We Were 1st Time Hawaii Visitors and Skipped Luau
 

We went to Hawaii for the first time in May and made decision to skip the luau experience. Why? Well, in doing some advance internet preparation it seemed like they all seemed overly "packaged", sort of like going to a Disney-esque version of Hawaii. I just did not get an authentic "vibe" at all. I really wanted to learn more about what I'd call the "real" Hawaii, rather than the Hawaii that seems to exist to make money. I decided to sort of make my own luau-Hawaiian experience. We were staying at the Ritz in Kapalua. They have a very active cultural program with Clifford Naole, their cultural advisor. He presents a program several times a week, open to the public, and I'd highly recommend it. On the day that we attended, there were only 2 couples in attendance....along with about 50 Mori's from New Zealand. After the program, he'd planned an authentic lunch for these visitors and invited us. The food was authentic and not all to my tastes, but it was worth trying every thing that was offered. We went to slack key guitar concerts in the evenings. Unlike everyone who flocks to Dukes in Honolulu, we sought out real Hawaiian musicians, like Auntie Genoa, who has been performing at the Marriott (even before it was a Marriott) for about 30 years. We went to every possible museum to learn about Hawaii and Hawaiian life. We used the money saved by skipping the luau to buy good meals and enjoy all of the above. I just couldn't imagine being trapped in an event with tons of tourists from the mainland....my idea of pure misery.

Attending Luau is like going to Time Square. It's not a good representation of the city / people, food is horrible, overpriced, and the place is packed with tourists. As long as you don't have high expectation, it's not so bad. And, being a tourist, I'd say do it once, see how horrible it is, and just get over it.
:)

It depends on what you like to eat. Raw blue crab, opihi, squid luau, lomi salmon, chicken long rice, really good lau lau--normal baby luau fare--nothing could be better. I acquired a taste for it very quickly :)

Yesterday I went to a pastor's installation at a Hawai`ian church. The food afterwards was wonderful -- and accompanied by singing and hula -- and included rice, kalua pig (right out of the imu that morning), spicy chicken, two kinds of poke, breadfruit pudding, poi, etc., etc.

Very ono indeed :)

Very good analogy! You kind of have to do it once, but never twice. I did it twice, going on two separate occasions and on different islands. Maui was no different than Oahu's except the faint memory of fairly decent pulled pork on Oahu a few years back quickly dissipated with the dry pork served at my second luau. So, never again, and if I go to Hawaii again with family who has never been, they can attend without me and I'll find something better to do.

P.s. someone posted that people try to get drunk there or something to that effect. Is that even possible? Maybe if you have enough beer, but the island drinks are watered down unbelievably so that even the booze under-delivered! :D

I agree that's a good analogy, but then something like Times Square is what people take away with them after visiting NYC. Just the same, something like a commercialized (for lack of a better word) luau is what tourists to the Islands will take back with them. We all know Hawaii is nothing like those commercialized luaus.

mmmmmm poke ^
I was in a Japanese grocery in LA last week that had poke. ^ ^

I love em! ^ If I'm at a lu'au, it means I'm on vacation and far from home.

And if you visit Marukai (Japanese Costco), you can also purchase this.

http://www.nohfoods.com/Products/hawaiianpoke.htm

Are there any sites that might list these events in advance? I tried googling a search, but could not find anything :(

Also, given we would not be attending the supper as congregation or community members, would it be considered appropriate to offer a reasonable donation to the congregation - something similar to the cost of a luau, if the supper offers a selection of food, hula and music. I would hate to just show up without offering anything - like a wedding crasher :) On the other hand, I dont want to unintentionally commit an insult by offering a donation if it's not custom.

What about local ono fish? Poi makes better wallpaper paste than food, sure, but you can't beat ono! And fresh fruit salad...

Terrible...
 

I couldn't agree more with the people that DO NOT LIKE these things. We went to the one at the Sheraton - Maui last year. It was so bad, we asked our concierge (who recommended it as a must do activity) to reimburse us for the ridiculously overpriced ticket. It was like mass produced food with 800 of your not-so-good friends. AWFUL.

Hey, this all makes me feel much better. I've been to Hawaii six times and never had a desire to see the commercial luaus. I always vaguely felt guilty about it and wondered if I was missing something. I understand that the commercial luaus do provide work/income for many island folks, though. I guess I'll keep passing on my dollars through purchases of local crafts, art, food, flowers, music, etc. instead of the luaus.

Instead of luaus, we try to meet up with local folks with whom we share a common interest/value (e.g. the church we attend while there, 'ukulele playing, interest in history, etc.).

I adore Hawaii. I love to go where Hawaiians go. I find these song-'-dance suppers are simply simply toe curlingly dreadful.

When I first went to Hawaii, I was with a group that went to the Hilton at Diamond Head (now the Mandarin I still like that beach best of all). I recall sitting in a room with about 1000 (or so it seemed) people. The first drink was served from a pineapple which may look cute, but poor quality liquor is poor quality liquor whether you put it in Baccarat crystal, Cinderella's slipper, or a pineapple. It was sweet, sickly, and made you want more. A receipe for disaster. The meal was vile. I remember that they served dead pig - I will not grace it with the term Pork. I have eaten worse. Somewhere. Where slips my mind. It was served with all the mid-west salad dressing and produce for which Hawaii is justly not famous. I remember there was a shrieking match between a waitress and a guest (who had squandered the money on a trip rather than some course at a Charm School) over some dinner rolls and whether the butter was butter and not margarine. You appreciate that I took more than a passing interest in this rather like taking notes at Madam Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors. By this time someone was trying to coax a tune out of a ukele. I had always wondered what had become of my next-door neighbour's cat. I cannot remember much about the 'musician' except that she had a smile that reminded me of my training days at Nursing School when we examined people who had a rictus on their face.

Truly, to appreciate the spectacle that followed you needed an IQ measurable on a room thermometer. To say that it was dreadful, is utterly inadequate. Various people in what I could only call Hawaiian National Drag came and did war dances, and warriors authentic in their Haines underclothes that I do not think that we were supposed to see (I say Haines no - I did not read the label. I was a nice girl. Both changed) under their costumes. I was delighted to see that the Hawaiian warriors - or presumably their wives - had invented velcro - as that too was on display. There may have been a fire eater but it could have been a rogue flambee trolley. A Singer came to entertain us and animate the proceedings. Not so much Don Ho as Gung Ho. He was diabolically bad. The theme was how international Hawaii was. Some maiden (one of the danseuses) when asked where she came from said she was Japanese-Swiss-German-Italian-Irish-French-and Jamaican. I may have left a few out. The singer then took into upon himself to sing or speak those languages. All I will say is that the nearest he will get to Irish will be a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. He started singing Danny Boy - I beat a strategic dash to powder my nose and wishing that I had about a pint of good strong gin to deal with all this

Upon returning he was then asking audience participation in "Who has come from furthest". My friends took a look at my face and decided not to nominate me in case the aftermath was not convered by life insurance. Some female of more years and even less sense than most pronouced herself from Italy (Little I suspect) and when she turned out to have travelled the first she leapt on her table (I am not making this up) and jumped up and down screeching like a cockatoo that had severe use of haemorrhoidal medication.

This would have been quite sufficient had the drinks bills been shoved at us with an admonition that service was NOT included. Mahalo!

There was also an added attraction that one of our long table (a stranger to me) disappeared for a period of time and came back looking like half the beach was in his hair. He did not come in alone and I can only say that he had been gone some considerable time. Both parties went to separate tables and rejoined separate people. The lady who had wondered where on earth he had been had a lively line in interrogation techniques. Most seemed to be reserved for later as some people foolishly hushed her when I found her idea of a stafge whisper and her exquisite turns of phrase far more entertaining than anything that stage had to offer.

All in all it was an insult to the island and had as much to do with Hawaiian culture as the average Big Mac. More culture may be found in a bio-yogurt. I have watched better done by ten year olds. I find them phoney, and devoid of anything remotely Hawaiian. It might just as well have been the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris, and I would not set foot there either.

<off topic> Thank you so much for your excellent overview of the luau. This was looking to be another "bad" day at work, but your humor has definitely brightened things up a bit !