Dear All,

My name is Mr. Huffy and I resent that all of you Elitists are ganging up on me. I had a bulkhead row, but was entitled to a first class upgrade due to my heritage and insanely great status.

I am a multi-million miler. If you fly with me, please abide by the following rules and you will not get harassed:

1. Do not make direct eye contact with me.
2. Do not take my storage bin. It is above me and it is MINE.
3. If I am in an aisle seat, do not try to get up during flight.
(if you have a weak bladder, drive a car!!!)
4. If I am in a window seat, get up immediately when asked!
5. Do not engage in petty conversation unless you are gorgeous.
6. Do not order the fish on longhaul flights. It stinks.
7. If you sit in front of me, do NOT put your seat back. You will be kneed.
8. If you have children, they better not speak or make noise.
9. If there is an empty row of seats; MOVE!

The guidelines are simple and have been developed over my many years of worldly travel. Don't forget them.

Yours truly,
Mr. Huffy