That is a good one.

Some of my favorites:

"In the event of an emergency, this plane can make a water landing, but only once..."

"If the person seated next to you is a child, or just acts like one..."

-cwk.

It's easy to remember a harp player when you are one your self (or trying to be). Its intersting in foriegn countries when they see a harp and not sure what it is.

Another good line I heard was along the lines of:

"Please open the bins carefully as things probally shifted after the landing you just encountred..."

BTW - If you get to keep the exit window/door if you have to open it, does it work well on a sknow hill as a sled on on the water as an alternaitve to a wake board/tube .

Heard on TWA, but along the same lines:
"After you have secured your own [oxygen mask], help small children or those who didn't pay attention during the safety demo."

You wouldn't if it actually happened to you. One of my genuine pet peeves is FAs making a mockery of the safety demo. I was on NW SEA-MEM this week and the FA found the safety demo such a laugh riot she had to repeatedly turn off the mike to compose herself, while the others standing in the aisles rolled their eyes and chuckled.

This is a way of telling the passengers you don't really have to take this stuff seriously, because WE don't... this is a terrible message, considering that the majority of air crashes are survivable. It is especially hard when I am flying with my eight-year-old son, trying to teach him to be a good passenger, find the emergency exits, take safety seriously, and then the FAs cut up all during the briefing.

Agree it's a serious matter, however, were you able to do the demo ad lib for your son during distraction like good experineced travelers should .

I have been on a few flights where most of the front cabin breaks into the routine doing the hand motion in conjunction with the FA's. Sure it's a serious message, however, it shows that if someone can do it in unison, there just might be some cognative redeaming value.

Let's see,

Reach up, grab and cover for yourself first, then those nearby. Float under the seat, buckle up at all times (something that still amazes me those that dont ), exits two in front (follow with the hand movements ), two over the wing (e.g. 319), two in rear, the one in front or rear maybe closer so you decide however note the floor marked lights should work however may not. Leave personal items behind (you in 21B, leave that roller board where it is), dont smoke in the lavatories as its a fed offense and you will get a complimentry night stay in a facility that makes a super 8 look luxrious. If we are going over the water, then there's some more things about the life rafts etc. and be sure to use that little envolope in front of you if the food we give you makes you ill. There is an info placard in the seat infront of you if you need to more know about this xxx ac.

I know I missed some things comes I dont always pay attention to the whole thing however this is only a bit of humor on a very serious topic. Keeping a balanced and relaxed head in the midst of situations is also cited as a major saving force (well, maybe not laughing) .

So brush up on those skills if you are rusty and if you have not yet pulled that seat belt extra tight, or grabbed your ankles on a landing hope you dont have to .

BTW - Did you son enjoy the rest of the flight I hope?

Some years back on Midwest Express flight the lead flight attendant SANG the safety announcement. It was really interesting - everybody paid attention! She sang the words exactly as though she were reading them and the words were quite clear and understandable.

I suspect the most important thing about a safety announcement is getting people to listen and pay attention.

On Southwest flight, FA was discussing using seat cushion as flotation device, said once in the water, "kick, paddle, kick, paddle, until you get to dry land".

On NW flight from Memphis to Little Rock, FA said that in event of a water landing, we are probably way off course, as no large bodies of water between here and there.

Also on NW, FA said pilots girlfriend has just broken up with him, so he was wondering if anyone would mind if we buzzed her house on the way out.

Lastly on NW, as plane landed, as we were going to the gate, the FA said she could hear seat belts being undone before reaching the gate, so we would have to keep taking off and re-landing until we could learn to follow directions.

[This message has been edited by volrichard (edited 02-28-2003).]

Heard on USAirways from a FA that looked like Jesse Ventura,

There will be no eating, drinking or sleeping for those in emergency exit row seats.


Jay