Does anyone else dislike luaus?
 

I hate to be negative on the Hawaii board as I find Hawaii as close to paradise as I have ever seen, but I really dislike luaus and just want to pass along to fellow FT'ers that going to Hawaii and not attending a luau is a-ok.

I lived on Kauai for a summer 15 years ago when I was in college so I caught snippets of different ones on that island. Then when I went back with my fiancé and another couple last year, I told everyone in our group that I doubted we would like it. I did a ton of research before the trip and almost universally I heard that they are a ton of fun and we would enjoy it (even for two couples in their mid-thirties who are not the Disney-type). All the guidebooks, message boards and even friends recommended luaus. We went to Smith's Luau as we were told it was as authentic as they come and the least kitschy. We all universally found it to be a huge disappointment. From the food to the entertainment we universally disliked it all. We all felt it was probably good for the preteen Disney set (and their parents) in our opinions. I really did try hard to like it as well.

While my sample size is real small, I personally think any luau just wouldn't be our cup of tea. Maybe it wouldn't be yours either or maybe its just me.

Please do not take any offense, this is just something to think about.

(BTW - after being nudged not so lightly by my fiance, I gave in and went on the bridgeclimb in Sydney and afterwards we really felt like that was another pretty bad experience as well).

So maybe it is just us.

I think we've touched on this in other threads, but to locals, there are the lu`au that we attend as part of a social event (the most common is for a wedding, anniversary, or baby's first birthday) and there is the tourist pagent that comes with food and drink that is sold as a "lu`au".

Personally, I don't go to many of the latter, but as long as the Hawaiian culture is presented in a largely accurate and respectful manner, I don't object to them.

I don't post on this board much, having only been to Hawaii once (although I can't wait to return). We went to a luau while there, and it was pretty much what we expected - almost a Vegas-style show (which isn't our style either).

Mr. Kgsd and I still laugh at the narrator-guy who referred to some of the native peoples as "the Vikings of the sea." That's like calling someone "the Michael Jordan of basketball."

Yeah, i guess I was hoping for less vegas and people acting as if they were at the Old Country Buffet and more of a cultural experience. It was a big buffet with food and very little actual culture. What culture was presented was so obscured by the kitsch that I felt it was either sad or so over-the-top to be laughable (in a bit of a sad way).

Again, just my opinion.

I would like to see someone put together a true luau that is done family style, at the beach, exactly the way a traditional gathering would be done with locals in attendance and hula dancing performed by local amateur groups. The focus is on the experience and learning culture from knowledgable locals, not on surviving a giant buffet and flashy floor show.

it could start in late afternoon and include classes in lei making, hawaiian language, history and even an outrigger canoe experience.

I hate them - the food is awful, the forced frivolity, it's all just painful. Never ceases to amaze me that people still want to do these.

Here's one suggestion that might appeal to some of you: when you are on any of the islands (particularly the neighbor islands), check the newspaper for listings of church suppers, or hoike's usually (but not always) on a Sunday. These can be some of the most fun (and delicious) events and usually have music of some sort. They will be guaranteed not to be touristy.

I disliked everything about the luaus I've attended -- except the slow cooked pork. I'm no Hawaiian cultural historian, but I just can't believe that the typical luau bears much resemblance to any genuine Hawaiian ritual.

We went to the luau at Marriott Kaanapali last night. Been to Hawaii many many times, but never bothered to go to one. Went last night and it was pretty bad. The pork was stringy and dry, and I can't believe that the one pig they cooked in the hole fed the few hundred people there. The MC was a Don Ho knockoff who was so bad that I wondered if it was a parody. What a lush! Of course, nothing was authentic. My kids liked the fire dancer, I guess that's about it. Oh, I will say that one of the Hawaiian guys who came out and showed us how to husk and peel a coconut was pretty funny. We were told that the kids would be bored at the Old Lahaina Luau, so we chose the Marriott. Don't think we'll go to another again.

Went to Germaines Luau yesterday. Well I can say that I did it and will never go again. The pork was good but it was entirely too long and was on the cheesy side. Take your own car vs the bus if you drive so you can escape the torture sooner

Don't waste your money. Much better food can be found almost anywhere else. I hate being crammed together with a bunch of people who seem determined to get drunk. The entertainment can be ok, but a lot of the time, you can't really see that well. The first time we went, I thought maybe this is an anomaly. But the second, which was at the Marriott on Kauai was just as bad.

Absolutely horrible. Went under duress a couple years ago with my first-time-in-Hawaii pack of in-laws. They said, "You must go to these all the time." Actually, knowing I'd be forced into it made me not want to go to Hawaii with them! You'd think it would be a "clue" that we'd been all those times and avoided lu'aus. My husband devised an urgent appointment and left a day early and missed it, lucky him.

The 17 in-laws even lined up an hour ahead of time to get "good" seats. They couldn't understand why I didn't want to stand there with them. The show at the HWV was boring and silly except for the fire dancer (which they show on the hotel channel anyway). Food mediocre and I loathe being herded into lines for food. Didn't dare suggest a cheaper one in Kona because it would be impossible to get them all in and out of cars. And at least half of them admitted it was stupid afterwards.

I've never been to one and I'm not planning one for my upcoming trip (8 days and counting...), so I can't accurately say I dislike them. But the phrase used earlier - a Vegas-style show - is what I picture and it has very little appeal to me.

It's worse. Trust us.

As I used to say when I lived there, "Oh, no! Hawaiian food!" :D

All kinds of local food that is truly ono - but I never had any authentic Hawaiian food that was more than a step above dreadful. An acquired taste, I suppose.

We Were 1st Time Hawaii Visitors and Skipped Luau
 

We went to Hawaii for the first time in May and made decision to skip the luau experience. Why? Well, in doing some advance internet preparation it seemed like they all seemed overly "packaged", sort of like going to a Disney-esque version of Hawaii. I just did not get an authentic "vibe" at all. I really wanted to learn more about what I'd call the "real" Hawaii, rather than the Hawaii that seems to exist to make money. I decided to sort of make my own luau-Hawaiian experience. We were staying at the Ritz in Kapalua. They have a very active cultural program with Clifford Naole, their cultural advisor. He presents a program several times a week, open to the public, and I'd highly recommend it. On the day that we attended, there were only 2 couples in attendance....along with about 50 Mori's from New Zealand. After the program, he'd planned an authentic lunch for these visitors and invited us. The food was authentic and not all to my tastes, but it was worth trying every thing that was offered. We went to slack key guitar concerts in the evenings. Unlike everyone who flocks to Dukes in Honolulu, we sought out real Hawaiian musicians, like Auntie Genoa, who has been performing at the Marriott (even before it was a Marriott) for about 30 years. We went to every possible museum to learn about Hawaii and Hawaiian life. We used the money saved by skipping the luau to buy good meals and enjoy all of the above. I just couldn't imagine being trapped in an event with tons of tourists from the mainland....my idea of pure misery.

Attending Luau is like going to Time Square. It's not a good representation of the city / people, food is horrible, overpriced, and the place is packed with tourists. As long as you don't have high expectation, it's not so bad. And, being a tourist, I'd say do it once, see how horrible it is, and just get over it.
:)

It depends on what you like to eat. Raw blue crab, opihi, squid luau, lomi salmon, chicken long rice, really good lau lau--normal baby luau fare--nothing could be better. I acquired a taste for it very quickly :)

Yesterday I went to a pastor's installation at a Hawai`ian church. The food afterwards was wonderful -- and accompanied by singing and hula -- and included rice, kalua pig (right out of the imu that morning), spicy chicken, two kinds of poke, breadfruit pudding, poi, etc., etc.

Very ono indeed :)

Very good analogy! You kind of have to do it once, but never twice. I did it twice, going on two separate occasions and on different islands. Maui was no different than Oahu's except the faint memory of fairly decent pulled pork on Oahu a few years back quickly dissipated with the dry pork served at my second luau. So, never again, and if I go to Hawaii again with family who has never been, they can attend without me and I'll find something better to do.

P.s. someone posted that people try to get drunk there or something to that effect. Is that even possible? Maybe if you have enough beer, but the island drinks are watered down unbelievably so that even the booze under-delivered! :D

I agree that's a good analogy, but then something like Times Square is what people take away with them after visiting NYC. Just the same, something like a commercialized (for lack of a better word) luau is what tourists to the Islands will take back with them. We all know Hawaii is nothing like those commercialized luaus.

mmmmmm poke ^
I was in a Japanese grocery in LA last week that had poke. ^ ^

I love em! ^ If I'm at a lu'au, it means I'm on vacation and far from home.

And if you visit Marukai (Japanese Costco), you can also purchase this.

http://www.nohfoods.com/Products/hawaiianpoke.htm

Are there any sites that might list these events in advance? I tried googling a search, but could not find anything :(

Also, given we would not be attending the supper as congregation or community members, would it be considered appropriate to offer a reasonable donation to the congregation - something similar to the cost of a luau, if the supper offers a selection of food, hula and music. I would hate to just show up without offering anything - like a wedding crasher :) On the other hand, I dont want to unintentionally commit an insult by offering a donation if it's not custom.

What about local ono fish? Poi makes better wallpaper paste than food, sure, but you can't beat ono! And fresh fruit salad...

Terrible...
 

I couldn't agree more with the people that DO NOT LIKE these things. We went to the one at the Sheraton - Maui last year. It was so bad, we asked our concierge (who recommended it as a must do activity) to reimburse us for the ridiculously overpriced ticket. It was like mass produced food with 800 of your not-so-good friends. AWFUL.

Hey, this all makes me feel much better. I've been to Hawaii six times and never had a desire to see the commercial luaus. I always vaguely felt guilty about it and wondered if I was missing something. I understand that the commercial luaus do provide work/income for many island folks, though. I guess I'll keep passing on my dollars through purchases of local crafts, art, food, flowers, music, etc. instead of the luaus.

Instead of luaus, we try to meet up with local folks with whom we share a common interest/value (e.g. the church we attend while there, 'ukulele playing, interest in history, etc.).

I adore Hawaii. I love to go where Hawaiians go. I find these song-'-dance suppers are simply simply toe curlingly dreadful.

When I first went to Hawaii, I was with a group that went to the Hilton at Diamond Head (now the Mandarin I still like that beach best of all). I recall sitting in a room with about 1000 (or so it seemed) people. The first drink was served from a pineapple which may look cute, but poor quality liquor is poor quality liquor whether you put it in Baccarat crystal, Cinderella's slipper, or a pineapple. It was sweet, sickly, and made you want more. A receipe for disaster. The meal was vile. I remember that they served dead pig - I will not grace it with the term Pork. I have eaten worse. Somewhere. Where slips my mind. It was served with all the mid-west salad dressing and produce for which Hawaii is justly not famous. I remember there was a shrieking match between a waitress and a guest (who had squandered the money on a trip rather than some course at a Charm School) over some dinner rolls and whether the butter was butter and not margarine. You appreciate that I took more than a passing interest in this rather like taking notes at Madam Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors. By this time someone was trying to coax a tune out of a ukele. I had always wondered what had become of my next-door neighbour's cat. I cannot remember much about the 'musician' except that she had a smile that reminded me of my training days at Nursing School when we examined people who had a rictus on their face.

Truly, to appreciate the spectacle that followed you needed an IQ measurable on a room thermometer. To say that it was dreadful, is utterly inadequate. Various people in what I could only call Hawaiian National Drag came and did war dances, and warriors authentic in their Haines underclothes that I do not think that we were supposed to see (I say Haines no - I did not read the label. I was a nice girl. Both changed) under their costumes. I was delighted to see that the Hawaiian warriors - or presumably their wives - had invented velcro - as that too was on display. There may have been a fire eater but it could have been a rogue flambee trolley. A Singer came to entertain us and animate the proceedings. Not so much Don Ho as Gung Ho. He was diabolically bad. The theme was how international Hawaii was. Some maiden (one of the danseuses) when asked where she came from said she was Japanese-Swiss-German-Italian-Irish-French-and Jamaican. I may have left a few out. The singer then took into upon himself to sing or speak those languages. All I will say is that the nearest he will get to Irish will be a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. He started singing Danny Boy - I beat a strategic dash to powder my nose and wishing that I had about a pint of good strong gin to deal with all this

Upon returning he was then asking audience participation in "Who has come from furthest". My friends took a look at my face and decided not to nominate me in case the aftermath was not convered by life insurance. Some female of more years and even less sense than most pronouced herself from Italy (Little I suspect) and when she turned out to have travelled the first she leapt on her table (I am not making this up) and jumped up and down screeching like a cockatoo that had severe use of haemorrhoidal medication.

This would have been quite sufficient had the drinks bills been shoved at us with an admonition that service was NOT included. Mahalo!

There was also an added attraction that one of our long table (a stranger to me) disappeared for a period of time and came back looking like half the beach was in his hair. He did not come in alone and I can only say that he had been gone some considerable time. Both parties went to separate tables and rejoined separate people. The lady who had wondered where on earth he had been had a lively line in interrogation techniques. Most seemed to be reserved for later as some people foolishly hushed her when I found her idea of a stafge whisper and her exquisite turns of phrase far more entertaining than anything that stage had to offer.

All in all it was an insult to the island and had as much to do with Hawaiian culture as the average Big Mac. More culture may be found in a bio-yogurt. I have watched better done by ten year olds. I find them phoney, and devoid of anything remotely Hawaiian. It might just as well have been the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris, and I would not set foot there either.

<off topic> Thank you so much for your excellent overview of the luau. This was looking to be another "bad" day at work, but your humor has definitely brightened things up a bit !

What a fabulous report and I just observed your name, a well dressed James Bond comes to mind.
Me and the missus will be in Hawaii late October, and after reading these posts I will not miss the commercial Luau. I thought poi poi(sp) was fish but I learned it is a funny tasting potato.
Reminds me of the old survivor joke - bad news all there is to eat is poi poi
good news - there's tons of it.

I hate to be a contrarian – but I went to a luau….and had a blast! Sorry, I’m sure it wasn’t “authentic”, I’m sure it was over the top but I still had a good time.

I think part of what made it fun was just how over the top it was – complete kitsch. Now it is worth noting that we did not attend one of the hotel productions but rather an independent one: http://www.smithskauai.com/luau.html

Luaus? Blech!
 

I used to work at the Princeville Resort on Kauai. Part of my relo was that I was housed in the hotel until I found my own place.

I loved standing out on the lanai and gazing down at Hanalei Bay. And while I do understand that for many tourists a luau is a primordial part of the experience, the sight of them on the beach literally used to turn my stomach.

Sorry...

I think it's all about perception. A tourist luau is to Hawaii what a revue show is to Las Vegas - a form of entertainment offered to visitors as a 'must do' when visiting these destinations.

Most luaus are about as accurate portraying true Hawaiian customs, history and religion as much as one of those LV revue shows is able to accurately portray mainland history. You need to detach yourself from the details and just look at the performance for what it is - a form of entertainment only

The food is hardly authentic and the performers are rarely native Hawaiian. I would love to see a resort or vendor step up and offer a more traditional luau experience where local cooks can partner with hotel food prep services to prepare a meal with accurately prepared foods (where the guests can watch the preparation, participate and get recipes), local hula halaus can bring their students to perform traditional hula (no Don Ho imitators allowed, please), and local craftspeople can hold classes, demonstrations and sales on topics such as lei making, cooking, wood carving, etc. It would be a nice, relatively quiet evening and bring tourists together with people from the local communities who want to share their culture, history and traditions.

However, as long as people are willing to travel to the islands and put down $85 a head to get drunk on weak mai tais, queue up in buffet lines for bad food and watch cheesy shows where Filipino performers dress up like Hawaiians, the non-traditional 'tourist' luau will remain.

FWIW and all due respect, but in my experience referenced in the first post of the thread was at Smiths. Two differing opions so YMMV.

I've heard that the Polynesian Cultural Center has a luau that is better than most. Of course from reading this board that can mean it's only somewhat terrible. Has anyone been there?

We stopped by the Center, took a thirty second look around and fled. Consider that in the light of my earlier post on this thread.

I think it maybe a function of manging expectations going in more than anything....

I went to one in Oahu. It was a truly dismal experience. They are supposed to explain Hawaii's hostory. The whole thing was being run by a christian cartel. It seemed that the whole experience had been disneyfied and completely sterile. Just a few students sticking their tongues out whilst danciing. At the end, all the students came round to thank us personally. This was just an excuse to coerce a tip from us all.
I would avoid this one like the plague.

Again, with all due respect, but I disagree. I was expecting decent food with somewhat kitschy entertainment. I got terrible food and terrible entertainment imho. It was just bad imho and not kitschy. The drinks were horrendous as well. The place just looked really run down and kind of sad.