This was forwarded to my wife by a friend (not a FF) who dedicated it to another friend (an executive producer for A&E Network and a VERY FF) "who swears she always waits to purchase airline tickets at the last possible moment when she is allowed to pay the highest of all possible prices."
BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE:
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.

BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE:
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Wow! That's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of the $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you some questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: What? When would I have to paint to get the $9 version?
Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding!
Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.
Customer: What do you mean, check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.
Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.
Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I'd suggest that you get on with your purchase. Of course, the next change could be to your advantage, if you'd like to take that chance. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
Clerk: Oh, no, sir. You can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: What?
Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tarrifs.
Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset. That's just the way it is. We make plans based on the idea that you will use all the paint. When you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night?
Clerk: Yes, sir. It will.
Customer. Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint!
Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.

Philforest:

Deja vu?

On 3/24/99, you posted the following:
"It may have been posted earlier, but I'm seeing it for the first time. It's great!"
in the Buying paint (airline humor) thread http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/001005.html .

mileage addict: I apologize for the plagiarism.
kyklin: My Alzheimer's must be kicking in. Either that, or I'm starting my cocktail hour before noon. I truly didn't remember seing it before.

Phil, don't worry. I have great lapses of not knowing if something I write has been posted before.

But at least for me: something as good as this is great to read again (especially after a crazy workday!)

So thanks for putting a smile on a tired and flustered newswriter.



[This message has been edited by Catman (edited 04-12-99).]

No problem, Phil. What the above joke does confirm is that had Thomas Edison been an MBA-- the mostly likely creator of the yield management scheme, he would have implemented a better pricing model for candels instead of invented electric light!

Two thoughts that come with the wisdom of age:
1: My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves me completely.
2: Seen it all, done it all; can't remember most of it.