And the choices are getting FEWER and FEWER!!! Where's everyone gonna go when they run out of choices?!?!

I think the one that bothers me the most is the passenger talking loud on their cell phone while waiting for a gate that says "well we made it to Atlanta, but we're just sitting here on the RUNWAY". Seriously? Like ATC is letting us tie up 26R for a half hour.

This doesn't count as the dumbest, but it is one of the most memorable -- back in my single days, was sitting in a window seat on a full regional jet,and the attractive young blonde sitting to my left keeps surreptitiously glancing in my direction.

Everyone boards, and we start to taxi, and she turns to me - I'm waiting for a conversation starter of some kind.

She points to the pocket on the seat in front of me, and says -- "Are you going to need that airsickness bag? I always get sick when I take off and land, and I'm not sure one will be enough."

Ok now, finish the story...........

I boarded a CRJ-900 flight toward the end of FC for my 1A seat. This is an aircraft that has just a little enclosed bookshelf for coats and purses on the A side but a full-sized overhead bin over seats B and C. The elderly couple across the aisle from me in 1BC were already settled with their belongings stored when I started to put my wheeled bag--perfectly legal and small enough to fit into the bin wheels out without any issues--into the empty bin space over 1BC without disturbing anything already in the bin. They immediately called for the FA and demanded to know whether I was allowed to put my bag there. When she said yes, they didn't believe the answer and demanded to hear the same response from the captain.

Another TSA story
 

Several years ago, when they were checking if cell phones were not wired to be (I guess) an explosive device, I had been asked on a few occasions to press a key and/or turn the phone on. Wondering how smart they were, I tried this:
TSA Agent: Sir, please press number 5 in your phone
I stared at my phone, and with a puzzled look said: "my phone doesn't have a number 5"
TSA Agent: Oh, then press another number
I had to refrain from laughing when he believed what I said.

silence...
 

I like the "silent" pax!

2 weeks ago I flew US from DFW to CLT. At check in, I noticed a lady with five bags. She was checking four and planned to carry one bag on (and a large purse too). One if the checked bags weighed 64 pounds, and the agent told her that it would cost extra unless she could "loose some weight". She then pulled up her (already) stuffed carry on, and started transferring things to it. Once she got the checked bag under the weight limit, she sat on the carry on and managed to get it zipped up. If was about to burst at the seams. I didn't think much of it but laughed. I get to the gate, and board in zone 1. I'm sitting in my ER seat, reading my Kindle, and I see her coming down the aisle. The bins are pretty much full but she finds "space". She stuffs the bag I. The overhead right in front of me, and sits down. The only problem is that about 1/4 of the bag us hanging out cause it is too full to fit. The FA pics up the mic and says for the pax that stuffed a bag that would not fit in the bin to remove it Bd she would check it for her. The lady looks around and says " that is my bag". Trouble is, she doesn't claim it when the FA walks back and asks again. It took the FA asking 4 times before she stood up and said, "it's mine, but you can't check it, cause I don't have any cash on me to pay for it".

Priceless

On the same flight, the GA wAs very vocal. We were looking at a 20 minute delay, and he announced it was due to "crew rest". He told us that 3 times. There was a crew already on the plane. Ad we were boarding, everyone was making comments to the pilot about it being an early flight and they had to get up for it so why couldn't the crew.... About half way through the boarding process, the pilot came on the mic and said "I don't know what that GA told you guys, but this crew was not late... We were not supposed to fly out until 4 hours from now, but we were called in early. He obviously doesn't have a clue what he is talking about."

I was LMAO!

...CVG - LAS pax asks FA "how can we be in the air for 3 hours and 37 minutes....My tickets says we are supposed to take off at 9:05 and land at 10:10....that is 1 hour and 5 minutes".....

Wonder what she would think if she was going from CVG to BNA....would she be thrilled about the 4 minute flight?

I always get a laugh when boarding an RJ and the roller bags get pink tagged. On almost every flight there is at least one clueless passenger who says "but it fit in the overhead on my flight coming in from (mainline)"

A couple nights ago - landing in BZN and deplaning at the relatively new section of the terminal a couple of us from the flight were commenting on the new gates and one woman says "Well that plane was huge. They must have extended the runway too." We were on an A320...

Not on DL, but an airline that is... um, "Together".
Flight was delayed in ORD due to very very severe morning thunderstorms. So flights were being delayed. The guy sitting next to me is complaining because our flight was being delayed (in a 10 minute rolling block) because of ATC.
Guy goes "I don't see why they just can't land. I need to get home."
I reply "It isn't safe to land in storms this bad. There is the risk of a microburst, which has taken down bigger jets than what we'll be in."
His follow up was "This is the second flight this year that I've flown, and they've both been delayed because of 'weather'. I still don't see why they can't land."
"Because the pilots don't want to crash. Imagine the delays then."
"Yeah, but if they don't crash."

He turned out to be a zone 4 gate louse, and glared at me while I was enjoying my PDB in F.

Sounds like he worked for NASA at one point ;)

http://articles.cnn.com/1999-09-30/t...tem?_s=PM:TECH

Not DL, but on another airline with a hub in SE TX, and a gal in the boarding area waiting for the flight to AUS speaking on her cell phone in a thick southern drawl:

"Yeah, we was in one of them REAL big planes; it had, like, three seats, and then an a'll [aisle], and then THREE MORE SEATS!!!" I can't even imagine what her face would look like if she flew a widebody...

Best story yet IMO.

Here's mine, I almost couldn't believe it when I witnessed it:

FA walking around FC asking if anyone wanted drinks. Stops at 2A/B. Asks 2A (woman), "Maam what do you want to drink." No response. Asks again, no response. Asks a 3rd time.

Husband (2B) replies, "oh, she doesn't talk to servants". I wanted to punch both of them but thought better of it...