OTT - TFTG - Ali and Miss Rhodes (and her Grandmother)
Jul 29, 2010, 8:25 am
#1
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
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Posts: 19,179
OTT - TFTG - Ali and Miss Rhodes (and her Grandmother)
You have probably given up on me and I do apologise. However, as I have had to go into "dry dock" following some surgery I am at home and have the time to get some of these done. I did not make a big deal out of this but it is over and I am getting better.
It is entirely possible that the day of the TFTG is done - but as they are the only thing that I feel I contribute here I wanted to give you all a bit of a smile if not a laugh. There are some tales that will never be posted here as they really are hysterical but you could not possibly repeat them in polite company.
I am inspired by our lovely Mods, one of whom wrote to me to day and made me feel very happy - and then I want to dedicate this to someone who has been through hell medically and who has not a shred of self-pity. He is an inspiration to me and is a gem - Yes BA5211A I mean you.
That's worse than an Oscar acceptance speech. One with the show.
Once upon a time things used to happen at work which I would enjoy relating my husband. Now I see things at work and know immediately that they must be told to you. The main difficulty sometimes is that some of the things come so close to the edge that they teeter. Dare I? Dare I not. So far I have told you things that we normally discuss behind the galley curtain as they are too outrageous for the greater world. Still, since we have to se or hear some of these horrors then why should these not is shared? Sometimes it is what these people say rather than their egregious behaviour that sticks in what laughingly can be called My Mind!
Secure that she will never read this, I can tell you about the day that we left India and were pleased to welcome Miss Rhodes aboard. Some people come and show you their Boarding Passes and you really do wonder at whose expense they are travelling. So it was at a rather early hour of the morning when this flight back to London was boarding. She came aboard dressed as though she had come straight from the set of a Fry’s Turkish Delight commercial. She had a set of veils around the lower part of her face, and it was not until I saw the rest of it that I realised that this was in her case an enhancement. It was the colour of alabaster and her mouth – when we saw it as we all subsequently got to hear - it was in a perpetual pout. Her expression ranged from the bored to the indifferent. She had rather flimsy pantaloons and top (more about this later) and she had a fair amount of flesh around herself and her face, the thing (this should be plural) that caught most men’s attention was her enormous chest. I would imagine that her bras were constructed by engineers rather than any seamstress. She clearly knew that she had this effect and for all the good it did her, made eyes at the crew member with me at the door. She was in First Class but she was not alone. A man was clearly with her and was clearly old enough to be someone’s Father but was clearly not hers. She had all the mystique of the Orient that East Sheen can endow. The nearest that she had had to do with India was a Curry Palace on the Lower Richmond Road. Her companion – whom she addressed as Ali (he addressed her as Darling Pearl) fussed around her as she sank into her seat. She was 19 coming on 29. They were seated in 4 D and F.
After take off and after Ali had fallen asleep; she went and changed from her Stage Clothes (as it turned out) into a dress that barely covered her bottom let alone any of her other assets. She sat in her seat legs akimbo reading “Jordan - Pushed to the Limit”. She enjoyed Champagne. According to the crew, she wore no knickers. The crew member who was serving her admitted that he found it rather difficult to avoid spilling anything when “it” was there winking up at him. The First Class Purser who is no prude but is wonderfully Scottish in accent and figures of speech was horrified. She decided that since he was not offended she would take no further action as no one else was awake to witness what she called This Vision of Paradise.
They were all discussing this when the person concerned arrived at the galley to announce that she might have a medical problem “down there” and was there anyone on board who could check. I was summoned from the back where I was listening – as coincidence chanced to a member of what would in any other circles be best described as her entourage. This turned out to be Her Grandmother. She was disgusted that “that little slapper” gets in First when I’m beck here in bleedin’ Economy – an’ I’m supposed to be keepin’ and eye on ‘Er. Ihad been asked to go back as this lady was most concerned as to what she was “up to” with That Ali. Same the whole trip! Her on that film set and me packed off in a taxi sightseeing. She wanted to go somewhere where I can see what she’s up to. I apologised and said that as she was over 16 that would not be possible.
At this point I went back into First (it is always First) where in the galley with an rather concerned expression stood Miss Rhodes as we will call her somewhat concerned if we have the technology for seeing what had gone into the lavatory. Bewildered I foolishly asked why.
“ I am a starlet in the adult film industry (even then I didn’t twig that she meant Porn) and I am very concerned. I’ve been making a blockbuster and I‘m overdue (what the two had to do with each other you may ask) and wondered if you had a pregnancy testing kit on-board (I’m not making this up)”.
“No I am sorry we do not have these on Board – you’ll have to go to Boots at the airport.”
“That is very annoying – you see I can’t let my Grandmother know and it’s all very difficult. You see I need to try and remember which it was. I’ve been through all this before. I had a scare two years ago before I was discovered. I couldn’t bring his name to mind for the life of me as I was probably drunk. I remembered that he drove a BMW as put a hole in one of the door panels with my stiletto. When I saw it outside the pub I went and told him what he’d done and his wife tried to hit me with a bottle only she missed and hit him. (I was losing the will to live). Anyhow, I’ll have to let Ali sort it as I’m his property now. Trouble is that the set was so busy that I cannot remember who was who after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart can you? Anyway you must catch my film when it comes out. (I must have corpse at that stage and have dined out on that line for days now).
With that the Porno Princess took to her bed – well she didn’t quite fit in. She ate a lot of food and got Ali to buy Duty Free. She bought a vast amount of cigarettes which she gave to her Grandmother. Whilst she was back there Grandmother inquired what this Medical Emergency had been about. I did not hear the exchange myself. I understand that she was recognised by one of her “fans” who told her Grandmother that she was a right goer and that her DVDs were the pride of The Estate (how do these people afford tickets). Grandmother “gone ballistic” and Porno Princess retreated to the comparative safety of First Class. Ali who was clearly from Birmingham asked her what were she doing back there with that old bag.
The Old Bag attempted to get into First but was stopped in Club. As we disembarked and I yearned for a cup of tea, my husband, a hot bath, and my bed in that order; Ali and his Glittering Prize left the aircraft and decided to scarper before she disembarked. I wished Grandmother “GoodBye” to which I got a retort. The second word was “Off” – the First Word I leave up to you.
It is entirely possible that the day of the TFTG is done - but as they are the only thing that I feel I contribute here I wanted to give you all a bit of a smile if not a laugh. There are some tales that will never be posted here as they really are hysterical but you could not possibly repeat them in polite company.
I am inspired by our lovely Mods, one of whom wrote to me to day and made me feel very happy - and then I want to dedicate this to someone who has been through hell medically and who has not a shred of self-pity. He is an inspiration to me and is a gem - Yes BA5211A I mean you.
That's worse than an Oscar acceptance speech. One with the show.
Once upon a time things used to happen at work which I would enjoy relating my husband. Now I see things at work and know immediately that they must be told to you. The main difficulty sometimes is that some of the things come so close to the edge that they teeter. Dare I? Dare I not. So far I have told you things that we normally discuss behind the galley curtain as they are too outrageous for the greater world. Still, since we have to se or hear some of these horrors then why should these not is shared? Sometimes it is what these people say rather than their egregious behaviour that sticks in what laughingly can be called My Mind!
Secure that she will never read this, I can tell you about the day that we left India and were pleased to welcome Miss Rhodes aboard. Some people come and show you their Boarding Passes and you really do wonder at whose expense they are travelling. So it was at a rather early hour of the morning when this flight back to London was boarding. She came aboard dressed as though she had come straight from the set of a Fry’s Turkish Delight commercial. She had a set of veils around the lower part of her face, and it was not until I saw the rest of it that I realised that this was in her case an enhancement. It was the colour of alabaster and her mouth – when we saw it as we all subsequently got to hear - it was in a perpetual pout. Her expression ranged from the bored to the indifferent. She had rather flimsy pantaloons and top (more about this later) and she had a fair amount of flesh around herself and her face, the thing (this should be plural) that caught most men’s attention was her enormous chest. I would imagine that her bras were constructed by engineers rather than any seamstress. She clearly knew that she had this effect and for all the good it did her, made eyes at the crew member with me at the door. She was in First Class but she was not alone. A man was clearly with her and was clearly old enough to be someone’s Father but was clearly not hers. She had all the mystique of the Orient that East Sheen can endow. The nearest that she had had to do with India was a Curry Palace on the Lower Richmond Road. Her companion – whom she addressed as Ali (he addressed her as Darling Pearl) fussed around her as she sank into her seat. She was 19 coming on 29. They were seated in 4 D and F.
After take off and after Ali had fallen asleep; she went and changed from her Stage Clothes (as it turned out) into a dress that barely covered her bottom let alone any of her other assets. She sat in her seat legs akimbo reading “Jordan - Pushed to the Limit”. She enjoyed Champagne. According to the crew, she wore no knickers. The crew member who was serving her admitted that he found it rather difficult to avoid spilling anything when “it” was there winking up at him. The First Class Purser who is no prude but is wonderfully Scottish in accent and figures of speech was horrified. She decided that since he was not offended she would take no further action as no one else was awake to witness what she called This Vision of Paradise.
They were all discussing this when the person concerned arrived at the galley to announce that she might have a medical problem “down there” and was there anyone on board who could check. I was summoned from the back where I was listening – as coincidence chanced to a member of what would in any other circles be best described as her entourage. This turned out to be Her Grandmother. She was disgusted that “that little slapper” gets in First when I’m beck here in bleedin’ Economy – an’ I’m supposed to be keepin’ and eye on ‘Er. Ihad been asked to go back as this lady was most concerned as to what she was “up to” with That Ali. Same the whole trip! Her on that film set and me packed off in a taxi sightseeing. She wanted to go somewhere where I can see what she’s up to. I apologised and said that as she was over 16 that would not be possible.
At this point I went back into First (it is always First) where in the galley with an rather concerned expression stood Miss Rhodes as we will call her somewhat concerned if we have the technology for seeing what had gone into the lavatory. Bewildered I foolishly asked why.
“ I am a starlet in the adult film industry (even then I didn’t twig that she meant Porn) and I am very concerned. I’ve been making a blockbuster and I‘m overdue (what the two had to do with each other you may ask) and wondered if you had a pregnancy testing kit on-board (I’m not making this up)”.
“No I am sorry we do not have these on Board – you’ll have to go to Boots at the airport.”
“That is very annoying – you see I can’t let my Grandmother know and it’s all very difficult. You see I need to try and remember which it was. I’ve been through all this before. I had a scare two years ago before I was discovered. I couldn’t bring his name to mind for the life of me as I was probably drunk. I remembered that he drove a BMW as put a hole in one of the door panels with my stiletto. When I saw it outside the pub I went and told him what he’d done and his wife tried to hit me with a bottle only she missed and hit him. (I was losing the will to live). Anyhow, I’ll have to let Ali sort it as I’m his property now. Trouble is that the set was so busy that I cannot remember who was who after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart can you? Anyway you must catch my film when it comes out. (I must have corpse at that stage and have dined out on that line for days now).
With that the Porno Princess took to her bed – well she didn’t quite fit in. She ate a lot of food and got Ali to buy Duty Free. She bought a vast amount of cigarettes which she gave to her Grandmother. Whilst she was back there Grandmother inquired what this Medical Emergency had been about. I did not hear the exchange myself. I understand that she was recognised by one of her “fans” who told her Grandmother that she was a right goer and that her DVDs were the pride of The Estate (how do these people afford tickets). Grandmother “gone ballistic” and Porno Princess retreated to the comparative safety of First Class. Ali who was clearly from Birmingham asked her what were she doing back there with that old bag.
The Old Bag attempted to get into First but was stopped in Club. As we disembarked and I yearned for a cup of tea, my husband, a hot bath, and my bed in that order; Ali and his Glittering Prize left the aircraft and decided to scarper before she disembarked. I wished Grandmother “GoodBye” to which I got a retort. The second word was “Off” – the First Word I leave up to you.
Jul 29, 2010, 8:46 am
#3
Join Date: Jan 2005
Programs: BA Gold, several other less interesting cards...
Posts: 3,712
We would never do that!
Glad to hear you're on the mend ^
WHAT!!!
But this is the BA Board 
Great to see the TFTG back. This has made my day!
WHAT!!! But this is the BA Board Great to see the TFTG back. This has made my day!
Jul 29, 2010, 8:56 am
#4
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Cambs
Programs: Mucci, BAEC Silver, Scandic 3rd Floor, PC Pleb, FB Off White, Tufty Club
Posts: 2,836
That's given me a good chortle and brightened up the afternoon.
Hope you're feeling better soon, PG!
Hope you're feeling better soon, PG!
Last edited by FenLandK; Jul 29, 2010 at 9:21 am Reason: Typo, <sigh>
Jul 29, 2010, 9:18 am
#7
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: EDI
Posts: 792
So glad to hear another TFTG! I was thinking about your posts just a few hours ago, and whether any more would come (I feared the goings on with industrial action and social network worries might see an end to TFTG).
I hope you recover well!
I hope you recover well!
Jul 29, 2010, 9:40 am
#10
Join Date: Oct 2006
Programs: LAN, AA, SPG
Posts: 1,965
Thank you for making my day!
But if you think that TGTG is the only thing that you contribute here, you are gravely mistaken. The BA forum shines more brightly on my screen simply from the reflected glow of your divine Pucciness.
Wishing you a most speedy recovery.
But if you think that TGTG is the only thing that you contribute here, you are gravely mistaken. The BA forum shines more brightly on my screen simply from the reflected glow of your divine Pucciness.
Wishing you a most speedy recovery.
Jul 29, 2010, 9:47 am
#12
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: LON, ACK, BOS..... (Not necessarily in that order)
Programs: **Mucci Diamond Hairbrush** - compared to that nothing else matters (+BA Bronze)
Posts: 15,132
You have probably given up on me and I do apologise. However, as I have had to go into "dry dock" following some surgery I am at home and have the time to get some of these done. I did not make a big deal out of this but it is over and I am getting better.
It is entirely possible that the day of the TFTG is done - but as they are the only thing that I feel I contribute here I wanted to give you all a bit of a smile if not a laugh. There are some tales that will never be posted here as they really are hysterical but you could not possibly repeat them in polite company.
I am inspired by our lovely Mods, one of whom wrote to me to day and made me feel very happy - and then I want to dedicate this to someone who has been through hell medically and who has not a shred of self-pity. He is an inspiration to me and is a gem - Yes BA5211A I mean you.
It is entirely possible that the day of the TFTG is done - but as they are the only thing that I feel I contribute here I wanted to give you all a bit of a smile if not a laugh. There are some tales that will never be posted here as they really are hysterical but you could not possibly repeat them in polite company.
I am inspired by our lovely Mods, one of whom wrote to me to day and made me feel very happy - and then I want to dedicate this to someone who has been through hell medically and who has not a shred of self-pity. He is an inspiration to me and is a gem - Yes BA5211A I mean you.
You bring light and laughter to the BA board and the TFTG are just one of the many and varied aspects of your always well received contributions here.
Get well soon - BA needs you (to protect the rest of us from the loonies you write about).
Jul 29, 2010, 9:47 am
#13
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: London and Zurich
Programs: AA, BA, Mucci: Sir Roger des Directions Routières, PCR
Posts: 13,609
Hear! hear! to the above sentiments.
There is a matter that concerns me, though, as regards the overdue situation. [Hesitates, but on with the show.
]
Because of the nature of the industry plied by Miss Rhodes, it is most unlikely that her situation had anything to do with a movie stud, during the course of 'work', anyway. That's what I'm told, at least. It was most likely the effect of another away from the 'studio'. Who knows? Could it have been Ali? Or somebody else entirely? The mystery deepens.
There is a matter that concerns me, though, as regards the overdue situation. [Hesitates, but on with the show.
] Because of the nature of the industry plied by Miss Rhodes, it is most unlikely that her situation had anything to do with a movie stud, during the course of 'work', anyway. That's what I'm told, at least. It was most likely the effect of another away from the 'studio'. Who knows? Could it have been Ali? Or somebody else entirely? The mystery deepens.
Last edited by Roger; Jul 29, 2010 at 9:54 am Reason: typo, and on a very slow connection
Jul 29, 2010, 10:04 am
#14
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Robin Hood Territory
Programs: BA Silver, MUCCI des Soins Medicaux, Le médecin personnel à PUCCI GALORE
Posts: 1,613
Hilarious
For a moment I was worrying the 'medical problem' was going to be attended to in the galley/F lavs. Thankfully not.
For a moment I was worrying the 'medical problem' was going to be attended to in the galley/F lavs. Thankfully not.
Jul 29, 2010, 10:05 am
#15
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Edinburgh UK
Programs: BA Silver, HHonours Gold, Mucci of Pucci, Oyster Card, Nectar Card, Father's Day Card
Posts: 9,372
Awesome as always.
The people on the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh were wondering why I was sat there tittering away to something I could see on my iPhone.
The people on the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh were wondering why I was sat there tittering away to something I could see on my iPhone.