Seatbelt Announcement
 

On a United Express flight a couple of years ago, the unusually friendly FA added, "For those of you who haven't ridden in a car since 1963, the two pieces of cloth with metal connectors make up a seatbelt. To use it..."

On a separate mainline UA flight, the FA doing the safety briefing announced, "In case of sudden cabin depressurization, oxygen masks might deploy from the ceiling..." Most of plane let out a small chuckle. It seems less funny now after the story about the AA flight where some masks did not deploy, and others did not work.

my two faves:

on a SW flight a long time ago: "if you would pay attention to the flight attendant as she relays the safety aspects of this plane,,,i'm sure she would be quite surprised"

and

sitting in the middle of three seats after a particularly hard landing followed by heavy breaking to make the correct runway turnoff--the two passengers on either side of me look across me at each other and nod knowingly, saying "Navy Pilot!"

On SWA recently, "Please put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting a child or someone else. If you have more than one child with you - pick the one that shows the most potential." :)

Many years ago, waiting to board a delayed Republic Airlines flight from OAK to LAS. The GA was pretty aggravated by folks who kept bugging her when we’d be able to board. When the time finally came, made an announcement to the effect of “good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, those of you waiting for our Republic Airlines flight nonstop to Las Vegas... (a long pause)… GET... ON!” (ok, you had to be there...)

Upon approaching LGA last night.

1. "On the left side of the plane, you can see a great view of Manhattan."

2. "On the left side of the plane, you can see the Mets new CITI Field. Please toss in your donations now and CITI is about to back out."

3. Upon Landing, "Sorry right side, but just so you don't' feel left out, to the right side of the plane you can see Rikers Island."

Loved it!

A few years back on an UAL flight there was a large family that was dragging on everything they owned and were spending a long time stowing their luggage. The FA came on with, "Welcome aboard United Van Lines flight...".

And on an American Eagle Caribbean flight the pilot still had the cockpit door open when he was making his announcement. "Ladies and gentelmen, welcome aboard AE flight nnnn to...Hey where do you want to go?"

Upon landing on Southwest: We've landed 15 minutes early, so if we're 15 minutes late on the way back, don't complain.
I don't remember the exact wording, but it wasn't as blunt and serious like that.

Upon taking off on Southwest in MCO last summer with a bunch of kids returning from Disney World on the plane: Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times
Cute, but I learned my lesson: Never fly through MCO ever again unless I want to listen to a bunch of annoying kids screaming and yelling the entire flight.

Hi all

Landing into Perth last year on a domestic Qantas flight the crew asked us:
have a good day everyone :)

regards

lme etc etc

Was this the FA saying this or the pilot? I thought pilots were limited to essential talking only once below 10,000 ft.

It wasn't a boarding announcement, but on a recent flight:

"If you are dissatisfied with the comfort of the flight, it was my colleague's leg and he's sitting on the right hand side of the cockpit and you can complain to him after we've pulled up at the gate" or something to that effect.

Most people were fast asleep but it made me laugh.

On SWA many years ago (same flight)

"If you are sitting next to a child, or someone who is acting like a child, please place your own mask on first, and then assist them with their's"

"If you wish to smoke, please step outside where you can watch our in-flight movie, Gone with the Wind"

"We'll be taking off shortly, the pilot is still reading the manual. Not to worry, it has lots of pictures"

Last week, I got the "Please pay attention to the flight attendants as they demonstrate the safety dance" announcement. I was in a good mood this time and laughed. On our final descent, FA made the announcement to fasten seat belts and to slap anyone who didn't comply. A guy in row 1 also got the FA to single out his colleague in steerage. As we shared a chuckle up front, I clapped my hands together to mimic a slap, which was met with further laughter. Good times...

my favorite is the "if you wish to smoke, please do so in our designated smoking section on either wing".

AC FAs never say anything funny and I like it that way. They'd just have to repeat it in French anyway, and the original unfunny joke would get lost in translation.

The less an FA talks during a flight, the better. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

Years and tears ago, when I still flew Southwest on a couple of routes:

".....and when Batman and Robin bring this air-mobile to a complete stop at the gate......"