Wouldn't it have been more polite for the ISM to simply ask, "Madam, may I please see your boarding pass?"

I've seen two people on a seat across me 11D/G once, the ISM approached the and said "Gentlemen, I don't see you on my roster, may I see your boarding pass?" Then she said, "XXXXX is further down, thank you." She remained polite though out the situation.

By asking "What are you doing here?" she has already set a hostile tone. Something which is a clear no-no in the service industry.

I guess this is CX784? Sigh it's the horrible high-density 77Z and I've some minor but memorable service issues on that flight in the front also.

I think the ISM is within her rights to query the passenger but once the op-up is identified, there's no need to continue querying.

Service on that flight feels horribly rushed, which I thought was totally unnecessary given the length of the flight.

How can they rush the service if its a 5hr flight? Is it a turn around for the crew?

I still don't see why she felt it was necessary to be rude. Self-upgrading happens all the time, but most deal with it well, they are never rude. Just ask for the boarding pass and point them where their seats are. It's not difficult.

I'm not sure, I guess it is - I've been to DPS quite a bit and never see the FAs off the plane at DPS.

Seems like a storm in a teacup: reading your account, I don't see the evidence for your assertion that there was hostility, which is a strong word.

When the lady asked how to pronounce your name and you told her (basically) to look it up in her iPad, you come across to me at least as the one being hostile.

No, rudeness is not justified, and I did say I was not trying to justify rudeness. I was just explaining what happened here.

You spoiled your case by making an overly serious accusation. Now that the word 'racism' has been deleted from the subject line, this is a more reasonable thread and discussion.

[PS I just remembered an additional detail about "my" self-upgrader. He was not only sitting calmly in my seat, he was calmly drinking a pre-departure beverage. The Etihad flight attendant politely but firmly took the half-empty glass away from him...]

DPS is about 5hrs? Wow...that's tough

+1. Whenever a crew member asks my name - for whatever reason - I always answer. And my name being 'difficult' to English speakers, I also spell it for them slowly and clearly. Always stay polite towards the crew to reduce tension no matter how unjustified it might be.

In my experience, don't let the crew dictate questions (eg: what was ur original seat, who are you flying with, what's your name etc..) I appreciate not everyone is as confident, but if you can take control of the situation fast, and overburden them with information you will put their mind at ease about your being there "My partner was allocated this seat, and he kindly gave it to me for extra brownie points, he is in 44E and his name is Mr Gold. I trust this seat swap is okay with your crew."

Crew see 'self-upgraders' on almost every flight and quite rightly, these people are promptly sent back. This is where the perceived negative attitude of the crew might come from.

Interestingly, I experienced the flip side of this on the weekend. On a non-CX flight (where I had no status), the pax next to me changed seats before takeoff, without speaking to the crew, as they didn't want to be next to Little Miss Doot (and with plenty of empty seats further back - it's perfectly understandable). I proceeded to move over one and take their original seat. The manager came to greet me after takeoff, offered me wine, anything I needed, etc. By not telling the crew - I assumed my old-seatmates in-flight status benefits :-) This is why you should always alert the crew prior to moving.

Interesting to note that the purser (I assume FP) did not side with the ISM. perhaps the ISM is one of the 'top ten' or 'on list' ones, so all the crew knew that she was hard to deal with!

But this isn't how the OP handled the situation. They started out explaining they were in 44x with no explanation, and then refused to give their name.

Had the OP taken the front foot, been polite, explained the situation I'm sure the outcome would have been different.

I've done swaps before, but always informed the crew (not necessarily to ask 'permission', but at least to inform them).

I'm probably the odd one out here, but I'm siding with the ISM. For the ISM to have an unidentified passenger in the cabin and not challenge it would be worse (as the OP claims on previous flights).

I'm basically with the ISM too. When you're doing something that is (very strictly) against the rules then being polite and proactive with the crew is the very least you can do.

Without knowing all the facts, i think the ism is rude. I think some of her behaviour is not asked for.
However, to be easy on everyone, i always tell the ism right when i board if i were to swap seats w anyone between different class. At leadt i do my part.

yea gotta agree with kaka here