BearX220

The job or the marriage?

sculler1x

There was a thread on this a while back - it's well worth a read, and Yaatri's post (#4) is a good summary of the challenges you will face.

http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/trave...commuting.html

No question, this will put stress on your marriage - how much you're willing to tolerate is up to you.

coachrowsey

As some one who's been married 35 years a big +1.

Italy98

+1 on Skype. If you have children it allows them to see you on a daily basis so they don't forget who daddy is.

Is there any possibility of tele-commuting with your job for one day every 10 - 15 days?

Communicate in an overload mode. Even the little, insignificant things can become major issues down the road.

Whatever option you select, good luck!

BowTieGuy

My friend is a SQ captain which means weekly absence from my other friend (his partner). Note he was already a pilot before they met, but as a bystander they seem as in love as when they first met. Every time I meet them it seems like they're on honeymoon etc. They've been together for about 10 years I guess.

Speak to your wife! It's possible, this scenario could actually improve your relationship... No-one knows what happens behind closed doors and I'm certainly not going to ask my mate whether their displays of affection are genuine. But I believe them to be, hence this post. Good luck.

PS: Trust is number one, so again, Speak to your wife.

ralfp

^ (From experience). The communication has to remain open even after/if you take the job. The last thing you want is for your wife to hate the situation, but not feel able to tell you.

CarolynUK

Isn't this a bit of a no- brainer?

You've been out of work for 10 months and there are no jobs in your fiels where you are living?

Is your wife's job so well paid that her moving to join you in the new location is enough to make a difference?

Relationships are all about give and take - and if you are offered a well paid job out of state, and its enough to support your wife while she takes a sabbatical or looks for a new job in the new area for herself - that's what you should be looking at doing.

But you shouldn't be asking us - you should be talking to your wife.

FWIW - as the wife of a travelling businessman myself - I'd be telling you to take it - and if the new job pans out be looking for a job in the new area myself. There is nothing worse than having a sulky (out of work) husband under your feet, endlessly complaining that "You wouldn't let me take that job....!"

jbcarioca

My spouse and I have been happily together for over 30 years during which time both of us have been constantly traveling. Much of the time I was in Korea or Japan while she was in the UK or Brazil. Our secretmof happiness, if there is one, is that we never take business calls when we are together. never!. That gives us the little time we have with each other only for each other.

It is changing now because I am semi-retired. We still follow that rule.

pacer142

I'm doing that at the moment, though my job varies - sometimes I work more locally, sometimes I do that, sometimes I do 3 days away, 2 working at home, which is my preferred arrangement. But I'm single and live on my own. I can't imagine doing it if I was married, even less so if I had children. I barely have enough time to do what I need to do, let alone to put enough time into a marriage.

Neil

HomerJ

....so as long as the missus isn't vehemently against it, then I would do it.
Quite simply a year from now the job market may be better in your area, allowing you to find a job that keeps you local.
Sorry but unemployment causes more stress in my mind than this separation. Unless you are already independently wealthy or wife is a surgeon. If that's the case the hell with it...be a kept man.

duchy

What was you wife's first reaction ?

I don't think you'll really know if you can make it work as a couple until you've tried it ..... so try it -but keep evaluating and talking.

You'll probably be surprised which areas need the most adjustment-often it's things you least expect.

Good luck whatever you both decide.

TravelerMSY

It's going to be hard, basically directly correlated with the level of monogamy in your relationship. A schedule like that is hard on a marriage and can't go on forever.

The flip side of it is that the time you actually are together will be super good. If you only have two days together you tend to make them count.

Do you have children?

onefreetraveler

I just wanted to express my appreciation to everyone who took the time to post a response.

Rest assured, that my wife and I have discussed the pros and cons of me taking a job that would have me on the road 5 days per week. We both agree that (in this economy) I should take this job. We will work hard to maintain an open line of communication as we go through this change.

I was really looking for input from those of you that have gone through or are still dealing with this type of scenario.

Thank you again for your input.