Flying Doctor

This is such a classic - do you or do you not ask!

In general in F I have specific seats that I prefer, depending on if I am travelling alone or with someone else and the aircraft type. In general I am not up for moving around but I would not impose on others.

Once I was travelling with someone in F and we had 3K and 5A - this was all that was left and we had both paid for F. However, remember what you will be doing on these long flights. Pre flight drinks - you can stand etc for that. Take off - OK you need to be in your seat for this one. Dinner etc - well you can use the buddy seat for that and be together no matter where you are in the cabin and then sleep - well you could be anywhere!

If the cabin is not that full (rare these days I know) you can even ask the crew politely to use one of the free seats if there are 2 of you to have your meal together and then have your allocated seats for resting etc.

If asked by a passenger (and I have been on more than one occasion) I nearly always decline as I usually have one of my preferred seats and I would not wish to change. If crew asked me I would ask for a reason - if it is half decent I would be more accommodating as with the crew asking it is much easier to politely say no. Once I had a really nice chat with a couple pre-take off and I could see that they wanted to be together but they had not asked so I offered to swap seats - so I can be nice about it too! Once I moved so that a family with children could occupy the front of the F cabin and the rest of us the back - this was a no brainer and worked really well! A great idea which I think was actually the CC's!

If you ask passengers in row 1 to move I would be really careful! These are highly likely to be the GGL's and even Prem's. They will say little at the time if you ask but then there will be a complaint the second they land - most would not appreciate being harrassed in this way...........

FD

bigbirdwithsilverwings

great answer!!!

bioblot

It's easy to word it without them feeling obligated to move, e.g.:

"I am just wondering if you'd prefer that seat over there, or would you rather stay in this one?"

fripperies

I appreciate that's an attempt at courtesy but it risks coming over as passive-aggresive. If someone said it to me, the polite phrasing wouldn't disguise the intention behind it and I would still feel uncomfortable refusing.

The original post is one of the rare etiquette questions to which there is a categorical answer: don't ask. Ever. If you genuinely need for a seat that's already occupied, ask the cc to help sort it out. Using a third party keeps it impersonal. A need is, say, a medical condition or having to sit next to a child or an incapacitated person. Wanting to talk business or hold hands is merely a preference not a need, and doesn't justify asking someone to give up their seat.

BOH

On my DUS flight last Sunday one of two women in front of me said to the FA as we boarded, "we want to sit together but are 3 rows apart. Can you get someone to move please"

No courtesy or polite request (apart from the "please") - more of a demand I thought.....as if their need to sit together must be accomodated above the needs of any other pax. And a kind of "you sort it" tone to the FA.

The FA was very polite and simply said, "you will have to take the seats on your boarding pass and we will see what can be done once boarding is complete".

Cue lots of huffing and muttering from the two women - the FA didn't do anything further once the doors were closed and they didnt get to sit together in the end either.

The moral - it's probably 95% down to how you ask, not what you are asking for.

BizFlyin

I find it strange that people don't feel comfortable refusing. Someone asks you a question, you have the option to answer either yes or no. It would be silly to answer and then grumble about it to yourself after.

No harm in asking, no harm in declining. Any adult should be able to do either with no fuss and no hard feelings.

Swanhunter

The why matters to me as we'll.

Being asked to sacrifice 64K and move to 64B just so a couple can sit together on a night flight? No chance.

Being asked to move so a couple can sit together as the wife is feeling very unwell and wants someone with her? I moved in a micro second.

Can I help you

Nothing wrong with asking someone to swap but I would always expect it to be refused.
I would ask the crew to ask as I think a customer would find it easlier to refuse.

Yahillwe

If I saw a child/parent in different seats or someone sick.. Then I myself would offer to move. Would even move to the dreaded 5 row..

But for 2 to yap during the flight, then no...

Poxball

^

fripperies

Let me illustrate with an example. On a LH flight to BOM my wife and were seated together in 1A/D. Second honeymoon, first trip to India, first time in business class together, you get the picture. A younger couple, recently married, were behind us, one in row 2, another in row 3. The FA asked us to swap with them so they could sit together. We declined, very graciously I thought, and even explained why we had reserved those particular seats. No attitude on our part, I'm sure of it. Even so, she reported this to the other couple very loudly, making it obvious whose "side" she was one (I'm sorry, they're refusing to budge, I really feel for you, but you get people like that ... etc.). Then we got icy treatment from her for the duration and grumbles from behind. Made for a pretty unpleasant flight.

That's why "no harm in asking, no harm in declining" is easier said than done, and why I maintain you should never ask unless there's a compelling reason.

Agree 100%. The distinction between want and need is crucial.

angatol

.....

BizFlyin

Sounds more like bad crew than anything else.

CCayley

I would hate to be asked to move by a crewmember. It would seem more official so harder to refuse. I would expect ice cold service if I did say no. And it likely removes the one good thing about shifting in these circumstances, namely the warm feeling from the thanks you tend to get from the other passenger.

Can I help you

Interesting CCayley I would thought a customer would prefer the crew to ask.
Don't forget we are asking for someone else, a refusal wouldn't mean we would think any less of you.
Hopefullly if someone moves the other customer would thank them.