yes Ma’am” said my colleague who went off to check whether the caterers had remembered to load any rat poison that particular day.
"Anyway" adjoined Tracey "Think of it as work experience. I'm going to be an actress"
"I know how you'll get your parts" shouted someone.
"Go Forth and Multipy"" replied Tracey coquettishly(well she didn’t quite say this)
Mama was speechless so I stepped in and escorted her out of WT and into another cabin to avoid further discussion of the matter with a full audience present. All she could keep saying was "where'd she get all the money from?"
She did as she was told and stayed in her seat. She ate chocolate, drank brandy and coke, and ate more chocolate. She disembarked without fuss.
I understand that the person whose magazine started all this in the first place reclaimed his literary work and asked Tracey to sign it. I gather that the crew did have to deter visitors.
The last word was left to someone - I could be wrong - but two of us distinctly shout (and I had heard this is once before in my life)
"Actress says you? ****tress says I!!" (it was quite smart considering)
So we contemplated how many films, pics etc Tracey had starred in and how she had paid for the holidays for four people. We then wondered how many Miles that would have been (we had no idea) and then we wondered how miles got to pay for tickets. We concluded that the money might have been better spent on Tracey’s elocution lessons. One of my colleagues ventured the comment that Tracey made Jordan look like a Class Act.
As she was heard to observe at some stage (so I was told)
“I’m getting a degree at the University of Life!” So there – try putting that on your CV!
Feb 24, 2005, 4:37 am
#3
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: SCL, MCT, LGW and a variety of 1W lounges in between.
Programs: BA Mucci (Seigneur et Ingenieur des Appareils Volants (Gold)), QF (WP and LTG), AA EXP, GF Gold
Posts: 3,931
TFTG, back to normal
Ah, that is what I missed in being away for a couple of months.
1. TFTG (now being recorded into "shorts" for BBC Radio 7)
2. Repeated TFTG
3. All things very English when travelling, like scurvy, rickets etc
4. e-hairbrushing
5. A CSD that cares about passengers
6. The ability of our British youth to make money in creative ways and avoid paying tax.
7. Mornington Cres, well not actually as I could get than on BBC7 on-line
8. The British attitude to the last great amateur sport, after all we all laugh at Tracie (almost certainly an "ie" version, especially after C) who does it professionally. Must have been hard for her mother to swallow.
1. TFTG (now being recorded into "shorts" for BBC Radio 7)
2. Repeated TFTG
3. All things very English when travelling, like scurvy, rickets etc
4. e-hairbrushing
5. A CSD that cares about passengers
6. The ability of our British youth to make money in creative ways and avoid paying tax.
7. Mornington Cres, well not actually as I could get than on BBC7 on-line
8. The British attitude to the last great amateur sport, after all we all laugh at Tracie (almost certainly an "ie" version, especially after C) who does it professionally. Must have been hard for her mother to swallow.
Feb 24, 2005, 4:50 am
#4
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: London, UK
Programs: BA Gold, BD Gold, PC Ambassador, SPG Gold
Posts: 4,001
Oh Pucci, indeed we've had that one before. But I'm sure we shall all forgive you and blame this on the (ever more infuriating) lack of Search engine 
Still, extremely funny even the second time through
^
Still, extremely funny even the second time through
^
Feb 24, 2005, 9:04 am
#5
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,241
what a twit I am. So sorry. I do have another on the way but jumped in as I thought that everyone had waitied long enough.
I am just off to France from LGW - and then I'm off to the USA (work!) - so I will put this right, but our friends pricked what passes for a conscience so I went to my store - and could not be quite certain.
So apologies again.
I am just off to France from LGW - and then I'm off to the USA (work!) - so I will put this right, but our friends pricked what passes for a conscience so I went to my store - and could not be quite certain.
So apologies again.
Feb 24, 2005, 9:47 am
#6
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Edinburgh UK
Programs: BA Silver, HHonours Gold, Mucci of Pucci, Oyster Card, Nectar Card, Father's Day Card
Posts: 9,372
Superb story - love the fact the owner of the mag asked for an autograph!
Mornington Crescent Thread was a year old yesterday!!
http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231477
We're still playing!!
Originally Posted by spotwelder
7. Mornington Cres, well not actually as I could get than on BBC7 on-line
http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231477
We're still playing!!
Feb 24, 2005, 9:54 am
#7
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: SE1, London
Posts: 23,510
I missed that first time around.
I must NOT read these when at work. Dissolving into giggles and having to leave the room makes people does make people wonder what you are up to.
Thanks Pucci!
I must NOT read these when at work. Dissolving into giggles and having to leave the room makes people does make people wonder what you are up to.
Thanks Pucci!
Feb 28, 2005, 6:03 am
#9
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,241
This I must share. A very sweet person - who knows who they are - has written to ask me about my hairbrush and whether this has a meaning beyond most of the babble.
I thought that was very kind, and am replying soonest.
Just to let you all know - that you will have another TFTG for Easter.
PG (will I have hit 3,000 posts by then? What's the prize by the way? An evening with the moderator of my choice
?
I thought that was very kind, and am replying soonest.
Just to let you all know - that you will have another TFTG for Easter.
PG (will I have hit 3,000 posts by then? What's the prize by the way? An evening with the moderator of my choice
?
Feb 28, 2005, 7:08 am
#10
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Edinburgh UK
Programs: BA Silver, HHonours Gold, Mucci of Pucci, Oyster Card, Nectar Card, Father's Day Card
Posts: 9,372
Originally Posted by PUCCI GALORE
PG (will I have hit 3,000 posts by then? What's the prize by the way? An evening with the moderator of my choice ?
?........and an imaginary hug from the TFTG devoted!
