Jun 15, 2018, 3:18 pm
Last edit by: Prospero
There have been sufficient posts over the years on this topic so as to extend the scope of this thread from one instance to multiple instances of passengers asking to exchange seats with you.
The prevailing ideas of seat exchange etiquette seem to include:
Ask, don’t assume or surprise another passenger by poaching another passenger’s seat first, then asking when confronted. At that point, even for those willing, you’ll probably get a curt “no” reply - at best.
Ask nicely.
Try to have a reasonable purpose - you’re a companion to a person with a disability or condition requiring your assistance and the airline had no adjacent seats to sell.
Don’t expect a better seat to be granted for your worse seat. Ever.
Thank the other person. Shouting them a drink, etc. is even better.
Accept “no” gracefully; it wasn’t ever your seat.
The prevailing ideas of seat exchange etiquette seem to include:
Ask, don’t assume or surprise another passenger by poaching another passenger’s seat first, then asking when confronted. At that point, even for those willing, you’ll probably get a curt “no” reply - at best.
Ask nicely.
Try to have a reasonable purpose - you’re a companion to a person with a disability or condition requiring your assistance and the airline had no adjacent seats to sell.
Don’t expect a better seat to be granted for your worse seat. Ever.
Thank the other person. Shouting them a drink, etc. is even better.
Accept “no” gracefully; it wasn’t ever your seat.
The “would you change seats with me?” Master thread
Jul 22, 2025 | 2:28 pm
#346
Join Date: Sep 2002
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Given that 70% or more of the folks up front don't mind being asked politely, absent a sign otherwise, one should expect to be asked occassonally.
Jul 22, 2025 | 2:31 pm
#347
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Los Angeles
Programs: AA LT Gold
Posts: 3,775
And it is precisely about aggression.
How do I know that someone that asks "nicely" is going to also nicely accept the refusal? I bet 99% of the times there is a refusal the person asking will make a face, a passive aggressive comment, or go away mumbling something.
Some people don't like confrontation. The moment someone asks for a seat swap I am like "OH LORD, here it comes". Not rarely, it makes for an unpleasant interaction. OR retaliation (punching your seat back, for example)
There are other people that simply want to be on their headphones or book or whatever and absolutely do not want to talk to anybody. They are in their full right to do so unless it is a Flight Attendant.
Personally, I would ask the gate agent or flight attendant and not deal with asking any passenger. And If I have to fly separated from my husband or parent, then so be it.
Seating apart form a loved one is one of the risks of traveling. Managing that risk will not depend on the will of other pax, at least for me.
Jul 22, 2025 | 2:43 pm
#348
Join Date: Jun 2011
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Jul 22, 2025 | 2:49 pm
#349
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Los Angeles
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Posts: 3,775
"No, I am not swapping seats"
That does not mean I am not liking the request or the pax going away mumbling "snowflake". I'd rather not be asked. Just a preference. Not that deep.
Jul 22, 2025 | 2:59 pm
#350
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver, CO
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But I would bet the vast majority do not mind the request, and that same majority has no issue in simply and politely stating NO if they want, with no explanation needed or warranted. No biggie. Move on!
Jul 22, 2025 | 3:14 pm
#351
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I will tell you exactly why I dislike it. It is not the form of words - it is so often the attitude with which it is delivered. It expects the answer "Yes" and there are petulant little answers when you refuse. "SHE doesn't want to move". It may be easy to decline but one is made to feel guilty if one does not. In my experience it is married couples who could not care less and I am one of them. He is happy when he has some game or other, or is watching the film, or if he is in a window seat looking out of the window. I watch something on my Ipad as I find most inflight entertainment fit for those who are still graduating to solid food.
In the end, I am in the pointed part of the plane as we paid to be there. We do not play upgrade roulette as we do not have enough seniority at AA (plenty at BA but that is irrelevant) to compete in the bear pit that the boarding lounges degrade into as boarding approaches. Therefore I have made the seat selection long ago. Those who are chosen for upgrade have to take what comes and if that means that a married or unmarried couple are separated, then I am sorry, tough. That mostly happens when I travel alone as my husband is, for the reason that I have explained, next to me. Whether I qualify for the epithet of "Snowflake" is for others to decide. I think that I am more Snow White but then I missed out on the prince so that may not be appropriate.
In the end it is like being asked for credit, a refusal in my experience often offends. I hope that you are not personally offended by my answer to your question, However, after nearly 40 years of marriage (yes, I was a child bride), the only reason that I really enjoy him being there is that I do not have to be polite and courteous and as he has a sweet tooth he and I swap my dessert for his cheese. Admittedly this is a BA meal issue as cheese is not that much served on American and when it is it is totally under-ripe and bland.
Were this not the business like totally non- frivolous AA Forum I could tell you about a couple separated on a flight aboard Air France from CDG to LHR, but this is also a family show so I cannot.
In the end, I am in the pointed part of the plane as we paid to be there. We do not play upgrade roulette as we do not have enough seniority at AA (plenty at BA but that is irrelevant) to compete in the bear pit that the boarding lounges degrade into as boarding approaches. Therefore I have made the seat selection long ago. Those who are chosen for upgrade have to take what comes and if that means that a married or unmarried couple are separated, then I am sorry, tough. That mostly happens when I travel alone as my husband is, for the reason that I have explained, next to me. Whether I qualify for the epithet of "Snowflake" is for others to decide. I think that I am more Snow White but then I missed out on the prince so that may not be appropriate.
In the end it is like being asked for credit, a refusal in my experience often offends. I hope that you are not personally offended by my answer to your question, However, after nearly 40 years of marriage (yes, I was a child bride), the only reason that I really enjoy him being there is that I do not have to be polite and courteous and as he has a sweet tooth he and I swap my dessert for his cheese. Admittedly this is a BA meal issue as cheese is not that much served on American and when it is it is totally under-ripe and bland.
Were this not the business like totally non- frivolous AA Forum I could tell you about a couple separated on a flight aboard Air France from CDG to LHR, but this is also a family show so I cannot.
As long as the exchange is reasonable, I don't see a harm in asking. If someone snipes your seat or tries something ridiculous like trying to swap J for Y, that's a different story.
Jul 22, 2025 | 3:43 pm
#353
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: SJC (AA PLT 2MM - Marriott LTT - Avis Preferred)
Posts: 2,251
I politely decline unless its like for like, of course.
For those of you who do proceed to interact with the requestors, any success stories in getting them to ask the neighbors of the “other seat” to switch instead?
For those of you who do proceed to interact with the requestors, any success stories in getting them to ask the neighbors of the “other seat” to switch instead?
Jul 22, 2025 | 4:18 pm
#354
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You could have booked your seat months in advance and then due to IROPS, ended up scattered in different seats and separated. Yes, people are asking with the hope that you say yes... so what? There is nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with saying no.
As long as the exchange is reasonable, I don't see a harm in asking. If someone snipes your seat or tries something ridiculous like trying to swap J for Y, that's a different story.
As long as the exchange is reasonable, I don't see a harm in asking. If someone snipes your seat or tries something ridiculous like trying to swap J for Y, that's a different story.
My sentiments are coloured by an incident where I was flying to HNL from LAX where some man unused to being told No by anyone and especially a woman really kicked off when I told him that I was fine where I was. I had the whole nine yards - his children were elsewhere, his wife was somewhere else and who did I think that I was. I was aisle and he was window as I recall. I tell you this so that you realise that this was not just not me being capricious. So loud was he that he was spoken to and he left. Someone else came and sat in the seat next to him and we both had peace and quiet. Get a crew member to come and ask if it is that important. Boarding is stressful enough that when you get in your seat and set your things out; you do not wish to be further intruded upon - at least I do not. I have never feared confrontation but I prefer not to have to deal with it unnecessarily.
Jul 22, 2025 | 4:31 pm
#355
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver, CO
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Posts: 298
Then there are those "unused to being asked" immediately displaying a meltdown. For what it's worth, a request is NOT a demand. No biggie. Move on!
Jul 22, 2025 | 5:02 pm
#356
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Thousand Oaks, Ca., USA
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If you aren't bothered by being asked nicely and responded to civilly, clearly the comment didn't apply to you.
Last edited by beachfan; Jul 23, 2025 at 2:07 am
Jul 22, 2025 | 10:12 pm
#357
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Jul 23, 2025 | 6:42 am
#358
Join Date: Feb 2022
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If it's a like for like seat I say yes, otherwise no. When it comes to F if sitting together is that important than buy the cash upgrade rather than chancing sloppy seconds complimentary upgrades. As far as irregular operations yeah you often have to give up something to get where you're going faster. Different seat, loss of meal choice, less desirable routing, etc. Again, if sitting together is so important wait for a flight that has 2 seats together.
Jul 23, 2025 | 8:19 am
#359
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If it's a like for like seat I say yes, otherwise no. When it comes to F if sitting together is that important than buy the cash upgrade rather than chancing sloppy seconds complimentary upgrades. As far as irregular operations yeah you often have to give up something to get where you're going faster. Different seat, loss of meal choice, less desirable routing, etc. Again, if sitting together is so important wait for a flight that has 2 seats together.
On the rare occasion someone isn't polite, is hostile, etc., that is an extremely rare exception compared to anything I've ever seen.
Jul 23, 2025 | 8:44 am
#360
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 52
We were recently upgraded on a flight and were placed separate from each other despite there being a couple of sets of seats together prior to the upgrades. I guess a few others got upgraded at the same time so I was unable to quickly change the selection to one next to my wife. My wife was on the window and I was on the opposite aisle a row in front of her. When boarding, I asked her row mate if she would mind switching and received a curt "no, i'd like to sit next to my partner too". And that was that. I really don't see it as an impolite request so long as you accept that no is also a reasonable response.