The AC Contract Translated into Plain English
May 15, 2017, 3:51 pm
#46
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
In the beginning there was Air Canada, arisen like the Phoenix from the ashes of a previous incarnation. And the skies were asunder and devoid of loyalty. And in answer to tidings of loyalty to others from afar, the Power and the Glory declared, Let there be loyalty to Air Canada! And thus Aeroplan was conceived within the virgin airline. And there was joy among weary travellers. Loyalty blossomed and grew in the skies of milk and honey, and the travelling masses reaped reward after reward. The Power and the Glory saw that it was good.
But alas, it came to pass that all was not good. The financial health of the fledgling airline withered. And the Power and the Glory despaired over the balance sheet. And thus Groupe Aeroplan was conceived and nurtured as another being, its embodiment only to be sold to the Moneychangers and thence to become Aimia. And the Power and the Glory rejoiced at the infusion of wealth.
But still, the Power and the Glory saw that loyalty was ebbing and that it was not good. And the Power and the Glory declared, Let there be status! And thus disparity was borne unto the travel-weary masses. And upgrades, lounges, and other enticements were borne unto the system. Comfort and joy returned to the anointed ones. Expectations abounded. But alas, the downtrodden and weary remained downtrodden and weary. Discord swelled and the balance sheet withered and waned anew.
Under the avaricious hand of the Moneychangers opportunities for reward and comfort waned and the flow of wealth unto the Moneychangers was enhanced. And the Power and the Glory despaired that the Moneychangers had forsaken their loyal travellers. And thus the mood of the travelling masses also descended into despair.
And so it came to pass that the power of TANSTAAFL has descended upon the travelling masses. Rewards have diminished, additional expense has ensued, and loyalty has waned. Discontent has swelled once anew among the travel-weary masses. And the Power and the Glory tried in vain to make it good with the Moneychangers but to no avail. And thus the Power and the Glory took it upon themselves to declare, Let there be less status!
And thus, Altitude was conceived and brought upon the travel-weary masses. And confusion reigned. The travel-weary masses appealed: Who are the Power and the Glory? Who are the Moneychangers? Whom do we worship? And discord continued to swell.
But alas, it once again came to pass that all was not good. The power of TANSTAAFL overwhelms all else. An abundance of discord has come to stand between the Power and the Glory and the Moneychangers. All the while the downtrodden are forsaken and descend into anguish. The balance sheet continues to lack lustre. Tidings of the future are brought by the prophets and hold that the prospects for salvation will remain elusive forever more. And so it will come to pass that Aeroplan will be no longer in the skies of Air Canada three years hence.
And once again, the skies are asunder and a new Phoenix will arise from the ashes.
But alas, it came to pass that all was not good. The financial health of the fledgling airline withered. And the Power and the Glory despaired over the balance sheet. And thus Groupe Aeroplan was conceived and nurtured as another being, its embodiment only to be sold to the Moneychangers and thence to become Aimia. And the Power and the Glory rejoiced at the infusion of wealth.
But still, the Power and the Glory saw that loyalty was ebbing and that it was not good. And the Power and the Glory declared, Let there be status! And thus disparity was borne unto the travel-weary masses. And upgrades, lounges, and other enticements were borne unto the system. Comfort and joy returned to the anointed ones. Expectations abounded. But alas, the downtrodden and weary remained downtrodden and weary. Discord swelled and the balance sheet withered and waned anew.
Under the avaricious hand of the Moneychangers opportunities for reward and comfort waned and the flow of wealth unto the Moneychangers was enhanced. And the Power and the Glory despaired that the Moneychangers had forsaken their loyal travellers. And thus the mood of the travelling masses also descended into despair.
And so it came to pass that the power of TANSTAAFL has descended upon the travelling masses. Rewards have diminished, additional expense has ensued, and loyalty has waned. Discontent has swelled once anew among the travel-weary masses. And the Power and the Glory tried in vain to make it good with the Moneychangers but to no avail. And thus the Power and the Glory took it upon themselves to declare, Let there be less status!
And thus, Altitude was conceived and brought upon the travel-weary masses. And confusion reigned. The travel-weary masses appealed: Who are the Power and the Glory? Who are the Moneychangers? Whom do we worship? And discord continued to swell.
But alas, it once again came to pass that all was not good. The power of TANSTAAFL overwhelms all else. An abundance of discord has come to stand between the Power and the Glory and the Moneychangers. All the while the downtrodden are forsaken and descend into anguish. The balance sheet continues to lack lustre. Tidings of the future are brought by the prophets and hold that the prospects for salvation will remain elusive forever more. And so it will come to pass that Aeroplan will be no longer in the skies of Air Canada three years hence.
And once again, the skies are asunder and a new Phoenix will arise from the ashes.
May 15, 2017, 8:41 pm
#47
Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Programs: AC SE100K-1MM, NH, DL, AA, BA, Global Entry/Nexus, APEC..
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Oct 30, 2017, 3:28 pm
#48
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
General update, see Post #1 . Now includes AQDs, Branded Fares and introduces Son of Aeroplan. Also a few other tweaks here and there.
Since I let my status lapse a couple of years ago I haven't been paying as much attention to things like Altitude qualification, upgrades, etc, so if I have any details wrong feel free to let me know.
Sopwith
Since I let my status lapse a couple of years ago I haven't been paying as much attention to things like Altitude qualification, upgrades, etc, so if I have any details wrong feel free to let me know.
Sopwith
Oct 30, 2017, 3:35 pm
#49
Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Programs: AC SE100K-1MM, NH, DL, AA, BA, Global Entry/Nexus, APEC..
Posts: 18,877
General update, see Post #1 . Now includes AQDs, Branded Fares and introduces Son of Aeroplan. Also a few other tweaks here and there.
Since I let my status lapse a couple of years ago I haven't been paying as much attention to things like Altitude qualification, upgrades, etc, so if I have any details wrong feel free to let me know.
Sopwith
Since I let my status lapse a couple of years ago I haven't been paying as much attention to things like Altitude qualification, upgrades, etc, so if I have any details wrong feel free to let me know.
Sopwith
I got to the line about Dynamic Pricing and starting laughing again. Your OP and this thread are my all-time favourite on FT.
Thanks for updating.
^
Aug 26, 2018, 5:11 pm
#51
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
Update to reflect the current status/uncertainty of Aeroplan and SOFA. Plus a few other tweaks here and there. See Post #1 .
I probably don't have the fare class info quite right, so if I have anything wrong let me know.
I probably don't have the fare class info quite right, so if I have anything wrong let me know.
Aug 26, 2018, 7:28 pm
#52
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: YQB
Programs: AC SE100K-1MM, Bonvoy Gold, HHonors Diamond, VIA Premier, NEXUS/GE
Posts: 817
Aug 27, 2018, 6:11 pm
#53
Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2014
Programs: AC SE100K-1MM, NH, DL, AA, BA, Global Entry/Nexus, APEC..
Posts: 18,877
FREQUENT FLYER PROGRAM(S)
For many years Air Canada has operated a frequent flyer program called Aeroplan. Originally it was Us, then for a while it was Them. The original intent was to create loyalty to Us, but when it was Them, they tried to get you to be loyal to Them rather than Us. That wasn’t working for Us, so to correct it We created another frequent flyer program called Altitude. Altitude is Us, but Aeroplan was still Them.
Last year, however, we decided that They still weren’t doing what we needed Them to do, so we decided to dump Them and go back to Us. The plan was that in three years They would be gonzo and We would launch yet another program which is heretofore unnamed. For convenience we will call it Son of Aeroplan for the time being, or SOFA for short.
Then this year some wizard in the executive suite had a brainwave and decided that if we buy back Aeroplan we could save ourselves the trouble of relaunching our own program. So we did. At enormous cost. And the assumption of the enormous liability associated with all those unburned points you have. So now we have Aeroplan, which was originally Us, then Them, and now Us again. And we still have Altitude, which was originally Us and still is.
Exactly how SOFA will play out, and how it will interface with Altitude remains uncertain at this stage. Similarly, the fate of your Aeroplan points, upgrade credits and what they may be redeemed for in the era of SOFA remains to be seen. In the meantime, all indications from Us and Them are that it’s business as usual. Many of you will know from experience what usual is, so you will have to take your chances. In the meantime it seems that Aeroplan is still trying to convince you that your points are worth something. That is, in fact, why We decided to dump Them.
The following information is based on the current state of Us and Them. It is expected to remain valid for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, We decide to change the future.
A popular misconception is that the Frequent Flyer programs are Loyalty Programs. While this was once the underlying intent, it is no longer the case. We actually don’t care about your loyalty, because for every disaffected customer we lose, we gain one back who has become disaffected by another airline. The only reason we continue with this foolishness is because everyone else is doing it and we don’t know how to get out of it. So as best we can, we continue to take advantage of the fact that many customers perceive a much greater value to frequent flier points than we actually deliver.
Points are often referred to as Miles. That’s because sometimes the points you receive approximate the number of miles you flew. Or some fraction of the number of miles you flew. Or some multiple of the number of miles you flew. Or how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some multiple of how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some other formula, depending on what you bought, where you bought it and when you bought it.
It is also noteworthy that contrary to a widely held belief, for the most part the points you receive are not free. Indeed, if you carefully examine our fare structure and notice the number of points you receive for a particular fare class, you will soon realize that the TANSTAAFL principle applies to frequent flyer benefits, as it does to most other things in life. (Google it.) In most cases the points you receive have nothing to do with Air Canada or flying. Suffice it to say that you can obtain points by flying or buying, or both if you’re clever. To avoid confusion we will henceforth refer to points obtained by flying as Miles, and points obtained by buying as Points.
For many years Air Canada has operated a frequent flyer program called Aeroplan. Originally it was Us, then for a while it was Them. The original intent was to create loyalty to Us, but when it was Them, they tried to get you to be loyal to Them rather than Us. That wasn’t working for Us, so to correct it We created another frequent flyer program called Altitude. Altitude is Us, but Aeroplan was still Them.
Last year, however, we decided that They still weren’t doing what we needed Them to do, so we decided to dump Them and go back to Us. The plan was that in three years They would be gonzo and We would launch yet another program which is heretofore unnamed. For convenience we will call it Son of Aeroplan for the time being, or SOFA for short.
Then this year some wizard in the executive suite had a brainwave and decided that if we buy back Aeroplan we could save ourselves the trouble of relaunching our own program. So we did. At enormous cost. And the assumption of the enormous liability associated with all those unburned points you have. So now we have Aeroplan, which was originally Us, then Them, and now Us again. And we still have Altitude, which was originally Us and still is.
Exactly how SOFA will play out, and how it will interface with Altitude remains uncertain at this stage. Similarly, the fate of your Aeroplan points, upgrade credits and what they may be redeemed for in the era of SOFA remains to be seen. In the meantime, all indications from Us and Them are that it’s business as usual. Many of you will know from experience what usual is, so you will have to take your chances. In the meantime it seems that Aeroplan is still trying to convince you that your points are worth something. That is, in fact, why We decided to dump Them.
The following information is based on the current state of Us and Them. It is expected to remain valid for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, We decide to change the future.
A popular misconception is that the Frequent Flyer programs are Loyalty Programs. While this was once the underlying intent, it is no longer the case. We actually don’t care about your loyalty, because for every disaffected customer we lose, we gain one back who has become disaffected by another airline. The only reason we continue with this foolishness is because everyone else is doing it and we don’t know how to get out of it. So as best we can, we continue to take advantage of the fact that many customers perceive a much greater value to frequent flier points than we actually deliver.
Points are often referred to as Miles. That’s because sometimes the points you receive approximate the number of miles you flew. Or some fraction of the number of miles you flew. Or some multiple of the number of miles you flew. Or how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some multiple of how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some other formula, depending on what you bought, where you bought it and when you bought it.
It is also noteworthy that contrary to a widely held belief, for the most part the points you receive are not free. Indeed, if you carefully examine our fare structure and notice the number of points you receive for a particular fare class, you will soon realize that the TANSTAAFL principle applies to frequent flyer benefits, as it does to most other things in life. (Google it.) In most cases the points you receive have nothing to do with Air Canada or flying. Suffice it to say that you can obtain points by flying or buying, or both if you’re clever. To avoid confusion we will henceforth refer to points obtained by flying as Miles, and points obtained by buying as Points.
Just epic!!!!! Thanks for making my day and spilling my wine on the keyboard.
Jan 4, 2020, 9:53 pm
#55
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
Technical Issue: an occurrence that causes us to invoke Operational Reasons to delay or cancel a flight. Such issues may involve aviation safety, requirements for unscheduled maintenance, convenience, profitability, or other matters that passengers might otherwise consider to be grounds for compensation under the Passenger Bill of Rights 2019 if they didnt know they were actually Technical Issues.
Editorial comments are welcome.
Editorial comments are welcome.
May 6, 2020, 9:09 pm
#57
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
Minor update, first cut. I've added a couple of necessary definitions and added a section on hygiene. Still a bit of a work in progress. Comments are welcome.
DEFINITIONS
Deem: A process by which we make a binding decision based on scanty evidence to support it. Usually made in the context of Operational Reasons.
Enhancement: A change to something that improves our well being. It does not necessarily improve things for you, but it is important that you think it does. Thus, most changes we make will be described as enhancements. If it doesn’t make things better for us we wouldn’t do it.
Tariff: A legally binding statement of terms and conditions of carriage, often purported to be imposed at the time of purchase, usually without your knowledge and express consent. It explains with an abundance of legalese and bafflegab how we can get away with providing you with something other than what you thought you bought if it suits our operational convenience. It also explains how and when we can hose you in the event of IRROPS (See below).
HYGIENE
According to Skytrax we have the least filthy aircraft in North American airspace. But notwithstanding this prestigious third party endorsement of our hygienic prowess, some of you seem to have the idea that we need to clean our aircraft. While sometimes we do see the need to clean the aircraft, it is important to understand that it’s not us that soils the aircraft, it’s you. You have no idea the crap and detritus that some of you will bring aboard our aircraft. And then leave it there! Moreover, while it used to be just crap and detritus, now it’s germs! As in deadly germs! D-E-A-D-L-Y! Really! And they blame it on us!
To combat this contagion that some of you seem to wantonly spread around we have adopted a program called “Clean Care+”. The thrust of this program is to make sure you’re clean before you board, and to provide you with the means necessary to clean the aircraft yourself.
Firstly, we will be checking out how hot you are before you board. As you may or may not be aware, in the past your hotness may have been judged informally and usually surreptitiously by virtually anyone nearby. If so, it resulted in a highly subjective assessment of your hotness based on your visual attractiveness. This hotness quotient carried no particular consequence except perhaps momentary gratification of the observer and the remote possibility of a free upgrade. Going forward, however, we will take a more proactive and objective approach, which entails measurement of your body temperature to determine your hotness. This will remove all subjectivity from the assessment and leave no room for argument or personal bias. If we find you are too hot to handle we will deem you to be unfit to fly and rebook you on another flight as long as a medical practitioner has declared you to be not so hot. So to avoid this inconvenience it is best to remain cool at all times. Being intentionally hot will no longer improve your chances for an upgrade.
Secondly, we will be enhancing thecleaning grooming of our aircraft. This involves providing you with materials and equipment with which you are expected to sanitize the area you occupy before and after you use it. After all, it’s not us that causes the mess it’s you, so it’s only reasonable that you should clean it up. And when you’re finished we kindly ask that you take the wrappings with you so as to not leave behind any additional detritus. And please don’t touch anything on the way out.
Thirdly, since we can’t trust you to effectively sanitize behind you, we will be disinfecting your space by electrostatically spraying all over the place with hospital grade chemicals. Electrostatically. Hospital grade. We think that you’ll think that’ll kill almost anything you leave behind.
Finally, we will require you to wear a mask while flying with us. This will be interesting when we do the identity check as you board, but we’re sure we’ll work it out one way or another. To help things go more smoothly we encourage you to renew your driver’s licence and passport photos while wearing the same mask so we can eliminate any uncertainty about who you are.
Remember, we’re all in this aircraft together, and what you catch we catch. These measures are intended to ensure that you keep your contagion to yourself, so your cooperation is important to our personal well being.
DEFINITIONS
Deem: A process by which we make a binding decision based on scanty evidence to support it. Usually made in the context of Operational Reasons.
Enhancement: A change to something that improves our well being. It does not necessarily improve things for you, but it is important that you think it does. Thus, most changes we make will be described as enhancements. If it doesn’t make things better for us we wouldn’t do it.
Tariff: A legally binding statement of terms and conditions of carriage, often purported to be imposed at the time of purchase, usually without your knowledge and express consent. It explains with an abundance of legalese and bafflegab how we can get away with providing you with something other than what you thought you bought if it suits our operational convenience. It also explains how and when we can hose you in the event of IRROPS (See below).
HYGIENE
According to Skytrax we have the least filthy aircraft in North American airspace. But notwithstanding this prestigious third party endorsement of our hygienic prowess, some of you seem to have the idea that we need to clean our aircraft. While sometimes we do see the need to clean the aircraft, it is important to understand that it’s not us that soils the aircraft, it’s you. You have no idea the crap and detritus that some of you will bring aboard our aircraft. And then leave it there! Moreover, while it used to be just crap and detritus, now it’s germs! As in deadly germs! D-E-A-D-L-Y! Really! And they blame it on us!
To combat this contagion that some of you seem to wantonly spread around we have adopted a program called “Clean Care+”. The thrust of this program is to make sure you’re clean before you board, and to provide you with the means necessary to clean the aircraft yourself.
Firstly, we will be checking out how hot you are before you board. As you may or may not be aware, in the past your hotness may have been judged informally and usually surreptitiously by virtually anyone nearby. If so, it resulted in a highly subjective assessment of your hotness based on your visual attractiveness. This hotness quotient carried no particular consequence except perhaps momentary gratification of the observer and the remote possibility of a free upgrade. Going forward, however, we will take a more proactive and objective approach, which entails measurement of your body temperature to determine your hotness. This will remove all subjectivity from the assessment and leave no room for argument or personal bias. If we find you are too hot to handle we will deem you to be unfit to fly and rebook you on another flight as long as a medical practitioner has declared you to be not so hot. So to avoid this inconvenience it is best to remain cool at all times. Being intentionally hot will no longer improve your chances for an upgrade.
Secondly, we will be enhancing the
Thirdly, since we can’t trust you to effectively sanitize behind you, we will be disinfecting your space by electrostatically spraying all over the place with hospital grade chemicals. Electrostatically. Hospital grade. We think that you’ll think that’ll kill almost anything you leave behind.
Finally, we will require you to wear a mask while flying with us. This will be interesting when we do the identity check as you board, but we’re sure we’ll work it out one way or another. To help things go more smoothly we encourage you to renew your driver’s licence and passport photos while wearing the same mask so we can eliminate any uncertainty about who you are.
Remember, we’re all in this aircraft together, and what you catch we catch. These measures are intended to ensure that you keep your contagion to yourself, so your cooperation is important to our personal well being.
Last edited by Sopwith; May 6, 2020 at 9:50 pm Reason: Forgot to add Deem.
May 6, 2020, 9:59 pm
#58
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,923
For some reason I'm having trouble editing the original post, so here it is in its entirety:
PREAMBLE
Welcome to Air Canada, recently ranked by Skytrax as the least awful international airline in North America for the sixth year in the past eight, but rated below average and dead last in its class by J.D Powers. Regardless of what our customers think, or what the pollsters think they think, we proudly remain the airline where we’re not happy until you’re not happy.
The following is a plain English synopsis of the contract between you and Air Canada. It is presented in this form to help you understand, not necessarily why we do what we do, but what we do and what to expect when you travel with AC.
It is our sincere intent to get you to your final destination at some time in the future. Most of the time. The time at which you arrive there is up to us, not you. But please understand that there is no actual legally enforceable contract that requires us to do so, even though you bought a ticket describing with very specific details where, when and how you will travel.
DEFINITIONS
Confirmed: acknowledged with definite assurance, unless we decide to unconfirm it.
Deem: A process by which we make a binding decision based on scanty evidence to support it. Usually made in the context of Operational Reasons.
Direct: a flight that travels from origin to a designated destination using the same flight number, and usually the same aircraft. The flight may make one or more stops en route. Stops are usually, but not always, scheduled. A direct flight is not necessarily non-stop.
Dynamic Pricing: You snooze, you lose.
Enhancement: A change to something that improves our well being. It does not necessarily improve things for you, but it is important that you think it does. Thus, most changes we make will be described as enhancements. If it doesn’t make things better for you it will for us, so it's an enhancement. .
Non-stop: a flight that travels from origin to designated destination without a scheduled stop en route. Most of the time there is no unscheduled stop either.
On time, us: not later than 15 minutes after the advertised time;
On time, you: not later than 0.00 seconds after the advertised time;
Operational Reasons: anything we deem to be necessary for our convenience or profitability;
Premium Economy: a section of certain aircraft in which passengers will be less uncomfortable than those in the Economy section.
Rouge (noun): a subsidiary low cost airline inaugurated by Air Canada, ostensibly to compete in the Low Cost Carrier segment of the market. Rouge is characterized by younger, more energetic, but less rewarded and less experienced employees, fewer in-flight amenities, and higher seating density. Generally regarded as an inferior product to mainline Air Canada,
Rouge (verb): the transfer of an Air Canada flight or route to its subsidiary airline, “Rouge”. This usually results in a downgrade of service, often occurs without the consent of the customer, and frequently without said customer’s knowledge until the time of boarding. Often used in the past tense, as in “AARGH!!! I got Rouged!”
Tariff: A legally binding statement of terms and conditions of carriage, often purported to be imposed at the time of purchase, usually without your knowledge and express consent. It explains with an abundance of legalese and bafflegab how we can get away with providing you with something other than what you thought you bought if it suits our operational convenience. It also explains how and when we can hose you in the event of IRROPS (See below).
Technical Issue: an occurrence that causes us to invoke Operational Reasons to delay or cancel a flight. Such issues may involve aviation safety, requirements for unscheduled maintenance, convenience, profitability, or other matters that passengers might otherwise consider to be grounds for compensation under the Passenger Bill of Rights 2019 if they didn’t know they were actually Technical Issues.
Unusually high call volume: insufficient number of employees on duty to handle the number of incoming calls;
Yield management: a process by which everything you see on your ticket goes out the window and we invoke Operational Reasons to do something else that makes us happy (see Preamble, first paragraph);
Zone: a term used to designate a group of passengers to whom a certain boarding priority is assigned. The priority is not necessarily associated with a geographical location on the aircraft.
TICKETING
When you visit our web site you will find that it works most of the time. You simply enter your desired itinerary and your desired dates of travel, and we’ll show you what we have in mind at the moment, which might not be the same as what we actually do when you travel. The information you will see includes the departure times of the available flights, the prices of five or six Branded Fares available on your route, the type of aircraft and the available seats. Embedded in these Branded Fares are a multitude of other fare classes, all with somewhat different rules and restrictions. In order to keep track of them we have invented our own unique alphabet with its own special alphabetical order. In days gone by it looked like this for economy fares:
Y B M U H Q V W G S T L A K
where Latitude was Y B, Flex was M U H Q V W G for domestic and US flights, and Tango was W G S T L A K for international fights. You will notice that certain letters were used exclusively for domestic and US flights, certain others were used exclusively for international flights, and some were used for both, but when this happens it will be at different times.
Recently, however, we decided this wasn’t confusing enough, so we introduced the concept of Brand Codes. They now look like this:
Tango: TG Flex: FL Latitude: LT Premium Economy Lowest: PL Premium Economy Flexible: PF Business Class Lowest: EL Business Class Flexible: EF.
To help you sort out what you just bought (as opposed to what you are about to buy), the brand code will appear at the end of the fare basis code for domestic and US transborder fares (i.e. V3WCTG, V3WCFL etc.). However, to add to the mystique, on international fares, while the fares are assigned the brand codes within the reservation systems, they will generally not appear on the fare basis code.
To make all of this work and simultaneously maintain the mystique we had to adjust our special alphabet by truncating the first two letters. We were still concerned, however, that we still weren’t being mysterious enough for some customers, so we added another level of complexity: for flights within Canada and between Canada and the US, booking classes M U H Q V W G S T L A K will now be used for both Tango and Flex fares, in three possible ways. Sometimes a distinct separation will remain (i.e. M U H Q V W G will always be Flex, S T L A K will always be Tango). Sometimes V W and G will overlap the two brands, and sometimes all booking classes will be both Flex and Tango.
On top of all that, for greater uncertainty we reserve the right to change how we file fares in a specific market at any point in time.
While the Branded Fares will help you make your selection when you purchase a ticket, the embedded fare classes are primarily for our benefit, not yours, so we don’t make it obvious what they are. Most of you don’t really need to know, but if you do we’ll make sure you find out when you need to make a change or cancellation.
You will notice that on the more popular routes we display an assortment of aircraft, an assortment of seating options, and a choice of departure times. We also tend to charge different fares for different flights and times, and we often adjust fares as we go on a moment’s notice, depending on how well a flight is selling. That’s known these days as Dynamic Pricing (see Definitions), and we’re learning how we can use that concept to our benefit and your detriment, so please play along. You may notice, however, that the higher fares are often associated with premium seating, more desirable aircraft, more desirable times, and non-stop flights (See Definitions). Suffice it to say that you choose your desired flight based on the advertised departure time, type of aircraft, seating preference, and pay the fare we have offered at that moment. At that point we recommend you hope for the best, because what we deliver may not be exactly as shown.
ROUGE
Rouge is a name given to a recently inaugurated airline that is sort of like Air Canada, but not really. It uses many of the same facilities and infrastructure when it is convenient for us, but is dressed up to look like a distinct society to the paying customer. This is because we want customers to think they are getting something other than Air Canada. Rest assured, however, that the product is identical, in that Rouge will usually get you to your destination in one piece at some time in the future. In this sense, Rouge and Air Canada are identical, so it doesn’t matter if you get Rouged when we switch you from one to the other. If we do make a switch, we don’t necessarily tell you because the outcome is pretty much the same, so you don’t need to know in advance that we plan Rouge you.
CHANGES
Most of the time you will actually fly on the type of aircraft, at the time we advertised and in the seat we sold you. Sometimes, however, for operational reasons we may need to change things around. We may make these changes at will and without notice. You may not make changes, except in certain circumstances, which will almost always cost you more money.
We offer you the opportunity to purchase flights up to a year in advance. Please understand that a year is a long time in the aviation business. Stuff happens that may make it convenient for us to change flight schedules. Schedules can change anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. We may even cancel a flight. In these circumstances we will usually let you know, but sometimes it may take a few weeks or a few months for us to get around to it. If the new schedule is inconvenient for you, we will usually allow you to cancel and eventually get a refund, or you may choose to rebook on another flight, in which case you will have to pay the fare prevailing at that moment. If it’s more than what you already paid, you pay the extra. In the unlikely event that it’s less, you get stiffed. Note that the closer you get to flight time, the higher the fares tend to be (this is Dynamic Pricing at work again). So the delay in notifying you of a schedule change is not without a bona fide reason.
Similarly, for operational reasons we may decide to change aircraft. If we do, we probably won’t tell you unless the schedule also changes. You don’t need to know that, even though you selected your flight and fare class based in part on the type of aircraft. In this case, the seat assignments can get really screwed up. See details under “SEAT SELECTION”. To summarize, we can change the aircraft, you cannot unless you pay to change to another flight.
Sometimes, for your own operational reasons, you may need to change things around. You should be aware, however, that we don’t recognize anyone’s operational needs except our own. Yours simply don’t matter. If you have paid the big bucks for flexible Latitude or Business Class tickets (not to be confused with Flex tickets, which are actually less flexible), you may change to another flight by paying the fare difference prevailing at the time. If you have purchased the less flexible Flex or Tango tickets, you will pay a change fee in addition to the fare difference. So we get more money from you any way it shakes out.
In summary, we can change, you can change and pay. Alternatively, with some fare classes you may cancel a flight and receive a credit that can be redeemed for another flight within one year. Note that the year starts running on the day you bought the original ticket, so if you’re not paying attention you may get stiffed.
SEAT SELECTION
Getting back to the web site, once you have completed your ticket purchase, we may offer you the opportunity to select a seat on the more expensive fare classes, or on the cheap tickets you may purchase the opportunity to select a seat. Even on the more expensive tickets, the good or really good seats will cost you even more. Either way, you will pay for the privilege of advance seat selection. Most of the time you will get to sit in the seat you selected. Sometimes, however, for operational reasons we may not let you sit in the seat you selected and paid for. We can change your seat at any time to any other seat except the crew’s. Sometimes we will tell you about it ahead of time. You can change seats if and when you want until you check in, but only if the seat you select is presently unoccupied. If we bump you out of a really good seat we will eventually refund the seat fee. If you change out of a really good seat, you forfeit the seat fee. You should be aware that if we bump you out of your chosen seat and give it to someone else that’s okay, but we generally won’t bump that someone else out of their chosen seat to give it back to you, even if we made a mistake, and even though you paid for the seat and they didn’t.
Another interesting situation that arises from time to time occurs when some passengers purchase a particular seat, but families travelling with young children don’t because they’re too cheap. In these circumstances we may need to move someone who paid for a specific seat into a less specific seat to accommodate these cheapskates. We don’t like doing that, but if we resist it inevitably generates a flurry of bad PR, so we acquiesce. Please refer to the preceding paragraph. (See also Definitions, Operational Reasons).
Remember that we allowed you to see the available seats on your flight, so you could make an informed decision on which flight to purchase, based in part on which seats are available? Remember also what we said about aircraft changes? When we do this, the seat selections can get really screwed up, especially if the new aircraft is smaller than the one we advertised. In these circumstances, all bets are off and you’ll sit where we tell you. There will be no change in fare. Even though you paid extra for a certain type of aircraft and seat.
BAGGAGE
You may check several bags. Some of you will pay extra for checked bags and some will not. It’s complicated. It depends on who you are, where you’re going, how many bags are involved, how big they are, how much they weigh and what’s in them. We may decide to send your bag(s) on a different flight than the one you fly on. You, however, may not choose to fly on a different aircraft than your bag(s).
Baggage never gets lost any more. It sometimes gets delayed. If your bag doesn’t arrive at the same time you do, it’s not lost, it’s delayed. We’ll try to find it. If we do, and we almost always do, we’ll deliver it to you. Sometime. If you’re traveling and you are thus a moving target, well...what can we do?
You may carry up to two bags onto the aircraft. They must conform to certain size and weight limits. Unless you’re on or off duty crew, friends or family of the cabin crew or gate agent, an AC retiree or a DYKWIA, in which case you can carry on your entire household. If any of these entitled people manage to fill up the bins, we may require you lesser passengers to check your bag, in which case we won’t charge you. Even though others who followed the rules did pay.
In recent years we have tried to implement procedures to more objectively determine which bags and how many may be carried into the passenger cabin. This was expected to improve our happiness (See PREAMBLE), but it didn’t go very well. These days we often threaten to do it, but actually don’t very often.
UPGRADES
If you are a frequent flyer with AC or its Star Alliance partners we will endow you with a certain number of e-Upgrade credits. These are imaginary e-credits which can ostensibly be exchanged for a seat in the Premium Economy or Business Class cabins. Sometimes. In other cases the e-Upgrade credits must be accompanied by a cash payment.
The Business Class cabin was once called the Executive Class cabin. We had to change the name because we noticed that the cabin was not actually for executives, and moreover, it often lacked class. Now, it not only often lacks class, but it is not necessarily for business travelers either. It is for anyone who pays for a Business Class ticket or exchanges upgrade credits. Or is a deadheading crew member. Or is a friend of the gate agent. Literally anyone can sit in the Business Class cabin. Thus it is entirely possible you will be seated beside drunks, obnoxious DYKWIAs, infants and/or unruly children in the Business Class cabin. This is why we call it a Class cabin.
The number of credits you receive depends on how far you flew last year and in some cases how far you’ve already flown this year. The number of credits you need to upgrade depends on how much you paid for your ticket and the distance you will fly. These latter numbers are all prime numbers, so they cannot be evenly divided by any number other than themselves. Thus, it is actually very rare that you will be able to use exactly the number of credits you have been given before they expire.
When we give you the credits we will tell you how many days ahead you may book your seat upgrade. The number of days depends on who you are and how much you flew last year, but interestingly, not on how much you’ve already flown this year. Unless you’ve flown a lot this year and achieved early recognition of next year’s status. When you request an upgrade we will confirm (see Definitions) it if there are any seats available for upgrade. Most of the time there aren’t. Well, actually often there are, but we usually don’t tell you about it until you are at the gate and boarding is in progress. In the meantime, we’re desperately trying to sell the last of the PE or Business Class seats at deeply discounted rates, which we call a Last Minute Upgrade. Sometimes when you check in you might be offered an LMU, even though you’re on the waiting list for an upgrade. And sometimes you won’t.
After a while we noticed that LMUs weren’t selling out at the asking price, and we had to actually redeem some of the upgrade credits. To correct this unfortunate situation we have begun to solicit bids for these available seats in an even more desperate attempt to enhance our revenue and avoid giving out cheap upgrades.
There is actually an order of priority for the upgrade list. Curiously, the order of priority changes slightly depending on when we decide to confirm your upgrade. If we decide seats are available for upgrade more than 24 hours before departure, they are awarded to Altitude members (that's Us, not Them) based on certain special fare classes*, then your status level, then all the other fare classes, then the time you requested the upgrade. If your upgrade is not confirmed at the time you check in, the priority is almost the same, except the special fare classes that get you to the head of the list no longer matter, and the cabin you're ticketed in does. AC has charitably made this information public, for which many passengers have expressed thanks. It remains unclear, however, how, when and if seats are made available for upgrade, but you don’t need to know that, so we don’t tell you. The whole thing has become very complicated, and it remains to be seen whether our own employees will understand it. Since we can now explain it to you, our expectation is that most of them will eventually figure it out.
It remains to be seen, however, how all this will pay out in the future when SOFA is fully operational (see Frequent Flyer Program(s) below).
* As noted under TICKETING, even though it matters, we don't make it easy to figure out which fare class you're actually buying when you purchase a ticket. We find it adds to the mystique of flying this way.
IRROPS
IRROPS is the acronym we use in the aviation industry for Irregular Operations. Stuff happens. Aircraft break. Weather closes in. Volcanoes erupt. Employees strike or work to rule. Revolutions happen. Countries threaten nuclear holocaust. Etc, etc...
When IRROPS occur flights invariably get delayed and/or canceled. The decision to delay or cancel depends largely on where we need the aircraft to be next, and less on where we need the passengers to be next. This is intended to avoid the domino effect, so our intentions are honourable. However, we need to remind you that this is our best opportunity to make ourselves happy (see PREAMBLE).
There are two types of IRROPS: those that are ostensibly within our control, and those that are not. We get to decide which is which. You do not.
When flights are delayed, we will try to get you to your destination. Sometime in the future. Most of the time. All previous commitments, real or imagined, express or implied, regarding times, seat selections and routings are null and void.
When flights are canceled, goodbye. You may try rebooking on the web site, or call the reservation line. When you call the reservation line, we will answer the call most of the time. We will endeavor to answer calls in the order in which they are received. Unless passengers with higher status call in after you. At times, there will be unusually high call volumes (see Definitions), and you will be required to wait. Since the value of your time is effectively zero, and the value of ours is higher, we expect you to wait patiently for an indeterminate period of time while we process other calls ahead of yours. Since you will be waiting patiently for us to answer, you do not need to know the length of the wait, so we don’t tell you. If we did, it would simply create unrealistic expectations.
FREQUENT FLYER PROGRAM(S)
For many years Air Canada has operated a frequent flyer program called Aeroplan. Originally it was Us, but now it’s Them. The original intent was to create loyalty to Us, but now that it’s Them, they try to get you to be loyal to Them rather than Us. That wasn’t working for Us, so to correct it We created another frequent flyer program called Altitude. Altitude is Us, but Aeroplan is still Them.
Recently, however, we decided that They still weren’t doing what we needed Them to do, so we decided to dump Them and go back to Us. That is to say in three years They will be gonzo and We will launch yet another program which is heretofore unnamed. For convenience we will call it Son of Aeroplan for the time being, or SOFA for short.
Exactly how SOFA will play out, and how it will interface with Altitude remains uncertain at this stage. Similarly, the fate of your Aeroplan points, upgrade credits and what they may be redeemed for in the era of SOFA remains to be seen. In the meantime, all indications from Us and Them are that it’s business as usual. Many of you will know from experience what usual is, so you will have to take your chances. That is, in fact, why We decided to dump Them.
The following information is based on the current state of Us and Them. It is expected to remain valid for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, We decide to change the future.
A popular misconception is that the Frequent Flyer programs are Loyalty Programs. While this was once the underlying intent, it is no longer the case. We actually don’t care about your loyalty, because for every disaffected customer we lose, we gain one back who has become disaffected by another airline. The only reason we continue with this foolishness is because everyone else is doing it and we don’t know how to get out of it. So as best we can, we continue to take advantage of the fact that many customers perceive a much greater value from frequent flier points than we actually deliver.
Points are often referred to as Miles. That’s because sometimes the points you receive approximate the number of miles you flew. Or some fraction of the number of miles you flew. Or how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some multiple of how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some other formula, depending on what you bought, where you bought it and when you bought it. In most cases the points you receive have nothing to do with Air Canada or flying. Suffice it to say that you can obtain points by flying or buying, or both if you’re clever. To avoid confusion we will henceforth refer to points obtained by flying as Miles, and points obtained by buying as Points.
Collecting Miles
Historically there have been two kinds of miles you can collect. That was the case when there was one program, but now that there are two it’s still the case. Previously they were referred to as Status Miles and Non-Status Miles. Nowadays we refer to them as Altitude Qualifying Miles (AQMS) and other miles. They care about both Status miles, Non-Status miles, AQMs and any other miles, but We care only about AQMs. If you accumulate enough AQMs, we will extend to you an enhanced status when you fly with AC. Usually. The enhancements you receive depend on your level of status, and how much we have enhanced the program. Generally, the more we enhance the program, the less status you will have.
You can also obtain status by flying a whole bunch of short hops, but this is not the recommended approach.
Until recently there were four levels of status: Super Elite, Elite, Prestige and everyone else. We found it terribly burdensome to keep track of who was who and what they were entitled to, so when we created Altitude we increased the number of status levels to six. This will make it easier to reduce the number of levels when we introduce future enhancements.
The only way to receive AQMs (not Points) is to sit on an aircraft operated by AC or one of its Star Alliance Partners. The aircraft must be airborne at the time. Whether your miles are Status Miles or Non-Status Miles or AQMs, and how many Miles you receive depends on how much you paid for your ticket and how far you flew. You will only retain your status from year to year if you fly a minimum number of AQMs or flight segments exclusively on AC, so you must keep track until you cross the threshold. You must also keep track of AQDs in order to meet that other criterion for continuing your status. See Collecting Dollars below.
If you have entered your Aeroplan number when you purchased your ticket we will automatically credit the correct number of Status or Non-Status miles and AQMs and AQDs to your account. Usually.
Collecting Points
You can collect Points (not Miles) in a variety of ways: using certain credit cards, and making certain purchases at certain businesses. Since this really has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with us, we will not discuss it further here.
Collecting Dollars
Collecting dollars is one of the things we do best. Our recently released quarterly results prove that, and it is, after all, our raison d’etre. In recent times we discovered that some customers had figured out how to gain their status while not spending very much money, thereby interfering with our foremost activity. As clever and dismaying as this was, it was never the intent, so we had to do something. The solution was to introduce a minimum level of expenditure* you now need to qualify for status, which we refer to as Altitude Qualifying Dollars. It is noteworthy that if you achieve the minimum number of Altitude Qualifying Dollars, you will qualify for status, not altitude. Altitude results from flying; status results from dollars. It is also noteworthy that the dollars we collect are real money, whereas the dollars you collect through this process are imaginary currency.
Thus, collecting a sufficient number of AQDs is a necessary but not sufficient condition to achieve or maintain your status. Aside from this, there is no other benefit that arises from collecting AQDs.
* For those readers who are accustomed modern colloquialisms, we prefer to use the noun form of the verb “spend” out of respect for the Queen’s English. “Spend” is a verb, “expenditure” is a noun.
Redeeming Miles
For purposes of redeeming Miles and Points, they are the same, so we will call them Points from now on. When redeeming points, you will be dealing with Them, not Us. So we don’t want to hear about it for the time being. Once SOFA is operational this might change, so stay tuned.
One of the most common uses of points is to purchase travel on AC or one of its Star Alliance partner airlines. There is a common misperception that points can be used to obtain free air travel tickets. Let us assure you that this is not the case. Points may sometimes be used as partial payment for an air travel ticket. There is a multitude of other fees and taxes for which you must pay cash and only cash.
We have an arrangement with Them to allow points to be used as partial payment for a certain number of seats on a certain number of flights to a certain number of destinations at certain times. But the numbers of such seats are tiny, the times are often inconvenient, and the connections may not make sense. Unless you are prepared to pay huge numbers of points, or in some cases throw the weight of your status around. Or go somewhere else. At a different time. With a different number of people. And sit in the economy cabin for some or all of your journey.
Alternatively, we encourage you to redeem your points with Them for things other than flying. This is better for Us, much better for Them, but possibly not for you. In fact, it is strongly recommended that you blow your remaining points sooner rather than later because it is not at all certain that they will be worth anything other than a toaster or two once we simultaneously activate SOFA and dump Them.
BOARDING (OR NOT)
When you board one of our aircraft you will notice that there are a fixed number of seats. We actually know how many there are because we count them at the beginning of each and every flight. Despite knowing with a great deal of certainty how many seats there are, from time to time we seem to end up with a different number of seats than passengers.
Sometimes it’s more seats than passengers, sometimes it’s less. If it’s more seats, we’re good to go, but that doesn’t happen very often these days. If it’s more passengers than seats, we have a problem because Transport Canada does not allow standing passengers on aircraft. (We’ve talked to them about this silly rule, but they won’t budge.) Fortunately, it is only a problem for us for a short period of time. This is because we deal with it by making our problem your problem.
The excess of passengers over seats can happen several ways. The most common is what we call “yield management”. We hate sending out aircraft with empty seats. Empty seats are good for you but not so much for us, so we do our best to minimize these occurrences. We know from experience that despite having bought and paid for a ticket, some of you won’t show up on time for the flight, or at all. (Remember, we can be late, but you can’t.) If you don’t show up on time (See Definitions) we may give your seat to someone else who showed up thinking they had a seat but didn’t really. This way we can make sure there are no empty seats, and thereby make ourselves happy (see Preamble).
When we can, we try to make sure someone else really does show to take your seat up by selling more tickets than we actually have seats for. To avoid any unnecessary consternation, we normally don’t tell you about this ahead of time. Otherwise, you might rebook on another flight and our yield management goes out the window. We do try to estimate how many no-shows there will be based on past experience, but this is an uncertain science, and we tend to err on the side of maximizing our revenue rather than minimizing your inconvenience.
We can also run out of seats when we need to move crew around to operate other flights in other cities. When this crops up, we are usually in a hurry to get them somewhere where you are also going. Since they matter to us more than you do, they get to go now and you get to go later, generally at some other time of our choosing, not yours.
This seat thing can also happen when a super-status passenger throws their status around. It is a little known paradox that the ones who are a lot more important than you can request and receive a seat on any flight they choose, and we willingly accommodate them because they’re important and you’re not. They can even bring their spouse, child, companion, or significant other. If we have to dump some passenger(s) of lesser status to make room, that’s what we do. So again, because they’re more important than you, they get to go and you don’t, even though you thought you had a ticket. We know how confusing this sounds, so we have provided a convenient link
to our associate, Mr. Seinfeld, who explains more clearly the notion of reservations.
What all this boils down to is that if we don’t have a number of seats equal to or greater than the number of passengers, some of you will get “bumped”, which actually means “dumped”. If you get dumped we will do our best to accommodate you on the next flight. Or the one after that. Or tomorrow. Or some other flight of our choosing, not yours. But rest assured, we will try to get you to your destination, eventually (see Preamble).
Excepting always, that in the case where you are late and we’re not, you may have another problem, depending on how much you paid for your ticket. If you paid the big bucks for a refundable ticket, and let us know you’re going to be late before you actually are late, you will eventually get a refund. But in most cases you probably have a cheap non-refundable ticket, in which case we sell your seat to someone else and collect twice for the same seat. So in the end, we make sure we get your money one way or another.
Air Canada has introduced the modern concept of “zoned boarding” to reduce the degree of chaos inherent in the boarding process. This is done by assigning passengers to a boarding “zone”. Note that the zone to which you are assigned is determined primarily by who you are, and less by where you will be once you board. Hence, the term “zone” is not used in the geographical sense, but more in the aristocratic sense.
HYGIENE
According to Skytrax we have the least filthy aircraft in North American airspace. But notwithstanding this prestigious third party endorsement of our hygienic prowess, some of you seem to have the idea that we need to clean our aircraft. While sometimes we do see the need to clean the aircraft, it is important to understand that it’s not us that soils the aircraft, it’s you. You have no idea the crap and detritus that some of you will bring aboard our aircraft. And then leave it there! Moreover, while it used to be just crap and detritus, now it’s germs! As in deadly germs! D-E-A-D-L-Y! Really! And they blame it on us!
To combat this contagion that some of you seem to wantonly spread around we have adopted a program called “Clean Care+”. The thrust of this program is to make sure you’re clean before you board, and to provide you with the means necessary to clean the aircraft yourself.
Firstly, we will be checking out how hot you are before you board. As you may or may not be aware, in the past your hotness may have been judged informally and usually surreptitiously by virtually anyone nearby. If so, it resulted in a highly subjective assessment of your hotness based on your visual attractiveness. This hotness quotient carried no particular consequence except perhaps momentary gratification of the observer and the remote possibility of a free upgrade. Going forward, however, we will take a more proactive and objective approach, which entails measurement of your body temperature to determine your hotness. This will remove all subjectivity from the assessment and leave no room for argument or personal bias. If we find you are too hot to handle we will deem you to be unfit to fly and rebook you on another flight as long as a medical practitioner has declared you to be not so hot. So to avoid this inconvenience it is best to remain cool at all times. Being intentionally hot will no longer improve your chances for an upgrade.
Secondly, we will be enhancing thecleaning grooming of our aircraft. This involves providing you with materials and equipment with which you are expected to sanitize the area you occupy before and after you use it. After all, it’s not us that causes the mess it’s you, so it’s only reasonable that you should clean it up. And when you’re finished we kindly ask that you take the wrappings with you so as to not leave behind any additional detritus. And please don’t touch anything on the way out.
Thirdly, since we can’t trust you to effectively sanitize behind you, we will be disinfecting your space by electrostatically spraying all over the place with hospital grade chemicals. Electrostatically. Hospital grade. We think that you’ll think that’ll kill almost anything you leave behind.
Finally, we will require you to wear a mask while flying with us. This will be interesting when we do the identity check as you board, but we’re sure we’ll work it out one way or another. To help things go more smoothly we encourage you to renew your driver’s licence and passport photos while wearing the same mask so we can eliminate any uncertainty about who you are.
Remember, we’re all in this aircraft together, and what you catch we catch. These measures are intended to ensure that you keep your contagion to yourself, so your cooperation is important to our personal well being.
RULES
There are a multitude of rules that beset the aviation business. Many of them are imposed by government and quasi-governmental regulatory agencies, and require us to do certain things, or not do certain things. Many of them require us to require you to do certain things, or not do certain things. The ones imposed by these agencies are generally related to safety and to bring some semblance of order to the chaos that characterizes our airspace. Others are intended to protect national security and such like. If you decline to act in compliance with these rules, there are other rules that empower us to do ungentlemanly things to you. So you are required to cooperate fully at all times.
Other rules are imposed by us. They are intended to accomplish a variety of objectives, most of which boil down to preservation of our profitability and facilitation of our operational convenience. We have absolute and unconditional discretion to decide to whom, when, where and how these rules are applied. This discretion need not be applied in the same manner at all times.
Some of these rules pertain to what we are obligated to do with your money after we have it, and you change your plans (recall that we can change anything, but if you change anything you will invariably pay more or forfeit what you’ve already paid). Others pertain to operational procedures such as checking in, checking baggage, not checking baggage, where and when your baggage must be stowed, where and when you sit, which lavatory you use and when you can use it, and so on. Many other rules pertain to what happens during and after IRROPS (see above). Again, there are rules that empower us to do further ungentlemanly things to you if you don’t comply, even though the impugned rule may have no valid authority or force of law.
There are a couple of important rules you should understand about the rest of our rules. The first rule is that we make the rules and you follow them. You may not, under any circumstances, make your own rules. Secondly, some of the rules are public knowledge through announcements or publication in various forms, and other rules may not be. We don’t always tell you about the rules in advance for several reasons. For example, you do not need to know our secrets related to upgrade priority or fare classes. We’ll tell you whether you get an upgrade in due course. Similarly, if you haven’t read the fine print when you bought your ticket, we will also tell you about the inflexibility of your fare class when you need to know.
In other circumstances, for operational reasons we sometimes need to make up new rules as we go. Nevertheless, you are required to comply with whatever we deem is a rule at any particular moment. For example, we may need to make up a rule about where you stow your carry-on baggage when someone more important than you needs space to stow theirs.
It is also pertinent that not all rules apply equally to all people. We get to choose which rules apply to you, when they apply and under what circumstances. Just because a rule applies to you doesn’t necessarily mean that it will apply to another passenger in the same circumstances at the same time. For example, on or off duty employees, cabin crew, friends and relations of same are arbitrarily exempt from many rules at the discretion of other employees. However, the employees granting such exemptions must be on duty at the time.
The whole regimen is highly complicated and we therefore cannot possibly expect all employees to know all of the rules all of the time. If they can’t know them thoroughly, we recognize that you can’t be expected to know them either. For this reason, we will conveniently tell you what the rules are when we need you to follow them, whereupon you are expected to follow them without question or hesitation.
Finally, it is essential for you to understand that for operational reasons we may change the rules at any time. However, you may not change the rules, ever.
Thank you for your cooperation.
PREAMBLE
Welcome to Air Canada, recently ranked by Skytrax as the least awful international airline in North America for the sixth year in the past eight, but rated below average and dead last in its class by J.D Powers. Regardless of what our customers think, or what the pollsters think they think, we proudly remain the airline where we’re not happy until you’re not happy.
The following is a plain English synopsis of the contract between you and Air Canada. It is presented in this form to help you understand, not necessarily why we do what we do, but what we do and what to expect when you travel with AC.
It is our sincere intent to get you to your final destination at some time in the future. Most of the time. The time at which you arrive there is up to us, not you. But please understand that there is no actual legally enforceable contract that requires us to do so, even though you bought a ticket describing with very specific details where, when and how you will travel.
DEFINITIONS
Confirmed: acknowledged with definite assurance, unless we decide to unconfirm it.
Deem: A process by which we make a binding decision based on scanty evidence to support it. Usually made in the context of Operational Reasons.
Direct: a flight that travels from origin to a designated destination using the same flight number, and usually the same aircraft. The flight may make one or more stops en route. Stops are usually, but not always, scheduled. A direct flight is not necessarily non-stop.
Dynamic Pricing: You snooze, you lose.
Enhancement: A change to something that improves our well being. It does not necessarily improve things for you, but it is important that you think it does. Thus, most changes we make will be described as enhancements. If it doesn’t make things better for you it will for us, so it's an enhancement. .
Non-stop: a flight that travels from origin to designated destination without a scheduled stop en route. Most of the time there is no unscheduled stop either.
On time, us: not later than 15 minutes after the advertised time;
On time, you: not later than 0.00 seconds after the advertised time;
Operational Reasons: anything we deem to be necessary for our convenience or profitability;
Premium Economy: a section of certain aircraft in which passengers will be less uncomfortable than those in the Economy section.
Rouge (noun): a subsidiary low cost airline inaugurated by Air Canada, ostensibly to compete in the Low Cost Carrier segment of the market. Rouge is characterized by younger, more energetic, but less rewarded and less experienced employees, fewer in-flight amenities, and higher seating density. Generally regarded as an inferior product to mainline Air Canada,
Rouge (verb): the transfer of an Air Canada flight or route to its subsidiary airline, “Rouge”. This usually results in a downgrade of service, often occurs without the consent of the customer, and frequently without said customer’s knowledge until the time of boarding. Often used in the past tense, as in “AARGH!!! I got Rouged!”
Tariff: A legally binding statement of terms and conditions of carriage, often purported to be imposed at the time of purchase, usually without your knowledge and express consent. It explains with an abundance of legalese and bafflegab how we can get away with providing you with something other than what you thought you bought if it suits our operational convenience. It also explains how and when we can hose you in the event of IRROPS (See below).
Technical Issue: an occurrence that causes us to invoke Operational Reasons to delay or cancel a flight. Such issues may involve aviation safety, requirements for unscheduled maintenance, convenience, profitability, or other matters that passengers might otherwise consider to be grounds for compensation under the Passenger Bill of Rights 2019 if they didn’t know they were actually Technical Issues.
Unusually high call volume: insufficient number of employees on duty to handle the number of incoming calls;
Yield management: a process by which everything you see on your ticket goes out the window and we invoke Operational Reasons to do something else that makes us happy (see Preamble, first paragraph);
Zone: a term used to designate a group of passengers to whom a certain boarding priority is assigned. The priority is not necessarily associated with a geographical location on the aircraft.
TICKETING
When you visit our web site you will find that it works most of the time. You simply enter your desired itinerary and your desired dates of travel, and we’ll show you what we have in mind at the moment, which might not be the same as what we actually do when you travel. The information you will see includes the departure times of the available flights, the prices of five or six Branded Fares available on your route, the type of aircraft and the available seats. Embedded in these Branded Fares are a multitude of other fare classes, all with somewhat different rules and restrictions. In order to keep track of them we have invented our own unique alphabet with its own special alphabetical order. In days gone by it looked like this for economy fares:
Y B M U H Q V W G S T L A K
where Latitude was Y B, Flex was M U H Q V W G for domestic and US flights, and Tango was W G S T L A K for international fights. You will notice that certain letters were used exclusively for domestic and US flights, certain others were used exclusively for international flights, and some were used for both, but when this happens it will be at different times.
Recently, however, we decided this wasn’t confusing enough, so we introduced the concept of Brand Codes. They now look like this:
Tango: TG Flex: FL Latitude: LT Premium Economy Lowest: PL Premium Economy Flexible: PF Business Class Lowest: EL Business Class Flexible: EF.
To help you sort out what you just bought (as opposed to what you are about to buy), the brand code will appear at the end of the fare basis code for domestic and US transborder fares (i.e. V3WCTG, V3WCFL etc.). However, to add to the mystique, on international fares, while the fares are assigned the brand codes within the reservation systems, they will generally not appear on the fare basis code.
To make all of this work and simultaneously maintain the mystique we had to adjust our special alphabet by truncating the first two letters. We were still concerned, however, that we still weren’t being mysterious enough for some customers, so we added another level of complexity: for flights within Canada and between Canada and the US, booking classes M U H Q V W G S T L A K will now be used for both Tango and Flex fares, in three possible ways. Sometimes a distinct separation will remain (i.e. M U H Q V W G will always be Flex, S T L A K will always be Tango). Sometimes V W and G will overlap the two brands, and sometimes all booking classes will be both Flex and Tango.
On top of all that, for greater uncertainty we reserve the right to change how we file fares in a specific market at any point in time.
While the Branded Fares will help you make your selection when you purchase a ticket, the embedded fare classes are primarily for our benefit, not yours, so we don’t make it obvious what they are. Most of you don’t really need to know, but if you do we’ll make sure you find out when you need to make a change or cancellation.
You will notice that on the more popular routes we display an assortment of aircraft, an assortment of seating options, and a choice of departure times. We also tend to charge different fares for different flights and times, and we often adjust fares as we go on a moment’s notice, depending on how well a flight is selling. That’s known these days as Dynamic Pricing (see Definitions), and we’re learning how we can use that concept to our benefit and your detriment, so please play along. You may notice, however, that the higher fares are often associated with premium seating, more desirable aircraft, more desirable times, and non-stop flights (See Definitions). Suffice it to say that you choose your desired flight based on the advertised departure time, type of aircraft, seating preference, and pay the fare we have offered at that moment. At that point we recommend you hope for the best, because what we deliver may not be exactly as shown.
ROUGE
Rouge is a name given to a recently inaugurated airline that is sort of like Air Canada, but not really. It uses many of the same facilities and infrastructure when it is convenient for us, but is dressed up to look like a distinct society to the paying customer. This is because we want customers to think they are getting something other than Air Canada. Rest assured, however, that the product is identical, in that Rouge will usually get you to your destination in one piece at some time in the future. In this sense, Rouge and Air Canada are identical, so it doesn’t matter if you get Rouged when we switch you from one to the other. If we do make a switch, we don’t necessarily tell you because the outcome is pretty much the same, so you don’t need to know in advance that we plan Rouge you.
CHANGES
Most of the time you will actually fly on the type of aircraft, at the time we advertised and in the seat we sold you. Sometimes, however, for operational reasons we may need to change things around. We may make these changes at will and without notice. You may not make changes, except in certain circumstances, which will almost always cost you more money.
We offer you the opportunity to purchase flights up to a year in advance. Please understand that a year is a long time in the aviation business. Stuff happens that may make it convenient for us to change flight schedules. Schedules can change anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. We may even cancel a flight. In these circumstances we will usually let you know, but sometimes it may take a few weeks or a few months for us to get around to it. If the new schedule is inconvenient for you, we will usually allow you to cancel and eventually get a refund, or you may choose to rebook on another flight, in which case you will have to pay the fare prevailing at that moment. If it’s more than what you already paid, you pay the extra. In the unlikely event that it’s less, you get stiffed. Note that the closer you get to flight time, the higher the fares tend to be (this is Dynamic Pricing at work again). So the delay in notifying you of a schedule change is not without a bona fide reason.
Similarly, for operational reasons we may decide to change aircraft. If we do, we probably won’t tell you unless the schedule also changes. You don’t need to know that, even though you selected your flight and fare class based in part on the type of aircraft. In this case, the seat assignments can get really screwed up. See details under “SEAT SELECTION”. To summarize, we can change the aircraft, you cannot unless you pay to change to another flight.
Sometimes, for your own operational reasons, you may need to change things around. You should be aware, however, that we don’t recognize anyone’s operational needs except our own. Yours simply don’t matter. If you have paid the big bucks for flexible Latitude or Business Class tickets (not to be confused with Flex tickets, which are actually less flexible), you may change to another flight by paying the fare difference prevailing at the time. If you have purchased the less flexible Flex or Tango tickets, you will pay a change fee in addition to the fare difference. So we get more money from you any way it shakes out.
In summary, we can change, you can change and pay. Alternatively, with some fare classes you may cancel a flight and receive a credit that can be redeemed for another flight within one year. Note that the year starts running on the day you bought the original ticket, so if you’re not paying attention you may get stiffed.
SEAT SELECTION
Getting back to the web site, once you have completed your ticket purchase, we may offer you the opportunity to select a seat on the more expensive fare classes, or on the cheap tickets you may purchase the opportunity to select a seat. Even on the more expensive tickets, the good or really good seats will cost you even more. Either way, you will pay for the privilege of advance seat selection. Most of the time you will get to sit in the seat you selected. Sometimes, however, for operational reasons we may not let you sit in the seat you selected and paid for. We can change your seat at any time to any other seat except the crew’s. Sometimes we will tell you about it ahead of time. You can change seats if and when you want until you check in, but only if the seat you select is presently unoccupied. If we bump you out of a really good seat we will eventually refund the seat fee. If you change out of a really good seat, you forfeit the seat fee. You should be aware that if we bump you out of your chosen seat and give it to someone else that’s okay, but we generally won’t bump that someone else out of their chosen seat to give it back to you, even if we made a mistake, and even though you paid for the seat and they didn’t.
Another interesting situation that arises from time to time occurs when some passengers purchase a particular seat, but families travelling with young children don’t because they’re too cheap. In these circumstances we may need to move someone who paid for a specific seat into a less specific seat to accommodate these cheapskates. We don’t like doing that, but if we resist it inevitably generates a flurry of bad PR, so we acquiesce. Please refer to the preceding paragraph. (See also Definitions, Operational Reasons).
Remember that we allowed you to see the available seats on your flight, so you could make an informed decision on which flight to purchase, based in part on which seats are available? Remember also what we said about aircraft changes? When we do this, the seat selections can get really screwed up, especially if the new aircraft is smaller than the one we advertised. In these circumstances, all bets are off and you’ll sit where we tell you. There will be no change in fare. Even though you paid extra for a certain type of aircraft and seat.
BAGGAGE
You may check several bags. Some of you will pay extra for checked bags and some will not. It’s complicated. It depends on who you are, where you’re going, how many bags are involved, how big they are, how much they weigh and what’s in them. We may decide to send your bag(s) on a different flight than the one you fly on. You, however, may not choose to fly on a different aircraft than your bag(s).
Baggage never gets lost any more. It sometimes gets delayed. If your bag doesn’t arrive at the same time you do, it’s not lost, it’s delayed. We’ll try to find it. If we do, and we almost always do, we’ll deliver it to you. Sometime. If you’re traveling and you are thus a moving target, well...what can we do?
You may carry up to two bags onto the aircraft. They must conform to certain size and weight limits. Unless you’re on or off duty crew, friends or family of the cabin crew or gate agent, an AC retiree or a DYKWIA, in which case you can carry on your entire household. If any of these entitled people manage to fill up the bins, we may require you lesser passengers to check your bag, in which case we won’t charge you. Even though others who followed the rules did pay.
In recent years we have tried to implement procedures to more objectively determine which bags and how many may be carried into the passenger cabin. This was expected to improve our happiness (See PREAMBLE), but it didn’t go very well. These days we often threaten to do it, but actually don’t very often.
UPGRADES
If you are a frequent flyer with AC or its Star Alliance partners we will endow you with a certain number of e-Upgrade credits. These are imaginary e-credits which can ostensibly be exchanged for a seat in the Premium Economy or Business Class cabins. Sometimes. In other cases the e-Upgrade credits must be accompanied by a cash payment.
The Business Class cabin was once called the Executive Class cabin. We had to change the name because we noticed that the cabin was not actually for executives, and moreover, it often lacked class. Now, it not only often lacks class, but it is not necessarily for business travelers either. It is for anyone who pays for a Business Class ticket or exchanges upgrade credits. Or is a deadheading crew member. Or is a friend of the gate agent. Literally anyone can sit in the Business Class cabin. Thus it is entirely possible you will be seated beside drunks, obnoxious DYKWIAs, infants and/or unruly children in the Business Class cabin. This is why we call it a Class cabin.
The number of credits you receive depends on how far you flew last year and in some cases how far you’ve already flown this year. The number of credits you need to upgrade depends on how much you paid for your ticket and the distance you will fly. These latter numbers are all prime numbers, so they cannot be evenly divided by any number other than themselves. Thus, it is actually very rare that you will be able to use exactly the number of credits you have been given before they expire.
When we give you the credits we will tell you how many days ahead you may book your seat upgrade. The number of days depends on who you are and how much you flew last year, but interestingly, not on how much you’ve already flown this year. Unless you’ve flown a lot this year and achieved early recognition of next year’s status. When you request an upgrade we will confirm (see Definitions) it if there are any seats available for upgrade. Most of the time there aren’t. Well, actually often there are, but we usually don’t tell you about it until you are at the gate and boarding is in progress. In the meantime, we’re desperately trying to sell the last of the PE or Business Class seats at deeply discounted rates, which we call a Last Minute Upgrade. Sometimes when you check in you might be offered an LMU, even though you’re on the waiting list for an upgrade. And sometimes you won’t.
After a while we noticed that LMUs weren’t selling out at the asking price, and we had to actually redeem some of the upgrade credits. To correct this unfortunate situation we have begun to solicit bids for these available seats in an even more desperate attempt to enhance our revenue and avoid giving out cheap upgrades.
There is actually an order of priority for the upgrade list. Curiously, the order of priority changes slightly depending on when we decide to confirm your upgrade. If we decide seats are available for upgrade more than 24 hours before departure, they are awarded to Altitude members (that's Us, not Them) based on certain special fare classes*, then your status level, then all the other fare classes, then the time you requested the upgrade. If your upgrade is not confirmed at the time you check in, the priority is almost the same, except the special fare classes that get you to the head of the list no longer matter, and the cabin you're ticketed in does. AC has charitably made this information public, for which many passengers have expressed thanks. It remains unclear, however, how, when and if seats are made available for upgrade, but you don’t need to know that, so we don’t tell you. The whole thing has become very complicated, and it remains to be seen whether our own employees will understand it. Since we can now explain it to you, our expectation is that most of them will eventually figure it out.
It remains to be seen, however, how all this will pay out in the future when SOFA is fully operational (see Frequent Flyer Program(s) below).
* As noted under TICKETING, even though it matters, we don't make it easy to figure out which fare class you're actually buying when you purchase a ticket. We find it adds to the mystique of flying this way.
IRROPS
IRROPS is the acronym we use in the aviation industry for Irregular Operations. Stuff happens. Aircraft break. Weather closes in. Volcanoes erupt. Employees strike or work to rule. Revolutions happen. Countries threaten nuclear holocaust. Etc, etc...
When IRROPS occur flights invariably get delayed and/or canceled. The decision to delay or cancel depends largely on where we need the aircraft to be next, and less on where we need the passengers to be next. This is intended to avoid the domino effect, so our intentions are honourable. However, we need to remind you that this is our best opportunity to make ourselves happy (see PREAMBLE).
There are two types of IRROPS: those that are ostensibly within our control, and those that are not. We get to decide which is which. You do not.
When flights are delayed, we will try to get you to your destination. Sometime in the future. Most of the time. All previous commitments, real or imagined, express or implied, regarding times, seat selections and routings are null and void.
When flights are canceled, goodbye. You may try rebooking on the web site, or call the reservation line. When you call the reservation line, we will answer the call most of the time. We will endeavor to answer calls in the order in which they are received. Unless passengers with higher status call in after you. At times, there will be unusually high call volumes (see Definitions), and you will be required to wait. Since the value of your time is effectively zero, and the value of ours is higher, we expect you to wait patiently for an indeterminate period of time while we process other calls ahead of yours. Since you will be waiting patiently for us to answer, you do not need to know the length of the wait, so we don’t tell you. If we did, it would simply create unrealistic expectations.
FREQUENT FLYER PROGRAM(S)
For many years Air Canada has operated a frequent flyer program called Aeroplan. Originally it was Us, but now it’s Them. The original intent was to create loyalty to Us, but now that it’s Them, they try to get you to be loyal to Them rather than Us. That wasn’t working for Us, so to correct it We created another frequent flyer program called Altitude. Altitude is Us, but Aeroplan is still Them.
Recently, however, we decided that They still weren’t doing what we needed Them to do, so we decided to dump Them and go back to Us. That is to say in three years They will be gonzo and We will launch yet another program which is heretofore unnamed. For convenience we will call it Son of Aeroplan for the time being, or SOFA for short.
Exactly how SOFA will play out, and how it will interface with Altitude remains uncertain at this stage. Similarly, the fate of your Aeroplan points, upgrade credits and what they may be redeemed for in the era of SOFA remains to be seen. In the meantime, all indications from Us and Them are that it’s business as usual. Many of you will know from experience what usual is, so you will have to take your chances. That is, in fact, why We decided to dump Them.
The following information is based on the current state of Us and Them. It is expected to remain valid for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, We decide to change the future.
A popular misconception is that the Frequent Flyer programs are Loyalty Programs. While this was once the underlying intent, it is no longer the case. We actually don’t care about your loyalty, because for every disaffected customer we lose, we gain one back who has become disaffected by another airline. The only reason we continue with this foolishness is because everyone else is doing it and we don’t know how to get out of it. So as best we can, we continue to take advantage of the fact that many customers perceive a much greater value from frequent flier points than we actually deliver.
Points are often referred to as Miles. That’s because sometimes the points you receive approximate the number of miles you flew. Or some fraction of the number of miles you flew. Or how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some multiple of how many dollars you spent on gas. Or some other formula, depending on what you bought, where you bought it and when you bought it. In most cases the points you receive have nothing to do with Air Canada or flying. Suffice it to say that you can obtain points by flying or buying, or both if you’re clever. To avoid confusion we will henceforth refer to points obtained by flying as Miles, and points obtained by buying as Points.
Collecting Miles
Historically there have been two kinds of miles you can collect. That was the case when there was one program, but now that there are two it’s still the case. Previously they were referred to as Status Miles and Non-Status Miles. Nowadays we refer to them as Altitude Qualifying Miles (AQMS) and other miles. They care about both Status miles, Non-Status miles, AQMs and any other miles, but We care only about AQMs. If you accumulate enough AQMs, we will extend to you an enhanced status when you fly with AC. Usually. The enhancements you receive depend on your level of status, and how much we have enhanced the program. Generally, the more we enhance the program, the less status you will have.
You can also obtain status by flying a whole bunch of short hops, but this is not the recommended approach.
Until recently there were four levels of status: Super Elite, Elite, Prestige and everyone else. We found it terribly burdensome to keep track of who was who and what they were entitled to, so when we created Altitude we increased the number of status levels to six. This will make it easier to reduce the number of levels when we introduce future enhancements.
The only way to receive AQMs (not Points) is to sit on an aircraft operated by AC or one of its Star Alliance Partners. The aircraft must be airborne at the time. Whether your miles are Status Miles or Non-Status Miles or AQMs, and how many Miles you receive depends on how much you paid for your ticket and how far you flew. You will only retain your status from year to year if you fly a minimum number of AQMs or flight segments exclusively on AC, so you must keep track until you cross the threshold. You must also keep track of AQDs in order to meet that other criterion for continuing your status. See Collecting Dollars below.
If you have entered your Aeroplan number when you purchased your ticket we will automatically credit the correct number of Status or Non-Status miles and AQMs and AQDs to your account. Usually.
Collecting Points
You can collect Points (not Miles) in a variety of ways: using certain credit cards, and making certain purchases at certain businesses. Since this really has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with us, we will not discuss it further here.
Collecting Dollars
Collecting dollars is one of the things we do best. Our recently released quarterly results prove that, and it is, after all, our raison d’etre. In recent times we discovered that some customers had figured out how to gain their status while not spending very much money, thereby interfering with our foremost activity. As clever and dismaying as this was, it was never the intent, so we had to do something. The solution was to introduce a minimum level of expenditure* you now need to qualify for status, which we refer to as Altitude Qualifying Dollars. It is noteworthy that if you achieve the minimum number of Altitude Qualifying Dollars, you will qualify for status, not altitude. Altitude results from flying; status results from dollars. It is also noteworthy that the dollars we collect are real money, whereas the dollars you collect through this process are imaginary currency.
Thus, collecting a sufficient number of AQDs is a necessary but not sufficient condition to achieve or maintain your status. Aside from this, there is no other benefit that arises from collecting AQDs.
* For those readers who are accustomed modern colloquialisms, we prefer to use the noun form of the verb “spend” out of respect for the Queen’s English. “Spend” is a verb, “expenditure” is a noun.
Redeeming Miles
For purposes of redeeming Miles and Points, they are the same, so we will call them Points from now on. When redeeming points, you will be dealing with Them, not Us. So we don’t want to hear about it for the time being. Once SOFA is operational this might change, so stay tuned.
One of the most common uses of points is to purchase travel on AC or one of its Star Alliance partner airlines. There is a common misperception that points can be used to obtain free air travel tickets. Let us assure you that this is not the case. Points may sometimes be used as partial payment for an air travel ticket. There is a multitude of other fees and taxes for which you must pay cash and only cash.
We have an arrangement with Them to allow points to be used as partial payment for a certain number of seats on a certain number of flights to a certain number of destinations at certain times. But the numbers of such seats are tiny, the times are often inconvenient, and the connections may not make sense. Unless you are prepared to pay huge numbers of points, or in some cases throw the weight of your status around. Or go somewhere else. At a different time. With a different number of people. And sit in the economy cabin for some or all of your journey.
Alternatively, we encourage you to redeem your points with Them for things other than flying. This is better for Us, much better for Them, but possibly not for you. In fact, it is strongly recommended that you blow your remaining points sooner rather than later because it is not at all certain that they will be worth anything other than a toaster or two once we simultaneously activate SOFA and dump Them.
BOARDING (OR NOT)
When you board one of our aircraft you will notice that there are a fixed number of seats. We actually know how many there are because we count them at the beginning of each and every flight. Despite knowing with a great deal of certainty how many seats there are, from time to time we seem to end up with a different number of seats than passengers.
Sometimes it’s more seats than passengers, sometimes it’s less. If it’s more seats, we’re good to go, but that doesn’t happen very often these days. If it’s more passengers than seats, we have a problem because Transport Canada does not allow standing passengers on aircraft. (We’ve talked to them about this silly rule, but they won’t budge.) Fortunately, it is only a problem for us for a short period of time. This is because we deal with it by making our problem your problem.
The excess of passengers over seats can happen several ways. The most common is what we call “yield management”. We hate sending out aircraft with empty seats. Empty seats are good for you but not so much for us, so we do our best to minimize these occurrences. We know from experience that despite having bought and paid for a ticket, some of you won’t show up on time for the flight, or at all. (Remember, we can be late, but you can’t.) If you don’t show up on time (See Definitions) we may give your seat to someone else who showed up thinking they had a seat but didn’t really. This way we can make sure there are no empty seats, and thereby make ourselves happy (see Preamble).
When we can, we try to make sure someone else really does show to take your seat up by selling more tickets than we actually have seats for. To avoid any unnecessary consternation, we normally don’t tell you about this ahead of time. Otherwise, you might rebook on another flight and our yield management goes out the window. We do try to estimate how many no-shows there will be based on past experience, but this is an uncertain science, and we tend to err on the side of maximizing our revenue rather than minimizing your inconvenience.
We can also run out of seats when we need to move crew around to operate other flights in other cities. When this crops up, we are usually in a hurry to get them somewhere where you are also going. Since they matter to us more than you do, they get to go now and you get to go later, generally at some other time of our choosing, not yours.
This seat thing can also happen when a super-status passenger throws their status around. It is a little known paradox that the ones who are a lot more important than you can request and receive a seat on any flight they choose, and we willingly accommodate them because they’re important and you’re not. They can even bring their spouse, child, companion, or significant other. If we have to dump some passenger(s) of lesser status to make room, that’s what we do. So again, because they’re more important than you, they get to go and you don’t, even though you thought you had a ticket. We know how confusing this sounds, so we have provided a convenient link
What all this boils down to is that if we don’t have a number of seats equal to or greater than the number of passengers, some of you will get “bumped”, which actually means “dumped”. If you get dumped we will do our best to accommodate you on the next flight. Or the one after that. Or tomorrow. Or some other flight of our choosing, not yours. But rest assured, we will try to get you to your destination, eventually (see Preamble).
Excepting always, that in the case where you are late and we’re not, you may have another problem, depending on how much you paid for your ticket. If you paid the big bucks for a refundable ticket, and let us know you’re going to be late before you actually are late, you will eventually get a refund. But in most cases you probably have a cheap non-refundable ticket, in which case we sell your seat to someone else and collect twice for the same seat. So in the end, we make sure we get your money one way or another.
Air Canada has introduced the modern concept of “zoned boarding” to reduce the degree of chaos inherent in the boarding process. This is done by assigning passengers to a boarding “zone”. Note that the zone to which you are assigned is determined primarily by who you are, and less by where you will be once you board. Hence, the term “zone” is not used in the geographical sense, but more in the aristocratic sense.
HYGIENE
According to Skytrax we have the least filthy aircraft in North American airspace. But notwithstanding this prestigious third party endorsement of our hygienic prowess, some of you seem to have the idea that we need to clean our aircraft. While sometimes we do see the need to clean the aircraft, it is important to understand that it’s not us that soils the aircraft, it’s you. You have no idea the crap and detritus that some of you will bring aboard our aircraft. And then leave it there! Moreover, while it used to be just crap and detritus, now it’s germs! As in deadly germs! D-E-A-D-L-Y! Really! And they blame it on us!
To combat this contagion that some of you seem to wantonly spread around we have adopted a program called “Clean Care+”. The thrust of this program is to make sure you’re clean before you board, and to provide you with the means necessary to clean the aircraft yourself.
Firstly, we will be checking out how hot you are before you board. As you may or may not be aware, in the past your hotness may have been judged informally and usually surreptitiously by virtually anyone nearby. If so, it resulted in a highly subjective assessment of your hotness based on your visual attractiveness. This hotness quotient carried no particular consequence except perhaps momentary gratification of the observer and the remote possibility of a free upgrade. Going forward, however, we will take a more proactive and objective approach, which entails measurement of your body temperature to determine your hotness. This will remove all subjectivity from the assessment and leave no room for argument or personal bias. If we find you are too hot to handle we will deem you to be unfit to fly and rebook you on another flight as long as a medical practitioner has declared you to be not so hot. So to avoid this inconvenience it is best to remain cool at all times. Being intentionally hot will no longer improve your chances for an upgrade.
Secondly, we will be enhancing the
Thirdly, since we can’t trust you to effectively sanitize behind you, we will be disinfecting your space by electrostatically spraying all over the place with hospital grade chemicals. Electrostatically. Hospital grade. We think that you’ll think that’ll kill almost anything you leave behind.
Finally, we will require you to wear a mask while flying with us. This will be interesting when we do the identity check as you board, but we’re sure we’ll work it out one way or another. To help things go more smoothly we encourage you to renew your driver’s licence and passport photos while wearing the same mask so we can eliminate any uncertainty about who you are.
Remember, we’re all in this aircraft together, and what you catch we catch. These measures are intended to ensure that you keep your contagion to yourself, so your cooperation is important to our personal well being.
RULES
There are a multitude of rules that beset the aviation business. Many of them are imposed by government and quasi-governmental regulatory agencies, and require us to do certain things, or not do certain things. Many of them require us to require you to do certain things, or not do certain things. The ones imposed by these agencies are generally related to safety and to bring some semblance of order to the chaos that characterizes our airspace. Others are intended to protect national security and such like. If you decline to act in compliance with these rules, there are other rules that empower us to do ungentlemanly things to you. So you are required to cooperate fully at all times.
Other rules are imposed by us. They are intended to accomplish a variety of objectives, most of which boil down to preservation of our profitability and facilitation of our operational convenience. We have absolute and unconditional discretion to decide to whom, when, where and how these rules are applied. This discretion need not be applied in the same manner at all times.
Some of these rules pertain to what we are obligated to do with your money after we have it, and you change your plans (recall that we can change anything, but if you change anything you will invariably pay more or forfeit what you’ve already paid). Others pertain to operational procedures such as checking in, checking baggage, not checking baggage, where and when your baggage must be stowed, where and when you sit, which lavatory you use and when you can use it, and so on. Many other rules pertain to what happens during and after IRROPS (see above). Again, there are rules that empower us to do further ungentlemanly things to you if you don’t comply, even though the impugned rule may have no valid authority or force of law.
There are a couple of important rules you should understand about the rest of our rules. The first rule is that we make the rules and you follow them. You may not, under any circumstances, make your own rules. Secondly, some of the rules are public knowledge through announcements or publication in various forms, and other rules may not be. We don’t always tell you about the rules in advance for several reasons. For example, you do not need to know our secrets related to upgrade priority or fare classes. We’ll tell you whether you get an upgrade in due course. Similarly, if you haven’t read the fine print when you bought your ticket, we will also tell you about the inflexibility of your fare class when you need to know.
In other circumstances, for operational reasons we sometimes need to make up new rules as we go. Nevertheless, you are required to comply with whatever we deem is a rule at any particular moment. For example, we may need to make up a rule about where you stow your carry-on baggage when someone more important than you needs space to stow theirs.
It is also pertinent that not all rules apply equally to all people. We get to choose which rules apply to you, when they apply and under what circumstances. Just because a rule applies to you doesn’t necessarily mean that it will apply to another passenger in the same circumstances at the same time. For example, on or off duty employees, cabin crew, friends and relations of same are arbitrarily exempt from many rules at the discretion of other employees. However, the employees granting such exemptions must be on duty at the time.
The whole regimen is highly complicated and we therefore cannot possibly expect all employees to know all of the rules all of the time. If they can’t know them thoroughly, we recognize that you can’t be expected to know them either. For this reason, we will conveniently tell you what the rules are when we need you to follow them, whereupon you are expected to follow them without question or hesitation.
Finally, it is essential for you to understand that for operational reasons we may change the rules at any time. However, you may not change the rules, ever.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Last edited by Sopwith; May 7, 2020 at 5:57 pm Reason: Misc update May 6, 2020