Who gets the sofabed?
 

A friend and I were visiting the same city. I offered to redeem my Marriott free night certificate and I booked a king + sofabed. (No luck with double beds.) My friend, paying nothing, would sleep on the sofabed.

Or so I presumed. When we checked in, he asked me which bed I wanted. I returned the question immediately; he said we should flip a coin.

I won. But I was shocked that he, a respectful fellow, would even suggest that I take the sofabed when I had effectively paid in full.

What do you think?

Completely depends on the context of your friendship, and the needs of you and your friend. I don't think there is a general rule that the person not paying gets the shaft when it comes to the bedding.

If it is a girl, I always offer the bed.
If it's a guy, it depends on our relationship and other factors (seniority, disability, special occasion ect.).

What a waste of an FT thread. :(

You pay you get the bed. End of discussion. If I was you the only thing I would flip is the bird.

If im traveling with a make friend he pays his way.

I would simply accept the life lesson and I would not offer a free bed to this particular person again.

Who gets the sofabed?
 

Shouldn't have flipped a coin, since he correctly asked you what bed you wanted and you reversed the question obviously indicating you didn't care. He should have taken the King bed.

+100 !

Answer is simple, Guest - Friend comes first.

It seems like you were rather passive aggressive about this. When he asked which bed you wanted, you didn't answer, and now you are complaining about it.

I think he acted very appropriately. He asked your preference, as he should have. You didn't have one. When neither of you expressed an opinion, he came up with a quick way of breaking the stalemate.

If you wanted the big bed, you should have said so. People aren't mind readers.

+1

By no means the first, and by no means the last.;)

I disagree he should have asked my preference.

Travel agents ask if you prefer window or aisle. Middle is not an option because that's silly.

You need not read minds to understand that bed vs. sofa is silly.

I see nothing wrong in his question:

'Which one would you prefer'
'I'll take the king thanks'
'Ok'

He was broaching the subject politely, for all he knew maybe you wanted the sofa bed (closer to the bathroom, watch TV in bed, etc.) While you don't see it as a reasonable question, I'd far rather that than someone making assumptions about the situation.

You were the one that turned the situation into the coin toss it became, a simple answer to the question would have sufficed.

I'd feel selfish saying that. I took his question of preference as a veiled request for the bed.

Thats why you are having this issue. You are passive aggressive. When it comes to comfort Im not thinking about how others will perceive me as rude for taking what im entitled too. Im not going to infringe on somebodies space. I expect the same. Your friend tried to manipuate by causing you guilt over taking the bed. You got punked because you agreed to flip.

He was being polite asking your preference. He didn't want to be presumptuous.

In your situation I'd have said the bed and not asked his preference.

In his situation once you asked I'd have said the bed and then said thanks.

What would you have done if upon asking his preference he'd said the bed? Would you have given it to him?

Make love and not war. Spoon.

In my own mind, if I'm paying for the room, then I get the bed that I want, and my friend gets what's left. If he's not happy with that, then he is free to pay for his own room and get the bed that he wants.

But I've learned to set expectations to avoid surprises: "I'm going to redeem points for a room. If you're comfortable staying in a sofabed, you're welcome to share."

This is exactly why some people hate traveling with friends or family. When my family and I went to MCO, I said that we'll be choosing the minivan from the row at Thrifty, so follow me. I knew from FT to check the end of the row. Bingo, a loaded Town & Country, leather seats, TX plates, 48k mi, backup camera. A few of the inexperienced people with me wanted the base model Grand Caravans, with hard fabric seats, no backup camera, and FL plates, parked alongside. I said it's a fully loaded version instead of the base model, for the same price, and we have a one hour ride ahead, so we're taking this one. They kept asking for the stripped down vans. I finally said, "I'm driving. I want the big comfy leather seats. We're taking this one. Put your stuff in."

So if your travel agent gives you the option of middle, window, or aisle, what do you do? You mark the one you want. You don't say "I don't care, what do you think I should have" and then get upset when you are given a middle. That is basically analogous to what you did.

Aisle for me, but the analogy is tenuous.

Avis once gave me the option of a Ford Focus or Volkswagen Beetle. I waited for them to chuckle before I realized they were serious. I was offended (though I did not express it). I replied, "Ford Focus," and in my head, "of course."

Now, if I were traveling with a friend and my choice of the Ford meant my friend had to drive the Beetle, I would hesitate.

The friend on a free ride should have had the good manners to take the sofa bed. The friend took advantage.

As long as she doesn't mind sharing :D

You can split a king, don't be such a wimp next time. Though it should totally be assumed that he gets the sofa bed if it's anything smaller. I would, at least as a guest, assume I'm in the sofabed unless otherwise told. But really, I'm happily in a relationship with my girlfriend and if I had a king bed I'd just let someone else sleep in it. It's not like we're going to cop a feel in the middle of the night here.

If someone needs the bed due to age, disability, medical problems, pregnancy, etc., that person should be sincerely offered the bed.

Otherwise, it depends on the relationship and how the trip was set up:

A last minute invitation for someone to share the room because, for example, they're drunk, means that they get the sofa bed (or floor), as the room's owner is doing them a favor or preventing something worse from happening.

If the invitation was along the suggested lines of "you can take the sofa bed for free", then the "guest" gets the sofa bed because that's what was offered and accepted (as in a contract), with no further discussion except possibly for a last minute broken leg or some similar emergency. The guest should still offer to pay for something else, even as a gesture that doesn't come close to half the value of the room, or otherwise eventually offer a thank you gift.

If the invitation was "be my guest" for a birthday or special occasion, the birthday boy/girl gets the bed out of courtesy, just as I would offer a guest the most comfortable chair in my living room.

If it's some version of friends traveling together, then I'd look at how expenses are being split more generally, possibly versus what each party can afford to contribute if they philosophically take this stance. So the OP might be using his/her points for the room, but if the other person has used their miles for both tickets or if the other one is paying for dinners, etc., they have equal claims on the bed, so tossing a coin is reasonable.

I call BS - there is no reason to ask the question when you know the answer. Nobody wants the sofa. The friend clearly wanted to open a discussion with the objective of securing the bed.

+1 Ding ding - this is the correct answer.

The only exception would be in the unlikely event I sharing a room with my Dad, in which case I would offer him the bed out of respect. But he'd probably be paying at least 50% anyway. :D

Person paying gets the bed, unless the friend has a condition or very good reason they need the bed. Realistically the guest should have never asked the question and immediately taken the sofa bed.

See, there's no accounting for taste. That's far from an "of course" IMO; if I didn't need a 4-door, and assuming this isn't some 3rd-world country where there are still old rear-engine Beetles kicking around (eta: though honestly, I'd probably take one of those for nostalgia value) ... I'd take the New Beetle in a heartbeat.

I can't tell if this is some sort of sarcasm or if you were really offended that a car rental person would ask you what kind of car you want. That is their job. I would be offended if they made presumptions about me and didn't ask. There are many, perfectly logical reasons why one might want a Beetle rather than a Focus.

I can think of 9/10 friends who would take the Beetle in a heartbeat, it is a 'fun' car! I am not a particular fan of the Beetle, but I would probably take it for the fact it is a VW, which I far prefer driving, and tends to have a higher base model level than Fords (I've owned both VWs and Ford myself).

I would have told him I was taking the sofa-bed and
dispensed with the issue immediately.

Yes, it is my room... but I like to be a gracious host
and not have my friends consider me a stinker.

I think your friend just wanted to dispense with what
was obviously the elephant in the room at the time.

The first thing that popped into my mind: "Those aren't pillows!!!"

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

OP was probably expecting Friend to do say something appropriate back like "since you are paying, I wouldn't think of taking your bed." If Friend had any class he would have not have taken the bed.

:D Lol ^

But seriously - there are only a handful of friends I would share a room with in the first place (and even then only if accommodation was very expensive or limited). If we could only get a king bed, I'd feel comfortable enough to share it with them - not ideal, but there's plenty of room in a king!

In fact, though it has been a few years now, when we were younger and wanting to save money, three of us spent a couple of weeks driving across America - we always stayed in one room with two double beds, and used to cut a deck of cards every night to see who got one to themselves! Can't say I'd choose to do it now I'm a bit older and have a bit more money, but if needs be...

Hah! I'd take the Beetle just because I haven't driven one before, and they're sorta quirky and fun.

As for the OP's question - I agree that s/he did it to him/herself. If someone asks your preference, don't read so much into their deep, dark motivations for doing so - they are just asking. Give an honest answer.

What about cultures where if you admire someone's watch, for example, their way is to try to give it to you. Obviously you would be a real jerk to take advantage of someone you know is just being polite. It is a version of that, OP was just being polite asking Friend his bed preference and in this little dance OP is not supposed to take advantage.

that is dishonest! if you didn't mean to allow a choice by the friend without taking any umbrage, you are not being polite, one is being superficial.
This very akin to " nice tie" BS.

Honest people have a sense of what's fair and don't take advantage.

I can see lots of reasons not to give this friend the benefit of a doubt. However, perhaps you know some reasons that he should be? Maybe he has a bad back, for example, and was desperately hoping for a proper bed?

Ultimately, no one can give you the "right" answer. You have to judge what you get from your friendship.

If he has a bad back I know nothing of it.

In good faith all relevant facts are in my original post. This friend and I are not close but we have known each other, on amicable terms, with regular communication, for 6 years.

The likeliest explanation, I think, is that he forgot that I was "paying" for the room. He may have believed the room was truly free.