To be honest, I had no idea what to expect. Actually, that should probably be the tag line for FT's advertising campaign one day ie "expect the unexpected…"

Because I live here, I decided to offer bschaff1 a hand in organizing the event. In the beginning, we spoke a couple of times, sent each other emails and then as the event drew nearer, got actually organized and sent each other spreadsheets. Sort of like dating. But without the crying. And anyway. Never mind.

So, the big weekend rolls around. People started PM'ing each other on the Thursday night and posting to the SIN DO thread like they were needy teenagers, whose prepaid cellphone had just used its very last text message.

"I'm in the lounge, whr r u?"
"Spiff, are you there?"
"dude, where's my blow up pillow?"
"did you make the 875?"
"crap there's weather in ATL"
"has anyone seen my pants…?"
"my god, that UA FA was ugly…"

It was nothing but pointless banter. Undecipherable to the non-believers.

I had arranged to meet bschaff1 at the Hawker center over by Newton Circus. But then his plane didn't land until after 1am and I'm sorry, but at my age, things start happening to the lower parts of my body which I just don't have any control of anymore and I need some "me" time to deal with. And besides, I have to take medication and it's not the sort you can take orally.

Right then. Moving on.

I agree to meet bschaff1 at his hotel on the Friday am. Early. He was still asleep. Apparently the golden rule of the SIN Do (and probably any Do) is to land in the country, check into the hotel, ensure you have club floor access, and either tip the entire contents of your mini-bar on your bed and consume in totality or head to the lounge and proceed to drink the joint dry. Some people like bschaff1 did both.

I ring his room…and after what seems to be an eternity, a drunken sailor answers the phone.

"hellooooooooo" long pause…
"Dude, get your ... up" I say
"Who is this?" comes the reply
"Who the hell do you think it is?"
"I have no idea. Are you that cab driver from last night, because that other guy didn't mean to toss his cookies…"
"Idiot. Put your clothes on and get down here", I say rather indignantly.

Five minutes later some guy, who looks like he needs a good wash, arrives in the lobby. The concierge starts to call security but I allay his fears.
"he's with me", I reluctantly say

I am somewhat startled at bschaff1s appearance. Not because he's not normal. For the most part, I'm sure he is. But because he looks all of 21. In fact, he tells me he is a little older. How could this be?

As far as frequent flier practitioners go, he's right on the edge. Man, does he know his stuff. He works everything. And every angle. This is definitely one guy you don't want around your daughter.

Then a few more FT'ers arrive. We decide to all share a cab out to Changi for the airport tour.

But here's the thing. Think for a minute what a group of frequent flyer junkies actually look like. Go on, I dare you. Try hard. Imagine you got mugged by a group of them and you had to describe their appearance to the police.

Well for one, if you did get mugged by a serious FT'er at least you'd know that they would leave the cards which were useless in terms of mileage bonuses. You'd probably get little post it notes left in your wallet, with the cash still there and the note saying "you loser, do you know how many miles you are not earning with this piece of crap plastic?"

Or something like that.

So back to the description of the group. The police officer says..

"How many were there?"
"About 30…"
"Really, 30?" says the man with the gun
"Yes" you say
"And how many males?"
"About 29"
"And what did they look like? Fat, skinny, tall, short?"
"Yes to all" you respond
"What do you mean, "yes to all?""
"Exactly what I said. Some were Fat. Skinny. Tall. And Short"
"And what else?"
"Ugly…"
"Ugly?" quizzes the cop
"Yes, man, they were the sorriest group of ugly buggers I have ever seen"
"In fact, I don't want to even file a report. I want to make a donation to their cult"

Or something like that.

And let's face it - since we're all friends, we may as well be honest with each other. Standing side by side and all in a group, we're not the prettiest things to look at. In fact, some of us have faces only our mothers could love. I said "could love". Not "do love".

And don't get me started on our physical condition.

For those who know Singapore's public transport system, you will be aware that we have one of the worlds most efficient, cleanest and most modern of subways. Many of the stations are underground with long escalators leading down to the platform. Or up to the entrance. You know what I mean.

Somewhere on each platform, there are a flight of stairs. If you said to the average FT'er "how about we walk these things called stairs?", there would be this look of amazement and probably an offer of $500 if you kept your mouth shut and didn't mention it again.

Even if you offered bonus miles and a bucket of Bloody Mary at the top, there would be zero interest.

The endless years of sitting in J or F, eating airline meals and consuming large quantities of free alcohol hasn't been kind to many of us. Most of the guys couldn't run out of sight on a dark night.

Someone said to me during a break "man, if I knew I was going to last this long, I would have taken much better care of myself".

Or something like this.

We all decided to meet at Starbucks in Terminal 2. By the time my little group got there, there were already folks waiting. Then more and more people rolled up. Even the most desperate of paparazzi wouldn't waste his film on us.

Everyone introduces themselves by their handle. Which is kind of weird. To this day, I still don't know what some people's real names are.

"Hi I'm spaceman"
"I'm violist"
"I'm El_Duderito"
"I'm mspeconomist…"

It starts to get even weirder.

"I'm Eugene"
"Eugene?"
"Yes, Eugene"
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm from Uzbekistan"
"And?"
"And I want to know how I get to Terminal 3?"
"Do I look like an information desk to you?"
"Go over there you silly man. You're not even in our group"

Whoops. Sorry for the interruption.

When I see some handles on FT, I think that some people were clearly very drunk or very upset when they first discovered "our community" and decided to register. But anyway. Who cares.

So we all hoof it around Changi, following our tour guide like lost puppies. We then meet the UA folks, the SATS folks and then are treated to a gourmet lunch at the SATS catering complex. The meal was a cracker. They did a great job and I am very grateful. We eat like it was our last meal and thank god is all I can say that they didn't serve alcohol. We would have been banned for life if that had happened…

After Changi, the "club lounge" instinct kicks in and we head back to the Hyatt to see how fast we can test their "fair use policy". Sadly, we drink within acceptable limits.

On Saturday, a group of determined folks head to Batam for the day. What for, I have no idea. Terrible place. I would rather have a prostate exam than go there. I did something way more civilized and headed out for lunch. And proceeded to eat my bodyweight from the buffet.

Had a good chat with a fellow Mod, seanthepilot. And plenty of others.

We do the obligatory east coast seafood dinner on Saturday night. And then another big dinner on Sunday. Somewhere in between, a group of determined individuals decide to go on some jungle walk. Or something just as silly. There is a lot of groaning and aching joints on the Sunday at cocktail hour.

At the end of the day (or weekend rather), I have no idea what was achieved by attending the SIN DO. Sure, bonus miles. Bonus stays. And the chance to re-connect with friends from last year.

My wife said to me when I got home on Sunday...

"So what did you do?"
"Not much"
"What do you mean not much"
"What did you talk about?"
"Nothing"
"Where did you go?"
"Nowhere"
"Well, where are the guys from?"
"Haven't the foggiest"

She grabs the children.

"C'mon on kids. Come over here. Your father is losing it. He's obviously having another breakdown. Those frequent flier people sound loopy"

And we are. But we're all happy "loopy's"

It was refreshing (some might even say "liberating") to sit amongst friends who share a common interest. Who won't laugh or scoff at you when you mention the next Mileage Run mission. Who don't raise an eyebrow or check their watch when you talk about "stay credits". Who collect all the cash after the meal is finished and then charge the whole amount to their room so they can maximize their room bill.

See, you do understand.

And now, so do I.

It was a good event. I decided that being an Aussie, I should probably make it down to Darwin for the Oz Fest. May as well continue this act of lunacy.

Now what to tell the wife…?

bschaff1, I bow to you, you Yoda of the air. Well done. I have no idea where you are now, what country you are in or what hotel or airline you chose to use. But I do know this. Someone else is paying for it. And that my friends, is the sign of a true FT'er.

Over. And Out.

Best Do report ever! Now I'm sure I want to go next year. It'll take me about that long to plan.

Great report. Wish I had gone!!!!!

Another amazing trip report ^^

I am "crappy weather in ATL" and was sorry not to be able to get to this DO....well, maybe not......

Dude, you are a great writer, adding color and spice to what would have otherwise been dull prose!

I humbly offer to buy you a drink when I am in Singapore next week...

I am amazed and scared by the accuracy of that report. You are quite the story teller, both written and oral, and look forward to LMAO the next time I am listening to one of your stories about nothing over beers.

Yeah, it went something like that......

What a great write up. Well, I was sorry that I missed it.

Funny and accurate as hell. Simon you Rock, and once again wonderful job with the airport events at Changi.
What can you say about Brad? The dude is a Rock Star. Nice job Brad. Look forward to SIN DO 10.

That is too funny!

I guess this is why we like FT because 'ordinary' people do not understand.

eightblack - I enjoyed reading your report.

That was totally awesome, dude

Loved reading your take on SIN DO and I am afraid to say I had that exact conversation with Mini DG when I got home...lol .

I am wishing I was still there, today at work was so hard!

eightblack I so resemble the description you made of us.

To those who said "I wish I had come" I can only say, I wish you had.

I spoke to so many people I can't remember you all but yes I will do everything possible to be there in 2012.

priceless