RANT: Gate Lice
 

This is causing me quite a dilemma; let me elaborate:

I absolutely detest those people (most of whom are not First class/elite preboarders) who linger in the area around the boarding gate causing massive congestion about five minutes before scheduled boarding. They are an irritant and an obscenity and I want to scream at them to go sit the hell down until their boarding group or row number is called. They make it nearly impossible for First class passengers and elites to board early as they collectively form a human wall of obstruction. Whoever coined the term "gate lice" (not me) is genius.

Now the dilemma. Because I don't check baggage and travel with a carry on roll-aboard, I like to board early to ensure that I can get my bag in the overhead; I'm 6'2" and so don't really have a huge desire to fight my bag for legroom on transcon flights. Because the human wall of misery known as gate lice crowds us legitimate early boarders out of the gate area, I find that I have been forced to become that which I so detest. I find myself standing in the boarding area 7-10 minutes beforehand, gold boarding pass (United First or elite Group 1) in hand.

Now I don't know who I hate more: the gate lice or myself for having become one of them. They forced my hand! Ah, the humanity!

I never mind it. It is the fun part when you try and pick the frequent flyer in the crowd, taking peeks at BP's... Then when the announcement is made pushing your way through them to get on board just knowing that they are looking at you like they want to kick you :D

What I usually do is stand around, and as soon as one of the "lice" leaves their seat moving towards the gate expecting to get on soon, I simply take their seat...

Oh, come on! As a former gate lice myself, I can tell you exactly why people do this:

1) Ignorance - When you only fly a couple times a year, and you see everyone else doing it, you figure, what's wrong with it? Also, it took a while before I even realized that boarding first was a "perk" for elites. UA needs to be firmer about this, or the behavior will continue.

2) Rationality - I used to push to get on first because as long as UA (a) doesn't enforce carryon limits, (b) takes forever to offload luggage, and (c) loses bags with regularity, I'd rather piss off elites standing in line than risk having to check a bag and go without clothes for a week. Don't blame pax for what is, really, rational behavior under the circumstances.

So have a heart, and direct your fire at the airline! :)

My fire is directed at both sides of this, and I was quite happy to see a thread over in the United forum today about an ORD GA who told a Group 4 fungus to wait his turn.

I really don't think ignorance is a valid excuse unless you are deaf or don't speak English. I always hear very clear announcements describing the boarding process as being First class first followed by boarding with group numbers.

To quote an old bit of hilarity from the Jerky Boys' Frank Rizzo: open your f#*&ing ears, jackass! :D

(And no that was not directed at you, but the Gate Lice in general.)

You say ignorance is no excuse, but this overlooks the rationality argument, really a "tragedy of the commons" situation in which individuals who do the "right" thing are punnished in the end. If, as a gate lice, I do the right thing (i.e., wait my f*&@ing turn), I get shafted because no one else does. (You implicitly recognize this, which is why you have met the enemy, and he is you.) Under the circumstances, the rational thing to do is push to the front of the line. The only way to solve the problem is, as I said, to (a) enforce the rules and (b) consistently get bags to baggage claim much faster. Until then, blaming GL for their behavior is like blaming a thirsty man in the desert for running to an oasis.

I suspect that the posters here are ignoring of a classic USAian pertspective, a sense of egalitarianism which leads us, especially when traveling with FFs and Firsties, to view the world very simply as them and us.

The us, in the best traditions of sons and daughters of a Revolution, tend to look at the thems as pompous elitist poofters, fit only for the Lantern, "a bas les aristes" and all that, and we gather at the gate with a sort of "Non pasaran!" mentality, the Front compartment being little more than a Bastille in our eyes. By obstructing their passage, we are striking a blow for the Rights of Man. I always wear a red Liberty Cap and pick a particularly obstructive position.

In the second case, many of the gate lice as noted are infrequent and almost never travelers. The entire pack drill is furrin unto them. Insecure, uncomfortable and unknolegeable, they are worried some *sshole will steal their seat.

Lastly, the original poster wants to leap aboard to ensure room for his bag in the rack. I sympathize, for boarding in Group 6 or so, the "almost the front of the bus" folks, our overheads are always full, either with the bags of noxious firsties whove used the back of the bus for overflow, or the wonks and wonkettes from Group 2 who have stuffed their impedimentia in the forward overheads on their way back to after steerage.

When the revolution comes, it will be from among the ranks of customers and clients who found that their vendors had been buying first class seats for salesmen and consultants by grossly overcharging for products and services. They'll be joined by the stockholders who find that their companies have actually been letting travelling staff keep their FF miles and status instead of rightfully distributing them to the stockholders...a few DLs here, a UA or two there, and a bucket of TWAs for you.

Get serious, anyhow. If the worst you have to fear is gate lice, then your social paranoia has exceeded allowable norms and it's time to take a real break, flipping bugers or washing down the staion's driveway.....

LOL. Well said. I think, however, that:

* you are making an assumption about rationality among irrational actors and,

* you are taking my little rant entirely too seriously. ;)

Which begs a question from me which I never understood the answer to: why are people in such a great big hurry to get on the plane to begin with? I understand first class because the seats are nicer and you begin to enjoy some of the perks. But in coach, why rush to get to your seat? I assume some may rush because they're afraid someone may get their seat. You have the FA there that will take care of that. If double booked on the same seat, you might actually get bumped to first class (heard that mentioned on here before). Might not find a place to put your luggage? Check your luggage rather than carrying it on, or ask the FA to help you stow it if there is no room right over your seat. In short, I don't think theres any rational reason for coach passengers to hurry to get on the plane.

Likewise, what's the big hurry to get off the plane once the fasten seat belts sign is turned off? I don't fly much which may explain some of my being less than knowledgable, but every single time I fly everyone is stampeding to get on and then back off the plane. I would rather everyone just take it easy. You'll get on your plane before the thing takes off, and you'll get off after it lands.

As has been discussed many times, checking bags can be at best a PITA, as worst extremely foolish, if you're travelling with valuable and/or fragile belongings.
Several possibilities:
1. Tight connections and irregular ops.
2. Smoking.
3. Wanting to get near the front of the immigration line.
4. The bathroom.
5. Just an urgent, subconcious need to get out of the horrible metal tube in which you've been cooped up for several hours.
6. This one's kind of in agreement with you - people being jerks.

Oh dear, let's not get rid of the "gate lice." I like them. I need them. Without them standing there needing to be politely asked to "excuse me, please," as I jostle through the thickest clump, there might be nobody to really notice me as I flaunt my superior status by boarding first.

What's the value in being king if there are no peasants?






( ;) , just in case it's not clear)

Aw, geez, I took your little rant completely seriously and agreed with
every syllable.
;)

gate lice :D

Its so refreshing flying airlines that enforce carry-on limits. Nothing like staying in the airline lounge until the last minute (get an extra drink in if in the mood & its that time of day), leisurely stroll to the gate and straight on.

Why spend more time standing around or in the seat than have to?

Excellent! ^

I blame the gate attendants, some of them anyway. Some are very effective in communicating which group they're boarding, and asking would-be gate crashers to step aside, while others get on the microphone and go through the routine, but they then let everyone crowd up and take every boarding pass that's handed to them. I suppose that although they know they have to go through the boarding-by-group spiel, all they really want to do is get everyone on the plane as quickly as possible.

When I fly ORD-SCL on AA, the boarding by group goes smoothly, but on the return, the AA gate attendants at SCL rarely make an effort to board the groups in order, with the result that everyone crowds together and elbows their way to the front of the line no matter what group they're in.

Here's something to think about:

I was an early boarder on a recent flight. I checked one bag and carried on my laptop. I put my laptop in the overhead bin so that I could use my leg room.

The FA announces that the flight is full and that in order to be polite passengers should put carry-ons that will fit under the seats, under those seats, so that those who have suitcases can use the overhead bins. I told the FA I would not move my laptop from the overhead bin being that the polite people checked their suitcases instead of bringing them on board. Several of the other pax echoed this.

Just another perspective on the issue.

M8

This has really generated more responses that I thought it would. It's interesting to read the different perspectives.

I do want to comment further on checking baggage. Polite or impolite, I avoid it 95% of the time. Alaska Airlines lost a bag of mine last year with three suits in it (tossed them in last minute and decided to do dry cleaning on the road) and from then on I vowed to check as little as possible, and almost never domestically.

I look at the onboard baggage space as first come, first served and therefore consider my elite early boarding to be among the most important perks of holding status.

Or bumped off the overbooked plane. I've heard that one too ;)

But it's still no excuse for the gate lice.

M8

I've always thought that if you carry only one piece on board, that you are allowed to store it in the OHB, regardless of whether it is a laptop or other small case. But if you bring two pieces (or more :eek: ), you can only put the larger piece in the OHB. In fact, don't some FA's say this outright during boarding? I definitely think that people who bring only a small bag onboard ought not be penalized

And I guess I'm still pretty old school in that I really don't like my laptop on the floor, just in case there is a static discharge from the carpet or seat frame.

Even worse than the gate lice are the airlines that don't appreciate their Elite flyers. When we used to fly ATA, we boarded as early as possible because my husband and I commuted together and normally took exit row 10DE. There was space in front for a carry-on, but some of the FAs were absolutely anal about not allowing a bag there, even if it fit all the way under the seat. Unfortunately, our commute is MDW/MCO, and they are much more used to leisure travelers. Half the time they never even bothered to call Elite boarding before asking for pre-boarding families. I got in the habit of lining up early, flouncing up when they called for families, putting on my brightest smile, and saying, "I'm sure you just forgot to announce the pre-board for your very best customers, right?" Eventually, the gate agents got to know us and never forgot to call Elite first when they saw us milling around. But sadly, ATA bailed, and how we're Southwest hoi polli.

Delta GA's are very firm about boarding pax in the zone printed on the BP. Queing up at the gate does no good, as far as I can tell. That does not prevent gate lice, so I have to assume it's ignorance.

Last week in CLE, I had to run an obstacle course around an entire family group of 6 who had sat on the floor in front of the boarding area, effectively cutting off any pax boarding before them. As firm as the GA's are, I'd like to hear an occasional announcement clearing the floor of the lice.

And no, I don't think it's a snob thing.

Great response! I am sick of the rollaboard-toters (most of whom seem to think the suitcases they use are called "rollerboards" based on the text in their posts) that think rollaboard suitcases have some sort of priority over smaller items in the overhead bin space. It's amazing how many posts I've seen recently that describe people putting smaller items in the overheads as 'bin hogs' even though our items take up less volume than a rollaboard.

FAs often perpetuate the myth that rollaboards trump smaller carry-ons as far as bin space is concerned. Why? Because it's easier for them to twist people's arms to stow smaller items under seats than to deal with the temper tantrums that many rollaboarders throw when they're told they have to gate-check a suitcase because the bins are full.

ender83 has the right attitude--when you bring a rollaboard on board, you are taking a risk--if the bins are full, it will have to be checked. It's too bad so many other rollaboard users feel they have 'first dibs' on bin space.

The funniest sight in the whole gammit of gate lice events is when they call first class boarding only and let's say 16 people show up...on a CO 735 with only 6 FC seats!

There was a major infestation today at SNA. There were (I counted) 39 pax hanging around the boarding area. What I found most ridiculous is when F was called I attempted to pass a woman who was chatting away on her cell phone forever with a BP that clearly said Zone 5 (no status) she said to me "EXCUSE ME" and bolted in front of me to the g/a. Problem is, the g/a agent let her board. She headed all the way to the back of the bus still chatting. Shame on the g/a for letting her board.

I think a lot of the problem would be avoided if FAs made sure that people used the overhead bins over their seats. I don't want to board last and be forced to check my bag just because some jerk in 32A decided he didn't want to carry his bag the last 40 feet to his seat. Until I can be assured that I'll be able to board and stow my stuff, I guess I'll stand near the gate.

Y'know, before reading this thread, I had never heard the term gate lice. Thanks for telling me what you really think. :rolleyes:

We need a similar name like "gate lice" for those who are forever on their cell phones.

M8

Busy Bees!

Somehow we need to combine the "gate lice" concept with what I've heard called "Cell Yell". You know the type - not only do they insist on being on the phone, but need to bellow into the phone to boot.

Thanks goodness "we're" not like "them". :)

Indeed, you're caught between the herd-followers and the people who know enough to know the carry-on space might be gone. I don't see many cases where it's gone by the time people get on the flight if they get on when the row number is called, but standbys and latecomers are often out of luck. This assumes, too, that there's some semblance of enforcement of carry-on limits at some level, even if not to the letter.

Would also say that U.S. domestic flights are generally in better shape than ones in places like southeast Asia. There, some LCCs make people line up for open seating a bit like Hawaiian Airlines does in the U.S. It's a worse version of the oft-heard complaint about Southwest.

Also, transpac flights out of Asia often get "gate lice" because of language barriers, general confusion or poor handling. Even otherwise fine carriers like SQ can often drop the ball in that area.

Too, you've sometimes got flights out of hubs (like MSP) with "too many elites" to call an elite boarding. Sometimes in those cases they'll call platinums and golds only and make the silvers board with everyone else.

This is one thing I like about NW's CRJ's and Saabs -- you can get check your bag and get it quickly when you get in ! No worrying about whether there's space to stow it ---

Bob H

This is one thing I like about NW's CRJ's and Saabs -- you can get check your bag and get it quickly when you get in ! No worrying about whether there's space to stow it ---

Bob H

They are called a**holes.

I concur.

Hahahaha! Crank up the volume! LMAO! :D

I'm almost immune to Cell Yell, but sometimes it gets just a bit too obnoxious. I usually commute with my husband, so when it gets unbearable, we just start to have a conversation at the same decible level about the most obnoxious topics we can think of (he just follows my lead). It's about 90 percent effective in getting the Yeller to move away. The other 10 percent of the time, they are either deaf or just too darned rude/oblivious.

Last week at the AUS Continental Presidents Club I encountered the ultimate case of "cell yell." This guy was so loud that, with the exception of the men's room, there was not a single place in the entire club you could not hear his conversation clearly. I was trying to get some work done before a flight and finally had to go over and politely ask him to please tone down the volume because it was distracting. Not only did he just blow me off, he actually got louder on the phone as I walked away. There were five of us in the business center at different cubicles trying to work, and all were making faces and commenting about how rude this guy outside in the main part of the club was. Finally one of the club employees said something to him and he cut the volume down a couple of decibels, but he was still loud. I just don't get this phenomenon. The phone is right next to your face. You can whisper and it will pick up what you say!

I don't mean to speak out of turn here, but please have a thought for those of us who try to be considerate cell phone users.

EG, I always try to speak softly when using my cell in a confined space such as an airplane, restaurant, etc. I'd prefer not to have to use it at all, but sometimes it can't be helped.

That said, I do recall being in a bar on Whitehall, walking into the gents' and encountering a chap in mid shout. I've always wondered, did he begin the call: "Hi! I'm on the toilet!" ;)

Be sure to make multiple flushes next time so the other party knows exactly where he is.

Major infestation at SNA yesterday. While waiting for the 1545 back to Phoenix, there were 39 passengers hovering at the gate area. The a/c was a 319, with 12 seats in F, so other than pax needing extra assistance, and 11 other F passengers, there should have been no one else ready to board. When the g/a started walking towards the mike, everyone started to move forward. There was this obnoxious woman in front of me talking loudly on her cell phone holding a BP that clearly stated zone 5, no status, 24C seat assignment. As I politely moved infront of her, she loudly says "EXCUSE ME" and bolted in front of me, 5 others, to the podium. What ticked me off is that the g/a let her board :mad: Sure enough, she walked to the back of the 'bus (literally... :D )

I hate Gate Lice and Cell Yells about equally. However, until someone comes up with an injectable cure for self-centeredness/selfishness/narcissistic personality disorder, good luck stopping either. Personally, I applaud any airline employee or fellow pax with the b*lls to confront these people and make them change their obnoxious behavior.

There are just plenty of people who don't like the social order or rules of any kind when either means THEY don't come first.

Regarding where to store your laptop bag -- I always put mine underneath the seat in front of me. I don't like to store it in the overhead bin, because it might get crushed or taken. One time, upon deplaning, someone accidentally took my laptop bag; if I had not noticed, I might never have gotten it back!

You can solve the legroom problem by moving the bag back to the floor right in front of your seat after take-off, and then move it back before landing. The rule about carry-ons being stowed underneath the seat in front of you only applies to take-off and landing.