This is one of the most amazing air stories I have ever heard.
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from Salon.com
A few years ago on a United Airlines flight from Buenos Aires to New York, Gerard B. Finneran, an investment banker, went totally bonkers. Newspaper accounts said that after becoming intoxicated, Finneran demanded more alcohol from the flight attendants. When they refused, he began helping himself to the liquor supply. After being cut off a second time, he became visibly angry. He pushed one flight attendant (federal offense No. 1), verbally threatened another (federal offense No. 2), interfered with a third who was assisting a sick passenger (federal offense No. 3), then walked up to the first-class cabin, dropped his pants and defecated on a service cart in plain view of the passengers and crew. Then he stepped in his own feces and tracked it through the main cabin (federal offense Nos. 4, 5 and possibly 6).
Finneran was arrested upon landing in New York. He subsequently pleaded guilty to assault and was sentenced to two years probation. In addition, he was given 300 hours of community service and a $5,000 fine and was ordered to pay more than $50,000 in restitution to the airline and to reimburse fellow passengers for the price of their tickets.
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Airline passenger accused of defecating on food-service cart
NEW YORK (AP) -- An investment banker is accused of assaulting a flight attendant and defecating on a food-service cart during a drunken rampage on a United Airlines flight.
Gerard B. Finneran, 58, managing director of the Trust Company of the West, pleaded innocent Monday to federal charges of assaulting and intimidating an attendant and interfering with a flight crew. He was freed on $100,000 bail.
Federal authorities said the Greenwich, Conn., executive started pouring drinks on himself during a Buenos Aires-to-New York flight that began Friday.
When flight attendants tried to cut him off, he told one attendant he would "bust (his) ...," according to court papers. He allegedly shoved an attendant into a seat.
Later, Finneran was spotted with his pants down, defecating on the food cart, authorities said. He used linen napkins as toilet paper.
John Finnegan, Finneran's lawyer, said his client "vigorously denies the allegations."
One passenger on the plane was President Mario Alberto Soares of Portugal, who was on his way to the United Nation's 50th anniversary celebration.
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From another website:
The Associated Press reported that a 56-year-old managing director of a Greenwich, Conn., trust company was busted after going berserk on a United Airlines flight. The trouble started on a flight from Buenos Aires to New York City last Oct 20. when the banking guru made a deposit in a lump sum.
The banker, a Gerard Finneran, had become extremely hammered on the flight and began pouring drinks on his own head. When the flight attendants tried to stop him, he went on a rampage, threatening one stewardess and shoving the other into an empty seat. "Later," the AP dispatch reported, "Finneran lowered his pants and defecated on the food cart, authorities said, using linen napkins as toilet paper."
He was arrested on landing and released on $100,000 bail, and told he could not fly on a commercial airliner without first obtaining written permission from the federal prosecutor. For some strange reason, the court also ordered that he "undergo evaluation for alcohol abuse."
The good news is that the rest of the passengers said that the food cart fare tasted better than usual after the incident.
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David Letterman on the incident:
Top Ten "Gerard Finneran Excuses"
As presented on the 10/27/95 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
10. Misread brochure about advantages of first class
9. Confused when steward asked for headset deposit
8. Went nuts after learning they were out of chicken almondine
7. Though he heard somebody yell, "We're going to crash!" and that was just something he always wanted to do before he died
6. Hoping to impress aloof blonde English woman in 2-D
5. Had already used airphone to call everyone he knew
4. You try drinking for 14 hours and see if you can tell the difference between a food cart and a bathroom
3. All part of an elaborate plan to intimidate the real killers
2. His ... wouldn't fit in the overhead compartment
1. "Oh, like you've never done it"
The actual court documents here:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/altitude/monday1.html