Do Not Treat the TSA Screeners as Your Playthings
 

They are screwed up enough as it is. What if this is a big, fun success, TK? Every FT'er will want to follow suit, and those of us just trying to get through the Security Theater efficiently will feel like we've been hijacked by the circus car full of clowns. Or, rather, feel even more like that than we usually do.

No you can't hold him, but you can follow him and point him out, right? The reason for the LEO is because the he/she will want to know why you left when your property began to be searched; were you afraid something would be found. Also, at that point, we stop searching your property, and hand it over to the LEO.

I believe TK said he was short on time on this flight, which is why I don't suggest he walk away from a search, as this will actually take a while (or longer than usual).

If you want to get a pat down "forget" something metalic in your pocket; or get the more extensive pat-down by claiming a pace-maker. If you want your bag checked, leave a bottle water in in. Note, the more extensive pat-down will have you remove everything from your pocket, including your wallet. At that point, since you did not send your wallet through the wtmd, it has to be screened by x-ray or a hand check. I often hand check the wallet right there, so that the passenger can see me do it, and so his wallet never leaves his sight. I find a handfull of weapons in wallets every year. Go figure.

As far as random things, those processes are up since dec 25th. Maybe you will get lucky?

Sorry, but I disagree with this one
 

I do not think this is proper. I do not interact with them any more than necessary and only what is necessary. Maybe they will learn from our example, perform their job and do not cause any unnecessary bother. While a large number of them do just this, there will always be those who do not.

Get one of those autograph books that you can buy in any Target. Tell the TSOs you are very excited about your upcoming vacation and ask everyone you interact with to sign it for you. Ask the BDOs if they can write "BDO" after their names.

Mike

As you are walking through with your invisible dog, tell the TSOs to be careful because she isn't housebroken yet. Leave fake dog poop in bin.

Mike

What is "fighting about IDs"? Consider a small wearable camera.
 

Can you explain your inability to "fight about IDs" on this trip? If by fighting about them you mean politely declining to present any proof of identity, and if what you're worried about is the possibility of making the wrong people angry and ending up in jail, then might most of the other suggestions discussed in this thread carry the same risk?

Do you plan to carry a camera in a visible manner to keep people on their best behavior? Have you considered wearing an inconspicuous camera to document your experience without raising the hackles of those who think you're not allowed to film at the checkpoint? I looked into such devices recently and found that there are several options available for less than $50. Skipping the pen cameras and key fob cameras, I bought these three to try them out: one looks like a bluetooth headset, one fits in a pack of gum (or could be clipped on your pocket with a nondescript black bar sticking up), and one is an MP3 player that also has a camera in it. Each takes stills or video. The first two have 2 GB memory and are expandable using micro-SD cards, and the MP3 player has no on-board memory, using only a micro-SD card. I bought a 2 GB card on sale for $10.

I particularly like the MP3 player. Mine cost $25 delivered from Hong Kong and took about a week to arrive, but you can probably find U.S. sellers, get it sooner, and likley pay a small premium for the convenience. Even under close inspection, it's unlikely that anyone would guess that it was anything more than an MP3 player unless he was familiar with this model and looking for the pinhole lens. All the markings are those you'd expect to see on an MP3 player -- no "record" or "video" printed on it. To get your recordings off it, you either plug it in to a computer using the included cable (works like any USB mass storage device, i.e., like a USB flash drive), or just pull out the card and read it on your computer like you would any other micro-SD card (USB adapter, full-size-SD adapter, etc.)

The instructions are all poorly translated, and the user interfaces are functional but not intuitive. The MP3 player's is reasonably simple: hold the play button to turn it on, press volume up to start and stop recording.

You'd be wise to consider the laws of any state in which you might use such a camera. Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press provides a "Practical Guide to Taping Phone Calls and In-Person Conversations in the 50 States and D.C" which states:
See RCFP's state-by-state guide for more details. I don't know if a camera that is positioned right out where everyone can see it, but that doesn't have the appearance that most people associate with cameras, is considered a "hidden camera".

I wonder if others would be interested in assembling an archive of video of our TSA staff doing the jobs we pay them to do. Sticking with TSA's retail metaphor (they refer to us as their "customers" although we don't purchase anything from them and we're really their employers), participants would be "secret shoppers". We could provide valuable feedback to TSA.

Ziploc snack baggies of gold bond powder, ziploc bags of freshly cut grass trimmings. in your carryon.

I suggest people not lie during their interaction with federal government staff.

Why are TSA staff so reluctant to use the word "search"? Is it an attempt to avoid reminding us of our constitutional protection from unreasonable search? What you're describing, SATTSO, is searching the wallet. Your process of keeping weapons, explosives, incendiaries, drugs, drug paraphernalia, and large amounts of cash off airplanes may be "screening" but when you examine the content of my bags or my wallet, you are searching them, not screening them. (Similarly, when you look under my clothes, whether by having me remove them or using a device that allows you to see through them, you are strip-searching me, not strip-screening me, though I don't hear TSA staff using either of these terms.)

Is there something special about MCO?
I am through there on DOmestic flights a few times in 10 days or so, already have one (game) planned and some of these seem fairly good for a giggle or two, might even have a repertoire set up ready!

How are you with pulling off illusions/slight of hand?

You could do the multiplying bottles illusion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9KinKTSsaA

http://makmagic.castwide.com/P3640.wmv

Or any other number of illusions, that would probably make their heads spin.

Sure, use the word searched.

Ok, TK, you will have to be searched to fly, your property will have to be searched, too.

Happy?

I use the word screened because that is what I do as a TSO. I screen people and property. I am not a "searcher", but feel free to call me that. As a screener, using the word screen makes sense to me.

Edit: btw, I don't search for drugs; never have, never will. I have never received any instructions or training to search for those things. Most I have ever been told, that while searching for wei, if I come across them, contact a leo. Which, I have every right to do, not as a TSO, but as a citizen.

But if you really want to play semantics with the words screened and searched, feel free.

Make sure your pre-flight meal is one known to produce vile flatulence.

When TSO crosses the Rubicon, deploy your chemical weapon.

I've seen this happen. Poor TSO, got it right in the face. But it was really funny cause it wasn't me...

Except that if a random citizen asked to search my person or bags I could refuse without being detained or prevented from traveling. The idea that the government is empowering you to search my bags but you are reporting your findings to law enforcement as a private citizen seems like a pretty weak argument to me. TSOs should be searching only for weapons, explosives, etc with a blanket rule that anything else they may find can't be reported to law enforcement or used as probable cause to justify a search by LEOs.