> (I hope this is true; haven't found a rebuttal on snopes.com yet...)
>
> I was flying to San Francisco this weekend, and the stewardess reading the
> flight safety information had the entire planeload of passengers looking
at
> each other like "what the ****?".
>
> So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said
so
> I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of
it.
>
> Before Takeoff....
>
> Hello and welcome to Alaska flight 438 to San Francisco. If you're going
to
> San Francisco, you're in the right place. If you're not going to San
> Francisco, you're about to have a really long evening.
>
> We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this
> aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane
> is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now.
>
> There are 5 exits aboard this plane, 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and
> one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows,
> please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad
idea.
>
> Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the
> rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises
> to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. We have pretty blinking
> lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White
> ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.
>
> In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down
> over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight
> attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I
> promise.
>
> If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a
> small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first. If you
> are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to
decide
> which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way
down.
>
> In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features
> of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal
> summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take
> it out and play with it now.
>
> Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and
> tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the
> buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing - not a pushy thing like you're
car
> cuz you're in an airplane, hello!
>
> There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking
> in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will
> assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.
>
> There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.
> We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight, hold on, let me check
> what it is.......... Oh here it is, the movie tonight is 'Gone with the
Wind'.
>
> In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get
> really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a
good
> time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on
> your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you
> absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.
>
> We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for
choosing
> Alaska Air, and giving us your business and your money. If there's
anything
> we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.
>
>
> After landing...
>
> Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. Sorry about the bumpy
> landing. It's not the captain's fault. It's not the co-pilot's fault. It's
> the Asphalt.
>
> Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in
> history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don't even
> try. Please be careful opening the overhead bins because shift happens.
>
> When the aircraft is parked at the gate and the seatbelt sign has been
> turned off, this will be your signal that it's ok to stand up, run around
> in a frenzy and pull all of your bags out while we wait for another twenty
> minutes for the jetway operator to show up.
>


------------------
Ms.DtG

I doubt it's verbatim....seems like an amalgam of many FA's announcements....mostly from Southwest.

I have to admit if FC ever went away entirely I would fly SW as they are the most fun in coach! Until then, I'm AA all the way

Does sound an awful lot like a best-of collection of SW FA announcements.

For what it's worth, Alaska doesn't seem to have a flight 438 to SF or elsewhere. Of course this has been going around for a few months, so maybe it's a discontinued flight.

A few google searches shows that there are different version of this going around, with slight differences. One has the flight being specifically from Seattle, although that's on a Seattle radio station site, so it could be embelishment by a listener to make sure they posted it.

cnk

A funny post, but not one that deals with So it really isn't in the right forum.

Since we don't have a "Travel Humor" board, I'm going to move this to OMNI where many a joke can be found.

Thanks,
Gary
aka gleff
MilesBuzz and Delta moderator