What a fabulous report and I just observed your name, a well dressed James Bond comes to mind.
Me and the missus will be in Hawaii late October, and after reading these posts I will not miss the commercial Luau. I thought poi poi(sp) was fish but I learned it is a funny tasting potato.
Reminds me of the old survivor joke - bad news all there is to eat is poi poi
good news - there's tons of it.

I hate to be a contrarian – but I went to a luau….and had a blast! Sorry, I’m sure it wasn’t “authentic”, I’m sure it was over the top but I still had a good time.

I think part of what made it fun was just how over the top it was – complete kitsch. Now it is worth noting that we did not attend one of the hotel productions but rather an independent one: http://www.smithskauai.com/luau.html

Luaus? Blech!
 

I used to work at the Princeville Resort on Kauai. Part of my relo was that I was housed in the hotel until I found my own place.

I loved standing out on the lanai and gazing down at Hanalei Bay. And while I do understand that for many tourists a luau is a primordial part of the experience, the sight of them on the beach literally used to turn my stomach.

Sorry...

I think it's all about perception. A tourist luau is to Hawaii what a revue show is to Las Vegas - a form of entertainment offered to visitors as a 'must do' when visiting these destinations.

Most luaus are about as accurate portraying true Hawaiian customs, history and religion as much as one of those LV revue shows is able to accurately portray mainland history. You need to detach yourself from the details and just look at the performance for what it is - a form of entertainment only

The food is hardly authentic and the performers are rarely native Hawaiian. I would love to see a resort or vendor step up and offer a more traditional luau experience where local cooks can partner with hotel food prep services to prepare a meal with accurately prepared foods (where the guests can watch the preparation, participate and get recipes), local hula halaus can bring their students to perform traditional hula (no Don Ho imitators allowed, please), and local craftspeople can hold classes, demonstrations and sales on topics such as lei making, cooking, wood carving, etc. It would be a nice, relatively quiet evening and bring tourists together with people from the local communities who want to share their culture, history and traditions.

However, as long as people are willing to travel to the islands and put down $85 a head to get drunk on weak mai tais, queue up in buffet lines for bad food and watch cheesy shows where Filipino performers dress up like Hawaiians, the non-traditional 'tourist' luau will remain.

FWIW and all due respect, but in my experience referenced in the first post of the thread was at Smiths. Two differing opions so YMMV.

I've heard that the Polynesian Cultural Center has a luau that is better than most. Of course from reading this board that can mean it's only somewhat terrible. Has anyone been there?

We stopped by the Center, took a thirty second look around and fled. Consider that in the light of my earlier post on this thread.

I think it maybe a function of manging expectations going in more than anything....

I went to one in Oahu. It was a truly dismal experience. They are supposed to explain Hawaii's hostory. The whole thing was being run by a christian cartel. It seemed that the whole experience had been disneyfied and completely sterile. Just a few students sticking their tongues out whilst danciing. At the end, all the students came round to thank us personally. This was just an excuse to coerce a tip from us all.
I would avoid this one like the plague.

Again, with all due respect, but I disagree. I was expecting decent food with somewhat kitschy entertainment. I got terrible food and terrible entertainment imho. It was just bad imho and not kitschy. The drinks were horrendous as well. The place just looked really run down and kind of sad.

I believe ramraideruk was describing his PCC experience.

Did y'all know that the Polynesian Cultural Center is owned and operated by the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints (LDS)?

PCC is way too overpriced and IMHO a big fat exploitation of the Polynesian peoples they're trying to represent.

It's a pain in the butt preparing "authentic" food just for one day (speaking from experiences with First Baby Luau, weddings, etc) -- bocastephen was right. I think it'd be difficult to commercialize authentic Hawaiian luau. Too much time and effort.

Yes, they have a huge facility next door to the PCC.

That was the one! It was a complete and utter waste of time!

OK, so now I know. This board has once again saved me time and money.

We're just back from our first trip to beautiful Hawaii, and I agree with bocastephen. I had read reports on bad lua'u experiences, but I really wanted to see some authentic hula. Our first night, in Waikiki, we went to the House without a Key (excellent mai tais and coconut shrimp), and watched the former Miss Hawaii dance. It was low-key and very enjoyable -- but I wanted to see more. Towards the end of our trip, we weakened and went to the Hyatt show on Kauai. It was just as we had feared -- pretty cheesy, food not great, weak drinks, and enforced jollity with complete strangers. It was also a very windy night, so watching the fire dancer was a bit unnerving... :eek: I now begrudge the $$ we spent for such a disappointing experience.

We enjoyed much more the performance one early evening on the (Kauai) Hyatt's Sunrise Terrace -- low key Hawaiian music (no Don Ho songs) and the keiki from a local dance school performed. They served regular Hyatt drinks and pupus, very yummy; entertainment was free.

We also hoped to see the Coconut Festival in Kapa'a where there would have been, maybe, the real thing -- but it POURED with rain, so we went to Waimea Canyon instead, and that turned out to be an excellent choice.

What I longed to see was authentic Hawaiian music and dance, and have someone explain/talk about the history and meaning. I bet I'm not the only person who would enjoy this, either. (Don't need the pig and poi, I can imaging how hard it would be to translate a family/community event for the masses, as crownprincess said...) Maybe next time?