The Craig Show

I had booked a flight to Seattle, my first flight to Seattle in 19 years that wasn’t a flight home to Seattle, to lead a week-long leadership seminar on the shores of Puget Sound. I originally had the 10 a.m. flight booked but switched it to the 7:45 when my upgrade didn’t come through and United Connection showed the first-class cabin as completely full. Rather than get Hunnybear up that early I took a cab to LAX ($12 including tip). Traffic was a breeze—until we got to the airport! Spring Break is still fully in session, meaning all kinds of people who shouldn’t be flying are flying and using up 10 times as much space as we experts do, carting along moms, dads, giant stuffed animals, minivans, and so on.

I walked up to the first-class/1K line. This time it was being staffed by two agents and there was only one person in front of me but both customers were doing something very time-consuming so it was ten minutes before I got checked in. The agent collected 1000 miles in upgrade certs, put the bright orange “United First” sticker on my bag, and handed me my boarding pass. As usual there was an enormous line for the first x-ray machine but no line at all for the other three, so I walked past everybody and through security, where as usual they sniffed my laptop bag. I passed.

I stopped by the 1K room to schmooze and ask about my upgrade chances for the return flight. It looked good as only one of the 12 F seats was taken on the Airbus 320 (which the angel referred to as a “big one” to contrast with the A319 which had only eight seats in F). I chatted a bit with the angels and then made my apologies as I had to catch my plane. The 757 was already boarding when I got to gate 75A so I went down the jetway and turned left to seat 1B.

Service was terrific on this flight. Flight attendant Craig, who has a voice like a radio announcer and does funny shticks with all the announcements, was there with his wife handling first class. The plane had the new, less-comfortable seats without laptop power or any of the other enhancements and less legroom. The 757 with the old seats was one of my favorites but now I avoid it. Spoiled as I was after yesterday’s 747 First Suite, I had a terrific time. The sitcom was Sportsnight, one of the few I can stand to watch, and the breakfast was a choice of fruit plate and sampler #3, the high-carb one. As a rule I don’t eat high-carb meals but I made an exception for the yummy stuffed potato and French toast.

We landed five minutes early and I popped into the Seattle 1K room to do some work on my laptop, schmooze, and wait for Pluto to pick me up. Big news! Geri had been promoted from ticket agent to angel, taking Missy’s slot (although I’m sure I speak for all concerned when I say that no one could replace Missy). We chatted a bit and then I got the call from Steve to meet him out front. I said goodbye and went to claim my luggage. By this time it had been removed from the belt and locked up by the “LAX” sign next to the carousel. I asked at the baggage desk how I could get my baggage out of hock and they pointed me at a big man wearing suspenders. After a couple words exchanges it became clear to me that he was mentally retarded. He unlocked the cable and left it sitting there, so I pulled it through my bag. Then he said slowly, “have to see tags,” so I tore my claim check out of my ticket envelope and handed it to him before departing. Kind of a weird customer-service experience although I was happy to see him get useful employment.

Pluto and I had a quick lunch before he dropped my at my seminar. I asked him if he wanted someplace good or someplace close. He chose close, so we went to Sanford’s near the Southcenter mall. I had the Monterey Kruse Burger ® and he had salmon. As a rule I don’t eat dessert, but they had an Oregon Hazelnut Brownie a la mode, so we split one after asking the waiter what part of Oregon the hazelnuts were from. He didn’t know but apparently had taken some customer-service training in which he was instructed to follow any “I don’t know” response with “but I’ll ask my manager.” The manager didn’t know either, so that was the end to that.

You a very funny Lion!

This isn’t rain!

We had time for an early dinner at Palace Kitchen before I needed to return to Sea-Tac for the flight home to LA. Palace Kitchen is very near to where Hunnybear and I used to live in Belltown. Every Tuesday night they have half-price wines. This, however, was Sunday. I asked the maitre d' for his finest VIP table for five and remarked that we needed to be done by 6:30 or I would have to spend another day here in the rain. He looked outside at the light drizzle. "That isn't rain!" he said. I remember how I used to say that when I lived here. In LA when there's a cloud it makes the evening news.

We shared olive poppers, fondue, and clams as appetizers. As always everything was bursting with flavor. I had the ribeye steak for my entrée and enjoyed it quite a bit even though it was served with “roasted ramp.” I wasn’t sure what ramp was and I was even less sure that I wanted it roasted. I’m still not sure whether the green-bean-like thing or the potato-like thing was the ramp, but it was all good.

Roni drove me down the secret freeway to the airport in record time. I stood on the red carpet at the UA 1K/first class check-in for about five minutes while the only agent waited on her only customer. Meanwhile five people in the Premier line checked in. There seems to be a persistent problem with the 1K line getting clogged up by one or two time-consuming customers. The agent collected 1000 miles in upgrade coupons and sent me on my way to gate N8. They were already boarding when I arrived. I popped into the 1K room but the angels had already left for the day so I went on board the Airbus 320.

The purser on this flight, Loretta, was fabulous and I gave her my last remaining service award. She hung my coat and kept my drinks refilled, all the time with a smile and great personality. She told me she had just returned from maternity leave but that she always loved her job and so she was happy.

My seat opponent on this flight was an elegant woman who worked in program development at one of the television syndication companies. We had a lot in common: we both had lived in Seattle a long time, then moved to LA, and we had some common acquaintances including Bill Gates, with whom she said she went out on a date with once (they were set up by Bill’s mother). Snack was a choice of Tuscan wrap or chicken Caesar. I passed since I was well sated by the Palace Kitchen dinner. But to my surprise, at the end of the flight came hot Mrs. Fields cookies and hot wet towels. Apparently they serve the cookies on snack flights but not dinner. I continue to consider United’s LAX-SEA FC service to be among the best short-haul service in the country (though Canadian’s has them beat on the Toronto-Montreal run if they’re still doing it).

We docked at the end of terminal 6 as usual, but even with the 10-minute walk to terminal 7 baggage claim the bags were nowhere to be seen. Finally they started rolling off. My first-class-priority-tagged bag was among the last off. They don’t pay attention to those things, do they? Fortunately all was forgiven as I wheeled my bag upstairs to find my Hunnybear waiting to whisk me home.

The end.

QuietLion,
I have been told that a ramp is a West Virginia garlicky kind of thingy. When I was back at the corporate office in Charleston last January, I had asked the question to the local experts. They told me not to bother with them as they weren't worth the hassle.

ps: We missed you and Hunnybear in Hermosa the other night! Did you bring today's rain back with you from Seattle? It was a beautiful weekend at the LBGP but as soon as you get back to LA, it starts raining!

I officially see blue sky out my Marina del Rey window at 6:09 p.m.

The ramp would have been the oniony-tasting thing... and, yes, you do want it roasted.