Where would anyone recommend taking a couple of reasonably savvy 11 and 9 year old boys and the wife for a taste of S.E.Asia that's not too homogenised but on the other hand is not dangerous.
Not really after an organised beach holiday although time at the beach would be part of the itinerary.
Happy to travel with a couple of backpacks.
Obviously,Thailand is an option but many people seem to report how over-touristy it has become - Vietnam ?
All suggestions gratefully received.

Last year we took our kids, approximately the same age, to Bangkok and Phuket. It was still Asia but very manageable, terrific sights (Bangkok is fascinating), great great food and incredibly nice people. We thought it was a terrific destination. And, you can travel there as upscale or not as you like. Just make sure the hotels you choose have a pool, if possible.

We are trying Bali this year, which is also another option for you.
Have fun.

Both are big countries. If "over-touristy" is major concern, then just steer clear of places like Pattaya or Saigon, and head upcountry or to remote islands, where you can find all the local flavor you can handle.

I've taken my little girls since they were born to Bali, Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Japan, Korea, Guam, Malaysia, etc... The only place I do not like taking them is to some areas in Philippines. Their favorites are Thailand and China.

yeesh. the choices are way, way too many.

Among them:
Singapore:
--the zoo (it's the best in the world)
--the night zoo (it's also the best zoo in the world and animals come a foot from you)
--the amusement park
--high tea at raffles

Malaysia:
in Borneo
--Orangutans
--Mt. Kinabalu
--Rafting
--Turtle Island (turtles come in at night to roost)
on mainlaind malaysia

Kuala Lampur
--tall building
--china town
--real bat cave
Penang

Thailand
Bangkok --almost anywhere
but including weekend market, kick boxing tournament, palace tour, river rides etc.
Koh Phi Phi or Krabi --snorkeling
Chaing Mai --trekking to see hill tribes
going to elephant camps

and i havent even got to Angkor wat in cambodia or vietnam.

actually there isnt much that would NOT interest kids of that age.

Would you mind sharing a bit more about what you did in Bangkok and Phuket? Our kids are about 7 and 11 and though I spend lots of time in Bangkok on business I've not done much of the tourist stuff other than the Grand Palace.

Yes,I'll second that.I'm just hanging on waiting for some cheap fares ( ha,ha,ha,) to surface so I can take the family down there at Christmas.
The thought of another Yuletide Yawn " enjoying " the mother-in-law's cremated turkey and my father-in-law's rancid flatulence is too much to bear.
I know the chances of anything reasonable are remote but I'm hoping to do the Oasis Heathrow to Hong Kong route for a few days then onwards to Bangkok.
Has anyone ever done this and do you have any ideas when their Christmas fares come onto the market.
Thanks.