Jun 15, 2018, 3:18 pm
Last edit by: Prospero
There have been sufficient posts over the years on this topic so as to extend the scope of this thread from one instance to multiple instances of passengers asking to exchange seats with you.
The prevailing ideas of seat exchange etiquette seem to include:
Ask, don’t assume or surprise another passenger by poaching another passenger’s seat first, then asking when confronted. At that point, even for those willing, you’ll probably get a curt “no” reply - at best.
Ask nicely.
Try to have a reasonable purpose - you’re a companion to a person with a disability or condition requiring your assistance and the airline had no adjacent seats to sell.
Don’t expect a better seat to be granted for your worse seat. Ever.
Thank the other person. Shouting them a drink, etc. is even better.
Accept “no” gracefully; it wasn’t ever your seat.
The prevailing ideas of seat exchange etiquette seem to include:
Ask, don’t assume or surprise another passenger by poaching another passenger’s seat first, then asking when confronted. At that point, even for those willing, you’ll probably get a curt “no” reply - at best.
Ask nicely.
Try to have a reasonable purpose - you’re a companion to a person with a disability or condition requiring your assistance and the airline had no adjacent seats to sell.
Don’t expect a better seat to be granted for your worse seat. Ever.
Thank the other person. Shouting them a drink, etc. is even better.
Accept “no” gracefully; it wasn’t ever your seat.
The “would you change seats with me?” Master thread
Mar 27, 2021, 11:24 pm
#226
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: KUSA
Programs: Whatever AMEX Plat comes with... I buy on price.. Spirit Big Front Seat, want First/buy First
Posts: 1,483
This times a gazillion.
As a family who has been honored to be the beneficiaries of non-rev travel for decades, we--and maybe we're old-school--would never, ever, ever, EVER ask another passenger to switch seats. This includes longhaul flights with two children where none of us were seated together. (Fortunately in 99% of those instances, other passengers voluntarily moved to accommodate us. But never expected it.)
As a family who has been honored to be the beneficiaries of non-rev travel for decades, we--and maybe we're old-school--would never, ever, ever, EVER ask another passenger to switch seats. This includes longhaul flights with two children where none of us were seated together. (Fortunately in 99% of those instances, other passengers voluntarily moved to accommodate us. But never expected it.)
I would only ever bring up non-rev seat issues with the gate agents at my own employer. Being in management came with having a higher standby priority, and gate agents play shenanigans with the standby list sometimes. Usually if it was not my own station, things would work themselves out when I positioned myself in view of the gate agents with my company laptop on VPN connected to the reservations system refreshing the flight so they could see I was watching what they were doing. Down side of buying tickets on own employer was you run into a flight attendant who knows you and assumes you are a non-rev and asks you to change seats - sorry, I paid the $150 upgrade for this seat on a paid ticket. I am just another customer today.... sorry if that sounds harsh, but if I bought it, regardless of working there, I'm entitled to same as any other customer.
Mar 28, 2021, 9:01 am
#227
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: SNA
Posts: 928
Now as a former airline Station Manager, I agree. I would never ask someone on the aircraft to change seats, especially a paying customer. Now, I frequently in my career have chosen to buy tickets outright because of having limited time off and not wanting to fuss with non-rev (achieving mid-tier elite with a competitor at one point because they flew where I needed to go and my employer did not....
Sorry for the OT-ishness...
In the early years when travel costs as a percent of our income was much higher than it is today, we were probably something like 95% non-rev, 5% paid tickets. Now, it's roughly reversed at 95% paid, as the (near-) surety of getting to our destination on time and in a comfortable seat is more important to us.
We do look back fondly on the days of running from gate to gate, the kindness of airline staff (even of competitors), happenstance, re-routing on the fly, dumb luck, watching the standby board as intently as it it's the Super Bowl, and never giving up until we got to our destination.
Mar 28, 2021, 9:07 am
#228
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Wesley Chapel, FL
Programs: American Airlines
Posts: 30,028
I would LOVE is some *tool* came up to me in 1A and said "hi would you mind switching with my daughter" "sure, is that her in 2A?" "no, she's back in 23E".
I honestly don't believe I would be able to suppress laughter. I would say "really??" then ask him 'why don't you ask the person in 23D or F if they'd like a free F seat so you can sit next to your daughter".
I'm really hoping this day comes with such an example. I'm on 824 dtw-dfw later today. Maybe it will be my lucky day.
"According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, tool has several meanings. In the current context it would probably mean "a stupid, useless or socially inept person". The first citation for this dates from 1656"
I honestly don't believe I would be able to suppress laughter. I would say "really??" then ask him 'why don't you ask the person in 23D or F if they'd like a free F seat so you can sit next to your daughter".
I'm really hoping this day comes with such an example. I'm on 824 dtw-dfw later today. Maybe it will be my lucky day.
"According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, tool has several meanings. In the current context it would probably mean "a stupid, useless or socially inept person". The first citation for this dates from 1656"
Mar 28, 2021, 1:34 pm
#229
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Denver
Programs: AS, AA, UA, Hilton, Marriott, Caesars DE
Posts: 2,070
My buddy was actually on the receiving end of the opposite stated here. He was traveling for work on a normal busy Thursday in 2019, and someone from F asked if he wanted to switch seats with her so she could sit next to her friend/colleague who he was luckily put next to. So he got a free bump to F, out of his middle seat, all from the luck of the draw. Must've been some friend to give up F for.
Mar 28, 2021, 7:08 pm
#230
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2014
Programs: Top Tier with all 3 alliances
Posts: 11,669
I would LOVE is some *tool* came up to me in 1A and said "hi would you mind switching with my daughter" "sure, is that her in 2A?" "no, she's back in 23E".
I honestly don't believe I would be able to suppress laughter. I would say "really??" then ask him 'why don't you ask the person in 23D or F if they'd like a free F seat so you can sit next to your daughter".
I'm really hoping this day comes with such an example. I'm on 824 dtw-dfw later today. Maybe it will be my lucky day.
"According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, tool has several meanings. In the current context it would probably mean "a stupid, useless or socially inept person". The first citation for this dates from 1656"
I honestly don't believe I would be able to suppress laughter. I would say "really??" then ask him 'why don't you ask the person in 23D or F if they'd like a free F seat so you can sit next to your daughter".
I'm really hoping this day comes with such an example. I'm on 824 dtw-dfw later today. Maybe it will be my lucky day.
"According to Green's Dictionary of Slang, tool has several meanings. In the current context it would probably mean "a stupid, useless or socially inept person". The first citation for this dates from 1656"
Mar 28, 2021, 8:31 pm
#231
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: SFO
Programs: AA,UA,AS
Posts: 319
I can't believe I have never seen this thread.
Here's my best story.
I was on a long haul overnight flight on an A321. I had a normal window seat, mid cabin, nothing special. BUT when I got to the airport I checked and the last row was completely empty - I changed to the window seat in that row. I checked and checked as long as it would let me to see if the seats were still open - all good. We board, I settle in, feeling like a champ. Right before they closed the door, a couple with a baby got on board. C, D, E were open in the Row A, B, F (me) were taken. Dude comes down and tells me I'm in his seat. I show him my ticket, and he says, no we are supposed to be in these seats. I asked to see his and he wouldn't show me. He asked me to switch to C. I said I chose this seat specifically so I could sleep (not to mention C and D in the backrows on a long haul - awful seats with people lining up for the lav). Then he says you'll have to sit next to this crying baby the whole trip and shakes his baby at me. I get it, better to have the whole row for you, mom, and baby, but I felt like C D E was manageable for them. Turns out the people in A and B overheard and I guess they are nicer than me so they volunteered to take D and E and give them A B C. The couple was super cool, nice, and they got why I didn't want to switch. Now here comes the kicker, right as I was starting to feel like maybe I was a jerk, the guy was walking up and down the aisle bouncing his baby around, I get that but was extra glad I wasn't in the aisle then getting bumped into on every pass. The FA stops him, at which point he tells the FA that he works for the airline and is nonrevving and got stuck in the last row. She expressed some sympathy and offered to bring them some extra drinks. So now it all became a little more clear. They had checked the flight and saw the open row when they got listed and then I changed seats and was ticketed in it, and when they got on they just assumed it was still open. Definitely should have checked their tickets and should have backed down the first time I said no, and definitely should have backed down as a nonrev (and maybe not even asked in the first place). I have moved seats a bunch of times - I even once made a mistake of agreeing to switch from A in MCE to A in Economy (I thought that row was still MCE) and stuck with it when I realized the mistake - I agreed to it, that's on me. It was a four hour flight though, so I vowed to know my seat maps better after that haha.
Here's my best story.
I was on a long haul overnight flight on an A321. I had a normal window seat, mid cabin, nothing special. BUT when I got to the airport I checked and the last row was completely empty - I changed to the window seat in that row. I checked and checked as long as it would let me to see if the seats were still open - all good. We board, I settle in, feeling like a champ. Right before they closed the door, a couple with a baby got on board. C, D, E were open in the Row A, B, F (me) were taken. Dude comes down and tells me I'm in his seat. I show him my ticket, and he says, no we are supposed to be in these seats. I asked to see his and he wouldn't show me. He asked me to switch to C. I said I chose this seat specifically so I could sleep (not to mention C and D in the backrows on a long haul - awful seats with people lining up for the lav). Then he says you'll have to sit next to this crying baby the whole trip and shakes his baby at me. I get it, better to have the whole row for you, mom, and baby, but I felt like C D E was manageable for them. Turns out the people in A and B overheard and I guess they are nicer than me so they volunteered to take D and E and give them A B C. The couple was super cool, nice, and they got why I didn't want to switch. Now here comes the kicker, right as I was starting to feel like maybe I was a jerk, the guy was walking up and down the aisle bouncing his baby around, I get that but was extra glad I wasn't in the aisle then getting bumped into on every pass. The FA stops him, at which point he tells the FA that he works for the airline and is nonrevving and got stuck in the last row. She expressed some sympathy and offered to bring them some extra drinks. So now it all became a little more clear. They had checked the flight and saw the open row when they got listed and then I changed seats and was ticketed in it, and when they got on they just assumed it was still open. Definitely should have checked their tickets and should have backed down the first time I said no, and definitely should have backed down as a nonrev (and maybe not even asked in the first place). I have moved seats a bunch of times - I even once made a mistake of agreeing to switch from A in MCE to A in Economy (I thought that row was still MCE) and stuck with it when I realized the mistake - I agreed to it, that's on me. It was a four hour flight though, so I vowed to know my seat maps better after that haha.
Mar 29, 2021, 12:24 am
#232
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: SFO
Programs: UA 1K, AA EXP, Hyatt Glob, Hilton Diamond, Marriott Plat, Total Wine & More Reserve
Posts: 4,518
I didn't know it was a non-rev at the time, but the FA noticed it, and to her credit I overheard her scolding the non-rev, basically saying that was a no-no to ask a paying passenger to move, and that their travel privileges could be jeopardized as a result.
Mar 29, 2021, 5:28 am
#233
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,179
Actually - it occurs to me - have any of us asked anyone to move? I have never needed to - but on more than one occasion at AA HI and I were not seated together. On both occasions that came to mind we were not that far apart but others offered and we accepted. I recall on one flight in particular there was a meal service and I was asked my choice and I asked if the FA would mind asking the gentleman who would have been in the seat from which he had moved if he would like to choose before us. He said that was fine, but for me he been gracious so why should we not be in return? All that said, I have spent too many years in my working life trying to seat families together and quite honestly it is someone's else's turn.
When on a DFW-LAX, the FA's asked me if I would mind sitting one row back as they were trying to accommodate a couple of parents who were grieving their son who had been killed in a traffic accident - I did not hesitate. They needed to be together.
When on a DFW-LAX, the FA's asked me if I would mind sitting one row back as they were trying to accommodate a couple of parents who were grieving their son who had been killed in a traffic accident - I did not hesitate. They needed to be together.
Mar 29, 2021, 8:28 am
#234
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: SE Wisconsin
Programs: AA EXP, Hilton Diamond for Life
Posts: 337
My wife and I see each other enough. We have no problem sitting apart for a couple hours on a flight. Flying ORD-HNL in two weeks. 8 hours in F. I’m sure we will check in on each other a couple times, but we will be fine not being able to hold hands along the way. 😊
Mar 29, 2021, 8:34 am
#235
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: SNA
Posts: 928
Funny. My wife and I cleared the last two (separate) seats in F one flight. Rowmates offered to switch so we could be together. I said "Thanks, but we've been married 24 years. If we can't bear to be apart for a 5-hour flight, then God help us!"
Mar 29, 2021, 9:44 am
#236
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: SJC (AA PLT 2MM - Marriott LTT - Avis Preferred)
Posts: 2,030
Might've mentioned this a while back, but my family of 3 (rebooked in separate rows in transatlantic PE due to cancelled flight) initiated some musical chairs where (3) parties ultimately scored a win-win:
- wife and daughter together
- 2 colleagues together
- solo woman in PE Exit Row Aisle
Mar 29, 2021, 10:06 am
#237
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,179
It has been my lifelong credo that husbands need to be functional or decorative; preferably both. This has nothing to do with being asked about giving up seats - but on one occasion when Him Indoors up to First that I was working and which had nothing to do with me; he was seated next to an elderly lady. I understand that it was a most enjoyable flight for them both and when I went up at some stage to see what damage the First Class bar had done to him; I found him sound asleep. The lady was delightful and told me that she thought that he looked a bit like George Clooney and what a lucky young woman I was. SInce this was about six years ago; I really did wonder what she had been drinking never mind him.
Have any of you not moved and lived to regret it - assuming that no one had the effrontery to ask you to move to Economy? I have.
Mar 29, 2021, 11:25 am
#238
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: SNA
Posts: 928
Now there is that - and I must admit that after nearly 35 years of being married to Him Indoors - I do understand. I also am quite appreciative of not hearing JiminY Cricket pipe up without any by-your-leave from me; Do you really need another glass of Champagne? I tolerate this interference only because he is very good at packing, carrying, and stowing baggage in overhead lockers as he is tall.
It has been my lifelong credo that husbands need to be functional or decorative; preferably both. This has nothing to do with being asked about giving up seats - but on one occasion when Him Indoors up to First that I was working and which had nothing to do with me; he was seated next to an elderly lady. I understand that it was a most enjoyable flight for them both and when I went up at some stage to see what damage the First Class bar had done to him; I found him sound asleep. The lady was delightful and told me that she thought that he looked a bit like George Clooney and what a lucky young woman I was. SInce this was about six years ago; I really did wonder what she had been drinking never mind him.
Have any of you not moved and lived to regret it - assuming that no one had the effrontery to ask you to move to Economy? I have.
It has been my lifelong credo that husbands need to be functional or decorative; preferably both. This has nothing to do with being asked about giving up seats - but on one occasion when Him Indoors up to First that I was working and which had nothing to do with me; he was seated next to an elderly lady. I understand that it was a most enjoyable flight for them both and when I went up at some stage to see what damage the First Class bar had done to him; I found him sound asleep. The lady was delightful and told me that she thought that he looked a bit like George Clooney and what a lucky young woman I was. SInce this was about six years ago; I really did wonder what she had been drinking never mind him.
Have any of you not moved and lived to regret it - assuming that no one had the effrontery to ask you to move to Economy? I have.
I cannot recall ever regretting not moving (if offered). My wife, who is much more social--and more socially adept--than me, usually ends up with a new friend by the end of the flight.
Mar 29, 2021, 12:37 pm
#239
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Palm Beach/ New England
Programs: AA EXP 3MM, DL GM, Marriott Platinum
Posts: 4,382
MIA-STX on a 738 last week there were three or four couples in F looking to trade a seat so they could sit together, including us (had 2A and 2E, so looking to trade with either 2B or 2F). While I've been waiting to board last lately to avoid having the entire Y cabin walk past, we specifically boarded early to facilitate the hoped-for trade. Sure enough, when 2B boarded, I asked if she'd mind trading with my gf across the aisle in 2E, which she did. A few minutes later, a different couple asked her to trade back to 3F. She declined, saying "I've already traded seats once." Good move on her part, as occupant of 3E had small dog and talked nonstop the entire flight.
Some of the worst musical chairs flights (which I see more on spoke departures than hub departures), can cause a ten or fifteen minute delay to pushback. Last year, a PBI-ORD flight was a full-dress (it was cold in Chicago, and every woman had a fur coat to be hung), six- or seven- seat-trade "musical chairs" shuffle. We left 30 minutes late despite boarding at T-35. It took 20+ minutes to get the F cabin settled. Highly irritating.
A little headwind, and a bad runway arrival at O'Hare, and we were at the gate almost exactly one hour late. Tons of misconnects. All preventable.
Mar 29, 2021, 2:32 pm
#240
Join Date: Jan 2000
Programs: UA 1k, AA EXPLT, NZ GE, VA PLT Hyatt Diam, Marr Plat, HH Diam
Posts: 3,445
Given increasing load factors, and Covid infection rates, I think it’s reasonable (generally) for folks to politely request and for others to accept like-for-like seat change requests if it means keeping split parties together. I find that most people are polite in these cases.