Dear Snoring Man in 9B on Flight 1446,

You seem like a nice, gentle man. I'm sure you're a fine citizen, too.

And on last night's (12/12/06) red-eye from LAX to PHL, you slept the entire time. Normally, that's admirable since most people have trouble sleeping on flights.

However, you snored about 85% of the time. In another venue, your snoring would have qualified as "performance art."

Your snores typically sounded like the Looney-Tunes-cartoon snore, which was actually funny for the first three minutes and nothing but tedious thereafter. Actually, I must clarify. If your snores were only of the cartoon/foghorn variety and continued in a rhythmic, predictable sequence, they may have been easier to ignore. But no.

Dispearsed randomly throughout your four-and-a-half-hour respiratory repertoire were two other species of snore, both emitted at about 95 decibels and occuring randomly throughout the flight.

The first type sounded like you were suddenly being attacked with a cable around your neck from behind. Of course, each time the phantom attack occurred, you perservered. Or maybe it wasn't a phantom attack. It could have been the passenger in 10B. But the lights were out and I couldn't tell for sure.

The second type was nothing short of a death rattle. Even the flight attendant was startled when she heard those blurts. Unlike the violent struggle of your "phantom attack" snores, these death rattles sounded like complete submission to the afterlife. Except your soul never left Planet Earth. In my one-tenth-asleep stupor, I didn't know what I was witnessing. Was it Easter? Groundhog Day (the movie)? Heavan Can Wait (ditto)? A cat with 79 lives?

Oh, we tried to alert you. You may even be wondering today where those faint bruises on your side came from. But you were amazing. Everytime any passenger nudged you, you would awaken for maybe two seconds, fall back to sleep and with three seconds you'd be snoring again. How you weren't awaken by the sound of your own snoring will forever remain one of life's great mysteries.

So please, Mr. Snore-Master in 9B, refrain from sleeping on flights until you have a private jet. We all thank you.

use earplugs.

cheers.

I didn't have earplugs, but I tried to drown him out by wearing headphones and playing music -- to no avail. He really was THAT loud.

That said, I am wondering if those sound-cancelling headphones would have done the trick. If anyone owns a pair and would like to recommend, it would be appreciated.

I love my Bose headphones when the snoring starts in the cabin. It dulls it to the point it is just background noise. One of the best things I ever purchased was those headphones.

oh my sides . . .

Also, snore-master managed to make it happen in the middle seat. Imagine if he could not stay upright?

Reminds me of the time, this guy sitting in the exit row, could not stay awake for the exit row briefing by the FA, finally after 3 attempts they reseated him. I think he fell asleep on the way to his new seat

As a snorer who won't sleep on flights, I thought I'd chime in. I would have a problem with the average drunk guy making an a** of him/herself. I would have a problem with your basic idiot that feels entitled to abuse the FAs. I would have a problem with anyone who makes a conscious decision to bother their seatmate. But no one chooses to snore and no one tries to snore.
You were on a red eye flight - you had to assume someone would be sleeping around you. People snore. Earplugs are about $2.99.
Sorry you had a bad experience though. It's one of the reasons I tell whoever I sit next to that if I fall asleep and start snoring, please wake me.

Add me to the list of snorers who won't sleep on overnights because I don't want to disturb anyone.

fireworksboy and g1ant,

I find it very cool that you both do your best not to sleep on flights because you know that you may snore. ^

Great story tommyleo. I can picture your unfortunate situation perfectly.

Safetymom is absolutely right about those Bose headphones. They're the best money ever spent, both for MP3 music, or simply for canceling out 90% of the cabin noise. I got mine after returning from a MAD flight in which some clowns spent the whole night talking ( and ear plugs didn't come close to handling their chatter).

You've still got time to ask Santa to bring you a pair of Bose C3s ( a bit more expensive than the C2s, but smaller ).

Barry

Funny, I don't see my Bose QC2's cancelling out voices well at all. The music can of course cover up the noise, but the cancelling part seems only to work on the background sounds of the plane. In fact, without music playing I think I can hear voices better since they are isolated from the background.

Try the Shure E4C's. Same price as the Bose and much more effective. Best money I ever spent.

Kudos for talking to the passenger after the flight, instead of just going home and skillfully, entertainingly but cowardly writing it up on the internet!

Agreed. I thought I was the only one dissapointed with mine. When I wear them I can hear all voices perfectly, if not just lower volume. Yes, the background noise is canceled to a degree, but as far as voices, snoring, etc, they do absolutely nothing. Also, when hooked up to my ipod I have to crank up the volume much higher than normal headphones to hear anything. Not too impressed.

Wow, sounds like that guy might have sleep apnea. I wonder if he is even aware of it; it usually takes a regular sleeping partner to inform someone of their snoring patterns and the gagging and gasping for air.
Sorry it kept you awake, but if he does have apnea then he didn't feel rested after the flight either.

Well, at least it was entertaining. Not sure about cowardly, though. I didn't use his name.

Seriously, though, I wanted to say something the the guy, but I wasn't sure what to say -- especially at 6:30 a.m. after my getting no sleep. I wasn't feeling "all there" at the time, so I thought it would be best not to say anything at the time since I sensed that my diplomacy skills may have been depleted.

I was actually disappointed that the FA didn't say something to him during the flight. She was well aware of the situation. In fact, at one point I asked her what to do, and she made the "elbow him in the side" gesture.