Jokes you can play on UA employees.
Oct 5, 2006, 6:29 pm
#76
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Washington, DC
Programs: UA 1K; US 50K
Posts: 743
When they leave, stand by the door wearing a fake smile, cup your hand and move it side to side, and without making eye contact repeat "bah-bye, bah-bye, bah-bye...."
Oct 5, 2006, 6:37 pm
#77
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Shared Troll
Programs: The Marina. Comic Relief. UA 1K and 1MM. MacBook Pro.
Posts: 1,913
Tell them that there's a website where frequent fliers keep track of their favorite UA employees and hold intelligent conversation, only to later reveal that it's just FlyerTalk.com
Oct 5, 2006, 6:37 pm
#78
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Midwest
Programs: AA, UA, DL, LUV, SPG, HHonors, Avis, Hertz
Posts: 3,033
Weigh your guests as they check their coats, and charge them $25 if you deem them to be overweight. If you're feeling charitable, you can allow them to remove pants and place them in a briefcase before entering.
Oct 5, 2006, 6:42 pm
#79
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,011
I think I should start a thread about how the UA employee can play the role of 'customer' too.....
Oct 5, 2006, 6:45 pm
#80
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 20,404
Originally Posted by choster
Don't wash the pillows and sheets from the previous weekend's guests, just fold any sticky parts to the inside.
Originally Posted by choster
Dinner is on the house. But taxes on the dinner come to $253.10.
Oct 5, 2006, 6:55 pm
#81
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: MEM
Programs: UA 1K-MM, Bonvoy LT Titanium, Hilton Diamond, Avis something or other
Posts: 436
Invite your guest for dinner at 8 pm.
Call on their cell phone at 6 to say that dinner will be served on time at 8 pm.
When they are waiting in your living roon at 7:45 call back and tell them that dinner has been rescheduled for 9:15.
Call back again at 7:46 to say that dinner will be served on time at 9:15.
Call on their cell phone at 6 to say that dinner will be served on time at 8 pm.
When they are waiting in your living roon at 7:45 call back and tell them that dinner has been rescheduled for 9:15.
Call back again at 7:46 to say that dinner will be served on time at 9:15.
Oct 5, 2006, 7:05 pm
#82
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PHL
Programs: AA EXP MM, HHonors Lifetime Diamond, Marriott Lifetime Ti, UA Silver
Posts: 5,036
Tell them that if they make dinner reservations on line it will cost them $27. Just as they're about to finish making their reservations tell them that dinner is no longer available at that price. Offer them dinner reservations on line for $67 and see if they bite...
Oct 5, 2006, 7:17 pm
#83
A FlyerTalk Posting Legend
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: MCI
Programs: AA Gold 1MM, AS MVP, UA Silver, WN A-List, Marriott LT Titanium, HH Diamond
Posts: 52,574
When they get out of their car, immediately approach them and demand that they remove their shoes. When one of them asks if she should have to remove her simple, flat sandals, get snappy with her and take her shoes. Spend 10 minutes closely scrutinizing the shoes while they wait and shuffle around in their bare feet and socks. Finally, give them their shoes back and let them in.
Oct 5, 2006, 7:19 pm
#84
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by flyinryan
this is the thread of the year...
Request that they clean your bathrooms for you out of consideration for your other guests.
a
Oct 5, 2006, 7:25 pm
#85
Moderator: Smoking Lounge; FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: SFO
Programs: Lifetime (for now) Gold MM, HH Gold, Giving Tootsie Pops to UA employees, & a retired hockey goalie
Posts: 28,878
i know i'm going to the penalty box
but why? 
Oct 5, 2006, 7:27 pm
#86
Join Date: May 2005
Location: CLE, SIN
Programs: UA 1MM, MR Plat Elite
Posts: 520
LOL!!! But, I think they would show up at 3:00 on time for dinner, you'd look them in the eye and tell them dinner is running late, say 3:10. Then at 3:15 you'd tell them, still late-try 3:30, then at 3:35 you'd tell them even more late- rescheduled for 3:45, etc. Meanwhile, your spouse waits for you to tell them dinner is delayed and then sends them several email messages reinforcing what you just said, each and every time!
Originally Posted by mcc235
Send them a "dinner update" message on their cell phone telling them their dinner service has been switched to 3:45pm.
Don't send message until at least 3pm.
Don't send message until at least 3pm.
Oct 5, 2006, 7:38 pm
#87
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: New Jersey
Programs: UA Premier Executive
Posts: 211
Stick pouches of ground coffee in your bathrooms to make it smell better. Pee all over the floor and toilet before they use it.
Make friends who visit you a lot enter through the front door. Tell those you don't see very much they have to wait outside until all the good friends arrive.
Take all the ladies purses and then when its time to go tell them to wait by the closet door to get them back. Wait about an hour, then throw them out onto the floor.
Tape every commercial that is played on NBC and show them while you feed them pretzels.
Make friends who visit you a lot enter through the front door. Tell those you don't see very much they have to wait outside until all the good friends arrive.
Take all the ladies purses and then when its time to go tell them to wait by the closet door to get them back. Wait about an hour, then throw them out onto the floor.
Tape every commercial that is played on NBC and show them while you feed them pretzels.
Oct 5, 2006, 7:45 pm
#88
A FlyerTalk Posting Legend
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: MCI
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Oooo...one more:
When they arrive, tell them that their scheduled 3PM dinner has now been delayed until 8PM. Tell them to leave.
When they return at 7:30PM, tell them "Sorry, your dinner actually took place at 4:30PM. Where were you?"
When they arrive, tell them that their scheduled 3PM dinner has now been delayed until 8PM. Tell them to leave.
When they return at 7:30PM, tell them "Sorry, your dinner actually took place at 4:30PM. Where were you?"
Oct 5, 2006, 7:45 pm
#89
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Near Chicago and Under the MDW and ORD Flight Paths, IL, USA
Programs: UA recovering Premier
Posts: 946
Invite them to dinner at 6:00 on a Sunday evening. Make sure they arrive 60 minutes early. When they arrive, make sure the house is full of people. Tell them to sit anywhere they can find a spot. At 5:15, quietly announce that their dinner will be held at a neighbor's house at 6:15. The neighbor's house is full as well. At 5:45, start a whispering campaign to let them know that their dinner has been moved to another neighbor's house at 7pm. At 7:15, apologize and loudly announce that dinner is starting in a house a block away and they have to hurry. When they arrive at that house, no one is home. When they get back to the previous house, tell them that the dinner is really two doors up and is now at 9pm. At 8:55, tell them to go back to your house for dinner at 9:15. When they get to your house, dinner is on time, but they will have to go outside and eat it in the gazebo. Make sure it is raining or snowing... and cold.
Oct 5, 2006, 8:01 pm
#90
Join Date: May 2005
Location: CLE, SIN
Programs: UA 1MM, MR Plat Elite
Posts: 520
Oh I forgot about this.
Record Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue, play it over-and-over again through out dinner.
Bubba
Record Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue, play it over-and-over again through out dinner.
Bubba