Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge has resigned. He said he hopes
Americans will think of him every time their grandmothers are felt up by
airport security guards.

Canada's transport minister is investigating the theft of 1,000 airport
security screener uniforms and badges. Officials are worried that they'll
be used for unauthorized fondling.

The FAA is now advising travelers to get to the airport two hours early.
They also say it makes the security screeners' job easier if you wear
crotchless underpants.

Health & Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson has stepped down. In his resignation speech, he said: "I can't understand why the terrorists haven't
attacked our food supply because it's so easy to do."

"Today al-Qaeda said: "Thanks for the tip."

Everybody needs a grin on Mondays.