I live in Los Angeles, and have a villa near Rome Italy, where I spend my summers nearly every year. This year, getting to Rome was quite an event, so I felt the need to jot down my experience.

Friday:
I decided to stay at a hotel near the airport in L.A., since I live an hour from it, and my flight was very early… that means 2 hours with morning rush hour traffic. I arrive at the hotel at LAX, planning on getting a good night of sleep. I checked into my room, got comfortable, and all of the sudden I hear 2 screaming babies across the hall. When it was clear that this was going to be a problem, I had my room changed.

I get to my new room, settle in, and notice that the bed in the room has broken springs (This the Radisson at LAX, by the way). To top that off, the pillows were made of the finest granite you can buy.

Needless to say, sleep was not in the cards that night.

Saturday:
The flight was event-free, with the exception that the food United Airlines served us was a small plate of fruit… and a cookie for snack. This is Business class, mind you. I arrive at Washington Dulles Airport, go to baggage claim, and wait for a full TWO HOURS before our flight’s bags come to baggage claim. After all of that, MY bags are not there. It turns out that some of the bags came into some other baggage claim, including mine. 2 ½ hours after I arrive I am ready to leave the airport.

That evening, I am staying with my friend in DC. He lives in Georgetown. By the time I am ready to crash (2AM), I learn he has no sheets and only has feather pillows. Unfortunately, I am severely allergic to feathers, so I end up using a sofa cushion for a pillow. In addition, I am accustomed to living in very quiet suburbs, and his place is right under the flight path to land at Reagan National airport. Suffice it to say that sleep once again was not in the cards. No big deal. Fortunately, someone near his condo had an unsecured wireless router, so I got some work done at the expense of their bandwidth.

Sunday
Sunday morning my friend gets up around 10AM, so I had hours and hours to watch the planes land, experience the changing colors of the Washington monument at sunrise, watch Washington DC wake up and come to life on a Sunday, etc. etc. Once Mike is ready, he drives me to visit my friend in Maryland. By the time we get there, we have about 10 minutes to visit before rushing to the airport to catch my flight to Frankfurt.

The drive to the airport was an event. Once we were about 30 miles from the airport, traffic came to a sudden halt. We were stopped on the expressway. Mike was doing everything in his power to find a solution, but there was none. Study of the GPS revealed that this was the only possible route to Washington Dulles Airport, so we had to simply hope. Panic! We get to the airport, exactly 30 minutes before my flight. Panic! I jump out of the car in a mad rush to the ticket counter, and experience the first of my United Airlines Automatons. “Your flight leaves in 30 minutes and you will not make it”. No matter what I said, he recited the company line with a bland, emotionless delivery. He finally passed me to another check in agent who was going to get me on another flight.

The United Check In Agent
Before I continue, it is important to understand that I believe there are three kinds of people when they are in ‘desperate passenger’ mode: The Cry Babies, The Yellers and Screamers, and The Nice Guys. The cry babies tell sob stories hoping for compassion. The Yellers and Screamers are the ones that hope to threaten you into submission, and the nice guys try to appeal to your sense of good will. I totally fit into the ‘Nice Guy’ category in these situations. Unfortunately, the check in agent tasked with helping me was completely desensitized, and could care less. She could have easily played the part of the customer service rep that could care less we see so often in television commercials. I think she worked at the DMV in a past life. She had her script, she knew the rules, and that was that.

She read me my options from her computer screen:
• I could come back and sit on Standby the following day
• I could get booked on a flight 3 days later
• I could go to Philadelphia and go on standby
• I could fly BACK to Los Angeles and go on standby
• I could go to Chicago and try standby
And in all cases, I would lose my Business class seat and fly coach IF I could even get on a flight!

She finally offered me another option, clearly to get rid of me. She said that Lufthansa had 2 more flights that day, and I could try them, but I would have to go to the Lufthansa check in counter. However, Lufthansa has a strict policy that they DO not accept United Business class upgrades. OK, I just want to get to Rome at this point!

Off I go to Lufthansa. I walked up to an agent in the First/Business class line to ask what I should do, which is where I meet Mary and Jane (I am not using their real names out of fear that they might get in trouble, because this is where my luck changed). They confirmed that the policy was very strict about not allowing the business class upgrades from United, and also informed me that their flights were all overbooked. However, they said that there was a small chance that I could make one flight to Munich, so they checked me in on Standby and took my bags.

They also told me of the many routes I may be able to take over the course of 4 or 5 days if this didn’t work out (all on standby, or course). In addition, once in Germany, we didn’t know what flight I would be able to get to Rome, so I could potentially be stranded again.

They were fantastic!!! We joked around for about 15 minutes while they got me in the system. They appeared as thought they truly cared. While it seemed clear that there was a snowball’s chance in hell that I would actually make the flight, and even if I did, I would be sandwiched between two elephants next to the bathroom in coach, they were extremely helpful.

Mary explained at the end that she and Jane would be at the gate, and I should go directly to them at exactly 7:30 PM. Hmmm, I thought. Was that a signal?

As I walked away, I realized that with all of the flights I might be taking, what were the chances that my luggage would actually travel with me? And if not, how lost would the luggage get with all of this confusion? I quickly decided that I better at least get a change of clothes and my laptop power supply out of one of the bags to carry with me. So I go back to Mary and explain. She gives me the bag, and as I proceed to open it, she starts to get very nervous and gives me this look from hell, Other agents started looking at me and talking to her, but I had no clue what was going on. She kept saying MOVE THE BAG in a hushed voice. After it was all done, I gave her an inquisitive look, and she walked around the counter and whispered to me that the bag was considerably overweight, and she should have charged me $350 in excess baggage weight. OK, now I am really feeling lucky. I may actually make this flight!

THE GATE
I get to the gate at about 7:00, and sure enough, Mary and Jane are there, making eye contact and smiling. We end up chatting some more, joking around, etc. It turns out that the flight is overbooked by 50 people! I overheard some of the people talking at the counter, and learned that some had been on standby for 3 or 4 days, trying to get on any flight possible. OK, I am screwed. But Mary keeps making eye contact and motioning for me to wait.

They make the ‘We’re overbooked, and seeking passengers willing to give up their ticket’ announcement. They load the passengers on the plane. All that is left is this huge group of standby passengers getting nervous. They kept going to the counter asking what was up, and I noticed that most of them fit into the ‘Yelling and Screaming’ category. I notice on the counter a stack of standby boarding passes, and one lone boarding pass separated from the others… mine. Hmmmm. They call a few of the standby passengers and get them on the flight. Then they started telling the others that they were sorry, but the flight was now full, and they would have to try standby the following day. Mary still motioned for me to wait. Am I on the flight, or is she just telling me to wait so she can get me on standby for another flight?

Finally, when everyone is gone and they are about to close the doors, she motions for me to come to the counter. She whispers “I got you in business class, but your in-seat video doesn’t work. Is that OK”? Naturally, I started laughing, and she had a huge grin. The only problem was that she couldn’t confirm me on a flight from Munich to Rome, but she had me on standby for the next flight after my arrival.. Mega thank yous, and I was on my way.

THE FLIGHT
OK, here I am in Lufthansa Business class. I was originally on United Business class, which is among the worst, while Lufthansa is among the best. Lufthansa has on-board wi-fi (802.11G) internet access and sleeper seats in business class. COOL! OK, my video doesn’t work. Big deal, I have a flat sleeper seat! The head attendant comes up to me and apologizes for the video problem, saying that he was trying to fix it. It turns out the guy next to me had the same problem. I told the steward that I was aware of it before getting on the flight, and explained how I ended up there. I basically said beggars can’t be choosers, and not to worry. On the other hand, they guy next to me fell into the ‘Yellers and Screamers’ category. He was PISSED! After chatting with the steward, and telling him my line of work, he asked me if I wanted to try to fix the problem. I went forward and played with the on-board A/V system and learned that it was a cable problem. No hope to fix in flight. No biggy, I told him… I would just sleep the flight anyway. About ten minutes later, the steward passed me an envelope with 100 Euro worth of Lufthansa vouchers that I could use to buy anything I wanted from their catalog!

One hour into the flight, I put my seat into the BED position, and slept until 45 minutes before landing in Munich.

MUNICH
It turns out that my standby reservation didn’t get into the system for one reason or another. I find myself in front of another Lufthansa check in agent, tell her my story, laugh and joke for a few minutes, etc. etc. Again, this flight is overbooked. By the time that I was at the gate waiting for standby selection, it turned out that ONE person had missed a connection, and there was ONE seat. Yet, there were several standby passengers, and somehow I was called up and handed a boarding pass. Laughing, I said ‘This wouldn’t happen to be an aisle, would it’. She simply replied “But of course” ... I boarded the flight, and was off to Rome.

ROME
I arrive in Rome. With all that has happened, I actually arrived in Rome only 2 hours later than I was originally scheduled to! I go to baggage claim with the knowledge that there is simply no way my luggage stayed with me this whole time. In fact, my luggage wasn’t there. I go to the Lufthansa baggage services desk and they look me up. They explained not to worry, that my bags didn’t get to my flight in time, but they are already scanned at Munich for the next flight. I would have to wait two hours. So I exit customs where a friend was waiting for me. We had lots of espresso, chatted for a bit, etc. After the two hours, Roman customs actually allowed me back into the customs baggage claim area where BOTH of my bags awaited me.

I left the airport, went to my favorite pizzeria, and my friend drove me home to my quiet country house with my own comfortable bed and lots of fluffy pillows. It was 81 hours after I left my house in Los Angeles. I think I have never slept so deeply in my life!

The moral of this story is: Be nice, fly Lufthansa, and boycott United!

I know rules were broken in my favor, and you might view this post from the point of view of the people that didn't get on those flights while I did, but they key difference was that I was nice and friendly with them, while the others were neing jerks. At the end of the day, we are all human, and it pays sometimes to realize that. On the other hand, the people at United were just jerks.

I fly quite a bit, and I have never been so pleased in such a negative situation, and while the agents in question broke some rules (such as the $350 baggage issue), Lufthansa just gained a loyal frequent traveller.