UA on approach to LGA about 1.5 years ago, plane was on a hard bank. "To your left is Citi Field, feel free to toss some money in and help with the bail out."

On boarding a Southwest flight some time ago, "Ladies and gentlemen this is the captain. My mother-in-law bought a ticket for this flight and if we hurry up and get into our seats we can leave before she shows up."

Continental to TLV: FA makes usual announcement at the end of the flight - Please be careful when opening the overhead compartment because "shift happens"

American flight from Dallas (DISABLED dc10 off to right)
 

We are returning to the gate to let Machanics fix "xxxxxxxxx" It is not very important, We only use it for take off and landing."

And for those of you travelling with young kids -
 

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? :D

(On Southwest SJC->SAN)

Urban legend
 

Flight lands in TLV around Christmas / Hanuka time:
For those passengers in their seats we wish a merry Christmas, and happy Hanuka to all the passengers standing in the isles..

I don't get it? :confused:

Israelis vs. foreigners
 

Israelis stand-up as the plane touches the ground, foreigners politely wait in their seats until it's OK to stand ;)

Not so funny but memorable
 

After having been diverted to Rockport while coming in to ORD, as a big squall line went through, and sitting on the plane for an hour or so, the Captain says: "The good news is that O'Hare is open again. The bad is that there's about 300 planes in front of us so we'll stay here for a little while longer".

Few years ago, ATL, typical summer thunderstorm. Pilot: "They're letting us take off again, and it looks like we're about number six........................hundred in line."

Once had an FA say there is a designated smoking area out on the wing.

I guess I normally get boring pilots or i'm just so used to tuning them out.

After an especially rough landing, when the cockpit door opens the pilot comes out with dark glasses and a cane, mimicking a blind man.

I had something similar from a FA on SWA a year or two back. I think I was flying LAS->IAD, and the plane was on its second of a four-leg day. The FA said something vaguely like:

"This plane is continuing to (place) and then (place in Flordia). If that is your final destination -- you may want to get a better travel agent."

50 cramped, grumbling passengers sitting on yet another horribly delayed Atlantic Southeast Airways RJ, having pushed back from the gate 45 minutes late, still parked for over an hour on the side of the taxiway, waiting for some kind of permission to take off, the pilot updates us again on the status and then adds,

"We appreciate you flying with us today and thank you for your patience. Please bear in mind, you are flying ASA, not ASAP. The airline with the same day guarantee"

Everyone lightened up after that.

After a particulary hard and abrupt landing at DCA with a hard stop, pilot comes on "Welcome to the USS national [or something to that effect]....sometimes I forget I'm not landing on aircraft carriers anymore"