I Know What You Did Last Summer...
Oct 19, 2015, 10:25 pm
#47
Moderator, Trip Reports
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Programs: UA GS-2MM, Marriott Ambassador
Posts: 3,715
The rivalry between Melbourne and Sydney is the stuff of legend. Well perhaps not legend. But it is worth having a chat about.
To prove my feeble point, when some dimwitted politicians decided that Australia needed a capital back in 1927 – there was a lot of arguing, finger waving and the consumption of much beer and wine. And some Maggie Beer duck liver pate for good measure.
Ok, I made that last bit up. But it’s my birthday soon and I’m trying to give you all subtle hints about what you might send me.
Anyway.
No one could agree on which city would be our Washington. Or London. Or Tegucigalpa.
So they settled on Canberra. Quite why is beyond me. I mean, it’s not even in the middle. Melbourne is 400 odd miles away (or about 3 bottles of Chablis on a train ride. And Sydney is an anorexic 177 miles away. Hardly time to get the second cork out in fact).
If you’ve ever had the misfortune of visiting Canberra you will quickly see what I mean about the place. Taxis drivers apologize when you get in and say something like that it really doesn’t rain all the time and well, it hasn’t rained since eleven minutes ago.
Or something like this.
If you Google it, there’s only one page of results. On the second page it simply says, “Go to Melbourne or Sydney instead”. I’m not kidding. Go check for yourself.
The petulant search engine continues with diatribe such as “Canberra is one of the most beautiful, cleanest, secure and hospitable capital cities in the world”. Clearly, the researcher hasn’t travelled much because describing Canberra with such graceful language is akin to me saying that sleeping with a distant cousin isn’t as bad as you might think.
The Prime Minister of Australia (whoever that is now) doesn’t even live in Canberra. There’s a house there where he/she can stay at but most of them when they are elected grab their go bags and live in Sydney at a place called Kirribilli House. I mean, when you see the joint, you’d live there too. A wine cellar to make even SFO777 envious.
So I have no idea why my youngest child wanted to visit Sydney on our recent summer holiday. She said it was to visit one of her old school friends from Singapore. They moved to Sydney after the girl’s mother came home to find her husband doing the Singapore Salsa with his highly flexible, much younger assistant. As you do.
I’m told wives have zero sense of humor when it comes to stuff like this. I wouldn’t know as I keep telling you, I am but a model husband.
So my daughter and her friend Charlotte and my adorable wife (just in case she discovers FT one day and reads this dribble) all hung out at the Park Hyatt in Sydney, oblivious as to where the bill was being sent.
My daughter is now 12. She thinks she is 17. Her phone is permanently attached to her petite fingers and I am convinced that T-Mobile are going to change their mind when it comes to their “fair use policy” regarding text messages because The Small One sends on average a 110 million texts an hour. Or at least it feels that way.
She has also taken to dressing like a hooker. Just to annoy me. And she wears more make up than Bob, my cross dressing Aunty.
I’m not sure when my little princess discovered clothes. Or the lack of. Or cosmetics. Or cellphones. But I’m getting to the bottom of it, don’t you worry.
I blame my wife for letting our daughter wear shorts that are about the same size as a postage stamp.
When school started recently, our daughter insisted that we wake her at 5am. On her first day. We live all but 300 yards from the place. She was adamant that it was going to take her 3hrs and 15 mins to get ready. Which it did. Our son on the other hand sleeps in his clothes and wakes up about 4 mins before his mother goes postal, which is nearly every day of the week.
Because this is America and I have a soon to be teenage female living with me, I now possess many guns. Big ones. I have told her she can date when she is 32. She simply skips away, and tells me “Dad, stop being creepy”.
Why is it that you always end up distracting me? I thought we were talking about Sydney. Lets get on with it then.
You know something, we used to live there once. Sydney that is. Many moons ago, I had a real job and my boss at the time insisted that I live there. I wanted to live in Melbourne because that’s where I’m from, but my unreasonable employer was determined that he knew best.
Sydney people think that the stuff that comes out of their bottom doesn’t smell. If you visit Melbourne, the only thing the locals will ask you is which football team you barrack for and what high school did you go to. And don’t get me started on what type of football. To a Melbournian there is only one religion. Its called AFL.
A Sydney person is only interested in where you live and how much money you make. And how cute your babysitter is. That’s it. In a nutshell.
I remember being on a conference call once and this prized tosser from Sydney started the call by saying “Folks, remember, we have people from Melbourne on the line, lets all speak slowly so that they understand”.
Idiot.
But you’ve got to hand to Sydney siders. The government (and hence the general public) paid for a large bridge to be built across Sydney Harbour. It was but an eternity ago. A hundred or so years later, people from all over the world visit the place and pay obscene amounts of money to climb the stupid thing.
Our daughter was swept up in the marketing hysteria of climbing the old metal coat hanger and thought it quite reasonable to pay just under $300 Aussie dollars. Granted, the Aussie dollar is now not worth a whole lot more than the Mexican Peso, but its still serious bananas. Or burritos. Take your pick.
Truth be told, the room service bill didn't hurt. Much. The good thing about Hyatt Diamond membership is that if the hotel doesn't have a lounge, then they comp you breakfast for 4 people. And because my wife is a woeful drinker, her bar bill was pathetic. An embarrassment to the family name really.
Are you still there? I promise to get cracking with the real bones of the trip report tomorrow. I have to have a lie down now. Sorry that's a lie. My glass is empty and I'm trying to work out what comes next...
To prove my feeble point, when some dimwitted politicians decided that Australia needed a capital back in 1927 – there was a lot of arguing, finger waving and the consumption of much beer and wine. And some Maggie Beer duck liver pate for good measure.
Ok, I made that last bit up. But it’s my birthday soon and I’m trying to give you all subtle hints about what you might send me.
Anyway.
No one could agree on which city would be our Washington. Or London. Or Tegucigalpa.
So they settled on Canberra. Quite why is beyond me. I mean, it’s not even in the middle. Melbourne is 400 odd miles away (or about 3 bottles of Chablis on a train ride. And Sydney is an anorexic 177 miles away. Hardly time to get the second cork out in fact).
If you’ve ever had the misfortune of visiting Canberra you will quickly see what I mean about the place. Taxis drivers apologize when you get in and say something like that it really doesn’t rain all the time and well, it hasn’t rained since eleven minutes ago.
Or something like this.
If you Google it, there’s only one page of results. On the second page it simply says, “Go to Melbourne or Sydney instead”. I’m not kidding. Go check for yourself.
The petulant search engine continues with diatribe such as “Canberra is one of the most beautiful, cleanest, secure and hospitable capital cities in the world”. Clearly, the researcher hasn’t travelled much because describing Canberra with such graceful language is akin to me saying that sleeping with a distant cousin isn’t as bad as you might think.
The Prime Minister of Australia (whoever that is now) doesn’t even live in Canberra. There’s a house there where he/she can stay at but most of them when they are elected grab their go bags and live in Sydney at a place called Kirribilli House. I mean, when you see the joint, you’d live there too. A wine cellar to make even SFO777 envious.
So I have no idea why my youngest child wanted to visit Sydney on our recent summer holiday. She said it was to visit one of her old school friends from Singapore. They moved to Sydney after the girl’s mother came home to find her husband doing the Singapore Salsa with his highly flexible, much younger assistant. As you do.
I’m told wives have zero sense of humor when it comes to stuff like this. I wouldn’t know as I keep telling you, I am but a model husband.
So my daughter and her friend Charlotte and my adorable wife (just in case she discovers FT one day and reads this dribble) all hung out at the Park Hyatt in Sydney, oblivious as to where the bill was being sent.
My daughter is now 12. She thinks she is 17. Her phone is permanently attached to her petite fingers and I am convinced that T-Mobile are going to change their mind when it comes to their “fair use policy” regarding text messages because The Small One sends on average a 110 million texts an hour. Or at least it feels that way.
She has also taken to dressing like a hooker. Just to annoy me. And she wears more make up than Bob, my cross dressing Aunty.
I’m not sure when my little princess discovered clothes. Or the lack of. Or cosmetics. Or cellphones. But I’m getting to the bottom of it, don’t you worry.
I blame my wife for letting our daughter wear shorts that are about the same size as a postage stamp.
When school started recently, our daughter insisted that we wake her at 5am. On her first day. We live all but 300 yards from the place. She was adamant that it was going to take her 3hrs and 15 mins to get ready. Which it did. Our son on the other hand sleeps in his clothes and wakes up about 4 mins before his mother goes postal, which is nearly every day of the week.
Because this is America and I have a soon to be teenage female living with me, I now possess many guns. Big ones. I have told her she can date when she is 32. She simply skips away, and tells me “Dad, stop being creepy”.
Why is it that you always end up distracting me? I thought we were talking about Sydney. Lets get on with it then.
You know something, we used to live there once. Sydney that is. Many moons ago, I had a real job and my boss at the time insisted that I live there. I wanted to live in Melbourne because that’s where I’m from, but my unreasonable employer was determined that he knew best.
Sydney people think that the stuff that comes out of their bottom doesn’t smell. If you visit Melbourne, the only thing the locals will ask you is which football team you barrack for and what high school did you go to. And don’t get me started on what type of football. To a Melbournian there is only one religion. Its called AFL.
A Sydney person is only interested in where you live and how much money you make. And how cute your babysitter is. That’s it. In a nutshell.
I remember being on a conference call once and this prized tosser from Sydney started the call by saying “Folks, remember, we have people from Melbourne on the line, lets all speak slowly so that they understand”.
Idiot.
But you’ve got to hand to Sydney siders. The government (and hence the general public) paid for a large bridge to be built across Sydney Harbour. It was but an eternity ago. A hundred or so years later, people from all over the world visit the place and pay obscene amounts of money to climb the stupid thing.
Our daughter was swept up in the marketing hysteria of climbing the old metal coat hanger and thought it quite reasonable to pay just under $300 Aussie dollars. Granted, the Aussie dollar is now not worth a whole lot more than the Mexican Peso, but its still serious bananas. Or burritos. Take your pick.
Truth be told, the room service bill didn't hurt. Much. The good thing about Hyatt Diamond membership is that if the hotel doesn't have a lounge, then they comp you breakfast for 4 people. And because my wife is a woeful drinker, her bar bill was pathetic. An embarrassment to the family name really.
Are you still there? I promise to get cracking with the real bones of the trip report tomorrow. I have to have a lie down now. Sorry that's a lie. My glass is empty and I'm trying to work out what comes next...
Oct 19, 2015, 10:55 pm
#48
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SFO
Programs: UA--no longer 2P as of 3/2012 and don't even care. Never thought I'd say that.
Posts: 781
eightblack I am loving your trip report, as I always do. Thank you for taking the time to post.
I did laugh upthread though as our son sleeps in his clothes as well! Or at least he tries to. I just don't understand that behavior. Perhaps it's because I'm a woman, but I think it may be a generational issue.
I did laugh upthread though as our son sleeps in his clothes as well! Or at least he tries to. I just don't understand that behavior. Perhaps it's because I'm a woman, but I think it may be a generational issue.
Oct 20, 2015, 9:25 pm
#52
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: CBR
Programs: Motionsick Planespotters, Inc.
Posts: 21
Much as I usually enjoy an eightblack trip report, I'm less than impressed with the casual trashing of my hometown and current residence, Canberra. It is a safe, clean and enjoyable city, which I vastly prefer over the heaving, bottlenecked metropolises of Sydney and Melbourne. So no, I don't 'see what you mean' about the place - I could live anywhere else in Australia, and have happily visited, but I choose to stay here. If you prefer not to visit, well, all the more of Canberra for me then!
Oct 20, 2015, 11:20 pm
#54
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Los Angeles / Basel
Programs: UA 1K MM, AA EXP, Hyatt Globalist
Posts: 26,928
Much as I usually enjoy an eightblack trip report, I'm less than impressed with the casual trashing of my hometown and current residence, Canberra. It is a safe, clean and enjoyable city, which I vastly prefer over the heaving, bottlenecked metropolises of Sydney and Melbourne. So no, I don't 'see what you mean' about the place - I could live anywhere else in Australia, and have happily visited, but I choose to stay here. If you prefer not to visit, well, all the more of Canberra for me then!
For the record, I love Canberra -- really enjoyed my stay there last year, loved the Park Hyatt, loved sitting in on Parliament, loved the War Memorial, and had several delicious meals. Wish I could afford to invest in real estate there because I think the market will really boom. Taxis were expensive, though. You have Uber yet?
Oct 21, 2015, 8:44 am
#55
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia
Programs: Too many
Posts: 1,096
Quote:
Originally Posted by peachtea
Much as I usually enjoy an eightblack trip report, I'm less than impressed with the casual trashing of my hometown and current residence, Canberra. It is a safe, clean and enjoyable city, which I vastly prefer over the heaving, bottlenecked metropolises of Sydney and Melbourne. So no, I don't 'see what you mean' about the place - I could live anywhere else in Australia, and have happily visited, but I choose to stay here. If you prefer not to visit, well, all the more of Canberra for me then!
Whoa! Relax mate - his trip reports are in good fun and he is an equal-opportunity basher.
For the record, I love Canberra -- really enjoyed my stay there last year, loved the Park Hyatt, loved sitting in on Parliament, loved the War Memorial, and had several delicious meals. Wish I could afford to invest in real estate there because I think the market will really boom. Taxis were expensive, though. You have Uber yet?
Originally Posted by peachtea
Much as I usually enjoy an eightblack trip report, I'm less than impressed with the casual trashing of my hometown and current residence, Canberra. It is a safe, clean and enjoyable city, which I vastly prefer over the heaving, bottlenecked metropolises of Sydney and Melbourne. So no, I don't 'see what you mean' about the place - I could live anywhere else in Australia, and have happily visited, but I choose to stay here. If you prefer not to visit, well, all the more of Canberra for me then!
Whoa! Relax mate - his trip reports are in good fun and he is an equal-opportunity basher.
For the record, I love Canberra -- really enjoyed my stay there last year, loved the Park Hyatt, loved sitting in on Parliament, loved the War Memorial, and had several delicious meals. Wish I could afford to invest in real estate there because I think the market will really boom. Taxis were expensive, though. You have Uber yet?
Oct 23, 2015, 4:58 am
#59
Ambassador, Hong Kong and Macau
Join Date: May 2009
Location: HKG
Programs: Non-top tier Asia Miles member
Posts: 19,802
Woah where do I start. I spent three years in Melbourne and seven in Sydney - none of it was really my decision I admit.
But my extended family has almost all moved up.
Canberra happens to be my brother's favourite vacation location...don't get me started.
He or his wife or my niece (which is acting very much like your daughter these days) wanted to goto Singapore for Christmas over any number of tropical locations they can take my mother to (truly their turn). Even my mother thinks their plan to vacation at MBS is pathetic.
Although most of my Aussie friends in Sydney I worry about the amount of baby visiting I will have to do if I visit there now and how bored out of her pants my non-Australian missus will be. Unless it's with my mother (some sort of family reunion obligation) I rather go to Melbourne these days.
But my extended family has almost all moved up.
Canberra happens to be my brother's favourite vacation location...don't get me started.
He or his wife or my niece (which is acting very much like your daughter these days) wanted to goto Singapore for Christmas over any number of tropical locations they can take my mother to (truly their turn). Even my mother thinks their plan to vacation at MBS is pathetic.
Although most of my Aussie friends in Sydney I worry about the amount of baby visiting I will have to do if I visit there now and how bored out of her pants my non-Australian missus will be. Unless it's with my mother (some sort of family reunion obligation) I rather go to Melbourne these days.
Oct 25, 2015, 2:43 am
#60
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: cbr
Programs: QF WP (OWE) / LTG (LT OWS) | Hyatt Globalist
Posts: 4,972
Whoa! Relax mate - his trip reports are in good fun and he is an equal-opportunity basher.
For the record, I love Canberra -- really enjoyed my stay there last year, loved the Park Hyatt, loved sitting in on Parliament, loved the War Memorial, and had several delicious meals. Wish I could afford to invest in real estate there because I think the market will really boom. Taxis were expensive, though. You have Uber yet?
For the record, I love Canberra -- really enjoyed my stay there last year, loved the Park Hyatt, loved sitting in on Parliament, loved the War Memorial, and had several delicious meals. Wish I could afford to invest in real estate there because I think the market will really boom. Taxis were expensive, though. You have Uber yet?