darthlemsip

Welcome dear reader to my first TR report of 2015. I promise I will get round to finishing the Grenada one from the end of 2014 soon, work has been keeping me far, far too busy for my liking (honestly, who goes to work to do things for other people I ask you...)

This TR will be short, and, as ever with my business trip reports, contains few pictures - so if those are your bag, I won't be offended if you take your leave at this juncture. Although there will be a story as to why a simple, cheap trip became the most expensive one I've been on for work.

Anyone still here?

I had another trip to our head office in Stamford earlier this month, that due to a phenomenal bit of cocking up by those scheduling it, meant that I would be in the US over Presidents Day weekend, with nobody realising the Monday was a public holiday until the non-refundable, non changeable tickets were booked. "Free day off in New York for you then" says work. "Sod that, New York will be cold - mini Tier Point run!" says I. This actually got me some brownie points against the later vast expense (you'll just have to keep reading to find out what happened there) as the hotel I stayed in on the TP run was massively cheaper than anything in New York. I also had further brownie points by booking these seats in the BA premium sale, so flying in business was cheaper than flying in premium economy. Result.

Calculating how many TP's I'd need to retain gold with BA with my currently booked travel, I'd need two domestic F returns, one under 2000 miles and one over. The ITA matrix spat out an entirely reasonable price for JFK-BOS-JFK-PHX-JFK, overnighting in Phoenix. I was mere moments from booking when a project for later in the year landed on my desk requiring another visit to the US, so only the JFK-PHX return was required. Booked through AA, completely failing to notice the 'Operated by US Airways' bit, and merrily went about my way until it was time to fly. Final itinerary was LHR-JFK on AA, JFK-PHX-JFK on AA operated by US, JFK-LHR on BA, all in J except the domestic legs that were in F


Flight one: AA107, LHR-JFK, B77W, Business Class

Valentines Day is not an important event in the Lemsip household. The first year Mrs Lem and I were together, I figured she was doing that thing where she says it's not important but I'd be dead meat if I didn't buy her something. The gift was met with rolled eyes and an exasperated "Why?" So it turns out she wasn't bothered by it in the slightest. So when I said I would be flying on Valentines Day, there was no drama. What a woman.

For anyone that has read any of my previous reports, you had best be sat down for this next bit. I was left to pack for myself. No word of a lie. She went to visit our recently arrived nephew and left my hand luggage bag unadorned with my clothes. Resourceful chap that I am, I managed to get everything in - which when you're going to be experiencing a 50 degrees Celsius swing in temperature over the next few days, is quite tricky to do with just hand luggage. But I did it, and I sent her pictures to prove it. She sent me back "Idiot" - I think she felt her position as packing master was under threat.

Car arrived and took the most ridiculous route through central London to Heathrow, getting snarled up in traffic for the rugby international at Twickenham, but did afford me the time to watch West Ham get absolutely tonked by West Brom in the FA Cup, meaning I arrived at T3 irritated. An irritation further enhanced by the couple who made fast track security anything but, liquids, metals, the whole lot. There were several bouts of very British tutting from the queue, and yes, one of them was me.

But soon I was in my happy place - the wonder of the T3 Galleries First lounge. A couple of glasses of Tattinger Rose and a much improved BA burger improved my mood immeasurably, and soon it was time to head to the plane, the four mile walk to gate 43 being timed so perfectly that I didn't have to break stride to walk onto the plane and take my place in 3J, at the front of the mini-cabin.

A quick side - I chose AA on the way out as I'd flown the same seat a few times with CX and wanted to see how AA did it. The seat is fantastic, still my favourite business class one out there.

So I settled in, was offered a pre-departure beverage that most certainly was not champagne, and some Bose earphones which I didn't need as I've recently purchased some QC25's. The crew pro-actively offered the airline adaptor, which I also didn't need as I had one with me.

Five of the eight seats in the mini-cabin were occupied, and the woman in 3D was travelling with her elderly parents who were sat in First, in 2G and 2J. Now, any reasonable person who wished to converse with their parent in these circumstances would surely get up and go and speak to them. Not Miss 3D, oh no. She instead took the 'shouting across the cabin at them' option - "HAVE. YOU. GOT. YOUR. BLANKET?" "HAVE. YOU. GOT. YOUR. BOSE? NO, BOSE? BOSE? THE HEADPHONES?" etc etc, for at least ten minutes while everyone, including FA's stared at her. When it became perfectly clear that nobody was going to do anything, I stood up and in my poshest possible accent said "MADAM PLEASE! If you wish to speak with your parents then perhaps you could visit them instead of sharing your concerns with your fellow passengers?" Cue laughter from a few seats and a darkened glare from 3D, followed by a "Why dy'all have to be so rude?" Irony not a strong point here. I don't know whether I was in the wrong, the FA's should certainly have stopped her, but I was getting irritated by it and wanted it to stop.

But soon enough we were underway and warned that it would be so very, very cold in New York. They weren't wrong.

A round of drinks came round with menus, I'd pre-ordered some beef thing (putting in that extra mile to test airline beef for both my regular FT readers) and asked if I still wanted that as there were plenty of meals available. Wandering back to the main J cabin I could see why, there were certainly no more than 10 occupied seats - a very light load indeed.

After the food was served (which was very good), I settled in to watch some True Detective on my iPad. I was three episodes in when I realised I hadn't seen a FA since they collected my tray.

Whilst thinking about how to describe the approach of AA's FA's on this flight, I had a sudden idea. On the way to work this morning, in a period of reminiscing about my youth, I was listening to Nirvana's sensational Unplugged album, which contains a cover of the Meat Puppets song 'Lake of Fire', featuring the lyric "Where do bad folks go when they die? They don't go to heaven where the angels fly, They go to a lake of fire and fry. Won't see 'em again till the fourth of July". With that in mind I present to you "AA107", by darthlemsip

Where do American's FA's go when you fly?
They drop off your dinner then they don't come by.
They don't care if your throat's gone dry.
Won't see 'em again till the end of your flight

Thank you, thank you - I won't forget any of you when I make it big off the back of this.

In short, unless I went to find them, I wasn't having anything. To me, given there were only 15 or so people in J, and there were at least 3 FA's, that's not acceptable.

However, that and the earlier shouty 3D were the only downsides. Flight was smooth, seat was still fabulous (and unless my mind was playing tricks on me, there seemed to be more footspace than the CX implementation), and food was very good. There was even plenty of Dos Equis XX for me to drink.

Didn't feel like very long at all until we descended into a freezing and very white New York, where it took 2 hours to clear passport control. At one point there were ZERO agents serving the non-residents queue, which was backing up out up the ramp by the time I was done. Hopefully it won't be long until JFK gets the automatic passport booths.

Having spent so long in the queue, feeling shattered, and the mental cold, I didn't bother going to find the hotel shuttle and just got a cab to the Hilton JFK. No upgrade this time (boooooooo!) and was fast asleep about 20 minutes after checking in. Before waking up at 1.30am. Again.

In part 2 (once I've eaten my sandwich) - my first experience of US Airways and a seatmate from hell

Back soon

flybranchen

Great start! I'll be hanging around for you to finish that sandwich...

darthlemsip

Flight two: AA639, JFK-PHX, A321, First Class

As mentioned previously, flight two would be my first experience of flying on US. I hadn't read anything good about them at all, and even read of people ditching flying AA now they were becoming more like US as the merger continued. I did not board the plane with high hopes.

But lets back it up a bit before we get onto the flight. It was 1:30am and I was awake. A couple of hours fitful tossing and turning produced no further sleep, so I decided to go for a swim - naturally enough the pool was closed. went back to my room and had a skype conversation with Mrs Lem, who took no pity on my being awake so early - "You'll feel that later!" Yes, thank you dear.

Having spent a couple of hours on Skype, had the standard Hilton exec lounge breakfast of scrambled eggs with bacon (seriously, I never see any other hot food in those places) and watched some shows, it had reached 10:30 and I was bored out of my mind. I figured I didn't want to go into Manhattan as it was so cold, so what the hell, I'd just head to the airport - at least the stuff in the lounge would be free, they have meatballs so I could stuff myself silly, and I could engage in my favourite pastimes of people and plane watching to kill a few hours - and presented myself for the 11:00 shuttle (bearing in mind flight was at 16:20, I was THAT bored), and was dropped off at T8 shortly thereafter.

One thing I'd been completely oblivious too was the weather warning for JFK. There were extremely high winds about and loads of domestic flights had been cancelled, including, I noticed, all of the Boston flights for the day (no doubt also down to the snow they were experiencing), so my original TP run would have been up the spout, and the two earlier Phoenix flights. As I headed into the Flagship Lounge, I was already mentally planning out what I would do were my flight to be cancelled, but needn't have worried as I was joyfully informed that the inbound flight was on schedule so 639 should be good to go. So far so good. But then, disaster.

NO MEATBALLS

The lure of the lounge was cruelly denied to me, being replaced by an Italian Wedding soup and a five bean chilli. I was not impressed. The chilli was fine, but it was no meatballs.

I did, however, encounter a strange beer from the Shock Top people called Shockolate Wheat. I have never before drank something that tasted so distinctly of both beer and chocolate. It worked, but you would only want one of them.

For a good hour or so I could only plane watch, as I was the only person in the lounge, including spotting my first 747-8i - operated by Air China - before someone else came in. Out of all of the seats available in there, he obviously chose the one directly behind me - before falling asleep and snoring loudly! When his head lolled backwards he would reverse headbutt me. This wasn't a game of wills I was prepared to take on, so I moved. Seriously, dozens of seats - why pick there? The lounge filled up as we hit late afternoon, but nobody particularly interesting and I headed out to the gate a few mins before boarding was due to commence. Mr sleepy was still there noisily snoring away - I wonder if he made his flight?

Boarding was the usual breathless efficiency from AA, and I could hear them asking for volunteers to offload before they started doing it involuntarily as the flight was heavily oversold (no doubt due to the two earlier cancellations). I toyed with it for a moment as I was getting on a plane for no real purpose at all and could well be denying someone who really needs to get home a seat. 6 hours later I wished I had.

The minor reason for this was the seat. It's quite thin and the pitch is poor for a domestic F. It was very difficult to get comfortable, and I could feel the solid part of the seat back through the padding. Not ideal.

But the major reason was my seatmate. While I was taking headphones and iPad out of my bag, a woman arrived next to me on her phone, and without a word pushed my stuff out of the way, put her bag in and sat down. I said to her, very politely, "Excuse me, those are my things and I hadn't finished yet" to which she huffed and moments later said to whoever she was on the phone to "No, just waiting for some British guy to hurry the hell up." Well, if anything was going to inspire me to move any quicker, it certainly wasn't that. And that was just for starters, more on her in a while.

Having settled in and been give a pre-departure drink, somewhat of a rarity on the new AA/US I'm told, all eyes were drawn to what was going on on the other side of row 3. A guy had got on with a boarding pass for the window seat - but there was a woman sat there. When he said it was his seat, she just said "No, this is my seat", when asked what seat she was in she just kept repeating she was in her seat. The FA's got involved, and she kept saying the same thing, right up until when they told her that if she didn't produce her boarding pass then she would be removed from the plane. At which point she produced her BP and was told "No, this is for row 19 back down the plane!" She got up and left without saying a word, but does that happen a lot, do people just decide to sit somewhere else and see what happens? And when you know you're in the wrong, why would you continue when challenged? Weird.

Once airborne there were further drinks and the menus, before food orders were taken a short while later. The crew didn't seem to be observing FEBO and it looked like they were taking orders based on possibly Oneworld seniority - I was asked third, and I saw people after me that had AA and US tags on their bags. I know BA and CX do this, so maybe it's happening in other Oneworld airlines now? Having followed advice from these hallowed pages, I ordered whatever the pasta dish was.

So back to my seatmate, before we took off she was on her phone until the very last possible moment, taking about her newest book deal and signings she was going to. I didn't recognise her, but that didn't matter because she took the opportunity to introduce herself - J.J Virgin, writes diet books and appears on TV talking about diets. I was still none the wiser, having never heard of her, which she seemed a little put out at, but wasn't too bad. She went back to doing whatever she was doing, while I carried on watching stuff on my iPad.

Then the food arrived. I wasn't expecting great things and it wasn't - it was ok, more like an economy meal you would get on a good European long haul, albeit served on china. However, just as I started eating I got a tap on the shoulder. It was J.J. Who then proceeded to tell me, at length, why I shouldn't be eating various things I'd been given. I kind of mumbled "Err, ok" before sliding the headphones back on and deliberately eating everything that was there, including things I don't like. I eat feta. I still don't know why.

Every time I asked for a drink that wasn't water there was a roll of the eyes or a shake of the head.

Then came the ice cream. Old J.J. was a very sharp "No", while I was an emphatic "Oooh, yes please!" I think J.J. recognised this was her final chance to stop me eating something she wholeheartedly despised and turned to say something, but REALLY wanting the ice cream I quickly cut her off with a firm but polite "Love, thank you for your concern, but I really don't care"

I was left alone for the remainder of the flight.

And one other thing about J.J. - she may be a fan of healthy eating, but when she farted it really stank.

Got into Phoenix a little early, rejoicing in how wonderfully warm it was, before moments later cursing the heavy coat and jumper I had. Within 20 minutes I was in the airport Hilton, where a friend had already got in from Seattle, and we hit the town. I know nothing of where we went, all I know is there were lots of beers, all of which were rated on the how much J.J. would disapprove of them scale, and I went to bed much, much too late to be catching a 10am flight the next day.

So how did I find US Airways? In short, I'd never choose to fly them. The F seat was uncomfortable (so lord only knows what Y was like) and the food was poor. The crew were young and enthusiastic, but they looked embarrassed to serve it.

Still, I got some good Tier Points from that flight.

I have not bought any of J.J's books

Coming up next. Back to JFK and some serious snow. Will likely be tomorrow.

Back soon

wrp96

Just an FYI, AA no longer uses FEBO. They now use a system based mainly on flight direction.

DaveNCL

Love it! You're the type of person I hope to have near me, who will tell them exactly what everyone else is scarred to.

All of the inputs above were fully deserved, almost as much as people keeping their winter coats on when they sit down. I was on an ATR 72 last week where my 'seat mate' decided to keep his big North Face on. He then had the gaul to tell me the seats were tight.

Awaiting the next part.

nwmgc

[QUOTE=darthlemsip;24405641]Welcome dear reader to my first TR report of 2015. I promise I will get round to finishing the Grenada one from the end of 2104 soon, work has been keeping me far, far too busy for my liking (honestly, who goes to work to do things for other people I ask you...)

Don't worry you still have another 89 years before the Grenada trip

CHOPCHOP767

Substitute young and enthusiastic for ancient and indifferent and my experience is the same as yours with respect to US. Having spent quite a bit of time on their airbuses since the merger with AA, the opportunity to fly with AA is, believe it or not, a blessing. US F class seats are so beaten down and cramped, I can only do about an hour and half. Four hours in one of those things? Yikes.

Too bad J.J. didn't join you in PHX for the suds

Thanks for a great read!

krazykanuck

I'm normally not one for text only reports but I'm fully enjoying this one.

I've only had two US Airways experiences and they couldn't have been more different. Domestic F a few years ago and it was awful. Uncomfortable seats, sitting baking in a tarmac delay in a North Carolina summer and the FAs wouldn't even serve a glass of water to F class pax until we were severely delayed. Then I flew TATL in Y, PHL-LHR, in November and was amazed. Real food, good FAs, free beer, and a real personal IFE screen. It was virtually luxury in Y, particularly since I had an empty seat next to me.

Looking forward to the rest!

darthlemsip

Flight three: PHX-JFK, A321, First Class

Having got to bed at shortly before 3am, it is fair to say I was unimpressed to wake up at 6am. Having stood in the shower for a good half an hour, willing my body to somehow absorb enough water from it to stave off the hangover I knew was in the post, I dragged my sorry carcass to the lounge for the standard eggs and bacon, before catching a 7:30am shuttle back to the airport. Stood outside for a little while as the weather was beautiful and I was unsure when I would next encounter warm sunshine, before heading in, noting a sign that claims Phoenix as the world's friendliest airport. My hangover was setting in so I hoped this was true.

Security at Phoenix is very odd. Never have I been through an airport in the post 9/11 era where I don't have to remove anything from my bag. As I was ushered into the queue, the very friendly agent was saying "I'll be upset if I see anyone opening their bags to do anything except put things inside it" - so through went my bags with their liquids, laptop, Kindle tablet etc all still inside, while I went through with my watch, shoes and belt on. How comes security is so different there to anywhere else?

By now it was about 8:15 and I was in desperate need of fluids again, so I headed to the Admirals Club nearest my gate. In the words of C3-PO - "What a desolate place this is!" Let's not beat about the bush, it was a dump. But it was, at the time, a relatively empty dump, containing two other people - one of whom had a mullet and the other was a man wearing leggings and a crop top. I positioned myself at the bar and requested the water kept on coming. Fortunately timed too as there was a sudden explosion of people and the place became packed pretty quickly.

Got to the gate as boarding commenced, and was faced with the traditional scrum as people in different boarding groups milled around blocking the way. I was vaguely aware of a request for volunteers to offload as they were oversold again, but there was no way I wasn't getting on that plane.

Was a row further back than the day before, in a seat that had basically given up even pretending it had any padding. I've sat on more comfortable park benches. I didn't care too much, the hangover was punishing me for the previous nights drinking and I was sat down. That was all that mattered.

No boarding dramas on this flight, and my seatmate was a very serious looking man who sat down, put his earphones in and then didn't speak until we were coming in to JFK. Which was, at the time, fine by me.

The crew on this flight couldn't have been more different to the day before, they really were one of the most disinterested crews I've ever encountered and everything seemed a real chore. One particular member seemed to really struggle understanding anything I said (I don't think I have any sort of accent, I get by perfectly fine everywhere I've been in the US - Mrs Lem with her slight Welsh twang however, well that's an entirely different, and amusing (for me), thing), to the point where he just walked off and sent someone else to talk to me. Ended up with a lot of pointing at bits on the menu.

I did decide a couple of hours in that water alone wasn't going to help me, so took the hair of the dog approach and switched to Dos Equis XX (which you can't seem to get in the UK). Within an hour all was right in the world.

The food appeared. Oh my word. I was presented with a chicken 'thing' that was so dry and tasteless that I suspect a dog would turn it's nose up at it. But it was all I was getting now, and I needed salt and carbs so forced it down. And another Dos Equis just to be on the safe side. As I was having an internal grumble about the substandard food, I was presented with a salted caramel cheesecake that was bordering on perfection. it had the perfect density and a beautiful rich flavour. Amazing that a meal service can contain dishes of such a wildly different standard.

As we started to descend into a New York that looked whiter and colder than the previous day, my seatmate suddenly spoke up. As I wasn't looking anywhere in his direction and it was so unexpected, it actually made me jump. Turns out he was a native New Yorker but was so fed up with the cold he'd upped sticks and moved to Phoenix, having to come back in once a month for work. I was jealous. Still can't quite remember how we discovered this, but it turned out we shared an interest in the books of Winston Churchill - wish we'd both spoken earlier, as the brief conversation was most enjoyable.

Car service was waiting to take me to Stamford, and we got there in about an hour - despite the number of idiots on the road, still driving around like morons despite the icey conditions. I really hate being on the road in NY.

But back to US airways. That flight was the one that made me think "never again". Everything was just miserable or uncomfortable, and that was in F (of course, I recognise domestic F isn't a real F experience). I'm considering cancelling the DCA-LGA award flight I have booked in the summer and getting the train, although I'm told the E190's that fly this are pretty comfortable and have good seat pitch down in Y.

Spent three nights in the Stamford Hilton, where I had three more standard exec lounge breakfasts, a terrible dinner, and a room adjoining one where the male occupant would frequently cry out in the middle of the night, and featured a heating system that was either on or off - no thermal regulation at all. That was not fun.

Coming up in the final part, home on BA, proof of how cold it was, why this sub £2k trip ended up costing around £13k and my thoughts on the different standards between three airlines in the same alliance.

Back soon

stevie

Very good, enjoying the TR.

clarkeysntfc

I wouldn't even consider flying between Washington and NY. 100% take the train, much less hassle.

Thanks for the interesting TR.

JamieABZ

Loving this report despite no pics! Great style, keep it up!

vieri_c

a gem of a TR
an insight into people who do have to travel long haul for work.
I fortunately/unfortunately dont have to

Its amusing observations of seat neighbours, I rarely ever acknowledge never mind speak to them, and I fly a far few Y cabins so they tend to be to near!

lb8001

Highly entertaining report!

fabulousflygirl

Absolutely enjoying your trip report and writing style. I am dreading going to NY in a couple weeks. At least it won't be on US.