Packing the kitchen sink as carry on
Jun 1, 2009, 1:42 pm
#31
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lafayette, CO, USA
Programs: SPG Lifetime Plat, AA Gold, UA Gold, DL Silver, HH Gold, Vail Epic
Posts: 9,096
"the kitchen sink"
When I was about to get married in the Bahamas a few years ago, my fiance and I flew down a few days in advance with my mother and grandmother. Two of our carry on bags were 22" suitcases each containing a full case of wine for our wedding weekend dinners. (This was the year before the stupid liquid ban.) I had receipts and cash in order to pay duty upon arrival. Duty on importing wine there is 70%, IIRC, so this was a couple hundred dollars or so.
Upon arrival into FPO, we collected all of our checked luggage. The 4 of us cumulatively probably now had about 10 total bags. We proceeded to the customs agent. The agent asked if we had anything to declare, and I simply said, "We have some wine."
"Go ahead," she said, and she waved us on.
It was at the next moment that my fiance nearly considered killing my mother before allowing the transition to mother-in-law. Joking to the agent about the number of bags that we had, my mother said, "We've got everything and the kitchen sink with us, don't we?"
The agent did not understand this figure of speech. In fact, I don't think that the agent even understood the phrase, "figure of speech." It seemed clear to me and my fiance that she thought my mother's comments meant that we were bringing in unusual household goods -- not just vacation items. And so it seemed to me that the agent was about to search all of our bags unless we could quickly A) convince the agent that my mother's comments were frivolous and B) prevent my loquacious mother from continuing to talk and dig a deeper hole.
We somehow succeeded in both of these tasks, and I'm not sure which one was more miraculous. My mother was severely chastised more than once after we exited without inspection. I'm pleased to say that my mother was a godsend with numerous other aspects of our wedding coordination, but we will never forget that moment at Bahamian customs.
Upon arrival into FPO, we collected all of our checked luggage. The 4 of us cumulatively probably now had about 10 total bags. We proceeded to the customs agent. The agent asked if we had anything to declare, and I simply said, "We have some wine."
"Go ahead," she said, and she waved us on.
It was at the next moment that my fiance nearly considered killing my mother before allowing the transition to mother-in-law. Joking to the agent about the number of bags that we had, my mother said, "We've got everything and the kitchen sink with us, don't we?"
The agent did not understand this figure of speech. In fact, I don't think that the agent even understood the phrase, "figure of speech." It seemed clear to me and my fiance that she thought my mother's comments meant that we were bringing in unusual household goods -- not just vacation items. And so it seemed to me that the agent was about to search all of our bags unless we could quickly A) convince the agent that my mother's comments were frivolous and B) prevent my loquacious mother from continuing to talk and dig a deeper hole.
We somehow succeeded in both of these tasks, and I'm not sure which one was more miraculous. My mother was severely chastised more than once after we exited without inspection. I'm pleased to say that my mother was a godsend with numerous other aspects of our wedding coordination, but we will never forget that moment at Bahamian customs.
Jun 1, 2009, 3:30 pm
#32
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: AVL and Almond, NC
Programs: Earthling, TSA Disparager Gold
Posts: 914
.....................Some of the items PAX on these flights would try to carry aboard were quite strange, to say the least, but the two that always stuck in my mind were the guys who, having already paid several hundred pounds excess, at check-in, tried to pass through security with a full size fridge.
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Jun 2, 2009, 3:58 am
#33
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: MAN
Programs: FB, OK+, MS, TK, Le Club, HH
Posts: 154
The ultimate had to be the time, two lads turned up with a huge suitcase for the Islamabad flight &; having paid the huge excess fees, as it weighed 60+ kg & was far too large for the normal luggage belts, they were directed to the outsize baggage scanner.
Now, the scanners at MAN are quite capable of differentiating between, literally, anything, animal, vegitable, mineral, metals & chemicals, with the results being displayed, in various colours on a monitor, for the security operator to see.
So, picture the scene, as this monumental suitcase is placed on the scanner & the operator's face sudeenly looses all colour & a look of panic rapidly develops; at which point he calls over one of the, armed, Greater Manchester Police Constables (PC) on duty at the airport.
The exchange went something like this:
Operator: "Bill, have a look at this & tell me what you think it is."
PC: "Why, do you think you've got drugs - OH BLOODY HELL, IT'S A HUMAN SKELETON!"
Operator: "Oh, thanks, I thought I was seeing things."
PC (to PAX): Oi, come here you two. Do you know that you have what appears to be a human skeleton in your suitcase?"
PAX: "Yes."
PC: "What is a human skeleton doing in your suitcase?"
PAX: "Oh, don't worry, it's our uncle."
PC: "What is your uncle doing in your suitcase? Trying to stowaway. perhaps?"
PAX: "No, he's dead."
PC: "Okay, what is your dead uncle doing in your suitcase?"
PAX: We're taking him home to Pakistan"
PC: "Right, I see. Why are you taking your dead uncle back home to Pakistan in a suitcase?"
PAX: "For the funeral."
PC: "Let's try to get this sorted out, shall we? Why is your dead uncle, travelling back to Pakistan, in your suitcase, for the funeral?"
PAX: "Well, we wanted to give him a dignified send off."
(I absolutely swear this is exchange took place, with only the name of the PC changed,as he still works at MAN).
Last edited by GlenP; Jun 2, 2009 at 3:59 am Reason: Typo
Jun 7, 2009, 6:40 am
#35
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,776
I understand this phrase is quite common in the UK, I heard it twice last week in London from Britons going on holiday. The first was in the hotel where a guy apologised for taking up so much space in the elevator, commenting "I barely persuaded her to leave the kitchen sink behind". The next was on a hotel shuttle where a husband had to carry on 5 big suitcases, getting some comments from passengers and started to point to one of the cases, saying "... and that one is the kitchen sink".
Jun 7, 2009, 10:13 am
#36
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New to Texas
Programs: AA Plat Pro
Posts: 894
Ok, OK! I admit it! I not only carried on a 40lb bag full of books and conference materials, I narrowly missed bumping one of you on the shoulder.
It was Houston, last Nov. Checked bag a few pounds over, stuffing things into already full carry on. (before I got my handy luggage scale).
At Security check, asked to size the bag. Wouldn't fit. I confess to playing the dumb blonde and not only distracted them until I could pass with the bag, somehow even went through the flight personnel line without realizing it until I saw the looks from all of those badges and uniforms. It was a crappy trip and I just wanted to get home.
I finally get to the plane, and dont' even realize I'm booked on an ERJ (thanks to boss repeatedly changing his mind). They are gate-checking bags half the size of mine. I heft that baby like she weighs nothing, get some eye-contact going with the GA guy, and sail on through. Only to find that I can't get into the overhead. Rather than doing the flyer's walk of shame, I rearrange things, separate into 4 bags, and stuff the rest under my seat.
I'm sorry. Forgive me. Never again. I've learned to FedEx things I can't check, and just pay for the second bag.
It was Houston, last Nov. Checked bag a few pounds over, stuffing things into already full carry on. (before I got my handy luggage scale).
At Security check, asked to size the bag. Wouldn't fit. I confess to playing the dumb blonde and not only distracted them until I could pass with the bag, somehow even went through the flight personnel line without realizing it until I saw the looks from all of those badges and uniforms. It was a crappy trip and I just wanted to get home.
I finally get to the plane, and dont' even realize I'm booked on an ERJ (thanks to boss repeatedly changing his mind). They are gate-checking bags half the size of mine. I heft that baby like she weighs nothing, get some eye-contact going with the GA guy, and sail on through. Only to find that I can't get into the overhead. Rather than doing the flyer's walk of shame, I rearrange things, separate into 4 bags, and stuff the rest under my seat.
I'm sorry. Forgive me. Never again. I've learned to FedEx things I can't check, and just pay for the second bag.
Jun 7, 2009, 4:04 pm
#38
Join Date: Jul 2006
Programs: United
Posts: 2,710
I almost had an odd carry on one time.
I had flown from Kuwait to New Jersey on a military flight and I was checking in at the airport in New Jersey for my flight back to Omaha. I was at the counter and I had a foot locker with a bunch of my belongings. The agent told me that I had to get the weight down since it weighed 72 pounds. I asked if I really had to and he responded that I did.
I opened the foot locker and I pulled out my body armor and the ceramic plates and proceed to put the plates into the vests. The agent asked in a shocked tone if that was how I was going to get the weight down. I said, "Yes, I'll just wear the vest on the flight." He told me that the weight was close enough. I told him that I thought so.
I had flown from Kuwait to New Jersey on a military flight and I was checking in at the airport in New Jersey for my flight back to Omaha. I was at the counter and I had a foot locker with a bunch of my belongings. The agent told me that I had to get the weight down since it weighed 72 pounds. I asked if I really had to and he responded that I did.
I opened the foot locker and I pulled out my body armor and the ceramic plates and proceed to put the plates into the vests. The agent asked in a shocked tone if that was how I was going to get the weight down. I said, "Yes, I'll just wear the vest on the flight." He told me that the weight was close enough. I told him that I thought so.
Jun 8, 2009, 12:01 am
#39
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oregon
Programs: AA EXP, AS 75K, UA 1MM Gold, HH Diamond, Hyatt Explorist, IHG Plat, National EE, Hertz PC
Posts: 4,001
I think that any carry-on over 20lb should be permitted, for the same fee as checked bags + $10. I'll bet the considerable decline in carry-on bags would speed up boarding incredibly.