I was trying to work out an itinerary to Tenerife that would remotely involve star alliance, and the server popped up something involving Hapag Lloyd.

Anyone know who this is, what they do, where they go?

Hapag Lloyd provides a lot of export-import assistance such as containers for shipment, etc.... perhaps they have extra space in a shipping container or a seat or two available somehow...

Interesting.

This is a German holiday airline, founded in the 70's by the traditional shipping line with the same name, now owned by TUI, the world's largest tour operator.

They have standard European service (means they feed you and give you free wine), and fly to mostly European holiday destinations.
Expect planes to be close to 100% full.

Their website (also in English) is https://www.hlf.de.

They offer a typical charter service. They have I think 188 seats in a B738 and this is the standard plane to the Canaries. Flight time from Germany is about 4-5 hours so a **** long journey in a packed plane with just one class aboard...

Tim

If you really want to fit in, grow your hair extra long in the back, get some tatoos, wear an earring and preferably lots of necklaces!

That is definitely not true!!! Hapag Lloyd together with LTU and Condor is one of Germany's most reputable charter airlines. True, they are mostly for tourists and usually quite full, but they are also cheaper than regular flights. The service is comparable to other airlines in economy class. No personal monitors but decent food and service for the price you pay, and the 738s are very new planes. Some carriers offer a better class on charter flights now, they're called 'comfort class' or so and offer more leg space, better food and some other little extras, for just a little bit more $.
But flying HF won't get you any miles at all.

Hapag is definitely one of the most reliable airlines in Germany (Charter that is - with all known advantages and disadvantages).
Planes usually are jampacked - as well as Tenerife itself.
If you wanna do something "remotely involving star alliance" you need to fly Condor, which is owned by LH. You'd get some LH miles.

TA, I fly HF very frequently to the Canaries (four hours max) and never had a problem with HFs 738s or A310s (I have always been on their A310s to the Canaries). Their service is better than a comparable LH european flight, i.e. Frankfurt-Cyprus with the same length.
HF has not connection to STAR at all, if you want this, use Condor, will give you miles on LH (dont know if this will give you miles on any other Star mileage program) but no status miles.
Condor plan to introduce "comfort class" to the Canary islands from this summer, and I think they will start this on the routes to Tenerife in their 757s.
Most options to go to the canaries are from FRA. If you dont want to use a charter airline, your only option is IB via Madrid, and I can assure you the service level is much lower than any German charter airline (-:

Rumours mention that Spanair(JK) might join Star Alliance later this year and they fly to TFS several times each day from MAD.