exbayern

And I have given up my seat in past to permit a terrified spouse to sit with their partner, unasked, and unexpected on the part of the passenger.

Yet still there are many here who feel that they are morally superior because we won't do that every time.

I'd also like to point out that to many of us, even asking is not something we like to do as we feel that simply asking imposes on others. I did ask once in my life, when I was a very young, inexperienced flyer, and the response from the woman was so vitriolic and harsh that I never asked again. I also learned from that experience and don't feel that it is right for me to impose on someone else and put them in a position where they may feel obliged to do something because of my issues.

For me personally, if I were you and your wife in that situation, I still wouldn't ask another passenger. I would do everything possible before boarding the flight, and if when boarding was completed there still were no options ie empty seats, I would weigh my personal needs against deplaning.

pinniped

I'm usually willing to move if the people asking are using common sense. I think chemist661 said it best...common sense is only asking to trade if the swappee is getting a like or better seat.

In a J configuration, that means I'd attempt to have 1 window and 1 aisle in hand before I started thinking about trading. If it was a 2-3-2 and I had two middles, I'd just deal with us sitting apart. (On a 2-4-2, maybe you can get two middles together.) Two grown adults can fly on an airplane separated by a couple of rows. Both will arrive at the destination at (approximately) the same time.

Part of the deal with gate upgrades is that you sometimes get middles in J. That's okay - think about the alternative, sitting in coach. I'd rather my spouse and I enjoy separate middles in J than seats together in Y, every time.

Always watch the J-to-F upgrade list at the gate. If there appears to be some movement there, let the GA know you're interested in getting 2 together in J. That happened for us on a TPAC about a month ago. We held two J seats apart, then about 8 people were upgraded to F, and because we'd mentioned it to the GA she moved us to two upper deck seats together before she started working the Y-to-J upgrade list.

exbayern

I would add however that the middle seats of four really sucks on some carriers (yes, I mean you, UA) and is actually quite nicely secluded for couples on others (ie BA 747)

The same holds true for aisles on some aircraft in business class. All aisles are not the same on LH - the aisles in the centre section are much more desirable to many passengers because there is no need for someone to climb over a reclining passenger. And on the UA aircraft which are four across in J, I'll take a side aisle over a middle aisle.

And since you threw out UD, that is a whole other issue. Most people I think would value seats on UD very differently than in the main cabin. I might consider a move to the main cabin on a daytime flight on a BA 747, but if it is a night flight there is no way I would consider giving up my seat on UD (especially as one tends to need status to reserve those at time of booking)