Ok, so this week I've been to LAS, LAX, JFK, LGA and ORD. I've been through security one or more times as each of them, and I'm getting a little frustrated.

Not because the lines are long, my waits have been under 10 minutes, which is fine by me. I'm frustrated by the passengers. Everyone gets up to the magnetometer and x-ray machine and is like "Oh, I've been waiting these last 10 minutes to go through security? What, I have to go through a metal detector? Should I take the 30 metal objects out of my pockets?"

What's the deal with everyone? Everyone gets right up to metal detector, then decides they should start emptying their pockets and getting their act together? Am I the only one who takes all of his metal stuff out of his pockets and puts them in his bags _before_ I'm at the checkpoint? Is this idea so ridiculous?

And it's not just the once a year travelers. All of the elite security lines have had the same thing. You'd think that after flying 100,000 miles a year, people would know what was coming at the end of the security line.

And, while I'm on a rant, I was at LGA this morning. It was relatively busy, though the security line didn't take more than 10 minutes. I get up to the metal detector, and some AA agent cuts the line and inserts to AA FAs directly in front of me. Here are my problems with this:

(1) The line was only about 10 minutes. I followed the FAs to their gate (which was on the way to mine, I'm not a stalker). They were deadheading to Nashville on a flight leaving 15 minutes after mine. Since I was in no time crunch whatsoever, these two woman were in even less of one.

(2) They got up to the checkpoint and pulled the typical "what, I have to go through a metal detector" move. The agent who brought them in the line had to instruct them to put their 27 bags each on the conveyor belt and their jackets. What kind of FAs don't understand how the **** security checkpoint works?

(3) I was frustrated and made a comment to the woman who expidited the FAs about them not needing to cut the line, and the fact that they didn't know what the hell they were doing. She said "well if they don't get through, you can't go anywhere." Which is true in absolute terms, but as I've already cleared up in (1), they weren't going to be holding up anything if they waited in line, like the rest of us. I was going to counter her comment with "well, if we don't fly your airline, you won't have to worry about that," but I didn't.

(4) So, in the end it turns out that the FAs just didn't want to have to wait in the security line. I think it was very rude and inappropriate for them to just jump to the front of the line because they didn't want ot be bothered.

Here are some tips for people on FT who may suffer from the "Oh, I have to go through security?" syndrome:

(1) You have to go through a metal detector and have your stuff x-rayed. That's what the long line marked "security" means, and that's what all of those signs are talking about. Try not to be so surprised everytime you get in this situation.

(2) Take all of your dozens of metal objects out of your pockets and put them in your bags. I zip through the magnetometer and the hand wanding because I have no metal on me at all, with the exception of the paperclips binding my passport.

Thanks for listening.

d

Arghhh! That paperclip could be unbent and used as a weapon. What's the matter with security? I want to be safe!

No, seriously, you are absolutely right. I do the same as you. Everything -- and I mean everything, including my watch and belt -- goes into my carry-on bag long before I reach the magnetometer. I still beep at some airports; the problem seems to be my zipper. I'm working on solving that.

Bruce