This weekend while waiting to board a rather empty flight to ORD (two dozen passengers on a 737), I heard the most amusing boarding announcements I can recall. A few tidbits (approximate quotes):

regarding carry on limits: "yada yada, nothing larger than a small volkswagen"

E+: "the economy plus section is reserved for those passenger who paid for those seats, which we do have available for $39. However, given the state of the economy, here's an alternative: the first passenger to give us two small regular coffees will get an entire row of E+ to themselves. This offer is valid for the next thirty seconds"

And finally, after the FC/1K boarding call: "If you have _anything_ else to do with this flight, please come up now".

It was a great way to begin the flight.

This was funny but VERY unprofesional.

I dont like how the FAs mention the economy and offer E+ for free for someone who would give them a cup of coffee. Did the FA expect someone to get off the plane go to Dunkin Donuts and bring the coffee back???

A few years ago....

"We know you have your CHOICE of bankrupt airlines, and we thank you for choosing OURS."

I wonder what would have happened if there was someone from UA management flying that route....

A few years ago on WN...

"... and if you are a single male wearing a Rolex, I will give you extra special attention on our flight today".

I believe OP was referring to GA announcements, not FA announcements. I don't think an FA or GA would think someone could get two coffees in 30 seconds, thus it being a joke. IMO, it's only unprofessional if they took a bribe in in exchange for something, not for kidding about it.

Not unprofessional. Funny. I'd call it a bit of satire for these troubled times.

My personal fave, on a UA flight from FRA, upon arrival in SFO: "Please refrain from smoking until you are in a designated smoking area, which for San Francisco I believe is Las Vegas."

That's why it's called a joke....

He/she would have probably laughed...

Many years ago on a particularly hard landing on short Grand Turk runway, "We would like to thank the captain for both of those landings"

I heard that one, coming into San Jose (my home base), but the ending was: "... designated smoking area, which for California is the state of Nevada".

Had a similar announcement, but the FA then added "as you deplane, you may want to compliment our captain on the landing today."

I was on an ORD-IAD flight where the captain (in a heavy Texan drawl) said:

"I got channel 9 on for you folks. Why you'd want to listen to all that chatter is something I'll never understand but go for it if that's your thing."

I do appreciate some GA or FA humor when I board a flight, but i am REALLY getting sick of either the GA or FA announcing that the flight is going somewhere other than its destination. That joke is getting soooooo old and it's like they expect the whole plane to burst into an uproar of laughter after they say it.

i.e. ORD-SFO
"Welcome to United 56, non-stop to Albuquerque; we hope everyone..."
And then they pause...
"Juuuuuust kidding, folks"

ugh - seriously i feel like i hear this on well over 50% of the flights i've taken recently! joke = old! funny for the first twelve times. stop already.

Best I heard was on an early morning flight from LGA to DEN. After the safety video, the FA cam on and said, "Above your seat you will see a button with a picture of a light, pressing this will turn on your reading light. Pressing the button with the picture of the flight attendant WILL NOT turn on your flight attendant."

Most of the plane was laughing and it made for a great flight!