mad_atta

More great stuff! ^ I loved the increasingly surreal tone of the post. I trust you have recovered from the sandwich incident?

Glad to hear you enjoyed Sydney, though I'm intrigued by the pickpocketing incident you hinted at... I didn't think we had those here? (Not enough crowds for them to be lost in...) As for queens with overstyled hair on Oxford St, yes they are a Sydney speciality. Even many of the straight boys here tend to do it!

iainbhx

QF 431, SYD-MEL, C, 3E

Mercifully, I have mainly packed the night before, so I’m not too worried about waking up a little late, a final breakfast in the excellent Executive Lounge, an hour online dealing with email and getting back to people and then off to the airport. I’m obviously far too used to dealing with European airport and check-in queues, the domestic terminal at Sydney is hardly busy. Check-in is managed in about 5 minutes, very swift and very painlessly. I wander back outside for a final cigarette and a chat to my partner and then wander back into the domestic Qantas Pub.

Apart from the non-provision of alcohol before 1pm, I must admit that I am quite impressed with the QP, there is an excellent range of tea, coffee, juices, water, snacks scattered around and lots of nice comfortable chairs. An apple juice, a water and a couple of magazines keep me happy until my flight is called.

Which it is bang on time, it’s a pretty full flight as well in both business class and economy on the 767-300, Business class is rather dowdy and slightly dingy and full of obviously very important people in suits who want all the overhead space and then some more. The lack of priority boarding is also a problem, as it seems to clog the aisles up well and truly.

However, we are underway on time, take off is quite swift and as soon as the dings are sounded the crew leap into action. It’s not the longest flight in the world at a mere hour and ten minutes and I’m always impressed by airlines which attempt to give a hot meal service on such a short flight. There are three attendants looking after the very busy business class cabin. During this short period, they manage to do a full meal service (choice between stir-fried beef and a lamb salad) a bar service, a tea and coffee service and offer seconds on wine to people. They also manage to address passengers by name during this, although crib sheets are in evidence.

I choose the lamb salad, which is small but perfectly formed with lots of tender juicy lamb, red and green peppers and a glass of a tannic but pleasant Shiraz.

Refills of wine are offered and a coffee/tea service and then everything is collected and we are swooping into Tullamarine for a slightly early arrival. My bags come off quite quickly compared to a UK airport and it is off into a taxi and off to the Hilton on the Park.

iainbhx

Fit the Sixth
Hilton Melbourne

On arrival everything seemed to be going very smoothly, until I asked the fatal question, is this a smoking room. Once again the Hilton Website had not transferred my room preference and I had been assigned a non-smoking room. I asked for a smoking room and was told that there weren’t any available – I questioned this, it’s 2.30pm, there must be a few free rooms available. I point out that I am a Gold and that soon I will be a Diamond. Large numbers of reception staff are gaggled in a huddle discussing anything but customers.

I make it quite clear that I am not interested in their occupancy problems and that I’d like a room, I’m asked to take a seat in the lobby. I start thinking about getting on the phone to Starwood to see if the Sheraton or the Westin have anything. They don’t even have wireless in the lobby! And I’m left to sit, no one bothers giving me any information. I’m getting more and more disenchanted with Hilton in Asia and the Pacific, this is three check-ins without any real joy.

After 45 minutes, I get a room – some tacky 70’s style tarts boudoir on the 20th floor, peeling wallpaper, tacky furniture, light fittings which aren’t quite in their original position, bed as road-tested by the Samoan rugby team having a bit of fun. No apology is forthcoming for the delay or anything like that. No internet access in room except for the dreaded TV keyboard thingy which never works, oh and I’ve lost my access to the Executive Club. Great, just fantastic. And the little bottles of water in the mini-bar are $6.00. I do have a welcome gift, however, three small chocolates which come with additional free curly brown hair. There isn’t even a desk in the room, nor any easily accessible plugs – luckily I have just the thing in the magic cable bag.

Time to go for an extended whinge, methinks. Oh, the manager isn’t available and the duty manager can’t deal with the complaint. Great. Over the next three days it becomes apparent, that:
a) I’m not getting breakfast unless I pay for it – despite having already paid for it in the room rate
b) housekeeping are erratic as hell
c) the concierge is only interested in rich looking Japanese tourists and will happily ignore you for a while whilst he deals with them before you.
d) Oh and they run the old mini-bar scam at check-out.

I’m going to come back to Melbourne, but I will never, ever, step foot in that hotel again. I think my customer comment card summed it up “I hope you close down real soon now”. Oh and I tip nobody, nothing, nada.

However, let’s ignore this, let’s talk about the fine city of Melbourne.

Right, I’m here and I want to get out of this dump of a hotel, so I use the traditional Bowen method of going for a nice long walk. After admiring the shrine of the MCG from the front of the hotel, I wander along Wellington Parade to Federation Square where I am stunned by the modern and creative architechture of the place. I was told I’d either love it or hate it. Stopping quickly for a macadamia nut ice-cream, I go to the tourist office and pick up a map and a series of walking guides. They are very helpful there and have some excellent guides to walking around Melbourne. So I start off with the Yarra River Walk, which has pleasant shady bits and views of a number of interesting buildings. I then switch to the Central City walk which has lots of shops and arcades, some of which like the Block Arcade have great internal decorations and tempting shops and cafes. By now, it’s about 6pm and I’m starting to get a little thirsty, so I pop into a pub which turns out to be serving James Squires’ beers. Lord help me, they are a bit too chilled, but they are real beers in the English fashion. I am immensely happy about this and spend a little time sampling the various sorts. However, the bar menu does send me so I amble off and eventually find a Malaysian restaurant where I have mixed platter of starters and a fish curry. By this time it is dark and I’m knackered so I head back via a 7-11 to my tart’s boudoir and settle down for the night.

Having gone to bed early, I decide to go out early and after a bit of bimbling around head for Melbourne Zoo, this proves to be quite a long tram ride, but I get there and spent a couple of hours wandering around looking at the various animals. I come to the conclusion that platypuses are exceptionally cute, kangaroos are cuter than they look and emus are best on a plate. I then make a minor mistake and think that it is an easy walk to Brunswick Street in 28 degree weather. It isn’t, but Brunswick Street turns out to be full of funky shops, cafes and a certain amount of totty. After noticing a couple of interesting places, I settle down at the Fitz Café for Sardines and Green Salad and a couple of delicious Crown Lagers. I then decide to head back to the hotel via a walk to Smith Street (where I have heard there are eateries) and finally arrive back about 4pm. I’m knackered, I just rest my eyes for a few minutes and suddenly it is 8pm. I pop out to Smith Street in order to check out the “Modern Greek” place I saw earlier. It turns out to be very good, with efficient staff, decent light interpretations of Greek classics and, thank goodness, Australian wine. Back to bed and to sleep again.

My final full day in Melbourne requires some tasks to be done, the main one of which is some laundry. I’ve been surviving on hand washes and hotel laundry (for the delicates) for some time, which isn’t a good move. However, first I feel I owe myself a spendy breakfast in one of the cafes near the Block. This turns out to be not too spendy ($15) and very good, fresh pressed apple juice, bacon curls and grilled tomatoes with Toasted Turkish bread (and a partly pointless balsamic reduction, natch) and a couple of good long blacks. After that it is back up to Brunswick Street to find World Wide Wash, which offers laundry facilities, decent coffee AND Web access, what more could I want? Laundry done, it’s back to the fleapit to drop it off and then out into 28 degree heat to go to St Kilda and the beach. This proves to be a tram ride along a converted railway line and then down a street full of eateries from which it is very difficult to choose. Sadly one of the recommended ones to me doesn’t do lunch. After a walk along the Esplanade, I decide on a cornerside place and settle down to a plate full of linguini with prawns, chorizo, rocket and red onions washed down with a couple of limonatas. I ended up having to leave some, this needed exercising off. So back I went along the Esplanade to take more photos and dip my toes into the Bass Strait.

I should warn those of a sensitive disposition, that St Kilda used to be the Bagel Belt of Melbourne and that there are a number of MittelEuropa style cake emporia here. These are serving all the sticky delights of Vienna or Budapest, but at about one half of the price and about three times the portion size. Purely for research reasons, you understand, I had a sample of this chocolate pornography – condemning myself to a dozen laps of the hotel swimming pool later. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but it wasn’t far off. Recommended to evil-doers.

I then had to have my now traditional afternoon nap and emerged late to go and partake of a little nightlife – but not too late because I quickly realised that I did have to be up early the next morning to head airport wards. I also realised that I had forgotten to eat in the evening, so I partook in a cheese and tomato toastie, repacked my bags and went back to sleep.

iainbhx

Fit the Seventh
QF702, MEL-CNS, J, 2B

Whilst I have massively enjoyed Melbourne, I haven’t been so glad to leave an hotel for some time.

However, a quick taxi ride through an already 25 degree gloriously clear Melbourne morning gets me to Tullamarine, check-in is brisk and efficient if a little impersonal and its back out side for a couple of cigarettes before proceeding to the Qantas Club for brekkie. Apple juice, two long blacks, a small bowl of birchermuescli, a peach and a slice of toast with Vegemite soon sorts me out nicely. I’ve quite taken to Vegemite, but it isn’t quite the real thing.

Again, it’s a very nice QP, even at a fairly busy time at MEL, it isn’t quite full, and there are plenty of nice comfy seats for all. The feeding and watering stations are also well organised and replicated which is good.

Anyway, my flight is called on time (and has priority boarding) and turns out to be on an Airbus 330-300 which is a new type for me, sadly it isn’t one of the ones fitted with Skybeds, but with Millenium seats. Turning left on the plane, Business Class is quite a large cabin in 2-3-2 formation and is pretty full, whilst economy looks only about 50% full. My seat opponent is a middle-aged lady who is quite friendly and chatty and gives me some tips on Cairns. I get to work on a batch of postcards, they really do need doing or I’ll be back home before they arrive.

We appear to have three crew for the Business Class, plus the occasional assistance of a CSD. A pretty young lady who does my aisle and two metrosexual men d’un certain age who do the other aisle and help out on this one. They jump swiftly into action with hot towels, followed by drinks, I choose a nice cool Crown Lager. They start showing the film at this point, which is I, Robot. As I’m out of books, I choose to watch it and can’t help feeling that Will Smith is looking a trifle over-pumped these days.

The meal choices are

A smoked salmon salad with lettuce, cucumber and chicory
OR
Beef redang with rice and Asian vegetables

Having just had breakfast in the Qantas Club, I opt for the smoked salmon salad, it is cool and delicious and comes with a little fruit plate of peaches, blueberries and mango coulis. The smoked salmon in particular is very good and is Tasmanian in origin – it comes, slightly unusually with a slice of lime which works very well. Two passes are made of warm mini-ciabatta rolls. As they are out of Crown Lager I move to a James Squire’s Amber Ale which is very good and a glass of water. Decent plunger coffee is offered after the main meal, tea appears to come from a Bodum teapot. Top marks for class here, I feel.

It becomes apparent why Business Class is so full, after the meal service, the CSD goes and talks to about 8 passengers she obviously knows very well. Looks like some last minute staff upgrades As a bit of a surprise, about 30 minutes before landing they come around with small tubs of ice-cream, and do a final drinks service. I choose the vanilla bean and elderflower and it’s bloody nice.

It gets a bit bumpy flying into Cairns as the cloud cover goes from patchy to fairly covered and as is quite common on Airbuses, the landing is quite firm. They use the front door for offloading, so the plebian hordes have to wait. 10/10 for a domestic business class flight from Qantas.

On arrival at Cairns, bags are off in about 10 minutes and I’m in a taxi for the short ride to the Hotel.

iainbhx

Fit the Eighth
Hilton Cairns

Can I just say that I am starting to dread this check-in.

OK, Check in was fine, I have a perfectly nice seventh floor room with a balcony overlooking the Marina, the room is large and airy with a lavender aromatherapy pot in there.

Exec floor upgrade, no deal. Free breakfast, already in the room rate. Amenities in room, no extras. One really does start to wonder what the benefits of Hilton Gold are. Anyway, I’m feeling in a good mood (especially after having eyeballed the porter who brought up my luggage), so I decided to let them do some laundry items which would otherwise have to be washed separately. I don’t mind taking the tees, polos and undies to a laundry, but the nicer shirts (especially the linen ones) and the trousers need different attention. No internet access in the rooms, except for modems, which is not good. I am beginning to wonder if Australia is a little primitive in this regard.

So I pop out into Cairns, to find a post office, an internet café, some water and very small bite to eat. One kangaroo pizza later, I return. The Cairns Hilton has done me proud, I have a letter telling me I have clubroom access, I have a bottle of wine and I have a fruit plate the size of a dinner tray with a whole pineapple as the centrepiece. Oh and the laundry comes back in 3 hours with no express charge, I like this.

A few snacky bits in the Clubroom washed down by some apple juice and then a wander around Cairns in the evening looking for potential eating places for Sunday. Back to here fairly early, finish off some more postcards and then off to bed because it’s another early start in the morning to go and see A friend.

I sleep very well, rise early due to parrots outside and get a taxi to the airport.

iainbhx

Fit the Ninth
A small Deathstar adventure and Brisbane

JQ865 CNS-BNE, Y, 11A/B
JQ884 BNE-CNS Y, 8 D/E/F

I am, of course, outfitted in my standard economy class outfit – a balaclava helmet so that no one recognises that I am flying in the back of the bus. I could have gone QF, but the £660 for business class or £230 for economy class lost out to the £90 on Jetstar ( aka Deathstar). I check in about an hour before the flight at 08:10am and quickly answer the Deathstar security questions which are a little more rigourous than the ones I’ve so far faced on domestic flights in Australia. Passing very swiftly through security, I blag my way into the QP at Cairns by waving my BA card and having yesterdays QF boarding pass in my top pocket. I’ve noted they don’t seem to check them and after a nice long black, a glass of apple juice and a read of the Cairns Post, I go and join the huddled masses for the flight to Brisbane.

The legroom on the Deathstar 717 can be best be described as minging. My knees were brushing up against the seat in front, it was just about tolerable. As you’d expect there is a “café service” for various items of food and drink, I took a bottle of water at $6 and watched the scenery/read my book for the 2 hour flight to BNE. Nice scenery to watch out of the windows.

I was met by Stephen at the gate and he took me on a whirlwind tour of Brisbane. This included a trip up to a local lookout spot, a walk around New Farm, a fish and chip lunch with damn fine fish. Then we took a catamaran ride along the Brisbane River to the CBD, then a very hot and sweaty walk around some nice streets with plenty of attractive buildings and finally for a delicious cold beer (even if it was Castlemaine:-)), After a short train ride, another wander around some markets and then a bus ride, we end up having another beer whilst geeking about small airlines. Stephen kindly ran me back to the airport where we looked at all the various gates and planes around before boarding was called for the CNS flight. On this one legroom wasn’t a problem, we got a row each, one gentleman did try and sit next to me, but I suggested he’d be more comfortable in a row on his own.

The problem with being in the Tropics is that night falls very quickly, by the time I boarded the 717, it was just coming to sunset, by the time we were aloft it was dark, so not much opportunity for viewing. I bought a cheese and corned beef sarnie before take-off, so all I bought from the Deathstar café was a bottle of water (which was 20c cheaper than the airport). I sat and read a couple of magazines on the flight and started to feel more and more tired. Straight off at CNS, into a minibus back to the hotel and then a couple of slices of mango, a glass of apricot juice and vodka and a collapse into bed ensued. So much for going out to investigate the one nightspot that CNS has to offer for me.

The next morning was more a case of getting up and getting out before it became too hot and sweaty in Cairns, so courtesy of an early night, I went and had another fine breakfast before wandering around. Cairns has lots of organised activities in the form of trips etc, so I had booked the “SkyTrain” one to go up a cable car into the rainforest, this was expensive but great fun and I can recommend it as being worth the trip. My wander around Cairns revealed little of obvious interest, although I did note the only nightspot which seemed very “Only Gay In The Village” and was ruled out for any nightcaps. After a delicious lunch of Moreton Bay Bugs, I toddled off for a little afternoon nap before spending the evening slightly sadly re-packing the bags and then playing Sims 2 whilst trying to demolish the remnants of the fruit plate.

I liked Brisbane and it deserves a return visit, I probably won’t go back to Cairns.

iainbhx

Fit the Tenth
QF 923, CNS-SYD, J, 1C
QF 189 SYD-AKL, J, 1A

The parrots start squawking at about 6.00am, so I give up the unequal struggle for another half hours sleep and go and throw myself under the shower, which was very welcome. I then proceeded to finish the re-packing of my bags, go and have a nice breakfast in the Clubroom and then with a final fag and photography session on the balcony, I bid farewell to the CNS Hilton.

Within 20 minutes, I’m in the QP at CNS airport, it’s small and its dark but it has a supply of apple juice and, bless, wireless internet. Sadly, the wireless doesn’t let me get to Flickr to upload photos, but it does let me upload about a weeks worth of this as well as checking my various accounts for email, frequent flyer/stayer stuff, etc.

They call boarding bang on time at 9:50, but with no preferential boarding, just a free-for-all onto the 737-800, luckily I get on quite early before all the bin space is pinched and stow my two carry-ons. The business class cabin on a QF 73H has a 2-2 seating of the Millenium seats, which is a very nice advantage and I am the only person in the 3 rows of Business Class to have no seat opponent. We have a pre-flight “Tropical Juice” or Water from the very chatty and pleasant CSD.

We take off about 5 minutes late due to a tour group of Septics who were taking a very long time to board, but I am swiftly enjoying a Virgin Mary whilst staring at the Great Barrier Reef out of the window. The CSD takes charge of most of the cabin service unless there is trolley wielding involved – in which case she lets her assistant do it for his brawn. The movie was King Arthur, which I watched parts of quite avidly[0], but I didn’t bother with the soundtrack which I think should have been done by Brith Gof.

This flight does lunch and the menu today is:

Braised Lamb with Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans
OR
Poached Chicken Salad

Whilst I should really have had the Chicken Salad, I don’t usually like Poached Chicken, so I decided to pass on it and have the lamb. The lamb came with a small side salad of leaves, hard boiled egg, croutons and asparagus. I accompianed it with a glass of Shiraz, which was lighter than the previous one on offer. The lamb was a little over-braised, but the veg was in good nick. Refills are offered of wine, plates cleared efficently and then we are offered ice-cream. I chose the Mango which really was rather delectable.

Anyway, about half an hour out, we had another water or drinks service and swoop into SYD (cracking views) about 20 minutes early. Of course, the luck of the Bowen’s means that I have to walk the entire length of the terminal to get to the international transfer bus. I could whinge about that system, but then people would just mention the laughable airside arrangements at Thiefrow, so I won’t. After going through security and immigration, I quickly buy some duty-free fags and proceed directly to the international QP.

I’m slightly underwhelmed, yes it is spacious, but also quite full. Yes, there is food and drink, but not gushing amounts. I have a couple of small ham sarnies on foccacia and a couple of cubes of feta cubes. They have bikkies, so why not have some nice Australian cheese. The beer machine is nice though, although the only drinkable choice is Cascades Light.

With about 10 minutes to go before boarding, I slope off to the smoking lounge. I have another flight to get through today and then straight to Gate 20 for boarding.

Boarding is called with premium passengers asked to board first, which I always like and I lodged the bags in the overhead and sat down to watch the procession of passengers to the rear of the aircraft. This QF 767-300 had business class in a 1-2-2 layout with the A seats being both window and aisle, which suited me down to the ground. Seating was, I think, the Dreamtime seat, which proved very comfortable, if a little overkill for such a short hop.

As soon as most of the rush was gone, the FA’s were around offering champagne, the dreaded tropical juice or water. I decided to have the champagne, we had to wait for a few stragglers who just couldn’t force themselves out of the QP, but pushed back about 5 minutes early. Menus were also handed out for the flight.

After the bongs, I sorted out my seat for comfort (and found it easier to adjust than the Skybed) and waited the drinkies, I wasn’t going to drink on this flight, but they were offering the delicious Cab Sauv they had on my SIN-SYD, so I succumbed. I can be so weak at times.

The menu was

Entrée
Nicoise Salad

Main Course

Stir Fired Beef with Pepper Sauce, Steamed Rice and Asian Greens
OR
Spinach and Ricotta Canneloni with Tomato and Pancetta Sauce
OR
Salad of Smoked Chicken with Mint and Yoghurt Dressing

Seasonal Salad with Herb Vinaigrette

Dessert
Cheese Selection, Dried Fruit and Water Crackers
OR
Ice Cream with Almond Biscuits

The Entrée was very nice, but a Salad Nicoise it was not. Pasta had been substituted for the potato and there wasn’t enough parmesan and pesto goodness.

I took the Stir-fried Beef which was very good and then the Cheese which was excellent. The Seasonal Salad was naff.

Coffee/Tea and Liqueurs were offerred, I managed to resist the Liqueurs, but I did have some of the tolerable for airline coffee that QF manage.

The film was The Bourne Supremacy, I’ve seen it, but it has Matt Damon in it, so I watched it again. I can be easily pleased at times.

After this short flight, we landed at AKL, a bit of a trek to immigration, where I got a bit of a grilling about where I was going, where I was staying, did I have enough money. By the time I got through this is was time to collect the bag off the trolley, pass through customs and biosecurity and then off in a taxi to AKL.

[0] For historical inaccuracies, of course. Y’all thought it was Clive Owen.

Kiwi Flyer

The old "nonchalant no bennies then an hour later, surprise just kidding" trick

AJLondon

Again, great report Iain! ^ ^

tsk tsk, you superficial brummy

BahrainLad

This is very, very good. ^

haveric

Excellent and entertaining report!!!

iainbhx

Brummie I'm a Black Country lad, how dare you sir.

I have a loved one waiting for me at home.

Besides, he minged for Australia.

Didn't stop him offering me a lift at CNS. I declined.

AJLondon

Oh dear. What sould I do? Apologize for the mistake, or offer commiserations on the basis of the newly released info.... Decisions decisions

iainbhx

I’m expecting nothing except what I booked, but I give them a very quick phone call just to confirm a couple of things (like arrival time and smoking preference). How I love having to chase hotels via international mobile calls. I end up with a very nice harbour view room (which wasn’t what I booked – so that’s a plus), a plate of scrummy champagne truffles, a beer voucher and no free breakfast. Plus there is broadband Interweb, but sadly it is firewalled against Flickr and strange things happen with Skype.

I decide to do a partial unpack rather than a full unpack and organise a few things like the laundry bag for the next morning (posh shirts again) and a nice long shower in the walk-in shower in the bathroom. I reappear out of the shower and someone has brought up a bottle of chilled Chardonnay, not a cheap bottle either. How very kind of them, I check that it is complimentary and I start drinking it out on the balcony staring at the harbour in the moonlight. It certainly helps with the sleeping

And the bed is nice and large and very comfy, but for some reason I’m a lot tossy-turny that night. However, I wake up, connect to the net, deal with the days traffic whilst drinking tea and then head out into the sunlight, with a priority of an orientation walk in progress and a spot of breakfast would be nice.

I end up in a food court off Quay Street with a cup of decent tea but a terrible ham and cheese croissant (ham plastic, cheese polystyrene, croissant soggy and who the blazes put ketchup in it). I then proceed in full photography mode to a tourist office, gaining a map, up Queen Street, along to the Sky Tower, up the Sky Tower (highest building in the Northern Hemisphere) to take panoramic photos. Down the Sky Tower (quite thankfully due to a slight sway in the breeze). Up through Aotea Square to the K-road carefully noting the large number of ethnic eateries and down Ponsonby Road where I stop at another food court. The Ponsonby Road Food Court has an interesting selection of places to eat and I choose a Vietnamese noodle salad with cut pork rolls. It’s damn good; it costs me about $8. The bottle of Steinlager that goes with it isn’t so good. Thence to a wonderful magazine shop where I catch up on a number of periodicals albeit at a silly price and stare at the lovely views of the CBD and Auckland Domain from Ponsonby Road down the hill. I then walk back down to the Viaduct Harbour admiring the gin palaces and noting where looks good for lunch etc and back to the hotel. A quick rest, a cup of tea and a couple of phone calls are made.

Luckily, a friend of a friend for dinner has invited me out. He has suggested moule/frites on one of the Belgian-style cafés in Auckland. Unfortunately, the city centre branch is rammed, but as Selwyn points out other places of foodie interest (for which many thanks), we get a taxi to Mt Eden to go to the branch there. This one is more pub like and we find a table on the 1st floor, a smoking table none the less (well, for another couple of weeks). Moules/frites and beers are ordered. I chose the classic style and a Chimay Blanc. The Chimay is served in the posy style favoured by yupscum bars; they empty the bottle, but give you the bottle as well. The moules arrive, they are great whopping New Zealand Green Lipped Mussels, about three times the size of your humble European mussel and they are very tasty. It’s also an advantage in that; the moules don’t get cold as you work your way through the pot. The frites are OK, they aren’t double-fried and they aren’t a patch on anything I’ve had in Belgium except from Mr Quick, but they are the best fries I’ve had in the Southern Hemisphere so far.

We look at the dessert menu, but there’s nothing particularly sending me there, so we pile into a taxi to go to a bar. The first bar we go to is closed, the second bar we go to is closed. Obviously pooves don’t go out in Auckland on a Tuesday night. So its back to the hotel bar for drinkies then, the Hilton has an expansive bar with a fine selection. Our server for the night is Cameron, who efficiently serves all three rounds of drinks. I decline to ask him “Cameron, why do you think that you should serve us drinks”. And so to bed, after precautions of paracetamol and water.

Day 2 turns up gray and misty, so I try and find gray and misty things to do. A bit of ambling, a potter over to Devonport for lunch and then some educational museums. Lunch is mince and cheese pie and chips, which is an NZ staple, it’s not bad. Of course, no sooner have I coughed up for the museum than it is decided that Mr Sun will come out for the afternoon. Which is a shame, as it would have been the nicest weather in New Zealand. However, I enjoy the walk through Auckland Domain and the Auckland Museum and learn lots about the Maori. I decide that I’ve had a bit of a heavy lunch and just pick up a salad for my dinner, after quite a bit of catching up with people on the phone, I decide to go out for the evening. Friends inform me that the only game in town is a place called Flesh and that it is awful. However, it’s only about 10 minutes walk away, so it’s worth a look. It is truly, madly, deeply awful. Firstly, it’s a karaoke night, which is usually a fair bet for a crap night out. Secondly, it’s thinly populated except for obvious regularly. Thirdly, the karaoke appears mainly to be done from show tunes and smooch songs of the 50’s/60’s and 70’s. It’s not very friendly and the beer is expensive and crap, but the sight of a bunch middle-aged Maori lesbitarians d’un a certain size belting out these songs will live with me for ever. Actually, it must be said that the one that did “Love Potion No 9” had a cracking voice.

Day 3 is a crap day, it’s gray and misty again and I feel a bit crap and a bit lonely for only the second time this trip. To be honest, I don’t get out of the hotel room much, I manage to escape about lunchtime for a quick feed, a bit of present shopping and to buy some supplies. Other than that, I don’t bother.

Day 4 is my last day there, it starts off bright and sunny, and I go and have the expensive but rather good breakfast in White looking out over a sunlit Auckland Harbour. I then decide to sort out my bags, check out early, put them in store and go for a harbour cruise as my attempts to get a check out any later than 12:00 have failed. By the time, I have sorted out a ticket; it has become gray and miserable again. Dosed to the eyeballs on Dramamine, I manage to survive the harbour cruise, which I took a lot of photos on and enjoyed the scenery, especially at Rangitoto, the houses on Stanley Point and seeing people aboard a cruise on NZ40. On returning, I have three and a half hours to waste, I fill this in with a food court lunch, a couple of hours in a cybercafe and a couple of hours bimbling around the streets trying not to buy things. I then return to the Hotel, collect my bags and head off in a taxi to the airport.

iainbhx

Fit the Twelfth
QF025, AKL-LAX, J, 1B
WN2916, LAX-PHX, Y, 15A

So returning to the Hilton about 4.30 p.m., I get in a taxi and make my way to Auckland Airport, having a good chin-wag with the taxi-driver at the time which earns him a reasonable tip. I have a fag outside then go and face check-in, there’s a queue, and there’s a massive queue. However, someone whisks me away to a quiet little area where QF’s best passengers are dealt with. I can pay my departure tax there and get fast tracked for immigration. So I zap through and spend an hour in the QP, where there is quite a good range of food and drink – there are mini-pies, mini-quiches, cheese, bikkies, choccy bikkies, salad, potato salad and various nibbles. I have a couple of mini-pies (not drowned in ketchup like the Australians) and some cheese and bikkies, washed down with a couple of Crown Lagers. After that I visit the computers (due to NZ’s fairly senseless wireless scheme), check my email, and print off my next Hilton reservation and head out for the cancer incubation unit.

This turns out to be the usual facility where you don’t really need to bother with actually lighting up, as the air will do it for you. However, in common with all indoor smoking in public places in New Zealand, it is history as of the 10th of December. So, fellow addicts don’t plan any lengthy international changes at AKL.

And thence to the gate and through secondary security and on board. I had hoped against hope, that a three-class Skybed 747-400 had been substituted for the two-class Dreamtime seated one, but no such luck. My seat opponent is French and mutters but three words to me for the whole flight, his mate is in 1J with 1K empty, I suggest swapping seats, but they will have none of it and just chat across me in French all the time. I must admit that I wouldn’t have minded being sat next to Mr 1J, trés agreeable. Behind me in 2B is a Septic in full whine mode and there’s a fat biffer in 2K. J is about 50% in the cabin at the front.

Anyway, we take off about 20 minutes late, but with a promised 10:55 flight time which should get us into LAX about 10 minutes early. I have a 4 hour connection at LAX, but I also have one of Southwest’s very reasonably priced fully-flexible tickets, so I can always change to an earlier flight if possible.

The service on this flight is slightly sloppy, quite friendly and vaguely engaging. I stay away from the alcohol except for a glass of cognac at the end of the meal. There are no hot towels before dinner and the Breakfast menus (much like a hotel door hanger one) are distributed and collected in. The Dinner was:

Entrée
Antipasto Selection

Main Courses

Corn Fed Chicken with Olive Butter, Rosemary Roasted Potatoes and Pepperonata
OR
Italian Style Braised Beef and Vegetables with Polenta and Green BeansOR
Seared Salmon with Fragrant Rice, Bok Choy and Black Vinegar Sauce

Green Leaf Salad with Herb Vinaigrette
Dessert

Selection of Seasonal Cheese and Dried Fruit
OR
Blackcurrant and Vanilla Bean Ice Cream with Berry Compote
OR
Sliced Fresh Fruit
Chocolates

Valrhona Chocolates

Sadly, this actually features the first naff QF meal I’ve had. My chicken is dry, bland and uninspiring; the portion is also rather meagre. The Cheese plate is as usual, excellent. There is no sign of the Valrhona Chocolates. The cabin then tries to settle down to sleep, me include. However Mrs 2B is still ranting and whining about her experience at SYD at about 90Db and the Fat Biffer is snoring very loudly already. I put my earplugs in and can still distinctly hear them both. She shuts up about 3am (LAX time), he never stops snoring. Anyway, I manage about 4 hours of dozing, which is acceptable and will see me to PHX without collapsing I hope.

About 8am (LAX time) still over 2 hours out, on come the cabin lights and there is activity, firstly hot towels, then we will be getting our breakfasts. Your tray is made up in the galley over the dead period and then brought out on an individual basis as you awaken, which is nice. My choices were

Banana and Mango energising smoothie
Fruit plate
Sausage, Potatoes, Baked Beans and Ratatouille !
Toast with Vegemite
Tea

One asks if it is really wise to give baked beans to a crowded aircraft cabin, but there again, this is the airline, which has been constantly feeding me asparagus in one form or another. QF, the airline with whiffy loos, except they aren’t. The Sausage wasn’t very good; the Ratatouille was a strange addition. Otherwise fine and I liked the large element of choice. Mrs 2B is still going on and on about what ever happened in SYD (something to do with excess baggage) when she isn’t browbeating her husband. I go and make myself presentable for the US Authorities.

Anyway, we descend to the Devil’s Den known as LAX and are at the gate about 15 minutes head of schedule. After the very long march to T4 immigration, there is a long queue for visitors who are being processed quite slowly. I do the fingerprint thing and get let in. Customs pull me aside for a little chat, but it’s very pleasant and quite quick and I don’t get searched (nothing to find anyway). Then it the usual discovery that there are no sensible facilities at T4 arrivals like moneychangers or ATM and outside for a cigarette or two, then the long walk to T1 for Southwest through pleasant LAX sunshine.

After the usual selection of queues at the WN counters, I manage to check my bags and get a Group B boarding pass, which should give me a decent seat. I go through security (belt off, shoes off, etc) and wander off to Gordon Biersch for a fortifying beverage and then a sandwich. After browsing the T1 shops, I wander to the gate area and sit and wait before joining the B queue.
Boarding is the usual prompt WN process and I get a window half way down the aircraft. It’s a typical WN flight, it’s full, they somehow manage to give us peanuts and a drink during the flight and it gets me there on time. That’s why I use them.

Get to PHX, where I note they have added further food and shopping capabilities to T4, wait a short while for my bags and get a taxi to the hotel. Duh, should have used SuperShuttle.