Final part of Air Krapistan Y class
I was eager to experience Air Krapistan’s famous “Gulag of the Air” inflight service. First up was a movie. An old Super 8 projector was attached to the ceiling and our entertainment was about to begin. We were treated to a black and white documentary chronicling Krapistans 1997 victory in the arm wrestling competition at the “All Stan Games.” After a quick defeat of Pakistan, Krapistan faced a tough match against Kurdistan. In the semis they made quick work of Turkmenistan. And of course the world can never forget their performance in the finals against Someguynamedstan.
Soon enough the movie was over and it was time to get comfy on our benches before our meals would be served. With only 2 flight attendants and 1000 passengers to feed things move quickly. Each row is given a small wooden bowl. Gruel is ladled into the bowl. The bowl is filled at the aisle and each passenger gets two gulps before passing the bowl to the next passenger. When my turn came I noticed there were two larvae in the gruel. I looked for the head flight attendant. I assumed she was the one with the scarred knees. I pointed to the larvae in the bowl. She asked if I had paid for them. I said no, so she scooped them up and gave them to another passenger who had purchased from the “buy larvae onboard” program. The regulars started betting amongst themselves as to when the gruel would run out. If you bet on row 32 you were a winner. A couple of people made a rush towards the first class section in search of food. It was then that I learned why the crew carries whips.
After the meal service was completed we were left to amuse ourselves for the rest of the flight. The children took turns racing their head lice while the adults played “Name this rash”. I had to use the restroom. I bargained with one of the bigger felons to walk me to the rear of the plane. I liked the communal piece of toilet paper. On the way back to my bench I passed several groups that had opened trading posts. If anyone asks you the going rates for in flight tooth extraction tell them its 2 chickens or one well fed piglet. I went back to my bench and glanced thru the inflight magazine, Krap Times. There was an article on how to avoid the plague when traveling through Krapistan. The best advice was not to breathe.
The captain came on and said we would be landing shortly. The flight attendants put their protective padding back on and got ready to re-chain the passengers to their benches. Women who had given birth during the flight were allowed to hold their newborns, instead of having to chain them. It’s a nice touch. As we touched down most of the cabin started shoving their way towards the back of the plane. Only 6 people were trampled on this flight, which I hear is a very low total. I was able to deplane in under 2 hours.
This report was not meant to disparage any of the great trip reports on the site. I find most of them to be interesting and well written. Thanks for taking the time for reading this and my other report
http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/trip-...-republic.html.
Thanks
Dave