Gaijin Superpowers!
Aug 24, 2007 | 5:47 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: WAS
Posts: 892
Gaijin Superpowers!
This is a post from another messageboard I frequent meant for those on the JET program. The board is made up of mostly jaded, cynical SOBs with sick senses of humor, so please take all of this tongue planted firmly in cheek. The OP posted the power from a previous link, and then updated his post with suggestions from other posters.
( ref. http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher16.html )
After arriving here in Japan, I have discovered that the concept of Gaijin Superpowers is not quite as farcical as I'd first thought. After comparing notes with some of the other local foreigners, on occasion we have all noticed the presence of these supposed abilities when interacting with the Japanese. For the purposes of clarity, the known list includes:
Gaijin Smash - The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the Japanese.
Gaijin Optic Blast - A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash, particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even get a physical flinching response from your target.
Gaijin Perimeter - The ability to project an invisible barrier around yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it. Its range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of other gaijin - particularly tall males.
Gaijin Power (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) - Similar to a vampire's ability to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy), it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of use by gaijin females have also been reported.
Gaijin Telepathy - This is the ability that gaijin use not only to communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise being withheld.
... as well as a couple of newer ones that some of the local JETs and I have identified:
Gaijin Locator - The ability to instantly locate other gaijin amongst large crowds of Japanese people.
Gaijin Constitution - The ability to withstand and thrive in frigid temperatures that the Japanese consider to be unbearable. Note that this is usually anything lower than 19 degrees Celsius.
Recent Notable Additions:
Gaijin Invisibility (from Futureal) - Confusing Japanese people by speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.
Gaijin Disguise (also from Futureal)- Asian gaijins' ability to temporarily fool Japanese into forgetting that they're in the presence of outsiders. Note that this nullifies most other Gaijin Superpowers for its duration.
Gaijin Police Teflon (from kdynamic)- Ability to slip out of the grip of Japanese police officers by staring at them blankly, claiming ignorance of the law, claiming stupidity, and potentially involving a lot more paperwork than the officer wants to do. Note: only 68% reliable and potentially a way to get in even more trouble. Still being perfected back at the Gaiquarters.
** This just in from Gaiquarters R&D: rate of success with this power can increase to at least 85% if combined with the use of high-speed English, a lot of frantic hand-waving and speaking absolutely no Japanese. **
The Gaijin Slip (also kdynamic) - When a gaijin pisses off a coworker, superior, or girlfriend or boyfriend, the Gaijin Slip can be called upon with a simple shrug of the shoulders and an offhanded mention that gaijin just say or do things like the offence in question, and uh, the gaijin's really sorry and stuff.
Gaijin Stun (from Power-up!) - The ability to throw any and all Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese. This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for them.
Gaijin Tongues (Futureal again)- Mastery of a language with such magnetism that people will pay half a day's wages just to hear it for an hour.
Gaijin Wa Disruptor (Noritsujin) - The ability to disrupt the psychic harmony of an entire group of Japanese -- regardless of number -- and thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers. This is often used as an opposite to the Gaijin Disguise.
Gaijin Charge (from madmonkey) - The ability to withstand the constant barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later day when said Gaijin chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final devastating attack.
Honorable Mention:
Gaijin Stammer (from Captian Yurgi) - Correct a Japanese person's use of their language, or teach them about their own culture/history. This can be used as a much more powerful version of the Gaijin Stun with smaller numbers of Japanese. After-effects of the use of this power typically result in the target's eyes getting bigger then a koi upon their realisation that they have just been schooled by a barbarian.
Note:Only for use by upper-level gaijin
Gaijin Dodge (from I (heart) Japan) - The ability to escape from any situation by pretending you have no clue what other people are saying or that you are completely illiterate.
Gaijin Insult (from hobag) - Mastery of the ability to insult and ridicule those around him/her without the other party having any clue what was said or meant. Particularly useful on trains or other crowded areas filled with many obnoxious and self-absorbed idiots.
Note: This power is rumored to have some measured success against other gaijin as well.
Gaijin Dunk (from Razgriz) - The ability to pull a Michael Jordan in an elementary/JHS gym and thereby gain the allegience of an army of Japanese kids, who will do anything in order to see the Gaijin Dunk again (even be quiet in class!). This can be comparable to the Leadership Feat described in the D&D Players Handbook.
Note: This ability may not be compatible with Gaijin Beer-belly - The ability of certain Gaijin to absorb vast amounts of alcoholic beverages.
Gaijin Superhero Creed: Though we are here in Japan on a mission of peace, we shall call upon the full arsenal of gaijin superpowers to aid us whenever the situation might call for them. We shall battle our nefarious foe, known to all as the evil Nihonjinron & his sidekick Nihonjin Apathy, and strike a blow in the name of internationalisation and common sense!
<cue superhero theme music>
( ref. http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher16.html )
After arriving here in Japan, I have discovered that the concept of Gaijin Superpowers is not quite as farcical as I'd first thought. After comparing notes with some of the other local foreigners, on occasion we have all noticed the presence of these supposed abilities when interacting with the Japanese. For the purposes of clarity, the known list includes:
Gaijin Smash - The ability to manipulate the outcome of a given situation by using your will in an overbearing manner to dominate the Japanese.
Gaijin Optic Blast - A ranged version of the Gaijin Smash, particularly effective on trains. If correctly mastered, you can even get a physical flinching response from your target.
Gaijin Perimeter - The ability to project an invisible barrier around yourself that only the Japanese can sense and thus be repelled by it. Its range and effectiveness grows exponentially with the addition of other gaijin - particularly tall males.
Gaijin Power (AKA: Gaijin Charisma) - Similar to a vampire's ability to mesmerize (and considered by many Japanese to be just as unholy), it is the ability to charm Japanese members of the opposite sex despite the best efforts of any Japanese that might try to compete with you. This power is more common to gaijin males, but instances of use by gaijin females have also been reported.
Gaijin Telepathy - This is the ability that gaijin use not only to communicate with each other, but also to gather necessary information from their Japanese co-workers when such information is otherwise being withheld.
... as well as a couple of newer ones that some of the local JETs and I have identified:
Gaijin Locator - The ability to instantly locate other gaijin amongst large crowds of Japanese people.
Gaijin Constitution - The ability to withstand and thrive in frigid temperatures that the Japanese consider to be unbearable. Note that this is usually anything lower than 19 degrees Celsius.
Recent Notable Additions:
Gaijin Invisibility (from Futureal) - Confusing Japanese people by speaking to them while being an invisible non-socializable entity, and forcing them to turn immediately to the nearest Japanese person and ask for confirmation of what the wind just said.
Gaijin Disguise (also from Futureal)- Asian gaijins' ability to temporarily fool Japanese into forgetting that they're in the presence of outsiders. Note that this nullifies most other Gaijin Superpowers for its duration.
Gaijin Police Teflon (from kdynamic)- Ability to slip out of the grip of Japanese police officers by staring at them blankly, claiming ignorance of the law, claiming stupidity, and potentially involving a lot more paperwork than the officer wants to do. Note: only 68% reliable and potentially a way to get in even more trouble. Still being perfected back at the Gaiquarters.
** This just in from Gaiquarters R&D: rate of success with this power can increase to at least 85% if combined with the use of high-speed English, a lot of frantic hand-waving and speaking absolutely no Japanese. **
The Gaijin Slip (also kdynamic) - When a gaijin pisses off a coworker, superior, or girlfriend or boyfriend, the Gaijin Slip can be called upon with a simple shrug of the shoulders and an offhanded mention that gaijin just say or do things like the offence in question, and uh, the gaijin's really sorry and stuff.
Gaijin Stun (from Power-up!) - The ability to throw any and all Japanese parties encountered into a panic-inducing confusion by a combination of both physical appearance and use of crappy Japanese. This shock and confusion often allows the gaijin to get what they are after with relative ease or have the most elementary task done for them.
Gaijin Tongues (Futureal again)- Mastery of a language with such magnetism that people will pay half a day's wages just to hear it for an hour.
Gaijin Wa Disruptor (Noritsujin) - The ability to disrupt the psychic harmony of an entire group of Japanese -- regardless of number -- and thereby increase their susceptibility to other gaijin powers. This is often used as an opposite to the Gaijin Disguise.
Gaijin Charge (from madmonkey) - The ability to withstand the constant barrage of identical questions voiced by nearly all Japanese upon first meeting. Anger is stored for use at a later day when said Gaijin chooses to relase all pent up emotion in the form of one final devastating attack.
Honorable Mention:
Gaijin Stammer (from Captian Yurgi) - Correct a Japanese person's use of their language, or teach them about their own culture/history. This can be used as a much more powerful version of the Gaijin Stun with smaller numbers of Japanese. After-effects of the use of this power typically result in the target's eyes getting bigger then a koi upon their realisation that they have just been schooled by a barbarian.
Note:Only for use by upper-level gaijin
Gaijin Dodge (from I (heart) Japan) - The ability to escape from any situation by pretending you have no clue what other people are saying or that you are completely illiterate.
Gaijin Insult (from hobag) - Mastery of the ability to insult and ridicule those around him/her without the other party having any clue what was said or meant. Particularly useful on trains or other crowded areas filled with many obnoxious and self-absorbed idiots.
Note: This power is rumored to have some measured success against other gaijin as well.
Gaijin Dunk (from Razgriz) - The ability to pull a Michael Jordan in an elementary/JHS gym and thereby gain the allegience of an army of Japanese kids, who will do anything in order to see the Gaijin Dunk again (even be quiet in class!). This can be comparable to the Leadership Feat described in the D&D Players Handbook.
Note: This ability may not be compatible with Gaijin Beer-belly - The ability of certain Gaijin to absorb vast amounts of alcoholic beverages.
Gaijin Superhero Creed: Though we are here in Japan on a mission of peace, we shall call upon the full arsenal of gaijin superpowers to aid us whenever the situation might call for them. We shall battle our nefarious foe, known to all as the evil Nihonjinron & his sidekick Nihonjin Apathy, and strike a blow in the name of internationalisation and common sense!
<cue superhero theme music>
