If airlines sold paint....
Jul 1, 1999 | 1:25 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: San Diego, CA
Programs: AA, Hilton, Marriott
Posts: 469
If airlines sold paint....
This appeared in the travel section of the Sunday newspaper, and I really enjoyed it. It's similar to the Brancatelli piece entitled "Why We Hate the Airlines and Love Diet Coke" published recently in Inside Flyer. I thought folks on this board might enjoy it too......
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, Sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, on a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference. It's all the same paint.
Customer: Well then I'd like some of the $9 paint.
Clerk: Well first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version?
Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding!
Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.
Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of it. I can see it right there!
Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean we have it. It may be the same paint, but we only sell a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. And oh, by the way, the price just went up to $12.
Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. But maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and don't use it, you'll be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: What?
Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, hall, and bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.
Customer: But what does it matter to you if I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based on the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes all kinds of problems.
Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night?
Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.
Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.
Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.
Isn't that a great piece? I especially like the line that says....."Just because you can see it doesn't mean we have it". Say what???
Hope you all enjoyed reading this!
Captain Mike
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, Sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, on a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference. It's all the same paint.
Customer: Well then I'd like some of the $9 paint.
Clerk: Well first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version?
Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding!
Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.
Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of it. I can see it right there!
Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean we have it. It may be the same paint, but we only sell a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. And oh, by the way, the price just went up to $12.
Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. But maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and don't use it, you'll be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: What?
Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, hall, and bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.
Customer: But what does it matter to you if I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based on the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes all kinds of problems.
Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night?
Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.
Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.
Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.
Isn't that a great piece? I especially like the line that says....."Just because you can see it doesn't mean we have it". Say what???
Hope you all enjoyed reading this!
Captain Mike
Jul 1, 1999 | 2:14 pm
#2
Commander Catcop
Join Date: May 1998
Posts: 10,259
Well Capt. Mike, it has been posted before BUT... I call a FlyerTalk Classic, a chestnut (or on my job an evergreen -- a package that does NOT date and can be used again and again.)
It's still a hoot. And it sounds like what I went through when I went to Home Depot two days to look for phone connection cord. These "children" looked at me like I was speaking cat:
"Rah RAH PURR PURR ME-Ow MIAU MIAU Cord Grunt GRUNT."
------------------
MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!!!
It's still a hoot. And it sounds like what I went through when I went to Home Depot two days to look for phone connection cord. These "children" looked at me like I was speaking cat:
"Rah RAH PURR PURR ME-Ow MIAU MIAU Cord Grunt GRUNT."
------------------
MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!!!